Let’s not beat around the bush at this stage of the day – it’s about laughter, adrenaline and cleanliness right now and if that combination is a drug, then we’re the pushers.

HotUKDeals are the poor bastards who grow the stuff in some far-flung part of the world.

It’s an incredible time right now for massive fans of nostalgia and doing the washing up. Fairy Liquid is celebrating its 50^th birthday and is marking the occasion by bringing out a limited edition run in the original white bottle.

What’s more, you can get one at a recession-busting 59p for 510ml of the beautiful, green, dish-cleaning gloop. And when you consider that you’d normally pay about a pound for a smaller 400ml bottle you can see why living in the past is such a great thing.

From one great British institution to another – Viz. Sadly it isn’t as funny as it used to be but its worn-out editorial staff refuse to give in and probably won’t until sales dwindle away to nothing. It’s certainly struggling to match the heights of a few years ago when a thrusting young writer called Andy Dawson was an occasional contributor. Wonder what happened to him…

Now you can do your bit to needlessly prolong the life of this tragic rag and sign up for a three issue subscription – available at the moment for the futile amount of just £1. And you’ll get a free mug as well. As Rude Kid might have said, piss up a rope, fuckstick.

Yesterday we brought you what we thought would be the best console deal of the week but now we’ve got another one that’s possibly better. It’s an Xbox 360 arcade console that comes bundled with six fine, if somewhat ageing games.

You’ll get Halo 3, Halo Wars, Forza 2, Gears Of War 2, PGR 4 and Fable 2. That adds up to FozHalFabGeaR14 or something – algebra never was our strong subject. But maths is, and the fact that you can get all of that for just £139.93 should have your wallet twitching and your tongue hanging out.

(deals found by HUKD members stephenjames84, Chairman Blao and andycs)

Right then you greasy bunch of knuckle-dragging spendthrifts – here’s some more bargains for your to hunch over while you rub yourselves half-blind. Sorry about that – it was a bit rude.

As ever, the idiots at HotUKDeals found the bargains. Hmmm… sorry about that as well – that could have been nicer as well.

The already-scorched land that is HotUKDeals is burning to a crisp today with this one – a Super Elite Xbox 360 console with a 250GB hard drive for only £199.99. Plus it comes bundled with two controllers, one month of free Xbox Live AND Forza 3 so that you can pretend you’re a Top Gear presenter.

The only way this could be even better would be if it came wearing a fur trappers’ hat with a little bit of tinsel hanging off the side. Oh yes, and if it was cheaper. It would probably be better if it was a bit cheaper too. But still…

Next comes a printer/scanner/photocopier machine thing. It’s made by Epson, the same people behind the award-winning racecourse and is only £52.95 delivered, as opposed to its RRP of £99.99.

We’ve got one nestled away in the corner of BW HQ and can vouch for its quality. So far today we’ve printed off 26 LOL-worthy black and white pictures of kittens doing silly things. Watch out – we might set up a spin-off site based on kittens doing silly things. No one has thought of THAT before!

If you’ve seen the Pixar film ‘Up’ you’ll have been delighted by the tale of an old man who ties balloons to his trousers and flies around the world, farting magic on to the poor and starving until he is shot down by big game hunters. Or so we’re told – we haven’t got round to seeing it yet. Well it’s available to pre-order for just 16.07.

What’s more, this is a mammoth 4-disc collection, incorporating two Blu-ray discs, one DVD and one digital copy disc allowing you to transfer the movie on to a device of your choice. There’s hours of never-before-seen footage and bonus bits and you’ll probably never ever need to own another disc ever again. Phew!

(deals found by HUKD members captainhaz, Robbieski and andywedge)

The Consumer Electronics Show means more geek porn than The Hun’s homepage. While Steve Ballmer may have universally disappointed the world’s tech media with his half-hearted tablet presentation, Microsoft is still making plenty of noise – not unlike a yappy dog with two tails – about Project Natal. It’s the games console that requires no remotes – the player’s body can interact directly with the gaming experience.

A new behind-the-scenes video has now been released, and not only does Natal look fricking fantastic, it proves Microsoft’s inability to produce revolutionary products without the assistance of Brits. Hurrah. Watch out for the dude who insists on wearing sunglasses inside. Will a lack of buttons dumb down the gameplay, or will it be like the difference between remote controls for the TV and having to get up to change the channel? We’ll find out soon enough – the Natal (or whatever its name turns out to be) is due to launch in time for Christmas.

If you love cheap fruit and vegetables, gaming accessories and the slightly disturbing phenomenon that is Susan Boyle, then have we got deals for you?!?

In case you weren’t sure, the answer is yes, and they’re all from the bargain fountain that is HotUKDeals…

Here’s an offer that will tickle the tastebuds of all you misers who nevertheless like to stay fit and healthy. A wide range of fruit and veg available in a leading supermarket this week… each for only 30p.

The cut-price range includes baking potatoes (1.5kg), carrots (1kg), onions (1kg), Braeburn apples (4 pack) kiwi fruit (4 pack) and Savoy truffle cabbage. If that’s not a recipe for the world’s cheapest and worst smoothie then we don’t know what is.

Next, we turn our attention to the Xbox 360, and a deal for those of you who haven’t thrown your consoles out of an upstairs window for being banned by Microsoft.

It’s the Wireless Entertainment Pack and it consists of a black wireless controller, Lego Batman & Pure – only £23.95. If that’s not enough to have you scooping up pieces of your smithereened Xbox and clagging it back together with sticky tape and a big dollop of hope then we don’t know what is.

Finally, Susan Boyle. The elfin-faced, angel-voiced Scottish starlet has wowed the world with her astonishingly average singing and world-class tantrums since appearing on Britain’s Got People earlier in the year or maybe last year.

Her debut CD, ‘I Drawed A Penis’ ‘I Dreamed A Dream’ is out now and you can get it for just £6.95. If that doesn’t guarantee a smile on the face of any elderly relative on Christmas Day then we don’t know what will. Elfin? Sorry, we meant elephant.

(deals found by HUKD members LightningPete, stigma and paulhenshall2@n)

What could possibly be better than a PS3? Nothing you say? Clearly you haven’t been shopping at Empirestores.co.uk then, because you’re missing out on a PS3 Elite! Um, hello? McFly?

[ramiuk at Hot UK Deals]

If you’re on the lookout for an affordable Xbox 360, now is the time to take advantage of the bans issued to hundreds of thousands of console owners last week… as long as you’re not bothered about playing online games.

The naughty gamers were found out after playing with modded consoles and those consoles have been kicked off Xbox Live forever, leaving their owners forced to fork out for a new Xbox if they want to get online again.

As a result, scores of them have taken to selling their tainted games machines on eBay, in spite of the online auction house issuing the following warning…

“If you are looking to buy an Xbox 360 on eBay in the near future, ask the seller if it has been banned from Xbox Live and be sure to pay by PayPal in case they lie. If you do get a banned console, start a PayPal claim.”

Sure enough, lots of the banned consoles are turning up on eBay, with their sellers being open and honest about their banned status. And they’re going for an average of about £75, often with some games thrown in, which isn’t bad.

And, because they’re modded, you can play pirated games on them. Not that you’d ever do that because you’re a good honest lot out there. And hell, we’d never condone that sort of thing anyway.

Frustrated Bitterwallet reader Nik has just got back from Morrisons and tells us: “It doesn’t work in my PS3…”

Gamers of a certain bent are licking their lips off today in anticipation of the release of Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 on the Xbox 360 and PS3, which is released tomorrow.

If you don’t already have a copy on order that’s stuck in the post somewhere, you’ll need to be up and at it to get one from a retail establishment tomorrow.

HotUKDeals legend Vibeone has compiled a list of various retailers’ prices for the game, which will be updated on a regular basis before the game’s launch.

Just don’t take any weaponry with you when you head out to buy it…

If you’ve got a spare couple of hundred quid flip-flapping about in your pocket and you’re looking to invest in a games console this bank holiday weekend, there’s a red-hot deal for each of the big three available right now.

First up comes the Xbox 360 Elite bundle for £199.99. As well as the console, you’ll also get Resident Evil 5, Fight Night Round 4 and an extra wireless controller. There’s free delivery and the possibility of another £10 off if you’re eligible to use the 5% off code that you’ll find at HotUKDeals.

You can also pick up an official Xbox 360 play and charge kit for the unfeasibly cheap price of £4.99 right now. So you should.

If you’re of a Wii-type of an animal, you can get the stand-alone Wii console, which comes with Wii Sports, a Wii remote and nunchuck for only £139.97 delivered at the moment. Something here for voucher fans too – an extra tenner off if you use the code that’s waiting for you at HUKD.

Finally, there’s the PS3. Prices are dropping ahead of the launch of the PS3 Slim, but there’s nowt wrong with the good old 80GB PS3. If you fancy one, you can nab one right now for just £199. No vouchers and no bundled games with this one, but if it’s game offers you’re after, get over to Dealspwn and see what they can do for you.

If you prefer to spend the bank holiday in a more traditional way, you can come round to BWHQ and mow the lawn for us. It’s about seven feet high and in serious need of a scalping. Vince went out to tackle it a couple of weeks ago and we haven’t seen him since…

* Bag of chips used in comparison weighs eight tons.

Whenever we think of the typical Bitterwallet reader, we imagine someone who enjoys playing computer games and watching animated films that they’re really far too old for, while occasionally getting outdoors and cycling deliberately through broken glass.

Is that you? It is? Great! Courtesy of HotUKDeals, here’s a bunch of bargains you’ll jill yourself off over for the rest of the afternoon.

Last night, HotUKDeals was ablaze with a pre-release offer for the upcoming Gran Turismo 5. In the end, by the time the price was hiked back up again, HUKD was too hot to even look at.

As a consolation for those who missed out, here’s another console game deal. It’s ‘Fuel’ for the PS3 and Xbox 360 and it’s only £12.79. Granted, it’s no GT5 but it’s a decent enough addition to the slim vehicles-go-fast genre of games. Or something.

It’s not Monsters Inc and it’s not David Bowie singing Loving The Alien. It’s something else, and it’s a something that, while it isn’t quite as good as those two things, it’s not all that bad.

It’s Monsters vs Aliens, and it’s out on DVD soon. You can pre-order a copy for the ridiculously low price of only £6.91. How can you refuse? It’s simple – you can’t. So shut your face.

Finally, one for those of you who like riding your bikes through lanes strewn with broken glass, or those of you who live in a deprived area where the council sprinkle broken glass around willy-nilly in order to achieve some kind of quota.

It’s a batch of ten replacement inner tubes for only £10. Use ‘em on your bike or just blow them up as far as they’ll go and watch them explode. We really couldn’t care less.

(deals found by HUKD members Qentox, Syzable and toolar)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come and get them while they’re piping hot and likely to cause scalding to the roof of your mouth. Yes, it’s your daily mouthful of HotUKDeals of the Day, and have we a lip-smacking selection for you today!

And since we’re hip-deep in the Summer holidays, let’s see if we can’t find a few goodies to keep the little ones quiet, before the dark, terrible madness sets in permanently.

Let start with a belter from Pixar. It’s eight years old now, but Monsters Inc stands up effortlessly to any animation pumped out in the cinemas today. What’s more, wrap your eyes around this Blu-ray edition for a teeny £11.97 from Amazon, and everyone’s a winner. Your kids win because it’s a smashing film, and you win because you’re a frugal shopper. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is a winner.

If you enjoyed JJ Abrams’ vision of Star Trek this Summer, then stuff the kids and buy this for yourself. It’s only the chuffing USS Enterprise Bridge play set plus chuffing Captain Kirk himself! At ease soldier, because it won’t hurt your wallet too much – from an RRP of £34.99 (and £22.99 in Forbidden Planet) you can boldly go for a penny shy of a tenner! Yessum, the Enterprise bridge play set plus figure is just £9.99 at Play.com!

Once the ham-fisted child invariably snaps Kirk’s arm off, the physical fun is all over. So it’s time to jump on the X-Box for Kameo: Elements of Power for just £3.85 at Shopto.net. According to the feedback at HUKD, it’s a no-brainer to purchase, a solid platform game that probably has wizards and monsters and some such shit like that. No idea, to be honest with you.

(Deals found by millarcat, dvdaddict and gorskino10)

Roll up, roll up for Deals Of The Day – the greatest show in town. Well maybe not the greatest, but one of the best. Well, not necessarily one of the best, but it’s pretty good. Well, fair to middling.

Bargains are all here courtesy of the good folk at HotUKDeals who laid down their lives for you. Well, maybe not their lives, but they took a few minutes out of their day, which is pretty much the same thing. Okay…

Kicking off today, we’ve got an XBox 360 Arcade for the practically offensively low price of only £97. Yes, that’s less than a back-street facelift and undoubtedly less painful.

Find out how you can clamp your clammy hands on to one of these beauties be sliding your interweb over to HotUKDeals. The same retailer might even have Ninetendo Wii’s going cheap as well.

Easily the best new comedy over the last 18 months has been The Inbetweeners, E4’s show that follows the idiotic antics of a group of sixth-formers. If you don’t like it, you’re a bumder.

Now you can get a DVD box set of series one and two for only £14.98. Taster clip can be seen here – but don’t watch if you don’t like industrial language or the sight of a fish getting its head punched in.

If you like your entertainment to be a touch more wholesome, you should get yourself to the Disney store, where there’s a ‘up to 70% off’ sale, both online and instore.

There’s everything from a High School Musical Sharpay Spa to a Power Rangers Zord Costume. There’s even a Gay Buzz Lightyear doll that sings hits from 1950s musicals. No there isn’t.

(deals found by HUKD members adsldave, dontdothatagain and BadWolf2989)

The past week has felt a little like bizzarro land as Microsoft released not one, but two products that weren’t universally declared as “suck”.

Bing.com, which is basically Microsoft Live Search reskinned and tweaked, has almost all but avoided scathing hateful reviews. In fact the majority seem to be somewhere between meh, lukewarm and positive which is a major feat for the usually reviled brand. Here at Bitterwallet we had a round of binging and after our initial hope to roast it evaporated we declared that for once Microsoft has made a search product that “doesn’t completely suck”. It’s not great, it’s not revolutionary, and we’ll keep using Google out of habit but “not completely sucking” is a new benchmark for Microsoft online.

The second product release that managed to not suck and actually get some hype was the release of Project Natal at E3. The previews promise an experience like the Wii except with no gesture hardware and full-body control. The hype will be meaningless if Microsoft can’t actually release a product which works but in the meantime they are actually positioning themselves as a gaming company that is doing interesting things. Interesting and Microsoft are not words that have been in the same sentence for a long time.

Here’s the weird thing though… despite Microsoft’s horrible past decade they seem to be creeping into the emotional underdog space. We almost feel sorry for their ineptness and inability to stop the Google machine. On the flip side, it seems that in the last year Google has slowly been creeping into the “evil monopoly” role that Microsoft used to play so well. Could it be that our honeymoon emotions for Google have now waned and we’re looking for a proper competitor to take them down a notch?

With Windows 7 getting strong reviews, IE 8 making a big step towards being a decent browser, and the XBOX 360 becoming a gaming platform of choice for many, is Microsoft getting its groove back?

At a recent press event in London, Microsoft, UK chief Neil Thompson said that the Xbox 360 denotes “an entertainment experience that was 360 degrees, as wide-ranging and broad for consumers as we could possibly create.”

This autumn, Xbox Live subscribers in the UK and Ireland shall have their wet dreams fulfilled. They will have access to the first Live television service designed for the XBox 360 anywhere on the planet.

The Sky Player service currently allows subscribers to watch live and on demand programming on the Internet, and the Xbox setup will be similar. You won’t need a Sky dish, or any other equipment. You won’t have to be an existing Sky customer either, according to the BBC. However, Sky customers with multiple set-top boxes could get the content on their Xbox at a discount.

At the time of writing, specific prices and channel line-ups retain some of the air of mystery over the potential awesomeness of the service, but we do know it will involve Live football, and a good smattering of television programming, news, and movies. As for the visual quality of the content, live content will come in at standard definition, and on-demand will be “DVD quality” says Sky.

Households with multiple televisions who share Sky will need a multiroom package so that one person can watch one program on a television in the living room, while another person watches something else on their Xbox 360 in the bedroom.

Xbox Live users watching sports content also get a cute little avatar, and the group can chat or hurl insults at others while watching the game “together” in groups of up to 8. Voice-on-voice action with headsets is an alternative, seeing that verbal communication is so last year.

[Engadget]

Now that we’ve had it confirmed that we’re in the fiscal mire up to our earlobes, it’s time for our daily look at the stuff you can’t afford anymore, even though it’s cheaper than it should be.

More of the same at HotUKDeals from whence this lot came.

First up, a massive bargain, if indeed it is a deal and not just a misprice. It’s an Xbox 360 Elite Console (120 GB Hard Drive) and is currently selling at just £70.98!

HUKDers have been snapping them up for the past hour or so, so get over there and find out what the hell is going on NOW!!!

MORE DEALS TO FOLLOW…..

EDIT: And within seconds, it was gone. Like Sandi Thom’s career. Never mind, more proper deals coming soon.