Posts Tagged ‘police’

Smartphones are a great way to give your children access to online pornography and turn them into violent sex offending criminals or victims of abuse.

noiphone 300x225 Keep your kids away from your dangerous pornphone

That’s according to Tom Winsor, Chief Inspector of Hyperbole Constabulary, who has said that smartphones are the gateway to obscene material which can ‘distort and confuse their perceptions of normal behaviour.’

The leader of the police watchdog also did some top quality parent blaming, saying that parents were often not aware of what their children were looking at and had a responsibility to instill a sense of right and wrong (ie: Two Girls, One Cup – WRONG, youTube videos of kittens – RIGHT).

Modern technology provides new and more effective ways for children to be abused, pursued and drawn into crime.’ He said. ‘Very large proportions of children spend time online, often in conditions where they are not protected and their parents or guardians have little or no appreciation of the risks to which they are exposed.’

While we all have a responsibility to protect our children online, are smartphones really a gateway drug to a life of depraved hell? Or are they just using them to play Farm Heroes and take bad selfies?

Police go after pirate websites

December 10th, 2013 9 Comments By Mof Gimmers

music piracy Police go after pirate websitesWebsites that have illegally hosting copyrighted content on them are being targeted by the police, specifically the City of London Police in an operation headed-up by the Police Intellectual Property Crime Unit (PIPCU).

61 websites have been identified and were asked to “correct their behaviour” and “operate legitimately”. Those not playing ball with the authorities were passed to brands with a request that they stop advertising on the sites.

Trying to throttle their revenue is all well and good, but this rather polite enforcement won’t deter pirates who will no doubt have worked out a way to avoid the long arm and stay in operation. For the time being, forty websites have now been suspended.

This operation is a partnership known as Operation Creative, which sees the police teaming up with advertising bodies and representatives of the music industries. However, you get the impression that trying to stop internet pirates is liking trying to catch rain in a butterfly net.

This pilot went on for three months and the PIPCU said the presence of advertising from brands went down by 12%. The kicker with that is famous brands were soon replaced by a sharp increase in adverts that showed explicit content or exposed users to malware.

“Operation Creative is being run… to really get to grips with a criminal industry that is making substantial profits by providing and actively promoting access to illegally obtained and copyrighted material,” said Supt Bob Wishart. ”However, if they refuse to comply we now have the means to persuade businesses to move their advertising to different platforms and, if offending continues, for registrars to suspend the websites.”

The operation is looking to roll out fully in 2014.

Agents of T.E.S.C.O

November 8th, 2013 1 Comment By Lucy Sweet

If you live in Musselburgh, in East Lothian, and you were in Tesco at around 8pm last week, you’d be forgiven for wondering whether you needed to adjust your brain medication.

Batman and Robin 300x238 Agents of T.E.S.C.O

Customers were treated to the sight of Batman, Robin, David Hasselhoff and a Smurf apprehending a criminal in the store, after the man dressed as Robin had been attacked by a random nutjob on the street. The fancy dress heroes chased the attacker into Tesco where a spectacular scuffle ensued, and they managed to hold him until the police came.

East Lothian Police thanked the fancy dress crime fighters in a series of highly pleasing tweets, like this one:

‘Thank you to Batman, Robin, Robin’s Dad, a Smurf, and the Hoff for helping us on Friday night. #Tesco, sorry about the toilet roll aisle.’

Police Scotland arrested a 21 year old man in connection with the incident, who pleaded guilty to the offence in court on Monday. Another triumph for the caped crusader. And Knight Rider. And er, some random Smurf.

(Mop and bucket to aisle 3.)

Surrey Police try their hand at rapping

September 6th, 2013 8 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Surrey Police, for some reason, have taken it upon themselves to start rapping. Being the po-po, they’re not rapping about making it rain on strippers or anything fun like that, rather, the dangers of driving in wet weather.

policerap 389x500 Surrey Police try their hand at rapping

This humorous message was in relation to the cheerily horrific 130-car pile-up on the Isle of Sheppey Crossing in Kent yesterday, with several motorists taken to hospital.


Increased fines for drivers

August 16th, 2013 5 Comments By Mof Gimmers

car Increased fines for driversYou careless drivers are looking at new, higher penalties if you drive wrecklessly, use your phone at the wheel, hog the middle lane or tailgate.

Motorists hogging the middle lane or tailgating will get three points on their licence and a £100 on-the-spot fine, while driving without a seatbelt and using a mobile at the wheel will end up in a £100 fine, up from the old £60 penalty.

Anyone driving with no insurance will now face a £300 penalty. If you do all of the above at the same time, you’re buggered.

Police have also been given powers to issue on-the-spot fines to drivers found using the wrong lane on a roundabout or not giving way at a T-junction.

The Government are hoping these plans will stop careless or dangerous driving, provided of course, there’s enough police to call upon to patrol and enforce these new rules, which come in as of today.

Road safety minister Stephen Hammond said: “Careless drivers are a menace and their negligence puts innocent people’s lives at risk. That is why we are making it easier for the police to tackle problem drivers by allowing them to immediately issue a fixed penalty notice rather than needing to take every offender to court.”

“We are also increasing penalties for a range of driving offences to a level which reflects their seriousness and which will ensure that they are consistent with other similar penalty offences.”

burger king simpsons 300x223 Burger King: Now doing hash pipe childrens mealsA dirty hash pipe filled with drugs has been found inside a Burger King kids meal, which is nice isn’t it?

Some customer was pretty surprised to discover the drug paraphernalia when he opened the meal he had bought for his 4-year-old grandson at a branch in Dundee, Michigan.

Instead of laughing it off, some berk called the police, where a 23-year-old employee admitted the drugs were his and that he had hidden them in the meal to keep them out of sight while he worked.

Dundee Police Chief David Uhl said: “[The grandfather] had seen them in the parking lot and saw them interacting with the employee, so he thought that was suspicious, so he did a really great thing; He wrote down a description of the car and gave a license plate.”

The employee, and two other suspects have been arrested and charged with drug possession.

Uhl added: “Very serious when our children are involved. Luckily, this family was on top of it and saw it right away when the grandson opened it up.”

Dubai unveil police Ferrari

April 29th, 2013 11 Comments By Mof Gimmers

The British police force have had a series of boring cars done up like pandas as they try and catch villains, but in Dubai, they’ve won everything hands down by unveiling a Ferrari FV as their new squad car.

That’s in addition to the Lamborghini Aventador that officers already use. Oh, and the Chevrolet Camaro SS, a Dodge Charger and a BMW 5-Series that they have too. They’re just showing off aren’t they?


dubai police ferrari 500x424 Dubai unveil police Ferrari

Police chief Lieutenant General Dhahi Khalfan Tamim said: “Dubai is a unique city and everything in it should reflect its uniqueness and for that reason police will add a Ferrari sports car to its patrol fleet. We have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction of people to the Lamborghini, so we said a Ferrari would be a good choice too.”

Police release footage of tailgater swine

February 8th, 2013 22 Comments By Mof Gimmers

The roads, as we all know, are teaming with arseholes. With that in mind, the police have launched a new road safety campaign in a bid to stop inconsiderate drivers. Operation Safeway looks to target motoring bullies who tailgate and drive too close to other drivers.

They’ve released a video of some berk in a van who gets as close as 30cm away from the back of an unmarked police car.

Police will employ these cars and motorbikes fitted with video cameras, in a bid to tackle offending drivers, such as the one shown above, who was recorded travelling at 70mph, tailgating like a madman, flashing his lights and taking both hands off the wheel to make ‘gestures’ at the officer driving the car.

Sgt Simon Willsher from the police said: “Many drivers do not realise that they can be prosecuted for inconsiderate driving when it also careless driving. For example, if someone is tailgating because they aren’t paying attention and don’t think about stopping distances they can go on a National Driver Alertness Course without going through court or having penalty points on their driving licences.”

“If, on the other hand, they are tailgating because they are impatient and trying to bully people out of the way they can be prosecuted for careless driving.”

burglar Suspected baddies nabbed in cops free beer honey trapWe all like free stuff, and there’s no one who likes free stuff more than criminals. However, in Derbyshire recently, their yearning for free stuff has been the undoing of some nineteen suspected criminals, who were lured into a state of arrest with the promise of free beer.

Derbyshire Constabulary lured the suspected baddies into their arrest net by sending them letters, inviting them to ring a ‘marketing company’ and claim a ‘free crate of beer’. You can see where this is going can’t you?

Once they rang the ‘marketing company’, the hoodlums were put through to Chesterfield police station and arrangements were made with them for the delivery of their ‘free beer’. Once the police knew where they would be and when, they merely turned up with their special metal arresting mitts and threw them into the backs of some panda wagons.

Chief Inspector Graham McLaughlin, who was in charge of the ingenious operation, smirked like a bastard as he said: “These suspects are people who have managed to evade arrest for some time, so we have used different tactics to find them. It has been very cost-effective as it can take a lot of time and money to track people down. We use a variety of methods to arrest those suspected of committing criminal offences and we will continue to use new tactics when necessary.”

Hurrah for the police! Down with crime! Let’s all have some beer!


police 240x300 Police launch new and improved crime map online to prey on your fearThe police’s crime map website, launched in February, has been very very popular, bagging itself hundreds of millions of hits. And now, they’ve expanded it to allow the public to compare the performance of their local force with others.

This means that you can search by postcode to see info about the crime going on outside your house, just so you can really live in abject fear. Constantly.

If you want to round up mates and chase specific people with pitchforks, then you’ll be thrilled to learn that the expanded site allows you to identify hotspots and find crimes and incidents by individual street.

And the Home Office aren’t finished yet!

“We want to reduce the threshold and publish crime information for key locations such as football stadiums, parks and supermarkets so the public has access to an even greater level of information,” said a spokesman.

Its been promised that, as of next May, we’ll be able to see the fall out from a crime and track its progress through the criminal justice system.

The policing minister, Nick Herbert, says:

“The addition of further crime categories and easy access to police force performance data will give people the information and power they need to hold their local forces to account and ensure that crime in their area is driven down”

“Ahead of the introduction of elected police and crime commissioners, crime mapping is just one way in which the government is empowering communities and strengthening the link between the police and the public.”

See the new Police map, here

accordfridge 500x320 Driver keeps his cool as police give fridge the boot

Local police in Canada apparently considered this to be an unsafe arrangement. Adventurous, perhaps – but unsafe? Pussies.


Who wants to see former East 17 star and baked potato fan Brian Harvey going toe-to-toe with a van load of coppers and some officials from Southern Electric after the latter have entered his home in an attempt to fit a pre-paid meter? Of course you do.

Armed with a video camera, Harvey seems to have one or two reasonable grievances, including just why the presence of half a dozen Met officers are needed to enforce what he says is a civil matter.

Best of all – the video is being hosted on David Icke’s YouTube account. We’re through the looking glass here people…

[Holy Moly]

riots 250x300 Government yoink personal data from mobile operatorsIt will come as no surprise to you that the police and government are guilt-tripping/forcing the hand of mobile operators to start handing over personal details to them so they can try and catch some of those dastardly looters and rioters that you may have seen on the news recently.

Everything Everywhere, the umbrella company who own Orange and T-Mobile, have confirmed that they’ll be working with police to help catch the ne’er-do-wells through the data of their mobiles.

T3 report that the police are invoking the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act (RIPA), which means they can ask Everything Everywhere to hand over information on phone calls made by rioters, including where the calls were made, who the calls were made to and who the phone is registered to.

Of course, they’ll have to go wade through a whole host of people who had nothing to do with the riots, but not to worry.

Everything Everywhere are not the first mobile service provider to offer assistance to the police, with BlackBerry being the first of the big guns to announce that they would also be turning over data to the police concerning users who had been using the encrypted BlackBerry Messaging (BBM) service to organise the rioting.

What will the government do with data that doesn’t having any bearing on the riots? Only time will tell, but it doesn’t feel like this is the last we’ll hear of this story.

riot police 300x233 London Met to erode civil liberties by tracking everyoneHey! Got a criminal record and live in London? You’ll love this news then! See, those great guys at the Metropolitan Police (y’know, those guys who shoved a guy over ’til his brain died? Yeah, those guys) have decided to buy software which will map suspects’ digital movements!

This Geotime software will collect data from social networking sites, satnavs, mobile phones and even bank transactions in an attempt to map every stinkin’ move a suspect will make in real life and the digital realm.

The Guardian report that the Met have confirmed they’ve purchased this software that they’ve refused to rule out its use concerning public order disturbances, which means that, should you get nicked at a protest having done nothing wrong, they still might stalk you.

Sarah McSherry, a partner at Christian Khan Solicitors who represents several protesters in cases against the Metropolitan police, said: “We have already seen the utilisation of a number of tactics which infringe the right to peaceful protest, privacy and freedom of expression, assembly and movement. All of these have a chilling effect on participation in peaceful protest. This latest tool could also be used in a wholly invasive way and could fly in the face of the role of the police to facilitate rather than impede the activities of democratic protesters.”

All this comes on the back of news that the police force has kept a detailed record of the political activities of an 86-year-old man on a secret database, despite the fact he has no criminal record. He’ll be seeing them in the high court.

Do you live outside London and now having a good laugh at the poor, tracked saps? Careful. Sadly, the Ministry of Defence is also weighing up whether to us Geotime.

For fuck’s sake.

TomTom 281x300 TomTom sold your satnav data to help police set up speed trapsTomTom has apologised for selling customer data from your stanav which the police then used to set speed traps.

The company confessed that they’d been giving data to Dutch police who used it to target drivers.

TomTom chief executive Harold Goddijn said the company sold the anonymous data believing it would be used to improve safety or relieve traffic bottlenecks.

“We never foresaw this kind of use and many of our clients are not happy about it.”

“We make this information available to local governments and authorities. It helps them to better understand where congestion takes place, where to build new roads and how to make roads safer.

“We are now aware that the police have used traffic information that you have helped to create to place speed cameras at dangerous locations where the average speed is higher than the legally allowed speed limit. We are aware a lot of our customers do not like the idea and we will look at if we should allow this type of usage.”

Many UK based customers aren’t too thrilled about this, with some quoted on social networking sites saying that they would ‘Never use TomTom again.’ Will we see a similar apology from the UK wing of the company?