Commercial Break Extra: A newcomer rants...
Peter Jones. Peter sodding Jones from bloody Dragons Den.
He's about 9 feet tall and has teeth so white that he could blind a toddler from a thousand feet away just by grimacing at it.
Of course, being a Dragon, Peter has designs on himself. He likes sneering at people who come to his lair with a begging bowl and stroking bundles of cash that will never be actually offered to a successful business partner as well as saying things like "I tell you what, I'll take 49% of your company. Ta."
He's also a man who infamously once said "I don't have trouble getting dates because I'm seriously good-looking and wealthy."
That's a nice thing to say to someone isn't it?
One of the joys of being ludicrously wealthy is that you can avoid doing rubbish things and don't have to pimp your posterior to the highest bidder because, well, you're the richest man around.
Jones may well be rich, but he's also a vapid and needy man who needs to have his face on the television. So instead of creating a plastic effigy of his own repugnant chops and bribing politicians into passing a law that it is mandatory for all UK citizens to place this severed head toy atop their idiot lanterns, he's gone into doing adverts. Adverts for moneysupermarket.com
In the ad, Peter finds himself in a sterile futuristic super market where the rest of humankind has been culled, leaving him to skid about with a trolley like a disgustingly gigantic toddler in a posh suit. He has in fact created a nightmarish vision of the future which sees That Little Talking Baby From The Triple Velvet Bog Roll Adverts grown up and alone like Howard Hughes, going mad and leaving video diaries like messages in bottles.
And look! Hark at the fun Peter Jones is having. So much fun that he's got a badly dubbed voice and can no longer do a convincing "wheeeeeee!" His mojo has finally broken, leaving him demented, stranded and finally self-aware.
As a result, I'm no longer sure what the ethos of moneysupermarket.com is. All I can do is try to unpick the horror of it all.