Posts Tagged ‘restaurant’

Aldi to launch pop-up restaurants

November 21st, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

aldi logo 252x300 Aldi to launch pop up restaurantsAldi are entering the restaurant business… sort of. The discount supermarket have announced that they’re opening a few pop-up restaurants around the country ahead of Christmas.

The restaurants will be serving up a meal planned by chef Jean-Christophe Novelli.

The events will happen in selected hotels such as Blythswood Square Hotel and Home House between November 21st and December 10th.

You can try your luck to win a reservation by tweeting @AldiUK using #AldiFestiveFeast as your hastag.

Naturally all the food served will be sourced from Aldi’s Specially Selected range, including such fare as caviar, crab, turkey wellingtons and Christmas pudding.

(Actually their Christmas pudding is well nice).

Joint managing director of corporate buying, Tony Baines said: “Jean-Christophe Novelli has put together a luxury menu that shows off our festive range to the full and offers better value than other supermarkets. We hope that our consumers will enjoy it.”

5 star Indian restaurant poisons health inspectors

November 12th, 2013 2 Comments By Lucy Sweet

If you’re going to have an outbreak of food poisoning happening in your establishment, you REALLY don’t want it to happen when 10 health inspectors visit. But that’s exactly what happened at the Kayal restaurant in Leicester, which has previously been lauded and frequented by everyone from the Hairy Bikers to Paul ‘blue eyes’ Hollywood.

paul hollywood curry 300x187 5 star Indian restaurant poisons health inspectors

The outbreak in the previously spotless restaurant – which achieved a 5 star hygiene rating – means that it has been closed since November 6th. In the fortnight leading up to the closure, a total of 19 people had fallen ill, including 4 hygiene inspectors from Leicester City Council, who visited on November 2nd. It’s not known what caused the outbreak, but samples of the food have been taken away for analysis, and the kitchen is currently being refitted.

But despite giving the trots to the powers that be, relentlessly optimistic owner Jaimon Thomas said:

‘It was unlucky that we had the council in, and that it included health inspectors, but we would obviously be concerned if anyone at all reported feeling ill. We’ve been open since 2008 and this is the first time we’ve had any problems whatsoever with people getting sick. We had a number of people come to us and say they had stomach aches. We refunded the money straight away and offered them a free meal, which they gladly accepted. The fact the council health inspectors chose to eat there is testament to how highly they rate the restaurant.’

Er, maybe not any more, mate…?

Posh Tea Shop Cockroach Shock

August 27th, 2013 6 Comments By Lucy Sweet

A newly opened teashop on a Berkshire street dubbed ‘Millionaire’s Row’ seems to be very popular with customers. Oh, sorry, not ‘customers’ – I mean ‘cockroaches. ’ Yes, the Teapot tea room on the high street in Cookham, near Maidenhead, is literally crawling with them after an evil saboteur posted the critters through the letterbox.

hissing cockroach Posh Tea Shop Cockroach Shock

Owner Diane Bryant had only opened the shop two weeks earlier with her business partner Magda, when she arrived one morning to discover 50 Madagascan hissing cockroaches roaming around on the floor. A pest control specialist who was called in to investigate said he’d never seen the species in 25 years of working in the industry.

Yes, not only were they cockroaches, but they were immigrants, too! *Daily mail head swivel*

Picturesque Cookham, which was said to be the inspiration for Wind In The Willows and is home to television personalities and sports stars, is up in arms about the stunt.

‘It’s a disgusting thing to do, it’s vicious. We are a brand new tea shop. For someone to do this is just vile.” Said Bryant. ‘Everybody has been knocking on the door and is absolutely shocked by what has happened.’

Let’s hope they find the culprit soon before those cockroaches start posting snooty reviews about the toilets on Trip Advisor.

bacon 300x170 Bacon restaurant closes down because of the bacon stinkA bacon restaurant in San Francisco – called Bacon Bacon – has been ordered to shut its doors forever, thanks to the smell of bacon.

Who would have ever thought a bacon restaurant would stink of bacon? Well, for one, the neighbours who complained about it.

The owners apparently had months to address the “porcine aroma” and “grease disposal” issues, but alas, didn’t manage to do so.

“It’s frustrating,” said owner Jim Angelus. “Two weeks ago, the health department showed up saying we had no permits. So we had a hearing and one person showed up saying they were opposed.”

“They told us we had long enough to resolve these issues – and as a result, we have to cease operations May 17.”

Piggin’ awful, etc.

Restaurant gives ‘fat girls’ a receipt

December 12th, 2012 8 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Some dumbass waiter from Americaland has been suspended from his job after referring to three female customers as “fat girls” on their bill.

Christine Duran, Christina Huerta and Isabel Robles (of no fixed weight) were dining at the Chilly D’s in California when they got more than they bargained for.

fat girls receipt 500x281 Restaurant gives fat girls a receipt

“I got the bill, I was looking at the bill… I was like, ‘Why does this receipt say fat girls?’” Duran told ABC News.

Well, it seems that their waiter had popped ‘fat girls’ into the restaurant’s system so he could remember which table they were. Duran asked the manager for an explanation, but he “had a smirk on his face, like it was funny but trying not to laugh”.

Jimmy Siemers, co-owner of Chilly D’s, said: “I just want to tell them we’re sincerely sorry and we’ll do everything in our power to make sure this never happens to anyone again.”

Over on Twitter, a list has been shared out which is apparently the words that the staff are encouraged to use at Jamie Oliver’s restaurants. Of course, your blood-pressure will rocket as you read things like “pimp”, “slamming” and “proper rustic.”

jamie oliver words 375x500 Staff encouraged to be thundering berks at Jamie Olivers restaurants

Sadly, “overpriced”, “galling” and “shite” haven’t been included, which is strange.

[via twitter]

enhanced buzz 27143 1337974777 13 300x225 Masterchef or Mistresschef? Maos not sure and hes cooked the evidence!

Mao's junk, cooked.

If you think that Heston Blumenthal’s experiments with electric ice cream and chips made from the caramalised-the-deep-fried souls of angels are the last word in imaginative cuisine then think again. But don’t think too hard about the following…

Mao Sugiyama, born a man but living as a self-described ‘asexual’ is a chef in Japan. He/she/it recently decided that as his/her/its penis and testicles were pretty much redundant, it might be a good idea to have them hacked off and serve them up for high-paying diners. Cannibalism? Possibly, but it seems that Japan has no laws against such a thing.

In the end, only five people stepped up to the plate that was containing Mao’s reproductive organs, each of them paying $250 to chew on them. The reviews weren’t great either – apparently the penis was rubbery; the scrotum was leathery and the testicles were hard on the outside and “glutinous” in the middle.

Your move Heston – we’re happy to sharpen the knife.


This one’s currently doing the rounds in the virals – a lightly horrifying promo ad for The Place, a New York restaurant. Getting the proprietor of a business to appear in the ads is rarely a good move and that’s proved here again, although it’s the ‘customers’ that are the most troubling aspects.

Are they real people? Are they acting? How fussy an eater is the woman? What else did they get up to when they were in Argentina? How easy/hard was it for the ad’s director to evoke the woozy feeling that one would experience while on powerful barbituates?

Our kind of restaurant…

September 20th, 2011 2 Comments By Andy Dawson

How much to eat the puppy?

fasdfasdfasdf 11518 1316447922 12 500x333 Our kind of restaurant...[Terry Richardson's Diary]

Bitterwallet Angel Delight Sign before you dine, phones and camera are off the menu

Course #22 - Angel Delight

Tasting menus are the stuff of legend. Course upon course piled up on your table, and a bill at the end of the night that’s just as meaty. A new concept restaurant in the US has taken the tasting menu to the extreme, and will serve you nothing other than a 16 or 24 course tasting menu – but only if you sign a two-page contract beforehand.

What do you have to agree to before tucking into your grub at Rogue 24 in Washington DC? Well, you have to leave your mobile at home – phones are barred. Cameras aren’t allowed either, so that diners are “able to enjoy the experiences that surround them at Rogue24 free of distraction”.

What else? If reservations are cancelled after 3 pm on the day, then you’ll be charged a 100% cancellation fee. If you turn up later than 30 minutes for your booking, your reservation will be cancelled – and then you’ll be charged a 100% cancellation fee, too.

It’s the kind of shock bullshit that suits and show-offs will be milking themselves over – expect the restaurant to be rammed to the rim every night with pretentious la la’s fawning over a green drizzle of flecky snot on a plate.


Toddlers in restaurants – a guide is born

February 16th, 2011 19 Comments By Mof Gimmers
kranks Toddlers in restaurants   a guide is born

A typical parent taking their typical child for a nice day out

What’s worse than a baby on a plane? A toddler in a restaurant that’s what. While you, as a functioning adult minding your own fucking business, try and spend some money on nice food and a civilised night out, along comes some braying little bollock with a wax-candle of snot on their top lip and tiny lungs able to implode your ears with guttural screams of pointless, needy anguish.

And now, someone has created a guide, aimed at parents who want to take their stupid waddling offspring to restaurants. Sadly, it isn’t a piece of paper that simply says “Don’t Even Think About Taking Those Little Shits Of Yours Anywhere Near A Restaurant“.

Some of you may feel desperately sorry for those poor buggers who took their little dotes for a nice meal. They’ve wanted to treat themselves, introduce their children to new cuisine and ended up with a night where everyone glares at them, mutters obscenities under their breath, prompting reddened cheeks and frazzled nerves.

The rest of us don’t feel sorry. We feel angry and stressed out simply by proximity to your awful, awful children. Restaurants are supposed to provide a bit of luxurious refuge for people who have had a rubbish week at work. They’re supposed to sound like polite laughter and the gentle clinks of cutlery on plates – not like someone kicked a piglet through the door which has electrodes passing thousands of volts through its underdeveloped genitalia.

So what useful information does the guide give? Well, it suggests that you don’t go to a restaurant that will stress you or the kids out. That’s forgetting that children get stressed out the split-second they’re asked to sit still. It also says that you ought to go when toddlers are not too hungry. Also, take books or small quiet toys, sit away from couples and, failing that, tie them up to a lamppost outside until they shut-up.

Top places to take your vomiting children are, according to the BBC, Giraffe, Pizza Express, Carluccio’s Caffe, Wagamama, Nando’s, Cafe Rouge and Zizzi. Although, in the case of Nando’s, anyone eating in there, regardless of age, should be weeping loudly as the food is so insultingly dreadful.

The best thing to remember is that, while you think your child is consistently charming and brilliant, if it is throwing handfuls of faeces at diners, it might be a good idea to hoik them out and kick them into oncoming traffic.

Talk about lost in translation. This Portuguese menu appeared on the blog of author Charles Stross, and is highlighted as an example of diabolical translation programs. Is it for real? Can’t be but we’re not THAT bothered though because it made us laugh like little children.

Mmmm… jumping clitoris….

Uopd2 Hungry? Why not have some Rotten Cake Made Out Of Wood?

[Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader Thom]

…and they might be right.

greatest picture ever 903 1271875239 0 Theyre calling it the greatest picture ever...


blue whale water slide 300x200 Whale serving California restaurant forced to closeThere’s only a handful of types of meat that we at Bitterwallet wouldn’t sample if it placed in front of us. We’d probably do a human because there’s already far too many of them around, but endangered beasts would be a no-no.

Like whale meat for example. But a top California restaurant has just been caught out serving up whale meat at £57 a plateful. The Hump (now there was a BIG clue) in Santa Monica was secretly infiltrated and filmed by investigative documentary makers and the restaurant’s owners now face the full wrath of the law.

They were found to be selling a meal called ”omakase,” a Japanese term for chef’s choice, which the moviemakers had analysed and discovered to be from a poor endangered whale. The owners of The Hump have shut the place down, probably as much to do with the response they could expect from animal activists and call the closure a “self-imposed punishment.”

In order to gain the confidence of the restaurant staff and get the job done right, one of the filmmaking activists, a vegan, ate blowfish and other seafood. So who’s the one who should be REALLY ashamed about all of this? Eh?

Have you ever visited a restaurant where you’ve found yourself  dubious about the identity of the animal you were eating? Why not name and shame the establishment below? But bear in mind that it’ll be YOUR arse they’ll come after if you libel them…

A refreshingly honest restuarant advert

December 20th, 2009 8 Comments By Paul Smith

Restaurants would do well to follow this example and express what we, the customer, are already thinking – instead of looking down their nose at us as if we violated their mother when we ask for an extra basket of bread:

Picture 53 A refreshingly honest restuarant advert