It’s a bit early in the day for our attention to be wandering towards whisky (no it isn’t) but we’re hoping and praying that we don’t get handed a bottle of Gilpin Family Whisky on Christmas Day.

Of course, we’re sure that it’ll taste just fine, but we’re not so sure about its er, ‘unique’ ingredient – the urine of elderly diabetics. Yes, that’s the urine… of elderly diabetics. It’s been knocked together by dreamweaver James Gilpin and the urine is taken from volunteers including Gilpin’s own mother. Well that’s okay then.

According to Wired: “The urine is purified in the same way as mains water is purified, with the sugar molecules removed and added to the mash stock to accelerate the whisky’s fermentation process. Traditionally, that sugar would be made from the starches in the mash.” Bleuurrgh!

Sadly/thankfully, there are no plans for Gilpin Family Whisky to be made commercially available just yet, but it will be displayed at events in London and Manchester over the next couple of months. Tasting sessions will also be available.

Still – it can’t taste any worse than a bottle of Bell’s can it, eh readers?

Here’s a personal question for you? When you’re in the shower, and you feel the urge to, ahem, ‘do the wee wees,’ do you (a) climb out and make your way over to the toilet before unburdening yourself of your bladiatorial cargo? Or (b), turn to face the plughole, take a step back, put your hands behind your head (after all, you can’t really miss) and take a long, thundering piss into your bath/shower cubicle?

It’s (b) isn’t it? Isn’t it? If it is or it isn’t, a major new ad campaign is piddling all over Brazilian TV screens at the moment, urging citizens to take advantage of the running water in the shower and by adding some more of their own making.

Apparently, one flush per day per household equates to 4,380 litres (1,157 gallons) of water per year. Enough, or so we’ve estimated, to save the lives of seven penguins a decade. Sweet.

So what are you waiting for. Go and slurp a couple of litres of water, then when you feel the need to do a wizz-wazz, hop into the shower and spill your yellow belly-juice there instead. But for God’s sake, don’t get carried away and do number twos as well as number ones – you’ll need a broom handle or the thick end of a snooker cue to mash it down the plug hole afterwards.

Thank baby jesus this is only a design, and not a product I may be cajoled into purchasing by tree-hugging hippies.

If the world crumbles to the point that I need to consider drinking my own piss – purified or not – I’d rather see the bombs start dropping to be honest. Yes it’s a very clever concept but no, it’s not for me:

[Yanko Design] via [Slippery Brick]

Let’s play a quick game of Family Fortunes….

US:  One hundred people were asked ‘What is the smell you most associate with multi-storey car parks?’

US: Let’s have a look at the board… our survey says… [PING!]… yes, it’s there. Urine is the top answer with… 100! There are no other answers. Just urine. Well done, you go forward on to the Supermatch game. Except that’s from Blankety Blank. Sorry.

In truth though, a recent real survey by NCP car parks has shown that a mere 35% of their customers associated the multi-storey car park with the smell of stale wee-wees. That’s still a pretty bad score and is obviously something that needs to rectified, so NCP have hatched a plan.

From the end of May, four of their car parks will have the smell of freshly-laundered linen pumped into the stairwells following a vote by customers. The other options in the vote included freshly cut grass, hot apple pie, leather and a burning bucket of sheep testicles. Except perhaps that last one.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that tramps will stop using the stairwells as their own personal toilets, so you might still be wading though a small lake of piss on your way to and from the shops, but hey, at least you won’t be able to smell it. And that, surely, is a start.

[Brand Republic]

A while ago, we alerted you to the existence of solar-powered sunglasses that could recharge an mp3 player or mobile phone on the go.

But we were literally inundated with angry emails from our readers in those darkest parts of Scandinavia that only get two hours of daylight in the winter – them folks were not impressed.

Since then, we’ve made it our task to discover a portable battery-charging method that is truly universal. We think we’ve found it – the NoPoPo.

The method is simple – just urinate into a pipette which you then attach to the end of the battery – let the ‘Aqua Power System’ do its thing with magnesium and carbon and whey-hey, you’re good to go.

Yes, urinate. Is that a problem for you? Really?? To be fair, most liquid substances will work – tea, coffee, beer, spit, but they don’t make the story as sensational as it could be. And if Bitterwallet’s about nothing else, it’s about making a big splash.

Just ideally not while we’re recharging our batteries.