The chief executive of the Food Standards Agency has put Britain on red alert and warned that we might all have to start taking wheelbarrows to cinemas, as we struggle to carry the supersized snacks that are on sale in the foyers across the land.

Tim Smith’s reference to wheelbarrows has undoubtedly detracted from his serious message, namely that cinemas sell humongous portions of grub (for extortionate prices, obviously) and that little or no nutritional information is provided.

While acknowledging that we don’t eat cinema food on a daily basis, the FSA said that: “The food on offer at cinemas is food… is often high in fat, sugar and salt. It is also served in pretty large portions and people don’t have a choice to choose something smaller, for example the smallest soft drink on offer can be as big as a pint and popcorn tends to come in large buckets.”

The Times headed off across the nation to check out the startling information but only got as far as a central London cinema, where they blethered that a large sweet popcorn weighed 375g (13oz) and was likely to contain around 1,800 calories.

While we’re on complaining, Avatar was at least an hour too long and had a plot that a pig could have scrawled on the bag of a cereal packet. Oh, and there’s far too many trailers and adverts before the film and the 3D glasses had a smudge on the lens and some fat bastard was kicking the back of the seat and chewing his fucking popcorn too noisily.

Last time we go to the cinema.

Do you like Coco Pops? If you’re reading this site, chances are you’re an adult, which means, invariably, someone has laughed at you for liking a cereal clearly aimed at children. Apparently, on your 21st birthday, you’re meant to be issued with a letter from Prince Charles ordering you to start eating porridge or muesli instead.

Of course, when people tell you not to do something, quite often, you dig your heels in and do it even more. As such, you may have found yourself in a lay-by, scoffing Coco Pops and related products like someone who has just been released from a hostage situation.

There’s bad news I’m afraid.

Kellogg’s are still making Coco Pops but they’re not bothering with the associated product range anymore. This means that the cereal manufacturer is discontinuing its Coco Pops Straws and Coco Pops Creations variants. I know, I know… I’m crying as a type and trying to self-harm with a Corn Flake. It’s taking ages but I think I might be about to break the flesh.

Anyway.

It’s not that surprising that the Coco Pops Straws are getting pulled. I mean, the ad’ campaign for them saw Coco the Monkey saying “If you think breakfast cereal sucks, you’re absolutely right. With Coco Pops Straws you suck the milk and munch the straw.” Effectively, that’s a little cartoon ape slagging off the rest of the products made by his employers. Simians have been turned into ashtrays for less.

This all comes on the back of Kellogg’s taking the salt out of their cereal with nearly a third being taken out of Coco Pops. Pesky Food Standards Agency and health groups. Spoiling my breakfast in the name of what’s good for my heart. I’ve started pre-emptively pouring whole tubs of Saxa on each meal to compensate (and petty, possibly fatal rebellion).

The company reckon that this change will decrease Britain’s annual salt intake by about 300 tonnes and, perhaps more pertinently, will ensure that no Kellogg’s products will have a dirty great red label on the front for high salt content under the FSA’s traffic-light food-labelling scheme.

Now, back to self-harming…

[BrandRepublic]

Kellogg’s will be cutting down on the salt in your cereal so you don’t have to, rendering Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies and other brands  almost pointless and flavourless thanks to a third of the salt being taken out. Slugs are said to be ‘overjoyed’ by the news.

Of course, this comes after pressure from health watchdogs who spend their time weeping over the stats on food packets that no-one understands.

The Government’s Food Standards Agency and campaigning health groups have been asking Kellogg’s to change their recipes. The FSA says Britain is eating too much salt. Britons can, it’s worth pointing out, buy salt separately and drown everything they eat in it, if they want.

Apparently, the daily average for salt consumption is 8.6g, which is 43% above the recommended limit of 6g. This figure is linked to loads of premature deaths from conditions linked to high blood pressure, including strokes and heart attacks.

This change in recipe means that 300 tons of salt a year will be removed from the nation’s diet.

Professor Graham MacGregor, chairman of Consensus Action on Salt and Health, said: ‘We are thrilled that Kellogg’s have finally acknowledged that people don’t want salty breakfast cereals.

‘However, even with the new reductions, Kellogg’s breakfast cereals will still have more salt than many others available in the supermarkets, so they still have some work to do.’

Bloody hell. Assuming that Kellogg’s is the biggest selling cereal on the market, surely that’s an indication that people like a shitload of salt in their breakfast? People who don’t want it can buy other brands, right?

Next week: Watchdog demands arse-wiping action from colons.

[Daily Mail]

Despite people older than you appearing to have grown up strong and healthy, every mouthful of food that passed their lips as a kid was essentially poison. Yes, they may have ate a slice of white bread every day and suffered no ill effects, but they didn’t know the flour and starch would cause lungworm and certain death. Same goes for eggs, fish, red meat, white meat, vegetables and apples. And water. And breakfast cereals, too.

Health campaigners are going to war on the big brands with the help of Channel 4’s Dispatches programme tonight, after researchers measured the amount of sugar and salt in breakfast cereals and made direct comparisons to the most unhealthy alternatives they could think of, ignoring all other nutritional information at hand. For example, in the corner of the British Heart Foundation:

“Researchers discovered a Tesco jam doughnut contained 8.6g of sugar while 30g of Kellogg’s Frosties were laden with 11.1g of sugar. The investigation also showed that 30g bowl of Kellogg’s cornflakes has more salt than a bag of Walkers Ready Salted crisps.”

In retaliation, a Kellogg’s spokes person pointed out:

“The reality is a single serving of Frosties or Coco Pops has the same amount of sugar in it as glass of orange juice or a banana. It’s important to remember that a doughnut contains around 14 times the level of fat as a single bowl of Frosties.”

And a Nestlé spokesperson added:

“On average cereals contribute less than 10 per cent of the average adult daily intake of sugars and less than 6 per cent of the average daily sugar intake in children.”

In other words, as long as you and your kids aren’t eating a box of cereal a day and nothing else, you probably don’t have as much to worry about as the headlines will no doubt suggest.

[The Telegraph]