Wacky vicar tells skint flock to go shoplifting

December 21st, 2009 6 Comments By Andy Dawson
40340433 vicardick270 Wacky vicar tells skint flock to go shoplifting

A comedy vicar, yesterday.

There’s nothing wackier than a comedy vicar at Christmas, and if a story in the (ahem) Daily Mail is to be believed, Father Tim Jones of St. Lawrence Church in York is the wackiest of all.

During his Nativity sermon yesterday, he told his congregation that if all else has failed and they can’t afford any stuff this Christmas, that they should shoplift it instead.

But he isn’t advocating the widespread looting of any and every retail establishment – he has standards you see. After all, he is a man of God. Father Tim said:

“My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift.  I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither.

“I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

“I would ask them not to take any more than they need, for any longer than they need.

“I offer the advice with a heavy heart and wish society would recognise that bureaucratic ineptitude and systematic delay has created an invitation and incentive to crime for people struggling to cope.”

In spite of how it looks, Father Tim says he isn’t advocating shoplifting (yes he is) and says that it’s a better alternative to prostitution, mugging and burglary. So that’s alright then.

When asked about how his thoughts stack up against that tricky eighth commandment, the one about the not stealing and that, Father Tim said: “My advice does not contradict the Bible’s eighth commandment because God’s love for the poor and despised outweighs the property rights of the rich.”

Presumably he’ll be straight down the police station to help secure the release of any of his parishioners who find the cold hand of John Law on their shoulder when they get caught half-inching a packet of Paxo stuffing from Asda later in the week.

Whatever next – gay rugby players?

Comments (6) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by mrdinkle December 21, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    I wish I knew that before I went shopping, I paid for my chicken and it could have been free.

  2. Posted by Nobby December 21, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    The church is a large national business and I need some extra chairs for Xmas day, and that church is only five miles away …

  3. Posted by Warwick Hunt December 21, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Those lazy jobsworths the local plods have a cheek to complain, they no longer prosecute shoplifters as they are “to busy” in fact most times they dont even bother to turn up.

  4. Posted by -] December 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    Good on him!

    “Ask for work. If they do not give you work, ask for bread. If they do not give you work or bread, take bread.”

  5. Posted by oliverreed December 22, 2009 at 9:17 am

    On the TV a local consertative candidate made a comment, they couldn’t even get a real MP to care.

    If you are stupid enough to go to a church and listen to a guy who claims to be able to speak to god then this really is the best advice for you.

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