Commercial Break Extra: A newcomer rants...

27 September 2009

peter effing jonesPeter Jones. Peter sodding Jones from bloody Dragons Den.

He's about 9 feet tall and has teeth so white that he could blind a toddler from a thousand feet away just by grimacing at it.

Of course, being a Dragon, Peter has designs on himself. He likes sneering at people who come to his lair with a begging bowl and stroking bundles of cash that will never be actually offered to a successful business partner as well as saying things like "I tell you what, I'll take 49% of your company. Ta."

He's also a man who infamously once said "I don't have trouble getting dates because I'm seriously good-looking and wealthy."

That's a nice thing to say to someone isn't it?

One of the joys of being ludicrously wealthy is that you can avoid doing rubbish things and don't have to pimp your posterior to the highest bidder because, well, you're the richest man around.

Jones may well be rich, but he's also a vapid and needy man who needs to have his face on the television. So instead of creating a plastic effigy of his own repugnant chops and bribing politicians into passing a law that it is mandatory for all UK citizens to place this severed head toy atop their idiot lanterns, he's gone into doing adverts. Adverts for

In the ad, Peter finds himself in a sterile futuristic super market where the rest of humankind has been culled, leaving him to skid about with a trolley like a disgustingly gigantic toddler in a posh suit. He has in fact created a nightmarish vision of the future which sees That Little Talking Baby From The Triple Velvet Bog Roll Adverts grown up and alone like Howard Hughes, going mad and leaving video diaries like messages in bottles.

And look! Hark at the fun Peter Jones is having. So much fun that he's got a badly dubbed voice and can no longer do a convincing "wheeeeeee!" His mojo has finally broken, leaving him demented, stranded and finally self-aware.

As a result, I'm no longer sure what the ethos of is. All I can do is try to unpick the horror of it all.


  • Tom P.
    Who's this Mo'Fo' "Mof Gimmers" that's started posting here?
  • kenyantykoon
    i have never heard of this guy before reading this post.(in my defence, i dont watch tv at all and i am from another continent). but he seems like the kind of person that i would like to be like- particularly the wealthy part :)
  • Tom
    He may be wealthy but he can't act, look at his awkward arm movements lol.
  • andy y.
    welcome mof,do we have to take 48 hrs before merciless piss taking of your name?
  • Gunn
    I couldn't understand why he would want/need to do this? but then i thought he probably own 90% of the company!
  • Jase
    Does this not sound like a complete copy of the conversation on an episode 'You Have Been Watching'? The episode with Germaine Greer. I distinctly remember her saying something along the lines of "I thought the whole point of being a millionaire like him was that you don't have to suck that kind of corporate dick?" (in regards to Peter Jones). So yeah, way to steal a topic.
  • dominodesmond
    He used to write for blogs that went bankrupt.
  • What P.
    [...] Commercial Break Extra: A neophyte rants… | BitterWallet [...]

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