Posts Tagged ‘windows 7’

1178363122 nokia 2630 Deathwatch: Nokia sack more staff and sign up with Windows

Nokia aren’t having a great time of it at the moment and, in their bid to cost-cut €1bn, they’ve announced that they’re to cull a further 3,500 jobs. That’s 1,300 jobs from its location and commerce division and they’ll be closing its Cluj factory in Romania, resulting in 2,200 job losses.

Even though Nokia is still the world’s biggest phone maker (by volume), these redundancies signal troubling times for the Finnish phonemakers.

In April, they said they’d axe 4,000 jobs and transfer 3,000 employees to Accenture, as new chief executive Stephen Elop restructured the company to focus on smartphones (well done on realising that everyone was getting on that so quickly). This brings the total number of job losses at Nokia to 10,500. That’s around one sixth of the company’s whole workforce, worldwide.

“We are seeing solid progress against our strategy, and with these planned changes we will emerge as a more dynamic, nimble and efficient challenger,” Elop said in a statement. “We must take painful, yet necessary, steps to align our workforce and operations with our path forward.”

The company will eventually launches devices based on Microsoft’s Windows Phone operating system, which seems like an incredibly risky move in light of the fact that most of the world is on Android or Apple. It’s these moves that have seen Nokia’s share price halve since February.

“Europe is core to Nokia’s future. In addition to our headquarters, we have a strong R&D [research and development] presence in Europe,” Elop said. “We have four major R&D sites in Finland and two major R&D sites in Germany, as well as Nokia Research Centres and other supporting R&D sites in Europe.

“Nokia also retains a strong local presence in our many sales offices throughout this region, as well as our operations in Salo and Komarom.”

We smell a death.

HotUKDeals Of The Day – Monday 21st March

March 21st, 2011 No Comments By Andy Dawson

hukd logob1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Monday 21st March It’s a fair old box of treats for you, the keen consumer today. We’ve got modern computer software, highly-scoffable chocolate and a film starring a miserable superhero. If that lot doesn’t rock your world, you should probably think about switching to a different irreverent, consumer-based website.

We know you won’t do that though – we know you’ll stay loyal to Bitterwallet and HotUKDeals, the home of bargains.

902595 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Monday 21st MarchIf you’re the kind of flash, monied get who has got three PCs, you probably can’t afford to invest in stuff like bang-up-to-the-minute software that will keep the things running as smoothly as they ought to be. Shame on you, you slapdash weasel.

903134 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Monday 21st MarchHere’s where your luck changes wiseguy/wisegal (delete as appropriate). We’re about to point you in the direction of a pack of THREE upgrades for Windows 7 Home Premium for your coughing, spluttering computer. The price? Only £103.00 – that’s just £34 per PC. You owe it to your computer AND your conscience.

Easter is hurtling towards us and we’re all readying ourselves for the tale of Jesus and the Easter Bunny and the crazy scraps and scrapes that the pair got themselves into when they were younger.

Why not accompany your traditional visit to www.jesusandtheeasterbunny.com with a six pack of Cadburys Creme Eggs, the delicious sweet treat that the pair invented during their 40 days and nights in the forest of chocolate. Only £1.45 – that’s 24p per egg. Cheers Jesus!

903002 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Monday 21st MarchFinally, something a little bit different for you watch once you’ve gorged on your Creme Eggs and your story of Jesus and the Easter Bunny. It’s Batman – sadly, not the definitive 1960s TV version, but the more recent remake filled with darkness and violence and abject misery.

It’s called ‘The Dark Knight’ – which if you ask us is as appealing a title as something like ‘Plague Face Boy’ but never mind – if it isn’t very good, at least you’ll have only forked out £2.99 for a 2-DVD version of the thing. Amazing scenes!

(deals found by HUKD members missgem, nicster08 and comingback)

HotUKDeals Of The Day – Wednesday 8th September

September 8th, 2010 No Comments By Andy Dawson

hukd logob1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Wednesday 8th SeptemberToday’s Deals Of The Day has been fattened up ready for slaughter, with some of the finest bargains that have ever been crammed into its plumped-up paragraphs. Onawards!

Don’t forget that there’s even more of this amazingness over at HotUKDeals

753404 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Wednesday 8th SeptemberLet’s get things underway with a lovely iPhone offer that has crawled out of the woodwork in the past 24 hours like some kind of sleek, shiny, sexy cockroach. Not that we’re suggesting that iPhone users are cockroaches of course.

It’s the 16GB version of the  iPhone 4, available on a contract from 3. The handset is normally £99 but there’s £64 Quidco cashback available at the moment, making it £35. The tariff is pretty good too, although the contract is 24 months. Get on it you stinking cockroaches!

753637 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Wednesday 8th SeptemberNext, we’ve got a top offer on the standard edition of Halo: Reach for the Xbox 360, whatever the hell that’s supposed to be. We’re no experts on games whatsoever, and are still getting to grips with the downhill level on Horace Goes Skiing if truth be told.

But if this so-called Halo: Reach is the one for you, it could be yours for only £27.04, AND there’s 8% Quidco to be had. There’s a couple of administrative hoops to jump through and discount codes to be inputted but is it really going to be harder than the game itself? (we don’t know)

753829 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Wednesday 8th SeptemberFinally, a cheap way to upgrade your PC or laptop to run on Windows 7, if you’re not running it already. The catch is that you’ll need to be a lecture-dodging, scarf-wearing, traffic-cone-stealing student in order to be able to get it.

It could be yours for a mere £30 if you fit into that lazy category. Jesus, Horace Goes Skiing, students stealing traffic cones… we’re really up to speed with the modern world aren’t we?

(deals found by HUKD members mo.a, IKayZee and Xeijin)

HotUKDeals Of The Day – Tuesday 3rd August

August 3rd, 2010 No Comments By Andy Dawson

hukd logob1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Tuesday 3rd AugustLet’s stop faddling about and cut straight to the cheese. We’ve got some bargains here and we want to share them with you. So stop picking your nose and read on.

As ever, it’s all thanks to the nosepickers at HotUKDeals

731402 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Tuesday 3rd AugustWe start today with a sensational offer on the sensational game Left 4 Dead 2 for the Xbox 360. You can currently bag yourself a sensational copy of it for just £13.97 right now – and it’ll even be delivered to where you live. Sensational!

The only thing that can possibly go wrong with this deal would be if something happened and you were somehow left for dead yourself in a mystery location. That would be horrible, but if you did survive, given the title of the game you’ve ordered, the whole thing would make a lovely little story to tell your kids when they’re older.

731121 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Tuesday 3rd AugustNext, something else for the kids – a reduced-price copy of Windows 7, the computer operating system that they’re all saying is ‘significantly better than Windows 386. Well, probably)

You can get a copy of Windows 7 for £38.95 if you’re a UK student or a family member (parent or guardian). As avid HUKD member ‘anewman’ says, “You don’t have to be a student to benefit from this deal. “You simply have to know a kid who’s in school.” That doesn’t mean you should hang around the school gates trying to befriend one though.

731765 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Tuesday 3rd AugustDo you suffer from the uncomfortable footular affliction better known as the veruca? Are you shunned by all local swimming baths, afraid that your stinking foot warts will be spread to the wider public? We know, it’s horrible isn’t it?

Although not as horrible as your disfigured hooves. But we digress. You’ve got two options – get a 12-application treatment for it for just one measly pound, or get yourself a 12-pack of 330ml bottles of Sol beer for £7.00 and get pissed South African South American-style.

(deals found by HUKD members DEALofaLifetime, lucerysmum, southwell65 and scotsann)

I refused to believe that Microsoft could serve up yet another atrocious marketing campaign for Windows 7. They had to end at some point, surely? Nossir. The marketing agency appears to have made real their most pathetic, patronising nightmares – all the while making the end result as feeble and as damaging to the brand as possible.

This week, those aspirational PC owners the Sugababes test-drive a new operating system:

But wait! Disaster ahoy as small child threatens to use the interwebz!

Please, spoon my eyes out and boil them in oil. Microsoft, really. This isn’t working. You’re trying to “sell the sizzle” as marketeers describe it, but even a dumbed down consumer base is going to wonder whether they want to be associated with your products. Yes, we’re all talking about it and yes, you’re getting plenty of press attention for this vomit-strained mess of an idea, but you had a lot of ground to make up after Vista, and this gypsy’s dog of a campaign isn’t making it any better.

After the sheer godawfulness of previous Microsoft campaigns, it’s impossible not to be suspicious about this. They have an uncanny aptitude for creating miserable marketing for their products, and here we have 10 years old Will Smith (the other one) bestowing the virtues of upgrading to Windows 7 in a school talent contest. A proud dad bullying child into emulating his nerdish ways, or cunning viral promotion planned by Microsoft? Embedding and comments have already been disabled. Hmm:

Picture 1 You loved the party, and the burger   now the Windows 7 song

Windows 7 300x300 Things Microsoft staff shouldnt say   Windows 7 copies the MacTried Windows 7 yet? Get the nagging feeling it all looks and feels a little familiar? Management at Microsoft think so. Simon Aldous is partner group manager for the company, and has some very particular views on what inspired Microsoft when designing their new operating system:

“One of the things that people say an awful lot about the Apple Mac is that the OS is fantastic, that it’s very graphical and easy to use. What we’ve tried to do with Windows 7 – whether it’s traditional format or in a touch format – is create a Mac look and feel in terms of graphics.”

Bang to rights, right there. Except you can’t take his word for it – Aldous then goes on to make one of the outrageous claims of the century to date, which robs him of any credibility the word Microsoft in his job title may afford him:

“We’ve significantly improved the graphical user interface, but it’s built on that very stable core Vista technology, which is far more stable than the current Mac platform, for instance.”

You mean the universally loathed Vista that was despised by everybody and Windows couldn’t wait to get rid of because it was so unstable, or some other OS by the same name we don’t know about? This shaved monkey in a suit is a salesman at the end of the day, and they rank on the trustworthy scale slightly below a hungry tiger. Back in your boxes, Microsoft bashers.

[PCR]

We hear you, but you weren’t the only ones disappointed not to celebrate the launch of Windows 7 with the official Windows 7 Whopper from Burger King. Pesky Japanese, keeping their deliciously sculpted, flavourome taste sensation all to themselves.

No fear. This bearded champion of justice marched down to his local BK and handed over a picture of the multiple pattied beast – the manager promptly did the customer proud:

Sweet muscular Jesus, it’s greasier than Nick Griffin. Our favourite line at 1′ 35″: “It’s delicious. It’s like eating an elephant.” Microsoft must be so proud of well these two brand have knitted seemlessly together, ably assisted by tomatoes, onions, mayonnaise, gherkins, lettuce plus delicious fries and a refreshing soda.

family guy Microsoft dumps Family Guy over content concerns shockerNobody could understand why Microsoft was hijacking a show by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane to promote the launch of Windows 7. And even fewer people understood why MacFarlane was letting them. While he took the corporate coin from the networks who broadcast the show, he surely didn’t need to whore his wares to Microsoft, did he?

Turns out he didn’t. Microsoft have pulled their sponsorship of Family Guy Presents: Seth and Alex’s Almost Live Comedy Show – over concerns with the content. MacFarlane proved he wasn’t a prostitute by pandering to Microsoft or their requests to change the show’s material. According to Variety:

Microsoft execs attended the special’s taping Oct. 16. The program included MacFarlane and Alex Borstein — the voice of “Family Guy” matriarch Lois — pitching Windows 7. For most of the special, however, MacFarlane and Borstein made typical “Family Guy”-style jokes, including riffs on deaf people, the Holocaust, feminine hygiene and incest.

Such material was apparently a bit much for Microsoft.

“We initially chose to participate in the Seth and Alex variety show based on the audience composition and creative humor of ‘Family Guy,’ but after reviewing an early version of the variety show, it became clear that the content was not a fit with the Windows brand,” said a Microsoft spokeswoman.

Jesus, do these people watch programmes before agreeing to sponsor them? That sounds like a standard episode of Family Guy. How do they hold down jobs? Perhaps they were hoping the lure of cash would tempt MacFarlane to water down his content – Microsoft sent several notes of concern to MacFarlane and the FOX network, which were ultimately ignored.

[Variety]

Just when your global launch campaign couldn’t suck any more, the marketeers sell your soul to the fast food chain that gets all the promotions not good enough for Mcdonald’s:

bk poster091014 02 Burger King sorts the buffet for the Windows 7 launch party
[Burger King Japan]

BBC report huge technological leaps in Windows 7

October 20th, 2009 13 Comments By Andy Dawson

As you may know, Microsoft launch their exciting new Windows 7 operating system this Thursday. As you may not know, it is named after the classic BBC sci-fi TV series Blake’s 7, so naturally the BBC have decided to cover the launch of the new product.

However, it seems as though they didn’t assign the task to their most tech-minded member of staff. See this picture and caption taken from the BBC News website.

Picture 51 BBC report huge technological leaps in Windows 7

Ooh, personalised desktops! What else has it got? A music player? Solitaire? The internets??

Oh BBC, you’re such a bunch of cocks sometimes…

[Thanks to Bitterwallet reader Mark]

Family Guy: A correction

October 20th, 2009 24 Comments By Andy Dawson
30 rock 500x333 Family Guy: A correction

30 Rock: MUCH funnier than fucking Family Guy

Yesterday we ran a story which suggested that a forthcoming new episode of Family Guy would be sponsored by Microsoft and Windows 7.

A few hours later we received a communiqué from a PR company representing Seth McFarlane (the man behind the show) asking us to rectify an error – namely that it won’t actually be an episode of Family Guy but an as-yet-untitled variety show that will be chock-full of Microsoft references.

Happy to oblige, we’ll let their beautifully-worded press release do the talking from hereon in…

The half-hour special will highlight the comedy duo’s subversive and unique humor with original animation, live-action performances of FAMILY GUY’s most memorable musical numbers, comedy sketches and surprise celebrity guests. That night, FOX turns the reins over to MacFarlane for an all-MacFarlane lineup as he also hosts all-new episodes of AMERICAN DAD (7:30-8:00 PM ET/PT), FAMILY GUY (8:00-8:30 and 9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT) and THE CLEVELAND SHOW (9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT).

While the way people watch TV has evolved, their desire to be entertained, and marketers’ need to deliver compelling content, hasn’t changed. Microsoft and FOX are joining forces to showcase how the power and simplicity of Windows 7 can enhance the content FOX viewers enjoy most, whether it’s comedy, drama, sports or reality programming on TV or on the web.

eastbound and down Family Guy: A correction

Eastbound & Down: also MUCH funnier than fucking Family Guy

”We’re working with FOX on innovative brand integrations that will show how the power and simplicity of Windows 7 can enhance the content FOX viewers love” said Gayle Troberman, general manager of consumer engagement and advertising at Microsoft.  “We have simplified the PC with Windows 7, and together with FOX, we’re simplifying entertainment.”

“We’re thrilled to be joining forces with Windows 7 on such an exciting, highly collaborative marketing campaign featuring the very unique talents of Seth MacFarlane as he overhauls the old Hollywood tradition of the sponsored variety show by marrying Windows 7 messaging with content,” said Jean Rossi, President of FOX One and Executive Vice President of Sales for FOX. “By partnering with 20th Century Fox Television, Fox Licensing and Merchandising, FOX Sports, FX, FOXSports.com on MSN and Hulu, we have developed a complementary initiative that goes well beyond the screen with customized assets that connect consumers with Windows 7.”

So there you go. Our favourite parts were “innovative brand integrations”, “marrying Windows 7 messaging with content”, “developed a complimentary initiative that goes well beyond the screen” and the fact that someone’s job title is “general manager of consumer engagement and advertising.” For the record, and in the name of fairness, we should also point out that, to a man, we think that Family Guy is a load of shite.

Microsoft – in their own words, “simplifying entertainment.”

313 5 300x226 Family Guy bends over ready to take one from Microsoft and Windows 7Whatever you think of his prodigious comedic output, you can’t really deny the fact that Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane is a force of nature, As well as the aforementioned show, repeats of which are surely the only thing that’s keeping BBC3 afloat, there’s American Dad! and The Cleveland Show.

Not only does McFarlane write and direct the things, the bloke also stars in them and composes the music too. By our estimation, he’s made over 10,000 hours of TV in the last ten years, although we could be wrong as that’s a figure we just plucked out of the sky.

Whatever – one feature that is a constant throughout McFarlane’s work is that he’s unafraid to take the piss out of everything and everyone with no exceptions. We like that a lot. What we don’t like is that on November 8th in the US, a new episode of Family Guy will be (EDIT preceded by some as-yet-nameless and no-doubt-mirthless fuckbundle of a) broadcast that is entirely devoted to Microsoft and Windows 7. Bleaarrrrggghhhhh!

Sorry – just puked.

According to Arstechnica.com: “There will be no commercial ad time, no network promotions, and no commercial breaks—just a 30-minute Windows 7 trailer… with original animation, live-action performances of Family Guy’s most memorable musical numbers, comedy sketches, and surprise celebrity guests.”

The whole thing sounds gut-wrenchingly awful and… bleaarrrrggghhhhh!

Sorry – more puke.

So, that’s a great big Windows 7 launch party that could sully the good name of Family Guy for ever more. As we watch this trailer that has appeared online, we can’t help thinking that the sharks are getting ready to be jumped.

Bleaarrrrggghhhhh!

(EDIT – fuck it, we’ve whipped the ‘trailer’ away as it wasn’t even a trailer to begin with)

Microsoft ban Bitterwallet having any Windows 7 fun

September 24th, 2009 19 Comments By Paul Smith

Whichever marketing dick signed off the Windows 7 party campaign has hopefully long since been fired. Far from aligning itself with users, it portrayed Microsoft as the software choice for subscribers to Readers Digest. Customers were invited to organise Windows 7 house parties to celebrate the new OS and to help them along, Microsoft produced videos like this – you’ll note the comments function was switched off from the start. Do watch it if you haven’t already. It’s fucking horrific. Really, there’s not enough drink in the world that’ll help you understand what Microsoft execs were thinking when they made this.

But not everyone has been invited to the party. Microsoft sought applications from customers who wanted to throw a more official bash, and Andy applied on behalf of you, the loyal Bitterwallet reader. Yet this morning we found him in floods of tears on the office floor:

Windows 7 Launch Party

Party Date: October 22, 2009 (28 days away)

Not a Finalist

Sorry, your application was not among those selected for this event. Lots of people applied and spaces were limited.

Still, Microsoft’s attempt to regulate people having fun has failed. A thoroughly childish and puerile version of the Microsoft party video has made its way online, and after breaking Andy’s heart we’re only to happy to draw attention to it:

people noballoons 300x211 #Oh what an atmosphere, we love a Windows 7 launch house party with an atmosphere...Are you a young person looking to have a good time? Perhaps you know or just know of some young people who enjoy controlled fun – it doesn’t really matter to be perfectly honest. All that matters is that you’re keen to attend a gathering that celebrates the launch of a groovy new computer operating system and don’t have violent tendencies or Swine Flu.

Yes, it’s Windows 7 and Microsoft want to spread the word by marking its October release with a series of house parties across the UK. There are four party themes for you to choose from…

  • PhotoPalooza
  • Media Mania
  • Setting up with Ease
  • Family Friendly Fun

Oooh, we can’t decide which one to go for – they all sound a little bit kerrazy-bonkers! Appplications to host an official Windows 7 party must be made online and if you’re lucky enough to be chosen, you’ll get a Signature Edition of Windows 7 Ultimate and an exclusive party pack. Just thinking about what might be in there chills our marrow. One thing is certain  though – you’ll have to provide your own booze and strippers.

Naturally, we’ve applied to host a party, under an assumed, nerd-like name (Neil Spuffkin) and if we get chosen by the Windows supercomputer, we’ll invite some of you to join us at the Bitterwallet Windows 7 Launch Extravaganza. We might even lay on some booze and Twiglets.

If we don’t, we’ll just spend the evening in the bus shelter with a couple of bottles of strong, cheap cider. As frigging usual.

EDIT: There’s another tasty Windows 7 offer over at HotUKDeals at the moment. Windows 7 Home Premium or Professional – only £30 for UK students.