A phone, a saving on your supermarket bill and some beautiful rechargeable lights. Everything you could ever need and more and it’s all here just for youse lot.

Wave your hand thankfully in the direction of HotUKDeals – they’re the ones who came up with it all…

The sun. Giver of, erm… light and that. Wonderful stuff. Keeps you warm and helps you see during the day, and wakes your kids up really frigging early in what’s practically the middle of the night.

If you’re fifty feet under the ground, hammering out consumer news and other vaguely-related bollocks all day long, you might need an alternative to the sun. Try this – a set of Philips Imageo rechargeable LED candles. They’re only £14.97.

Next, the chance to get a fiver knocked off your supermarket shopping bill – assuming that your shopping bill is higher than £40 and that the supermarket you shop at is Morrisons (although we’re led to believe that Tescos will also accept the voucher in question.)

Get over to HotUKDeals to find out more about the complicated series of tasks that you will have to undertake in order to get yourself a portion of this deal. It’s nothing simple like cutting a coupon out a national newspaper – oh no. And don’t forget about the special offers that are on at Morrisons this week – we mentioned them earlier today.

Finally, a neat little mobile phone offer, because, well, you know, we can never have too many mobile phones now can we? This one is a T-Mobile Pulse and it has a 3.5 inch capacitive touchscreen as well as loads of other stuff that you can only dare to dream of.

But what of the price? Well, it’s a mere £109.99. Amazed aren’t you? You’ve dropped your current phone on the floor in shock, smashing it to bits and making this even more of a must-buy. Plus there’s £10 of credit included and the chance to get £10 cashback on the deal. Sweet potatoes!

(deals found by HUKD members nicster08, wesa14 and robot1000)

Hey you! It’s still pretty early in the day but you’re probably already thinking all about your weekly groceries haul and how you can get the best bargains in this ‘age of austerity’. We know we are – there’s a collective gagging for a Lyle’s Golden Syrup cake going on around here.

With all of that in mind, we feel duty-bound to point you at a couple of posts over at HotUKDeals, where a couple of shopping Samaritans have knocked together lists of the latest big price reductions.

Avid HotUKDeals member nicster08 has put together a compelling list of Sainsburys bargains that kick off today – it’s all happening there, with prawns, chocolate, potato wedges, cheese, Ribena, Coca Cola and a few things that are good for you in there as well. Top marks nicster08.

Meanwhile, there’s a similar list of deals of the week that can be had in your local Morrisons – also put together by nicster08 (some kind of award must surely be in the offing) The Morrisons list includes Coca Cola, Kit Kats, Daz, Doritos, meat, bleach and a few other bits and bobs that are good for you – like strawberries.

Check out the lists, compare and contrast, and save yourself some cash. Shame about the Lyle’s Golden Syrup cake though – maybe next week eh?

Frustrated Bitterwallet reader Nik has just got back from Morrisons and tells us: “It doesn’t work in my PS3…”

If you’re buying booze in Morrisons and have an under-the-age-of-18 human with you, you might find yourself being asked to prove that they’re over the age of alcoholic consent – otherwise it’s ‘no booze for you!’

That’s what happened to management consultant Jackie Slater tried to buy some wine when she was shopping at a Morrisons in Leeds recently. Because she was with her 17-year-old daughter and 18-year-old niece, the two youngsters were asked to show ID. You know, in case Jackie was planning to ply the pair with drink once they were in the car park.

Jackie told The Observer: “[The checkout assistant] asked: ‘Are they with you?’ I said they’d come to help me carry the bags back to the car. The assistant said: ‘You could be buying the wine for them. It’s the policy – I have to see everyone’s ID to make sure they are all over 18′.”

As it turned out, Jackie’s daughter didn’t have any ID with her and so the booze had to go back on the shelf. Amazingly, Morrisons are proud of their ID policy. A spokesbloke said: “Under current licensing laws, stores are unable to sell an alcoholic product to a customer they believe could be buying for a minor or for someone who is unable to prove their age.”

This writer fell foul of Morrisons and their deranged quota laws last week when I tried to buy a bottle of kiddie medicine Calpol and a box of Calpol sachets for my teething one-year-old son. I was told by the cashier that I couldn’t have both and one of them would have to go back on the shelf.

Calpol, of course, contains a smaller than usual dose of Paracetamol and once I’d got home and done some sums I worked out that I’d need to neck five bottles of the stuff if I was planning to use it to do myself in. Mind you, it tastes nice so I can see how that might happen…

HotUKDeals newcomer backhouse21 has stormed on to the forum earlier today with a spectacular tip that could save you money on petrol.

He/she/it says: “This works! Basically, if you spend £2 on anything in Morrisons, and then ask for £40 cashback, you’ve technically spent over £40 and therefore get 5p per litre of petrol! I haven’t tried this in Sainsburys or Tesco but i’m assuming it will work in these stores too.”

A few other members have backed up backhouse21’s claims and say that it’s worked for them as well. Have you tried it? If not, why are you still reading this? Go on, off you go, before the supermarkets get wise and close the loophole.

Man sets fire to himself with slightly cheaper petrol, yesterday

Ah, the 1st of September – the end of Summer, the stirrings of Autumn and the third increase in tax on petrol in nine months. Delightful. Overnight, the Government spanked petrol prices by over 2 pence, raising the average price of a unleaded litre to around £1.05, a rise of some 20 pence up since January. That means you’re paying around 65 pence of tax per litre. Carumba.

What can you do about it, aside from selling the car and buying a bicycle? For starters, get thee to Morrisons; they’re grabbing the headlines with some PR-friendly excitement, by soaking up the price of the tax increase on behalf of their customers until Sunday, meaning you can still fill up at the pre-tax prices until then. That said, the AA recently claimed the cheapest petrol could be found at Asda, although don’t expect any price freezes there: “We don’t do stunts,” a spokesperson said, “our prices reflect our costs”. Hmmph.

Meanwhile, a useful website we’ve mentioned before is PetrolPrices.com, which follows 10,000 petrol stations and updates the available prices across most of them daily. You can search for the cheapest forecourt closest to you by postcode, and subscribe for updates.

A late offering of HUKD bargains to feast upon this evening, ladies and gents. Get them while they’re hot, because if you don’t, the guilt will keep you awake tonight to the point where you lose your mind and go postal. That’s how good they are, swear down.

Due to recent changes in work employment laws, it is now a legal requirement for all offices to employ at least one thirty-something year-old who eats no vegetables except potatoes and will happily polish of a full box of Jaffa Cakes during his lunch break. Tubbs, your luck’s in – Morrisons are selling three packs of McVitie’s Jaffa Cakes for just £1.20 – usually £2.56. Aces.

If you live in Manchester, then after today’s shock announcement by Ryanair you’re going to have to look elsewhere for your penny-pinching flights. If you don’t fancy the Trans-Penine “Express”, Virgin trains have released tickets for £8 for travel between London and Manchester until 23rd October. In just two hours you’ll be scoffing down eel pie and mash, you lucky bleeders.

Finally, if Monday has been too much for you, then it’s time to drink your troubles away until you’re piss wet in your own piss. All hail the Carlsberg draughtmaster for under £30 (instore only) at Currys. Technically you’ve got to make another purchase to buy one for £29.97, but according to HUKD member will1407 the staff aren’t that arsed apparently.

(deals found by HUKD members richardderbys, adsldave and will1407)

Morrisons know how to tease. What exactly lies underneath the blue gingham tablecloth? And can it ever stand up to the spectacular, time-bending, tomato-related boast below it?

We don’t know exactly what it is, and in fact we can think of no piece of futuristic technology that relies so heavily on tomatoes – but maybe you can, so let us know in the comments below. Even if you haven’t a scooby, idle speculation and clever answers are always enjoyed and appreciated.

[TwitPic]

We’ll be honest with you – we can just about get away with anything on Bitterwallet, so long as it’s vaguely consumer-related.

The new Tron Legacy trailer is in no way consumer-related, but that hasn’t stopped Vince creaming his pants over it since it was unveiled at Comic Con earlier in the week.

We’d love to sneak it in here, but there’s simply no editorial justification whatsoever, meaning we have little choice but to bring you more outstanding deals from HotUKDeals instead.

Cacking hell, just look at this! An Apple Macbook Pro 13″ 2.26GHz, 2GB, 160GB for just £827.99 at Dixons! We haven’t a clue what any of those numbers mean except for the important one – the price! That’s over £70 cheaper than Apple!

Over here! If the kids have already watched the Monster Inc DVD you bought yesterday and are threatening to rip your face clean off your head, then settle them down with the High School Musical 2 Disc Remix Edition DVD for a microscopic £3 at Morrisons! Zack! The girlfriend! The other two! The lesbian songwriter! The afro dude! The end.

And fans of petrol-powered foliage-trimming paraphernalia – your luck’s in. It’s only a bloody Silverline 26cc Petrol Line Trimmer for just £29.99 at Toolstation! And it’s has free next-day delivery! HotUKDeals member Cleudo reports he’s “been round the garden with it – works great!” Good times, Cleudo. What’s more, Amazon will sting you for £95.47. Boom!

That’s a good deal of good deals. To celebrate, here’s that trailer for Tron Legacy we have no good business showing you:

(Today’s deals found by HUKD members Dreamer08, Charlie23 and Cleudo)

After yesterday’s particularly foul entry, we’re determined to keep you abreast of more supermarket pricing oddities that make no plucking sense. Ah ha ha ha. Stop it. Please. And so to Morrisons in Killingworth, Newcastle where HUKD member webkami spotted the sort of eye-catching deal that’s nothing of the sort:

Ever heard of Brad Thor? Of course you haven’t. Who the christing hell is Brad Thor, people keep asking me. Exactly. That’s why his book is in the ASDA sale for just £2.96. But remember, you have two eyes so buy a copy for each for just £7:

Thanks to Bitterwallet reader Gary Laffery for sending us this breaking Brad Thor news*. Keep them coming please, to email@bitterwallet.com.

* that’ll be Brad Thor, the #1 New York Times bestselling author. Bugger.

The flags have been lowered to half-mast at Bitterwallet, as we contemplate saying goodbye to our fourth favourite childhood foodstuff. Newcastle Productions, who produce products under the Findus brand – they of the now legendary crispy pancake – have called in the administrators. According to union chiefs, the company had money wrapped up in Icelandic banks, who are forcing the administration. The firm employs 420 staff in Newcastle.

Meanwhile news agency Reuters is reporting that suite manufacturer Land of Leather has called in Deloitte (who are getting an incredible amount of work out of this financial crisis, don’t you think?) to sell the business as a going concern; shares in the company were suspended this morning. 106 stores and 800 staff are at risk as this new front opens up in the continued demise of UK businesses; there are several similarly sized sofa retailers that have struggled to continue trading in recent years.

A further 875 jobs are at risk at distribution company Wincanton which is threatening to close two depots is Gloucester and Salford, but it’s not all doom and gloom: Morrisons is pledging to create 5,000 jobs across its UK supermarkets in the next 12 months, after predicting a 12 per cent rise in sales over the Christmas period.

It’s almost the weekend again and all is well. If you’re a single man, Madonna’s back on the market, if you’re not a BNP member, your car/house probably won’t get firebombed any time soon, and if you’re a member of HotUKDeals, your eyes are probably spinning around on the end of their stalks in wonderment at the plethora of bargains that are up for grabs today. Here’s three of the best for ya…

Fuel wonderful fuel, get it while it’s cheap. Ignoring the fact that it’s not really is it? The prices are coming down although it’s still pretty extortionate compared to where it was a couple of years ago. Morrisons are the latest supermarket to join in the petrol war, knocking the price of a litre down to 89.9p. So that’s 90p basically.

Hey, can you imagine what a real petrol war would look like? Carnage, that’s what. And is it just us, or is the smell of petrol sublime? Almost as lovely as the smell of Baileys. Which reminds us…
(Deal found by lmw)
(more…)

The thing is Jamie, you and your poncy middle-class chums might indeed be able to feed my family for a fiver. But where I come from, we don’t eat frittata for Sunday lunch. That’s why I’m off to Morrisons. A chicken dinner for four, with two veg, roast potatoes and yorkshire puds for £4. Brilliant. For the full details of dinnery goodness, see HUKD – thanks to twoangels for posting.