Posts Tagged ‘kfc double down’
Over the past several months, we’ve been following the birth of the KFC Double Down – a regular chicken sandwich but with two crucial differences; there is no chicken filling, but bacon, cheese and the Colonel’s “special sauce” instead; and there is no bread, because both slices have been replaced by fried chicken.
We had considered the Double Down the most greatest sandwich gifted to humanity. We were wrong, because we hadn’t heard of the Herculean brawn of the McDonalds McGangBang – a whole chicken sandwich inserted twixt two halves of a double cheeseburger:
Photo by angfoo.tumblr.com
Eat Me Daily has a full-fat history of the McGangBang since its birth at some point in 2006, including successful attempts at ordering it at McDonalds. There’s plenty of video evidence too:
Why? Why would a vegan even attempt to recreate the now legendary KFC Double Down for their own pale palette? The point is that it’s packed so full of meat that there’s no room for vegetables, mushroom spores or tofu. No bread in a sandwich? That’s because it’s too full of MEAT, you tits.
Just look at it. Look At. It. You’re trying to kill everything there is to love about the KFC Double Down. We’re not interested in it because of its appearance, we crave it because it’s full of MEAT:
Worse, the creator tries to engage us with some pathetic commentary that isn’t half as heartfelt as our bitching friend from the other day. As if this man has any clue about the true emotional power of the Colonel’s secret blend of eleven herbs and spices:
I bought the best processed fake chicken I could find. Cook it first in a pan and give it a little bit of a crust. I have to say, this was intense. I ate the whole thing, and actually cried a little afterward. I walked my dog shortly after finishing it, and I felt like everyone was staring at me like I just had gross sweaty sex in the back of a van.
“The best processed fake chicken” you could find? What does that even mean, you protein starved fiend? Get out.
News of the KFC Double Down caused quite a stir amongst the calorie-snuffling lardarses that are the avid Bitterwallet readership. It’s a chicken sandwich but with two crucial differences; there is no chicken filling, but bacon, cheese and the Colonel’s “special sauce” instead; there is no bread, because both slices have been replaced by fried chicken. Like a negative image of a chicken sandwich, then. Sort of.
The Double Down went nationwide in the US a few days ago, and YouTube has been buzzing with shoddily-made reviews of the wundersandwich ever since. We’ve watched a few and this is our favourite – some squeaky voiced daft lad in a headband talking to his bitches, who acts as if he’s enjoyed his first special trouser kiss when he tastes it. “You know that feeling when you die and go to heaven?” No. Would you like to?
Avid Bitterwallet reader Rob has spent the last decade spending thousands on the McDonalds menu, in the vain hope of scooping a star prize in their regular Monopoly promotion. It doesn’t matter how much Rob spends, however – he wins free medium fries and a flimsy voucher or two, and sod all else. He’s lost his house trying to win one, but now his luck’s changed:
Thanks to McDonalds at Rock Ferry in Birkenhead, Rob scribbled “£500K” in crayon on his blank game stickers, and has subsequently flicked the Vs at the global patty-flipping health vampires. He can now afford to live – and eat – in style; Rob is having half a dozen KFC Double Downs imported fresh every day.