You know me. I don’t like to moan. It’s quite rare for me to complain about anything, in fact. Yessum, you’ll never catch me banging on about how utterly useless everything in the modern world is. Apart from the free wi-fi on National Express’ East Coast mainline. I know I may have mentioned it before, and you’re right - it’s free! Why the hell am I complaining?

Because it doesn’t work.

I’ve just spent 20 minutes between Kings Cross and Peterborough trying to get a wi-fi connection on my MacBook. Have I got a rubbish laptop? That depends what you think of MacBooks really, although oddly enough the passenger next to me lost internet connection on his Dell laptop at exactly the same time. Instead of loafing about online, we were mildly annoyed to read this:

Gah. Why so vexed by a free service? Why can’t I just shut the hell up and just be grateful? Two reasons. The first is that I don’t like being misled; National Express is offering free wi-fi as an incentive to use their trains (and not travel by budget airlines). This is what they have to say about it:

So there you are. National Express admit to no service being available, while their literature claims that will never be the case. If you’re keeping track (arf), I’m now between Peterborough and Doncaster. There have been a couple of sixty second spell of high-speed connection, and now we’re back to zero. Balls.

The other concern is that it seems unlikely National Express will change the claims of “continuous service” and “uninterrupted” browsing, because they don’t believe there’s a problem. When Bitterwallet last contacted National Express to question the validity of the claims and whether customers were being misled, a spokesperson said:

The rising number of customers using our wi-fi (numbers tripled in the first three months since it was made free throughout the train) suggest most users are content with the facility offered.

When we suggested that it meant no so thing, and that such an increase in users was clearly the result of the service being free (instead of paying over a fiver a time as they previously did), and not necessarily because customers enjoyed a service they were satisfied with, National Express didn’t reply.

Offering a free service is one thing. Making claims that we continue to struggle to validate is another. But, as I said, I don’t like to moan.

Good news if you’re a corporate dog who likes to surf while sipping on a grande caramel macchiato with extra caramel, half and half, extra vanilla, whip and an extra shot. Or a coffee.

Electric Pig has word from a Starbucks deep throat that free wi-fi will become the norm in their coffee shops next year. Currently you need a T-Mobile account to go online in Starbucks, or you can pay-as-you-go if you have a secret deposit of Nazi gold to pay your way.

While the service could be introduced as early as January, Starbucks refused to confirm the rumour, saying only that the “timing of the programme and specific benefits associated with Starbucks Card holders in the UK, and other markets outside the US, are still being determined.”

Yeah, yeah. Just hurry the hell up, will you? How else am I meant to look like a jumped-up hipster tosspot with a MacBook?

[Electric Pig]

The metal winged beasts of the sky may be quicker than their terra firma counterparts, but planes suffer one distinct disadvantage compared to trains and automobiles. Several hours sealed in a pressurised metal tube six miles up has long equated to zero communication - no phone, no Blackberry, no wi-fi, no laptop.

That’s all changing - in the US at least - with the introduction of Gogo inflight internet. Already operating on three major routes operated by American Airlines, Gogo allows users to connect to a ground-based wi-fi network once the plane ascends to over 10,000 ft.

The cost is $9.95 for flights under three hours and $12.95 for longer flights, although the service is currently restricted to US airspace. For those who would rather read the well-thumbed in-flight propaganda than cough up, the likes of The Wall Street Journal and Frommer’s online travel guides are available free of charge. Gogo is due to launch on several other major airlines, including all 330 of Delta’s mainline aircraft by Summer 2009, but again the service will be restricted to internal US flights.

Reading through Gogo’s FAQ, it seems they’re already expecting to run into problems similar to those experienced by National Express’ wi-fi service, namely significant variations in service availability brought about by demand. Gogo make it clear that certain types of usage will be throttled to ensure nobody eats up all the bandwidth; file sharing, multi-player gaming, streaming audio/video, and VoIP will be given low priority and may not work consistently or at all. Boo.

[electricpig]