Posts Tagged ‘Odd stuff’
Ever wanted to send someone a fart in a jar? Ever thought; “Alan from accounts would really like a jar with a trump in it – I’d like to see his face and his flaring nostrils when he opens it. I really hate Alan from accounts.”
Well, you’re in luck! You no longer have to hover over an old jam jar you’d washed out, with your hole parping away into the receptacle. You can now get someone to do it for you for money.
Send a Jart is a proper thing and it’ll cost you $10, which seems like both a rip-off and a bargain at the same time.
So what do you need to do? Well, on the Send A Jart website, you ‘choose a booty blast’ (options include ‘crispy’ and ‘Republican’) then write a personalised message, then seal up the stink jar and then you ‘fist bump an eagle’ because, in the words of the company: “What’s that sound? Oh, that’s just the sound of sweet-ass victory being poured in a glass. Drink it up, my friend.”
Of course, you could just do all this yourself, but careful you don’t end up like the grotesque and totally NSFW 1 Man 1 Jar video, okay?
Nestlé are rebranding KitKats, presumably just to annoy everyone, under the name ‘YouTube Break’. Are we all to assume that every time you try and eat one, you have to sit through some dreary advert first, which you can’t skip for 5 seconds?
Anyway, mercifully this will only be a limited run of 600,000 bars in the UK. Why anyone would want to buy a chocolate bar that says YouTube on it is another matter. Would you want some crisps that say AVG AntiVirus on them?
Nestlé will be doing a load of tie-ins with Google, with this being the first of a series of 100 million differently-branded biscuits.
With this particular campaign, you’ll find that YouTube will be launching new playlists designed for KitKat eaters, so they can ‘enjoy their break’ more. That basically means eating a snack with a slightly different name and watching some playlists that are under the KitKat brand. It is magnificently pointless, seeing as you could just buy an ordinary KitKat and piss about online and have exactly the same experience.
Nestlé will also be stamping KitKats with irritating hashtags like #metimebreak and #sportybreak. We hope some pays for this marketing campaign with their life.
You’ll know that retailers have to impose all manner of rules on customers that are buying booze. They advise you drink responsibly and ask you not to drink them on the premises and all that jazz.
However, at WH Smith, they have drinking rules that are, to say the least, conceptual.
As you can see from the sign, they say: “Alcohol purchased in WH Smith cannot be consumed anywhere inside or outside these premises.” It seems like, should you want to crack open a tin of bitter, you might have to open up an extra dimension that is neither inside or outside the shop, or something.
Of course, this isn’t the most bizarre concept WH Smith has come up with – have you ever seen how they price things in train stations? Some of the basics are so expensive that it’ll make you feel like you’ve had a brain injury.
[nicked off Twitter]
Manchester’s roads are filled with potholes. That’s not unlike most other places in the UK, but in Manchester, something is a little different. Someone is drawing wangs around them.
That’s right! Thanks to an artist called Wanksy, they’re going around drawing penises around potholes. You might think this is all puerile, but after the holes were ignored for ages by Manchester City Council, within 48 hours of Wanksy’s efforts, many of them had been fixed up.
“I wanted to attract attention to the pothole and make it memorable,” Wanksy told MEN. “Nothing seemed to do this better than a giant comedy phallus.”
A Bury council spokesman moaned: “Every penny that we have to spend cleaning off this graffiti is a penny less that we have to spend on actually repairing the potholes!”
The council member is a massive idiot though, because Wanksy drew the appendages on in industrial chalk, which means they’ll fade after a couple of weeks without any cleaning required.
On the Wanksy Facebook page, the artist is getting a fair amount of fan mail. Someone from That America wrote: “We need you in Madison, Wisconsin aka pothole hell!”
On the page, you can see many, many nobs drawn around unsightly holes. Won’t make much difference to most of your viewing habits, will it?
Catalogues for supermarkets and the like, are always thoroughly tedious affairs. There’s so little of interest in them, that we’ll pounce on just about anything that raises the vaguest of smiles.
However, we’re beaming at the brilliantly odd child who stars in this week’s Lidl catalogue. For reasons unclear, the photo shows a little girl chewing on a flower.
So whether they left this in because they thought it was funny or they just didn’t check, the whole thing is by-the-by, as everyone can enjoy the daft things children do, like sticking flowers in their mouths and eating them.
When we heard that Amazon were going to start delivering packages directly to car boots from next month, we thought they were either tapping into the car boot sale market, or selling drugs. How wrong – and disappointed – we were.
Amazon have teamed-up with DHL and Audi, which means that selected Audi-owning Prime customers in Munich will be able to stand next to their car for ages, waiting for someone to drop a package off for them, when they could be doing something less boring instead.
That’s actually not true. The person delivering the package will get a one-time keyless access to the car boot to drop off a package, meaning that a stranger will be able to get in your car. That should cause a few furrowed brows. Audi are adamant that there’s going to be no insurance issues with all this.
Amazon said: “During the checkout process, customers simply indicate the approximate location of their car during the delivery window. When a carrier driver arrives, the vehicle’s car trunk can be momentarily accessed via a unique, order specific digital authorisation.”
“The delivery agent then simply places the order into the trunk and closes the hatch which locks the car again.”
If you’re not bothered about someone getting in your boot, then this could be a handy way of receiving goods and save you messing about waiting for someone. Participating drivers will have to have their cars adapted to enable third-party access though.
Amazon says it wants this feature to be available to all Prime members, regardless of their car, at some point.
Well how about having your ashes put in a dildo, so that every time your partner wants to get freaky with themselves, there’s a chance they’ll cry uncontrollably? Or maybe you’d like you ashes in a sex toy, so that you’re always there as a reminder, to make your widow feel guilty when they feel ready to move on?
That could happen thanks to designer Mark Sturkenboom who has created a memory box that includes not only a dildo, but a necklace and an amplifier for playing music that will remind you of the person who has died. Oh, you also get a golden urn and a scent diffuser, too.
Talking about all this, Sturkenboom said: “After a passing, the missing of intimacy with that person is only one aspect of the pain and grief. This forms the base for 21 Grams. The urn offers the possibility to conserve 21 grams of ashes of the deceased and displays an immortal desire.”
“I sometimes help an elderly lady with her groceries and she has an urn standing near the window with the remains of her husband. She always speaks with so much love about him but the jar he was in didn’t reflect that at all.”
“In that same period I read an article about widows, taboos and sex and intimacy and then I thought to myself ‘can I combine these themes and make an object that is about love and missing and intimacy?’”
And so, he came up with 21 Grams, which is ‘the weight of the human soul’. In Sturkenboom’s words: “21 Grams is not only a way to tempt a person to revive an intimate night with her love again but also displays an accusation against the unavoidable passing of life.”
Obviously. Find out more here.
There’s nothing worse than finding out your favourite chippie is closed. Usually, they’ve shut up shop ‘due to a family bereavement’ or because they’re ‘renovating’.
However, one chippie closed for something quite different. This fella was going on holiday and he left a note to customers, which will have left them chuckling.
As you can see, he wrote: “This year my wife has decided to take us all youth hosteling, I told her at her age she would be better off with Saga. We are taking two of our children. 1 Daughter in law, plus 1 grandson. No internet, mobile phones, playstations etc.”
“Personally I think we will all be bored to tears. She who must be obeyed says we will have a great time telling tales round the campfire etc.”
He’s back in the shop now, and hopefully, stocked up on beer and gadgets.
Dogs live their lives napping, constantly wanting to eat and generally looking confused at the most basic tasks, so it is rather surprising that someone has created some treats for dogs that will get them stoned.
‘Pot for pets’ isn’t a novelty product though – the people behind think that marijuana can be used as a mild pain relief for pooches. They’re thinking of old dogs with knackered hips, but you just know that young pups will be gagging to get at it, so they can play video games and eat Monster Munch all day while you’re at work.
One dog owner apparently said that her hound was all set to be put to sleep by the vet, but bought the special strain of weed and her dog got better: “Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated this. It brought my dog back.”
The side effect is that her dog now listens to festival reggae and wants to go to India to find itself.
There’s a few companies behind this idea and Julianna Carella, CEO of Treatibles who are one of them, is reticent to discuss the actual medical benefits of giving animals drugs.
She said: “Honestly, we’re hands off with that because we’re not doctors and it’s not our place to prescribe it in that way.”
If she’s not a doctor, then surely she’s a dealer? Either way, there’s a good chance that some baby boomer will be curious enough to buy this and find that their 15 year old human child has decided to eat the dog-weed to see what happens. We can only hope the outcome is funny and uploaded to YouTube.
When you’ve had a few, navigating your way around a toilet visit can be treacherous. You’ve invariably left it too late and rush to get your kecks undone and there’s other humans milling about pointlessly while you try to avoid soiling yourself. And then you’ve got splashback issues and other people farting.
It really can be nightmarish.
One bar decided that the whole situation wasn’t enough of a headmelt and decided to toy with patrons by creating a false door that would mess with nature’s call. A Reddit user went to relieve himself and found himself draining of colour, as well as excretions, thinking that he was in the ladies instead of the gents.
The reality was that the bar in question had put in a fake door that looked like the reverse of the ladies’ toilets, just to frazzle burping blokes into thinking that they’d dropped a massive clanger.
Redditor Jaydscustom said: “As I’m leaving the restroom panic sets in…then I realize I just pissed in a urinal and the bathroom door was solid wood when I came in. Oh you clever, clever door.”
We did an April Fool article about a cafe in Shoreditch where you could act like a baby (congrats to those that thought it was real), but sadly, our joke was based on the fact that things like this are all too real.
Now, London is a getting a dog restaurant. And yes, it is in Shoreditch.
Of course, there’s some of you who will have applied your own ‘serving up dog meat eh? I’ve been to a few places like that!’ joke already, but the Curious Canine Kitchen is an eaterie for hounds, described as a ‘Holistic private dining event for four-legged friends’.
Mutts can look forward to a five-course ‘The Nature Way Tasting Menu’, which has drinks paired with each meal. Your pooch could find itself chowing down on Textures of Tripe with seaweed and kale puree. No really. Or it could wolf down crispy Paddywack with reishi mushroom flaxseed cream and coconut and blueberry chia pudding with gluten-free cinnamon quinoa dog biscuits.
The dribbling humans will get a treat too, being served up a ‘Rawsome tasting menu’, which is an array of raw whole food amuse-bouche and whatnot, all based around the things your dog’s being scarfing down.
Of course, you’ll be able to take any leftovers home in a doggie bag. £20 a ticket to you and your farting friend. Find out more here.
Pizza, as you know, is one of the most glorious things on the planet. It is the pinnacle of human achievement. It is the thing most likely to take the skin off the roof of your mouth as you love it too much to ever think about letting it cool down before trying to eat it.
Thanks to this fondness for pizza, us humans treat it far too seriously and one fella decided to sue Pizza Hut over one of theirs.
Everett Chatman was having the time of it at his local establishment and ordered some croutons for his pizza. Yes. Apparently croutons are a thing at Pizza Hut.
Anyway, while he was tucking in, one of these little cubes of diabetes broke part of his dentures, which Chatman said was the fault of what has been described as ‘excessively hard croutons’ which Pizza Hut had ‘negligently’ given to him.
Chatman’s attorney, Mark Foster, told Roane County News: “We tried to work it out with their insurance company, but they never wanted to talk. So we went ahead and filed.”
And now, Chatman can go crazy with croutons as he won his case, bagging himself a very tidy $2,400 (£1,600) in compensation and court costs. If he wants, he can mock Pizza Hut by turning up with dentures that have rock hard croutons in place of all the teeth.
An EasyJet flight had to be diverted to Rome so staff could eject a passenger. Troublesome passengers on planes are nothing new, as we know from the poo that was so bad a plane had to stop its journey, and the drunk woman who got arrested after doing the nasty with herself.
This one, however, is a little unusual thanks to being something that escalated over a magnificently trivial matter.
A passenger punched a stewardess to the floor in a row about a sandwich.
So what happened? Well, the man in question complained that his sandwich was taking too long to get to him and his gaping gob, and so, he did something that was logical only to himself, and smacked a crew member on the flight from Geneva to Pristina.
A witness said: “He shouted at the stewardess, then he stood up and punched her, and when she fell to the floor, he carried on hitting her.” Before the attack, he apparently shouted: “I’ve been waiting for hours, I’m hungry.”
After he punched a woman because his stomach was empty, the rest of the plane set about him, restraining him while a doctor made sure the lady was okay. The man punched the woman hard enough to break her glasses.
The stewardess told a Swiss newspaper: “I was totally shocked. I can’t understand how anyone could react so violently over a sandwich.”
A new cafe is opening in Shoreditch which encourages patrons to relive the joys of being a baby. At London’s ‘Baby Boomer’, patrons can enjoy (if that’s the right word) an experience where they can eat Farley’s Rusks, suck dummies, have a nap and, according to the manager of the enterprise, “even be taken to the toilet, but we’re sure customers will be fine to go themselves!” according to the owners.
After the successes of the cereal cafe, and things like the ‘cuddle cafe‘ and the ball-pool for adults, there’s been upswing in businesses opening where grown-ups can kick back and relive their youth.
Owners Sylvia and Henrik Bjáni have been looking at a venture in the fashionable area of Shoreditch for a while and decided to open Baby Boomer while the market was ‘booming’. How droll.
Henrik says: “Modern life is stressful and hard, and the time you are most safe is when you’re a baby. I guess we’re offering a refuge from modern life. At Baby Boomer, you’ll be able to eat a rusk or have chopped-up-egg-in-a-cup, while listening to lullaby versions of famous rock songs.”
Henrik continued: “There’s toys to play with, ‘shakes that come in Johnson’s Baby Powder bottles and themed cakes – our kitchen is currently making edible teething rings and we’re looking at savoury brownies that will be served in a nappy. It’s just a bit of fun really.”
Sylvia added: “When we did our soft opening, we had artists, musicians and entrepreneurs popping by. What I found most interesting is that a couple of bankers came along. It is nice to think that we’re offering a way out of the rat race. We want to stir up the nostalgia that is in all of us and provide a calm environment too. It is our own twist on the cafe experience. We feel there’s nowhere like it on Earth.”
Of course, there’s similar baby cafes in Japan and the States, most notably ‘Nendo’ and ‘Womb With A View’, but this is the first time we’ve seen something like this in the UK and the cafe opens today at 8 Rufus St, London.
The menu is online, along with a load of irritatingly infantile graphics and ideas. Chopped-up-egg-in-a-cup, for example, is a duck egg with Anglesey sea salt in a Tommee Tippee cup for £4! If this is your idea of fun or you just want to get angry at something, click here to see what they’re offering.