Posts Tagged ‘vending machines’
Chilling news reaches Bitterwallet. Japanese sadists have devised a vending machine that will have a look at your face and then decide what you should be drinking. If you’re really ugly, it may well choose strychnine.
This new vending machine uses facial recognition technology to recommend products based on the customer’s age and gender and, despairingly, sales have tripled over those from regular vending machines as a result.
These eventual overthrowers of the human race have been developed by JR East Water Business Co and use large touch-panel screens with sensors that allow the machine to determine the characteristics of an approaching customer.
Suggested drinks change depending on the temperature and time of day too. These machines will probably piss blood come Judgement Day.
“If the customer is a man, the machine is likely to recommend a canned coffee drink, since men tend to prefer these. If the customer is in their 50s, though, that recommendation is likely to be green tea,” a company spokeswoman said.
If you’re a woman in your 20s (unlikely as Bitterwallet’s demographic seems to be jaded blokes), the vending robot will recommended a tea drink or slightly sweeter product, since market research has shown that they prefer these. Eventually, it will develop a crude penis which will fire out stolen semen in an attempt to impregnate you girls.
“We thought it would make it a lot more fun for the customers to have this kind of interaction with our machines, that it would improve the whole buying experience,” she added.
The company has so far tested one machine at one Tokyo train station but plans to add five machines Tuesday at central Tokyo Station, with the network to be expanded to other major Tokyo stations and nearby suburban areas by early in 2011.
Next stop, the world.
For years we’ve had a dream. And that dream has been of a meat vending machine. Sausages, meatballs, steaks and ribs, anytime of the day or night. And now, avid reader, the dream is alive. Izarzugaza is a chain of butchers that has been operating for four generations in Northern Spain, and after beginning to sell their delicious meat online, th’veey moved into the vending machine business.
Not that there’s only meat available, you understand – depending on the season, pastas and salads will also drop for cash. The business is also making a name for itself by allowing customers in-store to order via touchscreen; why bother with that malarkey when there are staff available? Because customers don’t have to be fluent in the native tongue to buy from the butchers – the display allows users to choose their language.
Meat vending machines are not something that’s likely to catch on in a world of 24 hour supermarkets, but just knowing we could wander down the street for a beef lollipop and a bag of cow balls, whenever the fancy takes us – it’s the dream, isn’t it?
It’s STILL Japan Day here at Bitterwallet, and since Vince’s previous post went up, we’ve decided it’s also Vending Machine Day.
With that in mind, we’ve hunted down a site that features an exhaustive look at the weird and wonderful world of Japanese vending machines.
Did you know that Japan has one vending machine for every 23 people? True dat, or at least according to the Vending Machine Manufacturers Association, and those guys have never lied to us before.
There’s more over at toxel.com but here’s our five favourites…
EGG VENDING MACHINE: Handy if there’s a BNP politician in the vicinity. Eggstremely handy indeed (did you see what we did there?)
COCA COLA ROBOT VENDING MACHINE: Just because anything is automatically better if it’s done by a robot.
FLOWERS VENDING MACHINE: Now you don’t have to make detour to the nearest garage if you’ve forgotten the wife’s birthday.
VEGETABLE VENDING MACHINE: No excuses not to get your five a day when you could easily grab some raw broccoli.
LIVE LOBSTER VENDING MACHINE (right): Because you never know when you’ll need one…
Attention, vending machine attendants: you have but one duty that matters to us – to put all the tasty produce in the vending machine correctly, WITHOUT LEAVING ANY GAPS INBETWEEN. Do you not understand the heartache of watching that twirly spiral of metal turn, and fail to release a Yorkie bar into the pit below? You’re bastards, you are. And if you’re not careful, this is what you’ll be doing next:
So while this might be an obvious PR stunt in Victoria station for Kit Kat, sticking you in a refrigerated metal box would no doubt prove far more reliable. Sort it out.