Posts Tagged ‘Odd stuff’

Barclaycard road-testing tap and pay gloves

December 17th, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

barclaycard gloves 300x180 Barclaycard road testing tap and pay glovesAll you’ll need is gloves, if a batcrap trial currently being conducted by Barclaycard has its way.

The bank are trialling a prototype glove that will ‘tap and pay’ like shoppers would do with contactless cards.

Barclaycard’s cashless mittens are embedded with a small contactless chip that can be linked to a credit or debit card. And look so, so stylish.

You can use them to pay for items up to £20 which all sounds a bit of an effort to be honest.

They are presently being tested on guinea pig shoppers (not people shopping for actual guinea pigs) in the UK and may take off next year if they go down well.

Barclaycard added that it is working on, rather sexistly, ‘his and hers’ versions of the gloves, with the women’s version having a softer and more ‘fleecy’ appearance than the men’s.

Mike Saunders, managing director of digital consumer payments at Barclaycard, said that the gloves “could be bringing some festive cheer to bag-laden shoppers by Christmas 2015″. No, honest. He did.

The company had previously announced that they have already been testing out bPay wristbands. Oh they might as well just turn us all into cyborgs and be done with it, eh readers?

poo crap 300x300 People literally bought a load of crap on Black FridayOn Black Friday, there was a lot of muttering about people buying crap they didn’t need. Well, it turns out that you didn’t know how literal you were being as, in America, 30,000 people bought actual faeces in a box.

They bought it from the people who brought the world the game, Cards Against Humanity, who said that for $6, you could have ‘actual bullshit’.

Now, online, lots of people assumed that this was all a big wheeze and that there might be a new game in the offing or maybe something collectible and fun. However, those that parted with their money soon found that they’d spent cash on a box with some poo in it.

Even though the game’s creator Max Temkin repeatedly tweeted that the thing being sent out was literally some dung in a box, people still weren’t convinced. And the boxes of poo sold out . 30,000 cardboard boxes with excrement in it. Bought with money.

And there’s a lovely video of someone doing a box opening, which shows a box with something akin to the poo emoji (as seen above) and a wrapped box that says ‘Bullshit’ on it. And inside, lo and behold, something that fell out of a bovine’s arse.

That’d be Cards Against Humanity earning $180,000 from selling actual bullshit. Where there’s muck, there’s brass.

Tesco get festive with Turkey & Stuffing doughnuts

December 11th, 2014 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Tesco have been having glue for their breakfast, especially in the accounts department.

Seems like the product design team have been on something stronger than that, as they’ve got in the festive mood by unleashing doughnuts that taste like turkey and stuffing.

Yeah. We know.

weirdoughs 500x435 Tesco get festive with Turkey & Stuffing doughnuts

 

If you’re feeling giddy and mentally poorly, you can buy them for a quid from Tesco’s site and, if you do end up managing to bite into one and swallow it without crying it back up through your nose, feel free to review it for us and we’ll inevitably share your thoughts with the rest of the readers.

 

porn What does McDonalds and a Scottish theatre have in common? Porn.There’s a lot of accidental porn knocking about this week.

First, we get some special sauce and someone splaying their quarter pounder as customers at a McDonald’s in Switzerland were, ahem, lovin’ it when they were chowing down while TVs showed some hardcore pornography.

Steffen Reiniger was in Maccies in Zuchwil (translation: suck willy) with his pals when they got a side of jizz thanks to the Sexy Sports Clips show which was being aired by a German sports channel.

“We were only a group of men so it didn’t bother us, although what would have happened if there was a family in the restaurant at that time I don’t know,” Reininger said.

The employee who put the particular station on didn’t know that the channel, Sport 1, also shows bongo films. A spokesperson said: “If our employees didn’t immediately realise what was going on it’s because they were concentrating on our customers and their work.”

extra sauce at mcdonalds with side order of porn 500x333 What does McDonalds and a Scottish theatre have in common? Porn.

Over in Edinburgh, a theatre made a similarly smutty mistake as they accidentally sent out a load of porn films to children and their parents. They were meant to be DVDs of school performances.

However, the acting was wooden for a very different reason.

The Edinburgh Playhouse said “highly inappropriate” sexual content appeared on some of the DVDs after a third-party cocked-up the duplication of the recordings.

A spokesman said: “The Edinburgh Playhouse apologises unequivocally for any distress caused to the families affected by this totally unacceptable and unseemly mistake.”

Edithouse, who produced the DVDs, said it took “full responsibility” for mistakes which led to “highly inappropriate and inaccurate material being sent out”, adding: ”We would like to apologise sincerely to the Edinburgh Playhouse for the inconvenience and most importantly to the children and parents affected by this terrible error.”

Hahahaha!

Make your own Christmas stocking at McDonalds

December 2nd, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

McDonalds have teamed up with some knitters for Christmas!

The fast food chain is offering its customers the opportunity to create their own 3D knitted stocking as part of McDonalds’ Knitmas Greetings campaign.

(Yeah. We know. It doesn’t make sense to us either).

knitmas1 500x262 Make your own Christmas stocking at McDonalds

Customers will be using an interface – handily showcasing their festive menu as a bonus – and can choose a greeting, colour of the wool and a selection of Christmas-based designs for their stocking.

Then they can gallivant them all around the social networks, saying “Look! I’ve designed a sock!”

And if that’s not enough, a handful of lucky customers will have their designs rendered into a real thing courtesy of knitwear faction Grannies Inc in time for the big day itself.

It really is, no pissing about now, the most wonderful time of the year.

All hail! The external hashtag for Macs!

November 27th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

As most people know, in the last few years, the hashtag has become a hugely popular symbol, thanks to Twitter. However, Mac keyboards don’t have one.

So someone called Ben Gomori has decided to come up with one and is raising funds on Kickstarter to create the HashKey, a dedicated one-key external keyboard that only has a hashtag button on it.

3c0f326df04ed9e02d04678daf133187 large 500x281 All hail! The external hashtag for Macs!

Naturally, there’ll be dweebs out there spitting tea from their nostrils and yelling “URGH! THERE IS A SHORTCUT Y’KNOW? JUST PRESS ALT + 3!” but that’s no fun.

Gomori said that he was tired of people asking him where the hashtag key was on a Mac, and instead of linking someone to LetMeGoogleThatForYou, he thought he’d try and make some dollar out of it. So basically, through your USB port, you pop in the external hashtag key and hey presto!

While this may be useless to people who know how to work out a tiny problem like this, it’d make for a good present for those who are persistent in not learning how to do things.

Tesco sizzle your teeth with biscuit spreads

November 27th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Over at Tesco, they’ve got a wilful disregard for the state of your teeth with some potentially orgasmic spreads that are made from biscuits.

We told you about the mighty Biscoff, which is basically crack in a jar that will give you diabetes just by looking at it, and now Tesco are getting in on the action too.

However, this time, there’s a vote going on.

biscuit spreads 500x305 Tesco sizzle your teeth with biscuit spreads

Tesco say: “We asked The Orchard at Tesco members to submit their suggestions for a new biscuit inspired spread. After much umming and ahhing, we’ve shortlisted four tasty spreads: Jaffa Orange, Millionaire Shortbread, Jammy Ring Swirl and Chocolate Digestive.”

“It’s now up to you to pick the winner. Which spread do you think takes the biscuit?”

You can vote over at their Facebook page. We’re just disappointed that no-one suggested a Tunnock’s Tea Cake spread. We’ll just have to go back to squashing 6 of them onto our toast with a spoon while we cry at Judge Judy repeats.

Tesco and customer write poems to each other

November 25th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Tesco and a customer have been flirting with each other in the most nauseating way imaginable – by writing poems to one another.

That’s right, a pair of Charlies wrote to Tesco’s Sir Richard Broadbent with a poem about salted popcorn and how their local branch had no plans to restock it.

Honestly.

10382849 10153451000014988 6622340706480997225 n 500x337 Tesco and customer write poems to each other

Tesco replied with a poem and a £10 voucher while the rest of us vomited up everything we’ve got (save for the saps who will inevitably say ‘Ooooh stop complaining – it is just a bit of fun!’. They’ll be the first against the wall come the revolution).

 

Ladies nether regions to smell of peaches

November 20th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

peach Ladies nether regions to smell of peachesSome blokes have decided that they don’t like the smell of a lady’s parts, so at a tech conference, they unveiled their plans for a probiotic drink which will make vaginas smell like a ripe peaches.

Insert your own ‘life’s a peach’ pun here.

Austen Heinz and Gilad Gome have come up with ‘Sweet Peach’ and it also aims to stop the ladies getting yeast infections and the like, however, there’s no hiding the fact that you might be in bed with a woman and she’ll hum of fake peach scent. It’ll be like standing in an outlet of bath bombs.

Heinz says: “The idea is personal empowerment. All your smells are not human. They’re produced by the creatures that live on you.”

They’ve got other ideas too – they want to release a product that makes dog crap smell like bananas. Fake banana smell is probably the only thing worse than actual faeces.

Of course, they haven’t mentioned whether they’ll do anything to make a bloke’s ballbag smell like passion fruit, or whether they’ll develop something that’ll make jizz taste like Wham! bars, but there you go.

tesco Man threatens to kill Tesco staff with a PHOTO of a gunA man has threatened to kill staff at Tesco in near Cambridge, which is a bit bleak isn’t it? However, there was a problem – he was holding a photograph of a gun.

Officers (real ones, not lifesize photocopies) were called to the supermarket after staff told the 999 operators that a man was threatening to kill them all, as well as waving around an image of a firearm.

A force spokeswoman said: “A 34-year-old man from Cambridge was arrested on November 12th on suspicion of making threats to kill. He was released on police bail to return to Parkside police station in Cambridge on January 14, 2015.”

A Tesco spokesman said: “This is now a matter for the police and we are helping them with their inquiries”.

Now, if you imagine everyone trying to stop themselves from laughing about the man and his photograph of a weapon while making their statements, you’re probably somewhere close to the truth of the situation.

On a serious note though, do be careful out there. If there’s people doing things like this, then soon, we might see people carrying a photocopy of a massive bomb or something.

Struggling to get your loved one the perfect Christmas gift (oh, stop complaining about people talking about the festive period in November – we’re only a payday away from it) this year?

Want something that says: ‘I think you’re so great and contented that you need to be reminded of how cruel the world is.’

Well, welcome to Meaty Trumps, which is Top Trumps for those who loathe Tories and want to be reminded of everyone in the ’70s who sexually assaulted children! You can buy a ‘Tory Scum’ set or the Meaty Trumps ‘British Nonces’ pack.

meaty trumps 500x303 Meaty Trumps: A Christmas present of unsettling proportions

 

The company themselves say:

“Meaty Trumps was one of the first trump card games to be designed and mass-produced in England. My father, Harald Lutyan, designed and manufactured seven of the original sets between 1973–1977. These 1970s packs are still sought after today.”

“Meaty Trumps have been revived in 2014 under my supervision and in conjunction with Brown Jewel. The new editions take the same form as the originals – each pack consisting of 54 full-colour trump cards in a box. Each set is a limited edition of 2,000. Designed in Lancashire, England.”

Meaty Trumps also offer ‘Modern Despots’, ‘Recreational Drugs’ and ‘Shit Ideas’ too, among others. If this sounds like your things and you have £8 to spare, click here.

tumblr nbnwi6rXUK1tjg4wxo1 r1 1280 500x387 Meaty Trumps: A Christmas present of unsettling proportions

Monster: the Satanic energy drink

November 10th, 2014 5 Comments By Mof Gimmers

monster 666 400px 300x234 Monster: the Satanic energy drinkYou thought Monster was just a horrible tasting drink full of stuff to get you hopped up when you’ve got to go to work with a lousy hangover didn’t you?

WRONG.

Monster, it turns out, is the work of Satan himself. Don’t believe us? Well, a Christian American (who else?) has proven that the energy drink is the antichrist of liquids.

The Monster Energy logo looks like three Hebrew vavs, which is a number 6 in Hebrew and, not only that, the company’s slogan is ‘Unleash the Beast’, you know, like THE BEAST from the Bible. The number… of the beast… 666… oh my, it is all true. There’s also profanity and other theories surrounding it.

Of course, the Monster/Satan link has been a trope online for various internet nutcases, but instead of listening to us while we fashion our tinfoil hats, listen to the nice lady as she explains it all.

[via DangerousMinds]

Fancy some Mountain Dew that tastes like feet?

November 7th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Sometimes, you have to get weird to progress, but there’s something unholy about Mountain Dew’s latest experiment that they’ve been testing out on American students.

They’ve made Mountain Dew that tastes like cheesy Doritos. They call it ”Mountain Dew Dewitos.”

They’ve also been trying out flavours such as Lemon Ginger and Mango Habanero, but it is the one that will clearly taste like feet which is the most batshit, Willy Wonka of them all.

And it looks like a urine sample.

wr3ndflahsocjm3h1nyf 375x500 Fancy some Mountain Dew that tastes like feet?

According to the interestingly named ‘joes_nipples‘, Dewitos tasted “like if you shoved a handful of Doritos in your mouth and chugged some Dew at the same time.”

“It honestly wasn’t that disgusting,” they added. “It tasted like orange with a doritos aftertaste. It tasted like straight doritos afterwards though. Weirdest thing I’ve ever drunk.”

Kotaku have the skinny on all this and more photos of this ghastly idea.

halal test 300x163 Check everything is pork free with the Halal test kitA food testing kit which allow you to check if your purchase is Halal or not could soon be a thing in the UK.

Halal Test, which launched in France this week by French start-up Capital Biotech, uses immunochromatography, which is the same technology used for pregnancy tests, to detect traces of pork in food, cosmetics and medicines.

The portable test, which costs €6.90 each or €125 for a pack of 25, had already attracted considerable interest from several companies in the UK and further afield.

Halal Test is currently available only in France through traditional retail channels or online, but the makers of the kits reckon the UK is a very interesting market to develop further.

The test is packaged with a small tube into which a food sample is mixed with warm water. A test strip is then inserted into the tube, and after a few minutes reveals whether any pork traces are present by displaying two lines for a positive result and one for a negative result.

It can also sniff out alcohol in food products too, like a proper party pooper. The company is also developing a test that can detect how an animal was killed too. It’s all glamour, basically.

Capital Biotech said: “There are similar tests which use similar technology, but they are much more complicated to use, and require a special liquid extraction buffer usually containing ethanol. We concentrated our research efforts to simplify the use of these tests and get rid of the liquid extraction buffer, which makes them easy to use by anyone and anywhere.”

Imagine that – going to a restaurant and pulling out a mini laboratory and making the rest of your family wait for your findings while their food goes cold.

In Japan, Pepsi do all manner of crazy things. Remember the Pepsi flavoured crisps? Well now, they’ve released a Pepsi drink that tastes like strawberry milkshake. That’s not some strawberry milkshake with Pepsi branding – that’s a glass of cola that tastes like fruit and milk.

zmcygkcqctjy3iyxsvuk 500x281 Anyone for Pepsi that tastes like strawberry milkshake?

In the past, Pepsi have given the world Ice Cucumber Pepsi, Salty Watermelon Pepsi and other completely baffling things in a bottle.

If you’re in Japan in December, then this latest concoction will go on-sale on December 9th and, it goes without saying, those who have tried this drink (it was previously on-sale in 2011) say it is fantastically sweet.

Which drink dissolves a mouse the quickest remains to be seen.