A bank manager, dealing with a complaint, yesterday

When it comes to making a complaint to your bank, how do you feel you are treated? Do they sympathetically take your grievance on board or do you get the impression that they’ve got their fingers in their ears and are going ‘La la la la la la, we’re not listening’?

The Financial Services Authority seem to think it’s the latter. A new report from the FSA on how banks handle complaints is more or less in line with Bitterwallet’s official opinion on banks – that banks are twats.

The monetary watchdog has slagged off the banks at all levels, highlighting: “complaint handling procedures that led to staff issuing multiple, repetitive responses to customers, forcing them to restate their complaint a number of times in the face of ongoing negative responses from the bank”.

The FSA have also announced that as a result of the damning report, five banks are changing the way they handle complaints (from ‘diabolically’ to ‘just a bit shit’?) and two others have been referred for further investigation.

You can read the full FSA report on the odious scum that is Britain’s banks here.

A customer actively knowing more about their rights, yesterday

Do you know your rights? Apparently you do. You may not think you do, whilst you’re sat there, dribbling at your flickering monitor in your stained undercrackers, listlessly flicking dead insects from your hair whilst dreaming of a day when you’ll be allowed to eat Angel Delight dry from the packet wearing nothing more than a dirty grin in a bus-stop… but you are more aware of your rights than ever before.

That’s according to studies by some staggeringly dull people at the Office of Fair Trading (OFT). They’re saying that internet shoppers are more aware of what is just and more online retailers are complying with consumer protection laws than ever before.

In essence, retailers are upping their game because they’re aware that they’re being watched by a horde of e-smartarses.

The OFT carried out a survey of online shoppers and a study of online shops in a follow up to research from 2007 (remember 2007? What a year that was! It was International Heliophysical Year as well as being the year Anna Nicole Smith randomly shuffled off her mortal honkers) which showed that a lot of consumers were completely ignorant of their rights and many sites thought it would be fine to take advantage of it.

The report said, without anything moist to counterbalance the dryness: “Overall assumed compliance and information provision by online businesses has improved with more sites now providing full geographical addresses, and fewer sites imposing restrictions on cancellations,” it said.

Assumed compliance? What does that mean? Apparently, it’s the term used in these studies when sites they examine appear to operate in line with the law.

“A greater proportion of sites reviewed in 2009 appeared to comply on all aspects for which they were assessed,” said its report of its ’sweep’ of retail websites. “While the web sweep covered larger businesses, it is possible that assumed compliance of smaller sites, not included in the review, also improved due to the larger sites setting a higher standard.”

Isn’t that thrilling news? They go on to give woolly figures about how we’re all better equipped when it comes to calling out foul play on retailers who think it’s alright to mess us about. I’d tell you the stats but, to be quite honest, you’d probably try killing yourselves (again) if I typed it all out.

The report also claims that less of you are using price comparison websites. They reckon that’s because we’re more likely to keep going back to familiar sites, rather than concluding that price comparison shopping was on the wane. Whether they’ve looked into the fact that price comparison sites make the most irritating adverts on TV is not clear. I know for a fact that there’s a secret army of people being gathered in an underground lair ready to find the people responsible for the Go Compare commercial, ready to flog them like canines in the street.

So what does all this statistical shit mean? Effectively, it suggests that we’re all a lot more confident when buying crap online… but you chumps probably knew that anyway. Sorry for wasting your time.

[Register]

The government has outlined the future of Digital Britain with the publication of its long-awaited report as compiled by Lord Snooty from The Beano (sorry, communications minister Lord Carter.)

Some of the juiciest bits that we can all forward to along with our responses are…

• Universal broadband coverage – everyone will have at least 2Mbps broadband coverage by 2012. We should bloody well think so. And…?

• For those who can’t obtain broadband through copper wiring (approximately a third of the population,) there will be next-generation broadband. Again, yes, and…? This will be 2012 remember. It’s not much to ask and should have been implemented five years ago.

• Existing copper wiring customers will be charged a 50p levy in order for that final third of the population to receive broadband. Ooh. Tax! Sexy!

• A secondary plan for universal 3G and next-gen coverage across the country. Next gen? Radical!

• Reliable broadband coverage throughout the rail network. As opposed to the Russian roulette we get now.

• The aim of introducing mobile coverage on the London Underground. Great – more shouty numpties on phones all over the tube as well as everywhere overground.

• A pledge to “reform and liberalise” the mobile spectrum. Liberalise? More porn? Christ!

• All national radio stations will become digital by 2015. Hang on to those digital radios kids.

Raisin taps. Strangely, no mention of these in the report.

• BT will be encouraged to “respond competitively” to Virgin’s 50Mbps fibre optic network. That wouldmake sense. Although it’ll probably be a major pain in the balls for BT.

• A freeing up of the digital spectrum to allow mobile operators to offer “next generation mobile network capable of broadband speeds of 50Mbps in the main urban and suburban markets going down to perhaps 4-5Mbps in the more rural areas”. No time frame here? Expect it in 2060 then.

• A £300m Home Access Scheme for low-income families. Wide availability of new lower cost devices, new schemes for recycling PCs to low-income households or new prepay mobile broadband. Again, a good thing.

• Ofcom to regulate targeted legal action by “rights holders”. Action to be taken against repeat downloaders of copyrighted material (action likely to be a reduction of service as opposed to being cut off as in France.) How many potential holes in this one? Ooh, probably millions.

So there you go. Nothing too radical and nothing too exciting. A blueprint for digital evolution that should come as no surprise to anyone who isn’t a complete Luddite. And a potential sting in the tail for nasty pirates.

Dear reader, what are your thoughts about it all? What announcements would you like to have been made? More from Digital Britain here….

[Stuff]