Posts Tagged ‘toys’
In a desperate attempt to revive their flagging fortunes, Mothercare is launching a new range of royal baby themed clothing and toys. They include playsets including corgis and the Duke of Edinburgh being racist about the Japanese, and awful bibs with ‘When I grow up I want to be a Princess’ embroidered on them by tearful Bangladeshi factory workers.
And, if you’re a real royal bellend, you might even be able to buy a pram in the style of a horse drawn carriage, which will look dead classy when you’re pushing it around 99p Stores with a fag on the go.
Mothercare are the first of many retailers who will be launching a range of goods to cash in on the royal foetus, which is due in July. But chief executive Simon Calver insists it’s not cashing in per se.
‘We’re looking to commemorate, celebrate, to have a bit of fun. Babies are going to be the thing people talk about this year.’ He said, not rubbing his hands together with glee at all.
And what better way to commemorate the beginning of a new life than with idiocy?
Have you ever heard of phthalates? A potentially dangerous chemical that can cause cancer, deformities in unborn babies and infertility in men? Well you should have. It is dangerous.
Phthalates are used to soften plastics, and should be kept away from people who don’t want cancer, unborn children and fertile men. They should also not be given to children to play with.
However, dolls containing the poisonous chemical have been found on sale in shops in the West Midlands. The dolls have been imported from China, and photographs of the dolls, some of which have fruit shaped heads, can be found here.
Sandwell Trading Standards have advised that dolls should always have a CE markig to prove it meets EU safety regulations.
But dolls are not the only toys that could suffer from phthalates. Anyone who was watching Em and Lo last night will know that adults should also ensure their toys are phthalate free. Take this cheeky number from Ann Summers. Not only is it on sale, it is also totally phthalate free, meaning you can slap and tickle “harder and for longer”. Good job, when we are talking about proximity to fertile men and inborn children eh?
However, in even more distressing news, there are no such reassuring claims on the rampant rabbits.
Children’s dollies are consistently weird things. They have ones that shit themselves and ones like ‘Cricket’ who waddle around, telling you jokes and never once blinking.
And a new doll on the market, which has the Daily Mail’s knickers in a twist (showcasing the wonderful word ‘Breastapo’), is The Beast Milk Baby.
The Mail goes on about the “unspoken criticism from ‘friends’” about the fact the writer has “chosen not to breastfeed my child.” And of course, this doll is just the latest thing to ‘brainwash’ us all into thinking breast is best. Unsurprisingly, they call it “repulsive and disquieting on many levels.”
This doll enables children to play at breastfeeding, which granted, is a bit weird. For a start, why would a little kid want to make-believe a scenario which involves sore, cracked nipples?
The toy has a bib that comes with it featuring flower ‘nipples’ and then, when you attach the doll to it, it makes sucking noises. Then you have to burp it. Because there’s nothing like tedium to make children go nuts! Seriously. Get into robots and dinosaurs. Raising children is about as exciting as hanging washing up.
Either way, this doll is clearly a propaganda tool from the Breastapo, so toy makers should balance things out by making a Baby Formula, a dolly that cries at the sight of tits.
It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for – the list of must-have toys for this Christmas, as compiled by the Toy Retailer’s Association. Now comes the tricky part – do you assume that these will all sell out by the middle of this month and snap them all up? Do you buy extras in the hope that you can flog them on eBay in the middle of December and make a few Christmas quids? Or do you go back to your knitting and do nothing?
Here’s the list…
Cabbage Patch Kids, JAKKS Pacific, RRP £29.99
Furby, Hasbro, RRP £59.99
InnoTab 2, Vtech, RRP £84.99
Jake and the Neverland Pirates – Pirate Ship Bucky, Mattel, RRP £49.99
LeapPad 2, Leapfrog Toys, RRP £89.99
Lego Friends: Olivia’s House, Lego, RRP £69.99
Lego The Lord of the Rings: The Mines of Moria, Lego, £68.99
Mike the Knight’s Deluxe Glendragon Playset, Character Options, £29.99
Monster High Ghouls Rule Dolls, Mattel, RRP £22.99
My Moshi Home, Vivid Imaginations, RRP £39.99
Nerf N-Strike Elite Hail-Fire, Hasbro, RRP £44.99
Twister Dance, Hasbro, RRP £26.99
Web Shooting Spider-Man, Hasbro, RRP £34.99
Here’s a couple of ‘incentives’ from a couple of retailers that are designed to put a smile on your face and have you marching through their doors with your back straightened and your gait filled with purpose.
First up is Morrisons. In an attempt to get you to visit one of their supermarketing establishments and ignore all the others, they’re now accepting money-off vouchers from their rivals Sainsbury’s Asda, Tesco, Lidl, Aldi and Waitrose.
But tread carefully dear reader – it seems that not EVERY Morrisons store is participating in the scheme, so do your homework before you unveil a fistful of vouchers at the checkout. Other crushing disappointments are available.
Additionally, over at Argos, if you take in a used toy, you’ll get a voucher entitling you to £5 off a £35 purchase of a new toy. All donated toys will go to Barnardo’s and they’ll be passed on to underprivileged children in time for Christmas. Go on, people – spread the love…
From 1965, all hail… the Daddy Saddle!
Yes, it’s the day when the Toy Retailers’ Association announce their top toys for the festive buying season, the dirty dozen that they believe will outsell all others. If they’re right, it’s a massive heads-up for the stuff that you’ll struggle to get anywhere in six weeks’ time.
*coughs* Drum roll… here we go…
• Doggie Doo (£24)
• Fijit Friends (£54.99)
• Fireman Sam Pontypandy Rescue Set (£29.99)
• Kidizoom Twist (£49.99)
• LeapPad Explorer (£78.99)
• Let’s Rock Elmo (£69.99)
• Milky the Bunny (£59.99)
• Monster High Lagoona’s Hydration Station (£39.99)
• Moshling Tree House (£19.99)
• Nerf Vortex Nitron Blaster (£44.99)
• Ninjago Fire Temple (£89.99)
• Star Wars Ultimate Force Tech Lightsaber Assortment (£39.99)
It all looks good, although we’re not completely sure about Doggie Doo or Milky The Bunny. Also, while you’re in the mood for toy-buying, you should know that it looks very likely that Sainsburys will be launching a half-price toy sale from tomorrow. More info here.
The Stone Roses have reformed! Presumably for a large bag of money we reckon. Here’s a bunch of stuff that isn’t related to the middle-aged band of Mancunians or their music in any way (although there’s a unusual reference to one of their members halfway down).
As per usual, the ‘stuff’ is all from HotUKDeals
You might as well take all your money and burn it now. Listen here – there’s a toy sale starting on October 27th and lasting for almost a week. Last year, all toys in this sale were half price. All. Toys. Half. Price. It’s going to be carnage.
Let’s try and move on, if we can, to something else that is a regular part of the winter period. We speak of course of the wretched onset of the KILLER FLU. At least if it doesn’t kill you, it’ll turn you into a shrivelled-up husk, a grim shadow of your former self. Like Mani from The Stone Roses.
There’s one way and one way only to prevent this from happening and that’s to get yourself properly jabbed up with anti-flu goo. Some private GPs charge the princely sum of £50 for this but you can get it for only £7.00 right now. See – you’re all better now.
Finally, an ‘iPad killer’ that is nothing of the sort but is actually on the brink of extinction itself. It’s the BlackBerry Playbook, from the beleagured Research In Motion, the people who accidentally screwed their own network for three days a week or so ago.
But if you’re not put off by that glowing reference, you might want to get out and invest in the Playbook now. It’s been reduced from £399 to £249. Go on – we dare you.
(deals found by HUKD members nicster08, jocksteeluk and Mdaoro)
Pull a cracker with us and then bugger off to HotUKDeals if you’d like some more.
Let’s not mince our words here – Christmas will be upon us before we know it, devouring us like a dog on a pile of, er, mince. So you’d better start stocking up on presents for the, er, stocking. Start with the kids – after all, they’re the future.
What do they like? We don’t know – toys probably. So you might be interested in a 3-for-2 offer at all toys at Argos that is in full swing. And if you’re thinking about getting us some presents, we’ll have anything but Octonauts. We think it’s based on life here in BW HQ and we’re considering legal action against them. That or we’ll get Captain Barnacles to join us as a writer.
We move on swiftly to one of life’s necessities – dishwasher tablets. Okay, they might not be as essential as haircuts or a subscription to some kind of satellite sports broadcaster, but they’re fairly important.
And did you know that if you do manual dishwashing, simply chew a dishwasher tablet as you begin and your washing speed will increase by up to 700%. Possibly. Anyhoo, right now you can get a 56-tablet pack for the shockingly-low price of just £3.00 – that’s 5.35p per tablet. You’ll be using them to relieve indigestion too at that price.
Speaking of indigestion, we end today’s round up with a nice plate of fish and chips. As we all know, there’s a traditional day for the consumption of fish and chips, and that day is of course… Monday.
You know, that’s where the popular phrase ‘Fish & Chip Monday’ comes from. Or at least it does if you’re a BHS customer. Spend anything in their stores and you’ll get some vouchers, with one of them exchangeable for free fish and chips. FISHY CHIPPY!
(deals found by HUKD members brum, morlspin and New123)
Yes, it’s that time of the day again when we smack you right between the eyes with a trio of bargains so fierce that they cannot be contained by mankind nor drugs nor iron bars. It’s Deals Of The Day.
As per forever, it all comes to you courtesy of HotUKDeals…
The school summer holidays are almost here and if you’re a parent, there’s probably just one thing on your mind – what’s the easiest and cheapest way to get them out of the house and into the fresh air? Ideally without them ending up injured and/or maimed.
Now you can do that and save yourself a few quid into the process thanks to a massive outdoor toy sale from Argos. There’s bubble blowers, boules, cricket sets, giant snakes and ladders and a seaside bucket and spade set (among other things) starting from as little as 74p.
There are a few things in life that you should never skimp on. We can’t really think of any of them right now though… except for toilet tissue! We’re happy to recommend the Triple Velvet brand of toilet tissue, especially as you can get a 16-roll pack for only £5.00 at the moment.
Plus, with Triple Velvet, you’re not just wiping your tush, you’re also helping to keep the planet alive. Apparently they plant hundreds of thousands of saplings every year to ensure that each and every tree they use is replaced with 3 new ones. Or something.
Finally, the chance to put a large amount of boom into your room, without forking out a massive amount of cash-money into the process. Yes, you (probably) guessed it – it’s the Logitech LS21 2.1 Speaker System and apparently it will add vibrancy and super-smooth sound quality to all your favourite audio, delivering rich and balanced sounds for your ears.
Bad news for those of you who were hoping to add vibrancy and super-smooth sound quality to all your favourite audio, delivering rich and balanced sounds for your nose, biceps or glutes. Never mind though, because it’s the speaker system is only £14.99.
(deals found by HUKD users stockie, tanveerm and rodrego)
It’s already June 6th, so we know what you’re thinking – “what am I going to buy the little shits for Christmas?” Yes, we imagine Christmas shopping is already playing on your mind, because Tesco have told us it is, so it must be true.
In an effort to beat all the other polls announcing the top toys for Christmas 2011, the supermarket chain has got in early with their list. And a slightly baffling list it is, to, being topped by a toy that won’t be available anywhere in the world until Autumn – almost as if Tesco are planning to stock them and are therefore attempting to create hype about beforehand.
The Fijit, produced by Mattel, is a creature that responds to audio codes placed in television programmes and, ugh, commercials. You can only keep the kids safe from the marketing power of global corporations for so long. And of all the Lego lines available, why the Lego City Police Station? Is this a list of toys children will want, or Tesco will want to sell? We all know the answer to that.
2. Kidizoom Twist Camera
3. Barbie Doggie Water Park
4. Transformers 3 Optimus Prime
5. Baby Annabell
6. Bob The Builder Construction Tower
7. Lego City Police Station
8. Bopit XT
9. Nerf N Strike Night Finder
10. Monopoly Banking
If it’s getting to that time of the day when your energy levels are dipping, you can’t be arsed to do any proper work and would just prefer to fanny about on the internet instead, this could be one for you.
It’s a kiddie advert mash-up generator (or something modern-sounding like that) and it allows you to blend the visuals and the, erm, noisuals from a range of toy adverts. The end results are more amusing than you might expect.
We particularly like the combination of Moxie Girls and Electronic Battleships although the My Little Pony car/Tonka mash-up works well too. Readers of The Consumerist (from whence this story was nicked) recommend the GI Joe Headquarters video and My Little Pony Convertible audio or the Barbie Island Princess video and Playmobil Pirate Island audio.
What have we learned? That there’s almost certainly a well-established format for 15 second kiddie toy adverts and that we’re all being manipulated by dark forces that we know nothing about. Sheeeeeeet.
Are you the kind of guy and/or gal who enjoys toys, TV shows about dying men who set up drug labs and the antiquated, anti-social games character that is Pac Man? Yes, we thought so – you’ve got that look in your eye you know. You’re going to love today’s offerings of bargains then.
And if you’re still gasping for more, you can get over to HotUKDeals, where there are literally millions* more like these…
We kick off today with a couple of examples of essential audio-visual entertainment available at a low, low price. First of all is the always-popular World War II romp, Band Of Brothers, currently haveable on Blu-ray for just £13.95 delivered.
If you’re more into the idea of terminally-ill man dealing with his fate by starting up a meth lab, then the very brilliant Breaking Bad is probably right up your street. Series (or ‘season’ as they say ‘over there’) is yours for only £4.97 delivered.
Moving on from the grim subject of imminent death and drug manufacturing, we look to the light instead and think about toys. There’s as much as 75% off selected toys online in a big bumper sale, but hurry, because they’ll be going faster than a etc etc etc…
Big brand names featured in the 75% off sale include the likes of Disney Princess, Hello Kitty, Mr Men, Miffy, Roary The Racing Car, Club Penguin, Horrid Henry, Jamie Oliver, The Butthole Surfers and Anne Robinson. With a few of those made up by us purely for shits and giggles.
Finally, we look back at a video games icon who, like the Milky Bar Kid, we’ve always regarded as being a bit of a prick. In case you haven’t guessed by now, we’re talking of course about Pac Man. The pig-ignorant, self-serving little yellow bastard.
But enough name-calling (for now anyway). There’s a big kerfuffle at the moment over the fact that Pac Man Championship Edition DX for the Xbox 360 is available for the princely sum of only 400 points! That’s a form of currency that we don’t even understand but the heat rating on HotUKDeals suggests that it’s a bit of a bargain, so get in among it NOW!
(deals found by HUKD members Sirez, joeeeallover, bitsandbobsbuyer and Cuddy)
(*a few hundred)