TV Licence LOLZ

June 18th, 2013 21 Comments By Lucy Sweet

We all remember hiding behind the sofa when the TV licence van came – but today’s licence dodgers are much more creative than that. Around 400,000 households watch TV without a licence – but as it’s £145.50 to watch Bruce Forsyth’s propped up cadaver on Strictly, it’s no wonder people will say anything to get out of paying for it.

officer pic van 199x300 TV Licence LOLZ

So today TV Licencing has released its favourite 12 Best Excuses Not To Have A Licence, which include the following doozies:

‘Why would I need a TV licence for a TV I stole? Nobody knows I’ve got it.’

‘I could not pay as I only have two pairs of pants and one of them was in the wash.’

‘The only way I can afford to pay my TV licence is to sell my hamster. Is that what you want me to do?’

and the legendary:

‘I only use my TV as a lamp.’

One dodger tried to pass on the blame to his 3 year old son, saying he should cough up because he was the only one who watched TV. Another claimed the passing Olympic torch had stopped him from getting to the shop to pay it.

While TV Licencing brought the funnies, they issued a stern caveat: ‘Some of the excuses are hilarious,’ they say. ‘but being caught without a valid licence is a criminal offence and no laughing matter.’

Oh come on. It is a BIT of a laughing matter. Especially the one about the pants.

Comments (21) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Batman June 18, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    The excuses they use to try and get into your house are worse.

    PS: Worst title ever.

  2. Posted by LD June 18, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Read about about TVL scams

  3. Posted by Alexis June 18, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    Yawn. Another one of Capita’s bollocks press releases which are seeded to the press at regular intervals.

    Meanwhile they happily go on bombarding people with their threatograms. My favourite is “you will be allowed to take this letter to court with you”. Gee, thanks.

    If any other company sent out such nonsense, they’d be prosecuted.

    You can compare your threatogram merry-go-round with this guy:

  4. Man I hate the TV License all together to be honest. They should phase it out.

  5. Posted by Justin Manchester AfterDark June 18, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    TV: used for gaming, blu-rays and streaming services like Lovefilm and YouTube.
    TV licence: obsolete.

  6. They claim the licence is so we dont have to have adverts on the bbc channels – then they advertise other shows and radio stations after every program they show. “BBC cocksuckers” as my mother says.

  7. Posted by Cheesey June 18, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    Cheesey’s Guide to dealing with TV Licensing:

    (1) “Hello Sir/Madam, TV Licensing, can we come inside?”
    Response: Slam the door in their face as they have no right of entry.

    (2) “Hello Sir/Madam, TV Licensing, can we come inside?”
    Response: “No. Foxtrot Oscar. I only use my TV for non-broadcast activities such as gaming/DVD.”

    (3) If they can see the TV on through the window then say you are a friend of the owner. As you are watching you are committing the offence so give a false but realistic name. Then when the summons arrives the householder can return it with a note saying that no-one of that name lives at the address.

    There are loads of incorrect info on the internet such as those ‘tards who say you need a licence for watching DVD’s and gaming. Look for threads on MoneySavingExpert. The TV Licence is an outdated tax. “But it’s good value.” Well you pay for it then…

  8. Posted by Not Bovvered. June 18, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    I find that if you answer the door with a hammer in your hand and tell the TV tax collector that if he doesn’t go away you will.

    A. smash his brains out
    B. search is body for ID and then go to his home and rape & kill any woman or child you find there.

    That they leave.

  9. Posted by shiftynifty June 18, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Not Bovvered…are you really allowed on the internet…..

  10. Posted by tenincher June 18, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Idiots: join us in 2013. No licence, no Sky, iPlayer YouTube and Netflix (also youporn) is all you need. I’ve saved £800 a year getting rid of the licence and Sky and am watching the same stuff. Well a bit less, but what i’m not watching is the usual drone crap thats on just because the tv happens to be on. Having more sex having killed the tv too, but the side effect is i’ve lost half an inch from overuse.

  11. Posted by Me June 18, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Fucking hell. This Lucy Sweet is trying hard to win the prize of the “world worst writer”!

  12. Posted by Sicknote June 18, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    Really, do people still open the door to these Capita employees…?

  13. Posted by Chewbacca June 19, 2013 at 12:32 am


    It’s “paedo”, not “pedo”. I mean, you of all people should fucking know.


    “world worst writer” prize? Perhaps she already has the “World’s worst writer” prize and feels another similar one would be too greedy?

    You pair of fucking morons.

    Fucking shit site with worse fucking trolls.

  14. Posted by Phuck Yu June 19, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    I don’t pay mine because TV is shit.

  15. Posted by Phuck Yu June 19, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    Cheesy – What utter bollocks spew forth from your keyboard?

    You are required to obtain a license if you have any equipment on the premises that can receive a signal.

    You TWAT!

  16. Posted by DD June 19, 2013 at 4:45 pm

    @ Phuck Yu

    You need a license if you watch or record live TV on any device.

    See the TVL website.

  17. Posted by rod June 19, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Being fined for not having a TV licence is a laughing matter because you have to be an idiot to be convicted of the heinous offence.

    The tax on TV use is enforced by a bunch of low paid staff working for a private company hired by the BBC, not as with all most taxes the fearsome HMRC.

    I pay HMRC what is due to them because they are right clever b*stards with real power.

    Need I say more?

  18. Posted by Me June 19, 2013 at 8:06 pm

    Ah! Chewbollocks is back?
    I thought that this racist cunt had left long ago.

  19. Posted by hotmail ruules! June 20, 2013 at 2:20 am

    The rules are different in Scotland and England, in England you do not need a license if you own equipment capable of receiving live broadcasts, you only need a license if you use it for that. As far as iplayer goes, you can use iplayer as long as you don’t watch anything live. Previously aired programs are fair game.

  20. Posted by Jason June 20, 2013 at 12:37 pm


    Using iPlayer requires a licence……..or so they say.

    Actually, the BBC don’t…or more accurately, they’re pretty clear.

    a TV license is required when you are watching AS IT IS BEING BROADCAST. With iPlayer, that’s when you click to view stuff “live”.

    For example:
    The Apprentice, on iPlayer, at 9pm when it started = TV license.
    The Apprentice, on iPlayer, next day = no license required.

    The stupid thing is, with every major channel having a “watch later” feature, you could watch all the programming that requires a TV license, so long as you just watch it later on.

  21. Posted by tenincher June 24, 2013 at 12:20 am

    @lancertampon (your nickname, I presume?)
    All ya gotta do to confirm these things is read them, as per Jason.

    Lesson learned- you know nothing, Manuel.

    interestingly, there are also legal precidents mainly from student accomodation suggesting can watch live TV in your house on a battery powered device eg iPad as long as the place the device was charged in had a tv licence, eg your parents house. Impossible to prove this one either way so likely to remain impossible to prosecute.

    It is a tax for the dumb, don’t bloody pay it.

    Off to watch The Voice from last night, or rather to avoid it.

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