Posts Tagged ‘Odd stuff’
Working in retail can be very tedious, so you have to make your own fun. You can dream about kicking awful customers up the rear, or you can imagine all manner of accidents befalling your irritating line-manager.
Or, if you’re Shane, you can go down a completely different route.
Shane, bless him, gets so bored, that he pretends the paper bags can talk.
As you can see, Shane gets very bored, to the point where he’s got more than one personality.
Extended warranties on fried chicken eh?
We still want to know about this good stuff in the back though.
Shane’s ‘Swinecraft’ could be a moneyspinner in fairness.
Of course, Shane is almost certainly a funny fabrication, but you can’t be mad at this. You can see the rest of Shane’s handiwork, here.
If you think cheap flights are already cramped affairs, you ain’t seen nothing yet. A patent filed by Zodiac Seats France wants to cram everyone in even more, by having passengers facing each other.
Travelling could become a rather intimate experience, with passengers slotted in, like fingers interlocking in a system that has been dubbed Economy Class Cabin Hexagon.
Have a look at the patent diagram.
Of course, this will increase the amount of people you can get on a plane, which of course, means more money for airlines. We can all think of at least one company that might be interested in this, can’t we?
Remember the whole Ryanair debacle when Michael O’Leary looked at the possibility of standing seats?
While the Tube strike causes ABSOLUTE CARNAGE on the streets of London to which everyone IS SUFFERING ENDLESSLY, that’s the least of the capital’s worries.
Even though we gave them all a guide to getting around London during this difficult time, there’s a huge problem with London’s roads.
We are, of course, talking about Clapham Junction and those who will be travelling on it in a teeny, weeny clown car. Or a Smart Car if you prefer. That’s because there’s the disaster waiting for them, in the shape of a six-inch stretch of road that is protected – valiantly we might add – by double yellow lines.
That’s right, on Mossbury Road, near Lavender Hill, there is, what appears to be, stupidly small double yellows. So anyone thinking of parking their unicycle there, can get bent.
This was spotted by the baffled firefighter Stewart Brown, who noted Wandsworth Council’s sterling work. And, just a few yards down the same road, there’s another tiny set of double yellow lines too.
Well done, to everyone concerned.
A company has transformed Hitler’s holiday camp (sorry, that will never stop sounding like a fantastically camp b-movie, possibly starring Beryl Reid) so members of the public can enjoy the seaside on the German island of Rugen.
So what’s the craic? Well, Prora was meant to be a holiday camp for Nazis (think Butlins, only with marginally more levels of despairing hate) and was completed in 1936, however, it wasn’t ever opened to members of the public.
However, in the last decade, it has been transformed from an abandoned mess into modern hotels and apartments.
Axel Bering and Michael Jacobi, the project investors, say they’re resolutely not-arsed about the history of the building that once belong to Hitler. Bering, from Denmark, said that the resort reminded him more of his childhood holidays. Some of the holiday apartments have already been sold and there’s families visiting the resort already.
Prices start from £125,000 for three-bedroom apartments, and the priciest ones will set you back £900,000.
Not only that, there’s also going to be a shopping centre, swimming pool and tennis courts and all manner of things being added in the not-too-distant future.
One of the people who has bought a flat there – Roland Glockner, an advertising exec – said that it was “love at first site”, adding: “It was right by the sea, the nature was fantastic, it was nice and quiet and not so expensive. Perfect for the family or as somewhere to grow old.”
If you want to read up on the history of the gigantic space, then click yourself silly, here.
People who are able bodied shouldn’t park in bays set aside for disabled people. You might think you should be able to, but you shouldn’t. Why? You’ve had enough, you bloated swine.
In Brazil, someone found themselves on the end of a grand prank, after they’d parked in such a spot.
The person in question came back to his car to find it covered in stickers, to make the whole vehicle look like a blue disabilities logo. The front, top, sides and even wheels were covered.
As you can see from the video, not only did the driver suffer the defacement of his car, but also, a watching and sarcastically cheering crowd too. He sped off and everyone laughed at him.
Not only that, the driver in question got himself a ticket too.
Now, we hand you over to all those people who have missed the fun of a prank like this, for them to complain about vandalism and littering or something.
Lorries can be a bit of a menace, thanks to the sheer bloody size of them. So, with that, Samsung have been tinkering with their large fleet of trucks, and they’re using very fancy technology to try and make them safer.
When you’re trying to pass a truck, if can be very difficult to tell if another vehicle is coming until you start your manoeuvre. That is, until you come into the back of a special Samsung lorry with magic screens on it.
We’ll let this video explain.
Samsung call this fleet ‘The Safety Truck’ and they have wireless cameras on the front bumper that stream images from the front of the truck to screens mounted on the back doors.
The cameras even have a night vision mode, so you can see it all in the dark, which is pretty nifty and a decent move on Samsung’s part. We’d like to see more trucks operating a system like this.
And, if you stick your mobile in front of it, and stick YouTube on, you get a free outdoor cinema when all the truckers are doing an overnighter in some job centre car park!
Have been looking at buying a padded bralette made from rough yarn? Of course you have. Everyone wants one. Possibly. Well, over at Amazon, they’re selling one which comes in a variety of colours and sizes and… well… so far, so humdrum.
However, when you get to the reviews, something amazing happens.
Some customers have complained about the holes in the design being too big, while others complain of unexpected side boob and under boob. We’re not interested in those people. We’re interested in the person who decided to dress their cat in it.
As you can see from the review, the person didn’t want to show off their 16 year old daughter in it, because that would be creepy, given that the bra is “ridiculously small” and that they “couldn’t legally post a picture of what it looks like if she attempts to wear it.”
They did decide to show off their moggy in it, but, it isn’t all good news, despite the cat’s triumphant pose: “To be fair, it does cover all of the cat’s nipples, however, she hates the weave” concluding; “In summary, do not buy this, even for your cat.”
Sometimes, your towels just aren’t fancy enough, right? Does your glorious rump deserve something luxurious when patting the water off?
Well, luckily for you, over at Amazon, you can get a set of towels that must be made of something unfathomably brilliant, because they’ve been selling them for $800bn. In sterling, that’s around £521bn.
So what’s so good about them? Well, Calcot Ltd’s towels are woven into “super soft Supima cotton loops using zero-twist technology” and come in one colour – amethyst. They’re safe to put in the tumble drier too.
These towels are, apparently, “less prone to pilling”, which is obviously a huge concern for all towel users around the world.
The “functional and decorative fold-over edge is added to finish off an already perfect towel”, which is just what the world needs now during the economic uncertainty and seemingly near-constant warfare. Of course, you could end all wars or end the economic crisis if you have over £500bn in disposable income, but you’re probably after these towels instead.
As you can see, this is one of the longest numbers ever featured on BW.
Of course, this is a fat-fingered mistake from someone, which means that, by the time you hit the link, the price has already been rectified by Amazon, which is nice.
They’re still on-sale, and you can see them here and, that said, at the new price… $80 for some stinkin’ towels! WHAT AN OUTRAGE!
What’s the craic? Well, Adam Armstrong was booked under the wrong name and Ryanair wanted £220 to alter the name on the ticket, which is double the price of the flight. So, instead of messing around with the airline, he changed his name by deed poll and rushed through a new passport under the name that he was mistakenly booked under – Adam West.
Yes. He’s now got the same name as Batman.
The name-change and updated passport cost him £103 and he said, talking about how the error happened: ”Her stepdad got my name from Facebook but I had put it as Adam West as a joke, because he was the actor who played Batman on TV.”
So why are Ryanair so prohibitively expensive on something like this? They say it isn’t just squeezing coins out of humans, but rather, a bid to stop people from reselling tickets for profit.
A spokesman for Ryanair said: “Customers are asked to ensure that the details they enter at the time of booking are correct before completing their booking and we offer a 24-hour ‘grace period’ to correct minor booking errors.”
“A name change fee is charged in order to discourage and prevent unauthorised online travel agents from ‘screenscraping’ Ryanair’s cheapest fares and reselling them on to unwitting consumers at hugely inflated costs.”
Some traffic wardens are just trying to do a job. They know they’re unpopular and that everyone wants to throw them legs first into a wood-chipper, but they quietly get on with their job and try their best to be fair, in what is tantamount to a job that requires them to be largely unfair.
However, some traffic wardens need a boot up the hole. You may remember one traffic warden giving a ticket to a bin – well, another one has been at it, this time, giving a parking ticket to a wheel barrow.
If the driver of the unattended wheel barrow would like to get in touch with Bitterwallet, we’d like to offer you words of consolation and hopefully, your wheel barrow didn’t get clamped.
Adults are waddling their way back to their childhoods, by dribbling over pussy cats and going to cafes to eat cereal. They’re all over the internet cooing at Adventure Time and wearing onesies, which are basically romper suits for taxpayers. You could even go to one and get a cuddle.
Our April Fool joke even talked about regressing back to being an actual baby, but of course, we feared that it might all come true.
Well, in more adult-toddler action, there’s a new nightclub that has a soft play area, Lego to play with, a bouncy castle and a ball pit. We assume that the gigantic boobs to suckle on is in the post.
The night was held by Regression Sessions in Birmingham and was billed as a night of “serious music for silly people” and, obvious, it sold out in no time. God help us if there’s a war, etc.
The organisers say: “Regression Sessions is a night that does what it bloody well pleases and suggests you do the same. We are tired with always having to choose between quality music events rammed with chin-stroking heads, or venues offering unpretentious fun with a disappointing soundtrack.”
“Our aim is return to you to an earlier stage in the psyche when everything was simple and fun was easy. We promise to offer regressive experiences from ball pits and plasticine therapy, to surrealist giant knitting and student art exhibitions.”
Surrealist knitting and plasticine therapy, there. We’re doomed.