The unofficial Walkers New Flavours vote starts NOW
All those in the Bitterwallet office are partial to a little crisp rustling. It's not uncommon for Andy to batter a man to death over the final packet of Worcester Sauce on the shelf, and there isn't a brand of Prawn Cocktail that hasn't gone untested by my gut. And we rarely see eye-to-eye on such world-shattering matters.
So it's no surprise we've been sucked into the latest marketing ruse by Walkers to introduce a new flavour of crisp to the nation. But given that we gents are so passionate about our fried potato intake and the flavourings thereof, it's unusual we've found ourselves in consistent agreement regarding the six varieties being put to a public vote; they're all, to a bag, shit.
Onion Bhaji flavoured crisps should be the easiest to get right, since the world has adored Cheese & Onion since the dawn of time. Take out the cheese, stir in the Indian spices. Simple? Apparently not, because the result is a crisp that has had all flavour - including that of potato - removed at the molecular level.
Chilli and Chocolate are poor bedfellows; again the chilli element is proven but the chocolate is a heavy mouthful. Builders Breakfast taste of bacon and arse. Cajun Squirrel is simply spicy and gets away with it because few people can quantify the squirrelly element. Duck and Hoi Sin Sauce tastes of something as far removed from the description as it's possible to get. And Fish and Chips - fish flavour... and potato flavour. Genius.
A disgrace, the lot of them - the most insulting participation contest the public has seen. Walkers are urging the public to pick their favourite, but we can't wait; we want to know what you think of these six bastardisations right now. Is there any flavour that could become as iconic as Salt & Vinegar or Prawn Cocktail, or is it well executed marketing campaign that's all mouth and no trousers?