The vegan KFC Double Down is offensive and a disgrace

April 16th, 2010 9 Comments By Paul Smith

Why? Why would a vegan even attempt to recreate the now legendary KFC Double Down for their own pale palette? The point is that it’s packed so full of meat that there’s no room for vegetables, mushroom spores or tofu. No bread in a sandwich? That’s because it’s too full of MEAT, you tits.

Just look at it. Look At. It. You’re trying to kill everything there is to love about the KFC Double Down. We’re not interested in it because of its appearance, we crave it because it’s full of MEAT:

4523579667 6bde7e6ae5 The vegan KFC Double Down is offensive and a disgrace

Worse, the creator tries to engage us with some pathetic commentary that isn’t half as heartfelt as our bitching friend from the other day. As if this man has any clue about the true emotional power of the Colonel’s secret blend of eleven herbs and spices:

I bought the best processed fake chicken I could find. Cook it first in a pan and give it a little bit of a crust. I have to say, this was intense. I ate the whole thing, and actually cried a little afterward. I walked my dog shortly after finishing it, and I felt like everyone was staring at me like I just had gross sweaty sex in the back of a van.

“The best processed fake chicken” you could find? What does that even mean, you protein starved fiend? Get out.

[atebitvegan] via [BuzzFeed]

Comments (9) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Nobby April 16, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I follow a strictly vegan diet. Although on top of that diet, I add a healthly supplement of meat, lovely lovely meat. Sometimes there isn’t room for the vegetables.

    I also think meat replacement products should be banned under EU law. For example, chicken style quorn should not be allowed to be called chicken style. It contains no chicken, so don’t call it that. Sausages contain meat. The name comes from the salting process to preserve meat. Therefore, calling things vegetarian sausages should be outlawed. They should be known as vegetarian sticks.

  2. Posted by Klingelton April 16, 2010 at 10:29 am

    here here. are you running for PM? you have my vote.

  3. Posted by Paul Andrews April 16, 2010 at 11:29 am

    On that logic, all meat flavoured crisps would need to be renamed ‘vegetarian flavour’, Pot Noodles would now all be ‘vegetarian flavour’ and Bisto would need to be called ‘yeast flavour’.
    You are half right with your sausage argument. ‘Sausage’ means ‘preserved with salt’ – rather than ‘meat preserved with salt’. ‘Vegetarian Sausage’ isn’t an oxymoron.

  4. Posted by Nobby April 16, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Get any dictionary (except for Dr Johnson’s one in Blackadder III :-) ) and the entry for sausage will mention meat.

  5. Posted by br04dyz April 16, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    “calling things vegetarian sausages should be outlawed”…intresting point.
    You can call something a vegetarian sausage if it contains actual vegetarians.

    As for the double down…Im scared by it, but I deffinately would :-)

  6. Posted by (jah) wobbly April 17, 2010 at 11:38 am

    “c.1450, sawsyge, from O.N.Fr. saussiche (fr. saucisse), from V.L. *salsica “sausage,” from salsicus “seasoned with salt,” from L. salsus “salted” (see sauce).”

    “From Old Northern French saussiche ( = Old and modern French saucisse), from late Latin salsicia, feminine singular form of *salsicius, from salsus (“‘salted’”).”

    Nothing to do with meat. lrn2etymology.

  7. Posted by adey April 20, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    why do you care? veganism is about removing the cruelty to animals not stupidity from humans.

    its only retards that substitute meat with some soya bollocks. If you are an intelligent person you can cook proper balanced vegan food without anything mock-meat.

    I suspect this person is having a laugh.

    My favorite piss take on vegans is how pasty-white looking and weedy all we are. Last time I looked at your average meat eater they were obese, big double chins and dying young of heart attacks. enjoy your health problems.

  8. World’s Largest Sausage was finished at 13 miles long on 19 June 1988

  9. Posted by ginger May 20, 2010 at 1:40 am

    If I don’t want to eat actual dead animals, and want to eat a processed product that I know is not all that good for me designed to simulate the taste and texture of dead animals, what is it to any of you? And nobby, it’s called chicken “style” because it’s in the style of chicken, not intended to be actual chicken. They’re not trying to deceive anyone. And Adey, your being full of judgment and hate isn’t going to win veganism any new fans.

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