Ryanair announce ash cloud-busting profits
Ryanair might be the world’s most controversial airline, but Sky Marshall O’Leary and his zombie army are clearly doing something right – they’ve just announced a profit of £117.8 million in the three months to the end of June – up one per cent on last year.
Vaguely impressive, but more so when we take into account that the period in question included the battle against the Sky Marshall’s greatest foe – the volcanic ash cloud.
O’Leary claims that the antics of the cloud in April and May cost Ryanair £42.5m, even though the airline were criticised for allegedly leaving passengers stranded when the cloud crisis brought the universe to a standstill.
The Sky Marshall blurted: “Despite these volcanic ash disruptions Ryanair continues to increase traffic, yields, and profits, while most of our competitors are cutting capacity and reporting losses.” No doubt he’ll now continue to come up with crazy plans to bring misery to travellers while generating another metric fuckton of column inches.
Schemes like converting the Ryanair fleet to run on vegetable peelings and charging passengers an extra £20 if they dare to nod off during the flight.