Posts Tagged ‘Odd stuff’

Shane is the king of retail

July 31st, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Working in retail can be very tedious, so you have to make your own fun. You can dream about kicking awful customers up the rear, or you can imagine all manner of accidents befalling your irritating line-manager.

Or, if you’re Shane, you can go down a completely different route.

22290 1240387289309492 1686411065918644685 n 500x373 Shane is the king of retail

Shane, bless him, gets so bored, that he pretends the paper bags can talk.

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As you can see, Shane gets very bored, to the point where he’s got more than one personality.

11063544 1240387252642829 2252286119304354975 n 500x373 Shane is the king of retail

Extended warranties on fried chicken eh?

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We still want to know about this good stuff in the back though.

11165227 1240387239309497 9091845780329498866 n 500x373 Shane is the king of retail

Shane’s ‘Swinecraft’ could be a moneyspinner in fairness.

11050102 1240387342642820 1361117161367005488 n 373x500 Shane is the king of retail

Of course, Shane is almost certainly a funny fabrication, but you can’t be mad at this. You can see the rest of Shane’s handiwork, here.

Fancy sitting face-to-face on flights?

July 10th, 2015 3 Comments By Mof Gimmers

If you think cheap flights are already cramped affairs, you ain’t seen nothing yet. A patent filed by Zodiac Seats France wants to cram everyone in even more, by having passengers facing each other.

Travelling could become a rather intimate experience, with passengers slotted in, like fingers interlocking in a system that has been dubbed Economy Class Cabin Hexagon.

Have a look at the patent diagram.

559ef0837772ff921f95c9e7 horrible airplane design 1 762x428 500x280 Fancy sitting face to face on flights?

Of course, this will increase the amount of people you can get on a plane, which of course, means more money for airlines. We can all think of at least one company that might be interested in this, can’t we?

Remember the whole Ryanair debacle when Michael O’Leary looked at the possibility of standing seats?

Look at these stupid double yellow lines

July 9th, 2015 3 Comments By Mof Gimmers

While the Tube strike causes ABSOLUTE CARNAGE on the streets of London to which everyone IS SUFFERING ENDLESSLY, that’s the least of the capital’s worries.

Even though we gave them all a guide to getting around London during this difficult time, there’s a huge problem with London’s roads.

We are, of course, talking about Clapham Junction and those who will be travelling on it in a teeny, weeny clown car. Or a Smart Car if you prefer. That’s because there’s the disaster waiting for them, in the shape of a six-inch stretch of road that is protected – valiantly we might add – by double yellow lines.

CJZ5axZUkAEJ8KW 500x333 Look at these stupid double yellow lines

All hail!

That’s right, on Mossbury Road, near Lavender Hill, there is, what appears to be, stupidly small double yellows. So anyone thinking of parking their unicycle there, can get bent.

This was spotted by the baffled firefighter Stewart Brown, who noted Wandsworth Council’s sterling work. And, just a few yards down the same road, there’s another tiny set of double yellow lines too.

Well done, to everyone concerned.

Russians warn idiots not to take selfies

July 8th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Selfies are great. It is nice to see people having the self-confidence to show themselves off. Besides, generations before them were forever checking themselves out in shop windows and the like.

That said, selfies aren’t very good if you’re a thundering idiot.

In Russia, the police have launched a campaign which warns people against taking unsafe self-portraits, after over 100 injuries happened last year, thanks to idiots with cameras on their phones. They’ve even made some logos to help them out, in case reading words or listening to spoken advice isn’t effective enough.

977 500x300 Russians warn idiots not to take selfies

“A cool selfie could cost you your life,” say the interior ministry, warning that “a selfie with a weapon kills”.

The reason they’re telling people about this is to show how badly things can go if you’re a complete nincompoop. This year, a woman accidentally shot herself in the head while taking a selfie with her pistol. Earlier in the year, two dimwits died when they thought they’d take a selfie while holding a hand-grenade which had the pin pulled out.

Another gasping dunce took a photo of themselves while climbing on a railway bridge, and came into contact with live electrical wires. The phones might not be the problem here.

“Unfortunately we have noted recently that the number of accidents caused by lovers of self-photography is constantly increasing,” said Yelena Alexeyeva. “Since the beginning of the year we are talking about some hundred cases of injuries for sure.”

“The problem really exists and leads to very unfortunate consequences.”

“Before taking a selfie, everyone should think about the fact that racing after a high number of ’likes’ could lead someone on a journey to death and his last extreme photo could turn out to be posthumous.”

Fancy staying in Hitler’s holiday home?

June 26th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

18211 0346 1 md Fancy staying in Hitlers holiday home?A company has transformed Hitler’s holiday camp (sorry, that will never stop sounding like a fantastically camp b-movie, possibly starring Beryl Reid) so members of the public can enjoy the seaside on the German island of Rugen.

So what’s the craic? Well, Prora was meant to be a holiday camp for Nazis (think Butlins, only with marginally more levels of despairing hate) and was completed in 1936, however, it wasn’t ever opened to members of the public.

However, in the last decade, it has been transformed from an abandoned mess into modern hotels and apartments.

Axel Bering and Michael Jacobi, the project investors, say they’re resolutely not-arsed about the history of the building that once belong to Hitler. Bering, from Denmark, said that the resort reminded him more of his childhood holidays. Some of the holiday apartments have already been sold and there’s families visiting the resort already.

Prices start from £125,000 for three-bedroom apartments, and the priciest ones will set you back £900,000.

Not only that, there’s also going to be a shopping centre, swimming pool and tennis courts and all manner of things being added in the not-too-distant future.

One of the people who has bought a flat there – Roland Glockner, an advertising exec – said that it was “love at first site”, adding: “It was right by the sea, the nature was fantastic, it was nice and quiet and not so expensive. Perfect for the family or as somewhere to grow old.”

If you want to read up on the history of the gigantic space, then click yourself silly, here.

People who are able bodied shouldn’t park in bays set aside for disabled people. You might think you should be able to, but you shouldn’t. Why? You’ve had enough, you bloated swine.

In Brazil, someone found themselves on the end of a grand prank, after they’d parked in such a spot.

The person in question came back to his car to find it covered in stickers, to make the whole vehicle look like a blue disabilities logo. The front, top, sides and even wheels were covered.

As you can see from the video, not only did the driver suffer the defacement of his car, but also, a watching and sarcastically cheering crowd too. He sped off and everyone laughed at him.

Not only that, the driver in question got himself a ticket too.

Now, we hand you over to all those people who have missed the fun of a prank like this, for them to complain about vandalism and littering or something.

Heinz send customers to filthy websites

June 18th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

porn Heinz send customers to filthy websitesEven though no-one uses QR codes, because they’re fiddly and out-dated, one man decided to try out the one that featured on a bottle of Heinz ketchup… and he got something that was a very different type of ‘saucy’. Instead of arriving on a page where he could design his own Heinz label, instead, he found himself being directed to a hardcore pornography site. Insert your own joke about ‘squirting’ here.

Daniel Korell scanned the label to find out more about the promotion, and was directed to a German porn site, with the utterly wonderful name of ‘Fundorado’.

So what happened? Well, Heinz ran the contest between 2012 and 2014, and the link expired this year, which was then taken up by a mucky website.

Korell wrote on his Facebook page: “Your ketchup really isn’t for under-age people. Even if the bottle was a leftover, it’s still in lots of households.”

“It’s incomprehensible that you didn’t reserve the domain for one or two years. It really doesn’t cost the Earth,” he added.

Heinz’s social media team were quick to apologise and replied to Korell, saying: “We really regret the event very much and we’re happy to take your suggestions for how we implement future campaigns on board.”

That’s all well and good, but Heinz were again scuppered by Fundorado, who enjoyed a load of free advertising and decided to leave a comment on the Facebook post, and offered Korell a free year’s subscription to a load of smutty films. Condimental.

Behold the Samsung giant screen safety truck!

June 17th, 2015 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Lorries can be a bit of a menace, thanks to the sheer bloody size of them. So, with that, Samsung have been tinkering with their large fleet of trucks, and they’re using very fancy technology to try and make them safer.

When you’re trying to pass a truck, if can be very difficult to tell if another vehicle is coming until you start your manoeuvre. That is, until you come into the back of a special Samsung lorry with magic screens on it.

We’ll let this video explain.

Samsung call this fleet ‘The Safety Truck’ and they have wireless cameras on the front bumper that stream images from the front of the truck to screens mounted on the back doors.

The cameras even have a night vision mode, so you can see it all in the dark, which is pretty nifty and a decent move on Samsung’s part. We’d like to see more trucks operating a system like this.

And, if you stick your mobile in front of it, and stick YouTube on, you get a free outdoor cinema when all the truckers are doing an overnighter in some job centre car park!

Tesco troll Liverpool FC manager

June 16th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Corporate social media is, for the most part, the most nauseating thing in the entire world. It tends to veer toward irritating pal-speak where a supermarket pretends to be your pal, or worse still, overly cutesy and self-deprecating meme-chatter, where a retailer goes on like they’re a talking cat or whatever.

However, whoever was running the Tesco account when they were contacted by a parody account of Liverpool FC’s Brendan Rodgers, got it absolutely spot-on.

supermark Tesco troll Liverpool FC manager

For non-football fans, Liverpool have bought a number of players from Southampton FC, which Mike from Tesco thought he’d throw back at ‘Deluded Brendan’.

We hope Mike got a bottle of wine or some bonus for his efforts.

[via FootballRamble]

The bra you shouldn’t buy for your cat

June 10th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Have been looking at buying a padded bralette made from rough yarn? Of course you have. Everyone wants one. Possibly. Well, over at Amazon, they’re selling one which comes in a variety of colours and sizes and… well… so far, so humdrum.

However, when you get to the reviews, something amazing happens.

Some customers have complained about the holes in the design being too big, while others complain of unexpected side boob and under boob. We’re not interested in those people. We’re interested in the person who decided to dress their cat in it.

cat bra 500x278 The bra you shouldnt buy for your cat

As you can see from the review, the person didn’t want to show off their 16 year old daughter in it, because that would be creepy, given that the bra is “ridiculously small” and that they “couldn’t legally post a picture of what it looks like if she attempts to wear it.”

They did decide to show off their moggy in it, but, it isn’t all good news, despite the cat’s triumphant pose: “To be fair, it does cover all of the cat’s nipples, however, she hates the weave” concluding; “In summary, do not buy this, even for your cat.”

Have a look at the amazing cat bra review on the Amazon product page.

reg varney cash machine 300x300 Look at the price of these towels, Amazon! Over £500 BILLION?!

Reg, getting his money out for fancy towels

Sometimes, your towels just aren’t fancy enough, right? Does your glorious rump deserve something luxurious when patting the water off?

Well, luckily for you, over at Amazon, you can get a set of towels that must be made of something unfathomably brilliant, because they’ve been selling them for $800bn. In sterling, that’s around £521bn.

So what’s so good about them? Well, Calcot Ltd’s towels are woven into “super soft Supima cotton loops using zero-twist technology” and come in one colour – amethyst. They’re safe to put in the tumble drier too.

These towels are, apparently, “less prone to pilling”, which is obviously a huge concern for all towel users around the world.

The “functional and decorative fold-over edge is added to finish off an already perfect towel”, which is just what the world needs now during the economic uncertainty and seemingly near-constant warfare. Of course, you could end all wars or end the economic crisis if you have over £500bn in disposable income, but you’re probably after these towels instead.

As you can see, this is one of the longest numbers ever featured on BW.

75140dfb a386 4a4c a284 26e053ee9f22 bestSizeAvailable 500x112 Look at the price of these towels, Amazon! Over £500 BILLION?!

 

Of course, this is a fat-fingered mistake from someone, which means that, by the time you hit the link, the price has already been rectified by Amazon, which is nice.

They’re still on-sale, and you can see them here and, that said, at the new price… $80 for some stinkin’ towels! WHAT AN OUTRAGE!

ryanair 300x225 Student changes name by deed poll   cheaper than Ryanairs £220 feeA student (yes, they’re annoying – get over it) has changed his name by deed poll because it is cheaper than paying Ryanair to sort an error out. A saving of £117 no less!

What’s the craic? Well, Adam Armstrong was booked under the wrong name and Ryanair wanted £220 to alter the name on the ticket, which is double the price of the flight. So, instead of messing around with the airline, he changed his name by deed poll and rushed through a new passport under the name that he was mistakenly booked under – Adam West.

Yes. He’s now got the same name as Batman.

The name-change and updated passport cost him £103 and he said, talking about how the error happened: ”Her stepdad got my name from Facebook but I had put it as Adam West as a joke, because he was the actor who played Batman on TV.”

So why are Ryanair so prohibitively expensive on something like this? They say it isn’t just squeezing coins out of humans, but rather, a bid to stop people from reselling tickets for profit.

A spokesman for Ryanair said: “Customers are asked to ensure that the details they enter at the time of booking are correct before completing their booking and we offer a 24-hour ‘grace period’ to correct minor booking errors.”

“A name change fee is charged in order to discourage and prevent unauthorised online travel agents from ‘screenscraping’ Ryanair’s cheapest fares and reselling them on to unwitting consumers at hugely inflated costs.”

Behold! The smartnappy!

June 3rd, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

baby Behold! The smartnappy!Wearable technology – whether you like it or not – is the hottest thing in geekworld. We’ve got smartwatches, glasses 2.0, virtual reality and now… drumroll please… SMARTNAPPIES!

Developers will be writing code brown for the future of the diaper, with Intel bringing us the idea of an internet-connected nappy.

Their idea is that future nappies will have a sensor in them, so if your baby empties his or her innards, you’ll get a warning on your smartphone or smartwatch. Of course, if you have at least one functioning nostril, you’ll also receive a notification to your gag reflex.

Intel’s magic nappy has, according to one report, a dual core Atom at 500Mhz, with 1GB of RAM and 4GB of flash to store. And all to capture and process your tot’s liquid bowel movements! Ain’t it a miracle of nature and science?

We suspect that some demented parents out there would like to tie the tech to their social media feeds, so everyone can be notified of baby’s first defecation. We also look forward to the Daily Mail shrieking maniacally about foreigners trying to hack your infant’s posterior. Don’t pretend either of these things won’t happen.

But will this smartnappy wipe your child’s bum and dispose of their soiled undercrackers? Absolutely not. Welcome to the future.

Parking ticket for wheel barrow

June 1st, 2015 5 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Some traffic wardens are just trying to do a job. They know they’re unpopular and that everyone wants to throw them legs first into a wood-chipper, but they quietly get on with their job and try their best to be fair, in what is tantamount to a job that requires them to be largely unfair.

However, some traffic wardens need a boot up the hole. You may remember one traffic warden giving a ticket to a bin – well, another one has been at it, this time, giving a parking ticket to a wheel barrow.

CGZBkG0XIAAmD18 500x412 Parking ticket for wheel barrow

If the driver of the unattended wheel barrow would like to get in touch with Bitterwallet, we’d like to offer you words of consolation and hopefully, your wheel barrow didn’t get clamped.

[BBC Leeds]

regression 300x168 Ball pool nightclub opens for infantile adultsAdults are waddling their way back to their childhoods, by dribbling over pussy cats and going to cafes to eat cereal. They’re all over the internet cooing at Adventure Time and wearing onesies, which are basically romper suits for taxpayers. You could even go to one and get a cuddle.

Our April Fool joke even talked about regressing back to being an actual baby, but of course, we feared that it might all come true.

Well, in more adult-toddler action, there’s a new nightclub that has a soft play area, Lego to play with, a bouncy castle and a ball pit. We assume that the gigantic boobs to suckle on is in the post.

The night was held by Regression Sessions in Birmingham and was billed as a night of “serious music for silly people” and, obvious, it sold out in no time. God help us if there’s a war, etc.

The organisers say: “Regression Sessions is a night that does what it bloody well pleases and suggests you do the same. We are tired with always having to choose between quality music events rammed with chin-stroking heads, or venues offering unpretentious fun with a disappointing soundtrack.”

“Our aim is return to you to an earlier stage in the psyche when everything was simple and fun was easy. We promise to offer regressive experiences from ball pits and plasticine therapy, to surrealist giant knitting and student art exhibitions.”

Surrealist knitting and plasticine therapy, there. We’re doomed.