Cheryl Cole's pants not on fire over L'Oreal hair ads


Cheryl Cole has had it tough of late – her solo career has floundered after the public decided that they all prefer to see Rufus Hound dancing around to ‘Fight For Your Love’ instead, and she’s recently become a single lady again following the collapse of her marriage.

Read more about: Uma Thurman getting sexy - Kate Moss in her pants with a rabbit - Kylie in her classic pants on bucking bronco

It’s high time that the feisty Geordie songstress had some good news and here it is – she WON’T be feeling the full force of the Advertising Standards Authority coming down on her like a ton of bricks.

They’ve thrown out 40 complaints about Chezza’s L’Oreal advert where she boasts that her hair “feels stronger” and “full of life” with a “healthy shine” even though a significant amount of said “hair” is actually glued-on extensions.

But perhaps someone at the ASA fancies himself as a possible suitor to the newly-single Ms Cole as the official verdict was: “We considered most consumers would interpret the ads to mean the product would have an effect on the look and feel of hair that was weak, limp, lifeless, dull or straw-like. However, they were likely to understand that individual results would vary according to their own hair type.”

L’Oreal pointed out that the ads had not been intended to promise that consumers would look exactly like Cheryl Cole and that the average consumer would understand that the effects would vary according to hair type and the style adopted.

Over in the corner of the Bitterwallet office sits our near-bald Paul Smith. He is surrounded by empty L’Oreal hair product bottles and is clutching a crumpled photo of Cheryl Cole. He is in the foetal position and he is crying. We hope you’re happy now Cheryl.


  • Nobby
    Cheers - just knocked one out.
  • Klingelton
    I think i'd have pearl tears coming from the tip of my penis if i was hanuched over in a corner with this photograph...
  • Klingelton
  • Klingelton
    How dare she imply i'm limp....
  • bob
    I'd destroy her.
  • James D.
    Maybe she's talking about her landing stripe?
  • Daniel Z.
    Gawd Laaawwwddd!
  • The B.
    Pah, just as well none of you are a racial minority toilet attendent, she'd have you, she's done it before and she'll do it again.
  • Your M.
    How do you know Real Bob, I could be on a laptop in some hotel somewhere handing out towels.
  • Alexis
    Why is she sitting on a deep fat fryer in a chip shop?
  • kev
    her hair isnt the only thing that looks fake in that photo
  • Nobby
    > her hair isnt the only thing that looks fake in that photo That's true. Those number plates are obviously fake too.
  • (jah) w.
    It pisses me off when they claim "29093822389239% plumper lashes/more volume to your hair" whilst showing a woman waving her hair/fluttering her eyelids, then in tiny text says "model filmed with lash inserts/hair extensions and colour". Course it's gonna look fucking great with all that done. Twats. Fucking advertising cunts.
  • Chris
    Most of these adverts have small print saying: "Compared to unwashed hair" Hobos tend to have dirty lifeless dull hair.
  • Nobby
    > boasts that her hair .... “full of life” So she has nits?
  • Nobby
    She should go for the "Something About Mary" look. I don't mind being the providor.
  • zeddy
    Boys, boys (and girls). Ashley has been rumoured to have been there. NEXT!
  • Matt K.
    Either it's all in her head or there's some seriously effed up stuff going on with that ballerina. Looks pretty damn good and having two of the hottest actresses around having a "good time" with one another doesn't hurt. Aronofsky is a modern genius of filmmaking and this looks to be his best yet. I'm sure it'll have another kick-ass Clint Mansell score as well.
  • Kelsey
    Sometimes consumers are just plain stupid. We all know that if we buy a Victoria's Secret Bra doesn't mean we are going to suddenly have ample breasts and big beautiful lips like Adriana Lima. Some people just need to walk around with an "I am an idiot T-shirt".
  • At B.
    [...] Cheryl Cole’s pants not on fire over L’Oreal hair ads We can only assume that the sight of Cheryl Cole’s cans is the reasons that you, the avid [...]
  • DrTrouserPlank
    "Because she's worth it" She's worth a couple of my Kleenex any time.
  • secretface
  • Dean b.
    I would smash her back doors in nd rip open her second ass hole
  • Sicknote
    I was surprised that general skank & convicted racist Cheryl Cole was able to get a permit to work in the US last year; let alone be the face NoReal.....I mean Loreal... I know that when I visit the US my conviction for breaking the speed limit in 2001 by 10 miles an hour may prejudice my chances of entry; I guess they just like the racist lasses over there.

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