48 is the age you start freaking out about pensions

You know how it is – you stumble through life, thinking you’ll never get old, drinking fizzy pop and not bothering to wash your socks because your Mum isn’t there to tell you what to do, and then BOOM – suddenly you’re 48 years old and staring into the abyss of your own mortality, and you have no nest egg for the future. *Macauley Culkin in Home Alone face*


This is according to a report by NFU Mutual which has identified the hitherto unknown and entirely made up concept of ‘retirement reality.’ This yawn-inducing buzzword, which will probably feature in a David Cameron speech soon, refers to the moment we realize that we never bothered with a pension, and we’re screwed.

‘Only [at the age of 48] do they truly appreciate what savings they need for retirement and when they will realistically be able to stop work.’ lectured NFU Mutual, slowly pushing NFU Mutual pension plan literature across the metaphorical table. ‘For some, the realisation has more dramatic consequences. One in ten of those still working past the age of 55 say they now don’t ever expect to be able to retire.’

The report, which surveyed 2001 adults, said that people who only start to save at the age of 48 have ‘left it too late’ and many who have already started saving are having to push back their retirement plans by about 4 years, in order to have enough income.

If you don't start saving in your twenties, you've basically had it, and you can never retire. Which is just as well, because retirement is boring and you'd be better off contributing to society until you die, rather than pruning your azaleas and staring suspiciously through net curtains at passers by.


  • Tits M.
    I'm not that fussed, I'm planning on going out in a blaze of glory when I hit 60. Hire a Ferrari or Lambo, decline damage waiver and then blast along some city centre before I unclip the seatbelt and smash in to a branch of cash converters, killing myself and any unwashed meth heads unfortunate to be mid negotiation in store. There'll be statues built of me for my services to society, maybe even a school named after me.
  • Fat H.
    @Tits McGee Hats off to your style. They'll name you the Crash Converter.
  • Rasta P.
    I'm a cynical old git - all this opting-you-in to workplace pensions is just a precursor to a more grandiose sceneario thirty years down the line. The Government of the day will decide on a minimum living wage - let's say it's £180 a week at today's rates. We'll all have to fill out means-tested forms. If your income (because you've been prudent enough to plan for your retirement) is above that then you'll get diddly-squat as a state pension. As usual, the feckless who haven't saved a bean will get all the handouts.
  • Clive
    @Tits. I hope to see that happen. I'd love my kids to go to the Tits McGee Academy one day.

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