Three years late to the party, Sony are gearing up to launch Playstation Move, a wireless, motion-controlled handset. Just like Nintendo’s Wii, then. But Sony aren’t happy taking on just Nintendo; they’re so confident their new controller is going to set the world of gaming on fire and raze it to the ground, that they’ve produced a promotional video slating both the Wii and Project Natal – Microsoft’s controller-free gaming system launching later in the year.
It’s been a while since we’ve seen such a smug, self-satisfied, shit-eating grin like Keith Butler’s, so don’t be alarmed if you feel the uncontrollable urge to force your foot through the screen.
Well, now it’s 9.30am and that idea seems like so much tired old hat, thanks to Microsoft and a man called Chris Harrison. Harrison made over 300 appearances for Plymouth Argyle during the 1970s and 1980s* but now, as this video shows, he is an electronic pioneer.
He’s the man that will help us to control our mobile phones, entertainment devices and game-playing gizmos using our… OWN SKIN!
As this video demonstrates, tapping the skin on different parts of your arm creates a series of different sounds. When those sounds are picked up by a gadget that straps on to your arm, they are then translated into instructions that will control your phone or mp3 player or help you become a Tetris champion. Cleverly, they’re calling it ‘Skinput.’
Some questions arise. How do the menus appear on your arm? We don’t know – probably lasers. What do you do if you live in a freezing cold country like Britain? We don’t know – but we’re sure that the boffins will find a way around that. If you exercise your forearm and make it bigger and stronger, will that make your mp3 player have a larger capacity? No, don’t be so ridiculous.
It’s early on a Monday morning and Bitterwallet has already given you a vision of the future on a plate. Now stop scratching your arse and go and get some work done so we can all get there quicker.
At Christmas for the last two years, kids and parents have gone horse-shit crazy for the Nintendo Wii. It’s revolutionised gaming, inventing a mainstream family and social experience that has helped Nintendo dominate the UK with a staggering 50 per cent of the console market share, riding high above Sony and Microsoft. And remember the Wiimote when you first used it? Wireless, motion sensitive. Witchcraft.
Microsoft are going to blow the Wii out the water. It’s not talk anymore – slowly but surely, more and more people are being allowed inside the world of Project Natal, the console that parents will be socking one another in the face for this Christmas. We’ve reported on Natal a couple of times – when news of it first appeared last June, and when there was buzz about it at the Consumer Electronics show last month.
Now journalists have had hands-on experience of the system themselves, according to Silicon Republic – and it sounds bloody amazing:
Walk up to the Natal sensor and it instantly recognises not just your body, but your arms and elbows, hips, legs and feet, replicating your entire body in an on-screen avatar.Having no controller means there’s nothing to learn and no buttons to press. Kick or wave your arm and the ghost-like avatar does the same. Each of your movements is mimicked in near real-time (there is a slight delay) with impressive accuracy.
The motion detection isn’t perfect, but it’s very close – probably as close as it needs to be at this stage. Natal knows when you are moving forwards, backwards or even turning around in a full circle, revealing a detailed understanding of the dynamics and makeup of the human body.
Microsoft have again confirmed that Natal will be available for this Christmas – major games manufacturers have been working on new titles for the system since last June. Also, Natal will be a hardware add-on that’ll plug into your existing Xbox 360 – from the Arcade version of the console to the Elite. If you don’t have one already, it may be worth your while bagging one of the dirt cheap deals on an Xbox in the coming months.
Until Christmas, then, here’s a reminder of what Microsoft is promising (and there’s more over at the official YouTube channel). That’s no moon, etc.
Not so long ago, Google plastered the country in ads for Google Chrome, their OS for PCs and laptops. It was a little baffling as to why free papers had a Chrome wraparound, why Google had taken over knackered old billboards in town centres. Why was Google suddenly trying to raise the profile of their operating system? Part of it may have been to do with Christmas sales, to try and persuade new users to trial Chrome. Now it appears it was far more strategic than that.
After losing out to the European Competition regarding their anti-competitive approach to software, Microsoft has been forced to offer Windows users the opportunity to change browsers. A Windows Update in the next couple of weeks will provide a browser choice screen to Windows users in Europe who are running Internet Explorer as their default browser.
Users will see a number of browser options – including Opera, Safari, Chrome, Firefox and Explorer, of course – displayed in a random sequence and be able to choose a new default browser. That won’t seem like a big deal to avid Bitterwallet readers, since you lot are savvy enough to be aware of other options – but plenty of for plenty of PC users, it will never have crossed their minds that an alternative is available.
It’s now apparent Google’s carpet bombing of the media in December was a preemptive strike to raise awareness of their OS ahead of whatever action Microsoft was forced to take – the news that Microsoft would have to give PC users a choice of browser broke in mid-December.
A round-up of news and outlandish rumours from the last 24 hours in the Applesphere:
Apple seeks U.S. ban on Nokia imports
In the continuing ‘my dad’s bigger than your dad’ spat between Apple and Nokia, the Jobsovian Empire has now filed a complaint with the US International Trade Commission to block the import of Nokia handsets into the US. Not that a move would do any huge harm to Nokia since their market share in the US is teeny tiny – it’s just one more way Apple can piss off Nokia in their smartphone patent war.
Apple looks for iSlate mobile partner
Less of a rumour, more a case of stating the bleeding obvious – assuming Apple’s ‘latest creation’ is a tablet PC, then it’s unimaginable it would be wifi-only. This device is going to chew up a lot of data so any mobile carrier will want their pound of flesh in return, since UK operators are already struggling with massive increases in data usage.
It’s possible that a UK provider will heavily subsidise the cost of the device in return for a 24 month contract, as they do with netbooks and laptops, but with all hope of the tablet being remotely affordable receding quicker than Declan Donelly’s hairline, any deal would be unlikely to render the tablet free.
Apple and Microsoft discuss giving Bing top iPhone billing
Perhaps it fanboy paranoia or perhaps Apple have noticed Google’s concerted effort to RULE THE EARTH. Rumour has it that Apple and Microsoft are in discussions to replace Google with as the default search engine on the iPhone. Bing certainly hasn’t suffered from poor reviews and most users probably wouldn’t care that much, certainly not enough to bother changing the default back to Google.
The Consumer Electronics Show means more geek porn than The Hun’s homepage. While Steve Ballmer may have universally disappointed the world’s tech media with his half-hearted tablet presentation, Microsoft is still making plenty of noise – not unlike a yappy dog with two tails – about Project Natal. It’s the games console that requires no remotes – the player’s body can interact directly with the gaming experience.
A new behind-the-scenes video has now been released, and not only does Natal look fricking fantastic, it proves Microsoft’s inability to produce revolutionary products without the assistance of Brits. Hurrah. Watch out for the dude who insists on wearing sunglasses inside. Will a lack of buttons dumb down the gameplay, or will it be like the difference between remote controls for the TV and having to get up to change the channel? We’ll find out soon enough – the Natal (or whatever its name turns out to be) is due to launch in time for Christmas.
Back in August we ran the story stating Microsoft had been forced to stop selling one of the most popular software packages in the world – Microsoft Word – after a court ruled it had infringed a patent owned by Canadian company i4i. It looked like one of the stories we make up on a quiet news day (incidentally, our favourite of 2009 was “Thousands scammed by bearded horse”) but it was entirely true. And now to compound the improbability, Microsoft has failed in its attempt to dismiss the original ruling.
The failure of their appeal means Microsoft have to pay i4i damages of £182 million and comply with an injunction ending the sales of some versions of Word, due to come into effect on 11 January.
i4i claimed they created the method and architecture for reading XML documents, now commonplace in Microsoft’s 2003 and 2007 versions of Word. However since the decision in August, Microsoft have been removing the incriminating code from both Microsoft Word 2007 and Office 2007, and the company expects to have the new versions available for sale by the injunction date.
In other words, everything will carry on as normal. As if i4i will care – they’re about to cash a cheque for £182 million. Oddly, there’s no sign of Microsoft strenuously denying the accusations and they’ve been working since the August ruling to comply with/beat the injunction – which not only means money spent on producing new versions of their product but they have to withdraw all existing stock from the shelves. That’s an awful lot of expense for something they could fight in court.
This is one of those YouTube videos that may disappear before too long. It’s possibly a wind-up, but it seems a very plausible first-hand account as to why Microsoft’s Steve Ballmer would fire an employee. If you don’t think the CEO is capable of acting like the crazed mentallist he’s made out to be, watch this first before viewing the video below:
Hello to you from the epicentre of consumer crappiness that is the Bitterwallet Worst Company In Britain 2009 competition, as we work our way towards finding out who will be new holders of the golden turd trophy.
By the way, if there’s anyone at all left at the HQ of 2008’s winner Setanta and you’re reading this and you know where the trophy is; erm, we’d like it back please – your year of shame is almost over.
Today’s crunch clash is a showdown between two modern media giants that have miffed a bunch of you over the past year – we’re talking Sky and we’re talking Microsoft. You have until midnight to vote for one or neither of them. Or, if you understand how such things work, both of them, or one of them loads and loads of times. Whatever. Just vote. Or don’t.
I refused to believe that Microsoft could serve up yet another atrocious marketing campaign for Windows 7. They had to end at some point, surely? Nossir. The marketing agency appears to have made real their most pathetic, patronising nightmares – all the while making the end result as feeble and as damaging to the brand as possible.
This week, those aspirational PC owners the Sugababes test-drive a new operating system:
But wait! Disaster ahoy as small child threatens to use the interwebz!
Please, spoon my eyes out and boil them in oil. Microsoft, really. This isn’t working. You’re trying to “sell the sizzle” as marketeers describe it, but even a dumbed down consumer base is going to wonder whether they want to be associated with your products. Yes, we’re all talking about it and yes, you’re getting plenty of press attention for this vomit-strained mess of an idea, but you had a lot of ground to make up after Vista, and this gypsy’s dog of a campaign isn’t making it any better.
Yesterday evening Google announced the next stage of its Chrome operating system, by open-sourcing the code for developers to begin building our brave new world. Google sees a future where we run all programmes online through a browser, and we wave goodbye to installing software on our PC or laptop – while it could revolutionise home and business computing, Microsoft and its software empire appears to be the number one target.
Here’s there official video to explain it – for some reason they’ve chosen-a voiceover-with. William… Shatner’s. Enunciation. KHAN!!!!:
If you’re on the lookout for an affordable Xbox 360, now is the time to take advantage of the bans issued to hundreds of thousands of console owners last week… as long as you’re not bothered about playing online games.
The naughty gamers were found out after playing with modded consoles and those consoles have been kicked off Xbox Live forever, leaving their owners forced to fork out for a new Xbox if they want to get online again.
As a result, scores of them have taken to selling their tainted games machines on eBay, in spite of the online auction house issuing the following warning…
“If you are looking to buy an Xbox 360 on eBay in the near future, ask the seller if it has been banned from Xbox Live and be sure to pay by PayPal in case they lie. If you do get a banned console, start a PayPal claim.”
Sure enough, lots of the banned consoles are turning up on eBay, with their sellers being open and honest about their banned status. And they’re going for an average of about £75, often with some games thrown in, which isn’t bad.
And, because they’re modded, you can play pirated games on them. Not that you’d ever do that because you’re a good honest lot out there. And hell, we’d never condone that sort of thing anyway.
I mean. Fuck me. I’m struggling to find the words. This was filmed in the Microsoft store yesterday. Isn’t the idea of potential viral activity that it’s good, or is every company pouring over Ryanair’s well thumbed encyclopedia of polarising marketing ideas?
After the sheer godawfulness of previous Microsoft campaigns, it’s impossible not to be suspicious about this. They have an uncanny aptitude for creating miserable marketing for their products, and here we have 10 years old Will Smith (the other one) bestowing the virtues of upgrading to Windows 7 in a school talent contest. A proud dad bullying child into emulating his nerdish ways, or cunning viral promotion planned by Microsoft? Embedding and comments have already been disabled. Hmm:
Back in August we ran the story stating Microsoft had been forced to stop selling one of the most popular software packages in the world – Microsoft Word – after a court ruled it had infringed a patent owned by Canadian company 
feral trolley of the week
