Posts Tagged ‘Odd stuff’
Would you like to get money for nothing out of your government? You could try and recreate the scam undertaken by some Farmville fans in Romania, who managed to con more than £400,000 in subsidies out of their government for their fake farms.
Of course, the government caught wind of it all and stopped payments, however, that isn’t the end of the tale as the faux-farmers are now suing.
The eight men claimed to be in possession of 1,860 cows and received roughly £100 per animal over three years.
The Farmvillites say they weren’t told the farms had to be real when they applied and are taking their case to court, where a drunk old judge will no doubt irritate himself half stupid because he has to spend time finding out what the internet is before proceeding with the case.
So, seeing as the government Autumn statement means you’ll have to work ’til you die, you may as well try and blag them out of some money for your pretend animals.
Let us know how you get on.
Apparently, this peculiar contraption is to be worn as a mobile computer and, with a straight face, the patent describes a “plurality of natural and/or artificial hair pieces” which will hide sensors and communication devices.
Not only that, but the whole weave will vibrate on your skull, so you can get tactile feedback when, for example, you’re getting directions from a map. All the while, the wig will use its ultrasound sensor to detect things like a submarine on your head.
Sony says in the application: “The SmartWig integrates different types of computational functions within a wig, leading to a smart and intelligent type of wig that has so far not been known. The wearable computing device… has several advantages over state of the art wearable computing devices. First…a natural appearance is realized, thereby increasing the user comfort in a practical and also psychological aspect.”
“The wearable computing device… therefore allows to produce surprising effects without being seen. Secondly, the proposed wearable computing device… allows for very sensitive sensing and sensitive user feedback, since it is integrated into a wig… that is adapted to be worn on the user’s head, which is a much more sensitive area than e.g. the foot, the hand or waist of the user.”
“Thirdly, the proposed wearable computing device… has the advantage that the user… can instantly change his/her appearance just by changing the type, shape and/or colour of the wig.”
Going to a strip club is problematic for men. It ticks so many bad boxes – objectification of women, lust, exploitation, guilt, coveting oxen – it is a wonder anyone has a good time at all. However, one strip club is giving you the chance to ignore all that and actually feel good about yourself. In fact, so good that you may get instant promotion to ‘pillar of society’.
Burke and Hare in Edinburgh is offering ‘guilt-free’ lapdances to customers by giving half of the proceeds to charity. You could argue that people who don’t take this offer up are monsters who should be chased out of the community.
“I don’t know if it’s an Edinburgh first but we thought it was a great way to raise money for charity,” said the club’s spokeswoman, who added that it “certainly isn’t going to be your average Sunday afternoon tea and cake sale.”
“All the girls are getting a bit nervous now as it’s nearly here but we’re hoping it will go really well.”
Of course, not everyone is thrilled about this. Street harassment prevention activist Jacq Kelly said: “This begs the question about why men would feel guilty about receiving a lap dance in the first place? Giving a few quid to charity may salve their conscience in the short term but if they feel guilty about visiting lap dancing clubs in the first place they should probably examine the choices they make.”
However, no-one was listening because a nice lady behind her did the splits upside down to ‘Bandz A Make Her Dance’ while some men and women made it rain for a good cause.
Ever found yourself wondering how to get more for your money after buying a cake tin that is shaped like a penis? Well, help is at hand as one woman came up with some novel ways of making wang-shaped treats into something that, ahem, anyone can swallow.
We’re not sure if Greggs have started having glue on their Corn Flakes in the mornings, but over on their website, they’ve announced something called ‘fish custard’.
You can have a look at their page here – greggs.co.uk/fish-custard - which is accompanied by this: “In a rush? Too busy for lunch, followed by pudding? 1 out of 11 Doctors recommend Fish Custard. Perhaps the greatest sweet-savoury invention since the Yorkshire Pudding… Fish Fingers & Custard make a delicious snack.”
**edit** Turns out this is a reference to Doctor Who. Thanks to all the Sheldon Cooper’s who pointed that out to us.
Nike have made some snowboarding boots that have a LED version of their swoosh on the side, a bit like those LA Gear that lit up way back when.
Nike say: “Impressive enough standing still, these LED-adorned beauties will mesmerize crowds as they rotate through the night sky at this season’s biggest snowboard competition finals. The swoosh’s 30 LEDs are powered by an embedded lithium ion battery, and it’s on/off switch is conveniently located atop the boot’s cuff so you can go UFO whenever the mood strikes.”
Are you one of those outrageous show-offs who would actually wear a pair of these or would you see someone in them and pour pints on their feet in the hope the owner gets small electric shocks up their legs?
There’s something quite depressing when you have to scroll down for a while when entering your year of birth on a website. The older you get, the longer you scroll. Each passing year reminds you that you’re probably going to die soon.
At EasyJet however, it seems like they’re expecting Mumm-Ra levels of old. According to their website, they’re expecting passengers that are over 160 years old.
Over on Twitter, JonathanDean spotted just how old you can be, saying: “Imagine being 163-years-old, with all the wonder you have seen, and having to take an EasyJet flight.”
If you live in Musselburgh, in East Lothian, and you were in Tesco at around 8pm last week, you’d be forgiven for wondering whether you needed to adjust your brain medication.
Customers were treated to the sight of Batman, Robin, David Hasselhoff and a Smurf apprehending a criminal in the store, after the man dressed as Robin had been attacked by a random nutjob on the street. The fancy dress heroes chased the attacker into Tesco where a spectacular scuffle ensued, and they managed to hold him until the police came.
East Lothian Police thanked the fancy dress crime fighters in a series of highly pleasing tweets, like this one:
‘Thank you to Batman, Robin, Robin’s Dad, a Smurf, and the Hoff for helping us on Friday night. #Tesco, sorry about the toilet roll aisle.’
Police Scotland arrested a 21 year old man in connection with the incident, who pleaded guilty to the offence in court on Monday. Another triumph for the caped crusader. And Knight Rider. And er, some random Smurf.
(Mop and bucket to aisle 3.)
If the name of Trudy’s Looking Glass Salon wasn’t eerie enough, an advert for the beauty parlour spotted online, goes further by announcing that most of her customers are dead.
It says “New customers wanted: Sadly, many of our beloved senior customers have gone to heaven. We need some new angels to fill our chairs”. Sounds like a good place to go and dye, eh readers?
You know how it is. You’re hanging about in the ‘Whoops!’ section at Asda, waiting for them to reduce that squashed chicken and mushroom pie, and a man comes marching past in full Nazi regalia with a red swastika armband.
Customers at the Beehive Centre store in Cambridge were greeted with this very sight just yesterday at around 2pm, when a man wearing an SS uniform came in to browse the shelves. He also had a swastika tattoo on his neck.
Customers were apparently distressed by the roving fancy dress idiot, and immediately mobilized to complain.
Onlooker Rosina Rusin said: ‘People’s mouths were falling open. You are not going to come out like that unless you want to draw attention to yourself.’
In the end, the rogue Nazi was asked to leave the store, and left peacefully (which is more than you can say for the actual Nazis). Whether it was a Halloween joke or just some lone nutcase with a Hugo Boss fetish, nobody knows.
My money’s on a ‘hilarious’ Channel 4 hidden camera show.
It can be hard for small businesses to stand out against the might of mega-corps, so they have to get inventive with the signage and naming of their shops.
However, for Mega Cutz, it all went a bit wrong as they sent out a very different message to the one they intended.
Picture via avid Bitterwallet reader hollybrocks
Some of you have terrible bowels, enough to make people gag on three floors of a superstore. When it stops being funny, the watering eyes and dry wretches mean that you need help. With that , there’s a new range of underwear for you.
The Shreddies pants contain Zorflex, which is used in chemical warfare suits, and its makers claim they can filter pongs that are 200 times stronger than the average ‘wind’. The carbon material in these scads is apparently reactivated every time the get washed.
Here’s a promotional photograph from the company explaining what you can do in these wonder-gruds.
A spokesperson at Shreddies says: ”Although Shreddies has got cheeky with the new campaign, to many people they still remain very much a healthcare product and have helped so many cope with conditions such as IBS, Crohn’s and food intolerances. But the bottom line is that Shreddies are for everyone, after all, it’s something we all do.”
“Flatulence seriously affects millions of people every day and since 2008 Shreddies has been helping those affected increase their quality of life. We have found the answer to help alleviate the most obvious symptom of flatulence… the odours.”
It isn’t clear whether grannies knit them or not.
Fancy buying a lovely jersey cotton, sweatshop-free T-shirt, that features a graphic illustration of a massive vagina menstruating while the owner has a bit of a fiddle?
Good news! You can! American Apparel are selling a shirt called “Period Power” which features exactly that!
Of course, this tee is making a statement and some of the proceeds go to The Ardorous, who are an all-female online art collective. Yours, if you want it, for $32.
Hope you enjoyed your breakfast.