Posts Tagged ‘leeds’

Witness the fitness (in Leeds)

January 30th, 2014 7 Comments By Lucy Sweet

When it comes to buying fitness equipment, you would think that neurotic Londoners would be the biggest spenders. But no. It turns out that the good folk of Leeds, when they’re not eating pies and singing ‘On Ikley Moor Bah tat’ are buying up cross trainers, diet supplements and pedometers faster than Billy Whizz from the Beano.

fitness1 Witness the fitness (in Leeds)

The study, commissioned by PriceSpy, studied online purchases of sports equipment by region and found that the top three fittest areas were Leeds, Cardiff and Gloucester, closely followed by Manchester.

The most slovenly city in Britain, however, was Wolverhampton, which wallowed at the bottom of the table like a manatee wearing a Noddy Holder hat.

PriceSpy admitted that there was no guarantee that all this fitness equipment might be gathering dust by February. However, the findings were generally in line with another recent survey which pinpointed levels of sports participation in Britain.

So, Wolverhampton – get off your arses and into some lycra. The nation is watching you…

picture 27 Bah, humbug! Mystery man plans end to Christmas in SummerIf we were 87 year-old Denis Norden, we’d say that next is a story to file under “about bastard time, too” – although Norden wouldn’t say bastard, unless he’d had a very large glass of gin: a shadowy organisation named the Movement for the Containment of Christmas is threatening shopkeepers who dare to slip into the Yuletide spirit too early.

Four businesses in Leeds have received letters warning them not to sell Christmas cards before November and a charity shop in Headingly has had its locks glued. Police have confirmed they are investigating the letters as well as mysterious phonecalls received by staff and hooded characters caught on CCTV posting the letters, which read:

MOVEMENT FOR THE CONTAINMENT OF XMAS

This is a very polite but very serious reminder not to display Xmas cards until 1st Nov.

We will put superglue in your locks if you do.

Peace and goodwill

(The MIND shop got done on Sunday)

Genius. Either it’s an individual concerned at the continued commercialisation of Christ’s birth, an outraged Bitterwallet reader or a just a regular mentalist. Either way, we’re secretly with them on this one, aren’t we? If it’s you, get in touch and tell us whether you’re likely to start scooping the organs out of prostitutes next. We’d quite like the scoop if you are.

[Daily Mail]