You love Apple. You love iPhones. You love iPhone apps. You love them so much you bought the I’m Rich application for $999 and still have realised what a prize twat that makes you. You have hundreds of the little bastards in your phones, to the point you’ve no more screens to display them on. Yet you keep buying iPhone applications, deleting the old ones as you go.

But you’re not the only one. There are thousands of you. Millions of you. So how does all that stupidity look from Apple’s point of view? When 50 million iPhone users are pissing money up the wall on virtual fart machines and animated Chuck Norris kung-fu video games, what do they see?

Unveiled at Apple’s Worldwide Developer’s Conference in San Francisco on Monday, the television that Steve Jobs has fitted to his bedroom ceiling. The 20 cinema displays display the 20,000 best selling apps – when one is purchased, it oscillates in a highly pleasurable manner. It’s the sight of a metric fuckton of money raining into Apple’s bank account every second:

For videos of this pleasure-pumping technology at work, check out Apple Insider.

[Apple Insider]

Now that the new iPhone (the 3GS) has been announced at Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC), it’s all going to be a bit tumbleweedy around here, given that an estimated 67% of our stories have covered rumours about the new iPhone for the past six months.

But it’s real and it’s coming sooner than you think – 19th June, although we suspect o2 might sell out of initial stock pretty damn quickly. In case you haven’t read elsewhere, the new phone will contain the following new features, all internal…

FASTER PROCESSING – the new iPhone will be much quicker than the previous 3G, the added ‘S’ standing for ‘speed’. We’d sort of hoped it was going to be ‘Spunky.’

SNAZZIER CAMERA – as well as 3 megapixels, the 3GS will have new features such as auto-focus, auto-white balance, auto-macro and auto-exposure. Then there’s the tap-to-focus feature, which will allow you to tap the object that you want to be the main focus of the picture.

VIDEO CAMERA – one of the main missing features of the 3G, the 3GS will record in VGA at 30 frames per second. Videos will be uploadable to YouTube or you can send them via MMS

ENHANCED VOICE RECOGNITION – not only will you be able to dial numbers by saying the name of your contact, you’ll also be able get it to play music by saying the name of your chosen artist. You lazy, lucky bastards.

LONGER BATTERY LIFE – well, slightly longer anyway. The iPhone 3GS will give you 50% more on Wi-Fi (9hrs), 33% more on video (10hrs), 30hrs as opposed to 24hrs on audio, 20% more on 2G talk (12 hrs), and the same 5hr life on 3G.

A COMPASS – yeah, a compass. Erm…

The 3GS will cost up to £184.98 for the 16GB, and up to £274.23 for the new, beefed up 32GB, depending on which tariff you opt for. If you already own an iPhone 3G, you might stick with what you’ve got, as two days before the new handset comes iPhone OS 3.0, as previewed back in March.

The new OS will be free and will include features such as MMS, cut, copy and paste, Spotlight search homepage, landscape keyboard, and best of all, the ability to use your 3G phone as a modem via USB or Bluetooth. There were a few other new bits of stuff from Apple this evening as well, such as a revamped MacBook Pro and an update of the Apple OS (Snow Leopard).

So there you go then. Come back tomorrow when we’ll have ‘10 Apple Rumours We Heard At WWDC That Didn’t Come True.’ Now what are you waiting for – START BITCHING!

EDIT: o2 have announced a minimum charge add-on charge of £15 per month for customers who want to use the iPhone 3G or 3GS as a modem. The utter howling shits. No price drop on 3G handsets either, in spite of a drop in price to $199 in the States.

The iPhone, then. It’s looking increasingly likely that new handsets will be unveiled at Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference in the second week of June. Hurrah! But what the fiddling hell will they be, exactly? We’ve heard dozens of rumours, the majority  of which now reckon there’ll be two phones launched – a stripped down offering and a souped-up handset with tons of new gizmos.

Business Week has spoken to a source that is “familiar with Apple’s plans” about the new iPhone’s ability to not only record video, but to edit and share it. A comparison has been made to the one-touch recording ability of the Flip, but with the addition of an iMovie app to provide a mobile editing suite. Actually, this is all a little more than rumour, since a video interface has been found in the new 3.0 firmware that will be released to consumers in June.

If that’s not enough to moisten the panties of an Apple fanboy, then there are the rumours of an Apple tablet that still refuse to die in a corner. Such a wunderdevice has been suspected for eons, and the situation isn’t helped when the likes of Yanko Design release concept designs for a MacBook Touch that look so lovely you’d want to sex them:

[Business Week]