Google are exploding like a jacked-up supernova right now, with projects flying in all directions. Earlier in the week they decided to try plugging maps into GMail and setting their sights on social media with Google Buzz. It’s bollocks. Now they’ve announced plans to build and test ultra high-speed broadband networks in a number of trial locations across the US, initially serving up to half a million people.

Google are planning to deliver broadband services at speeds of up to 1 gigabit per second, and the network will be open access, meaning other service providers can take advantage of Google’s infrastructure. In that knowingly earnest way, Google state: ” Wedon’t think we have all the answers – but through our trial, we hope to make a meaningful contribution to the shared goal of delivering faster and better Internet for everyone.”

It seems that no matter what anyone does, piracy on the net is not going to go away. I think it’s fair to assume that people like free stuff more than having morals. What did morality do for anyone apart from turn people into pious preachers?

That said, there’s a very real problem when it comes to musicians and film makers getting paid for what they do. The entertainment industry is in limbo and doesn’t quite know what to do about it all and thus far, has only thought of moaning to governments saying “those people out there! They’re bullying us for our dinner money!”

Naturally, governments are shitting hopeless at sorting things like this out. The latest scheme is to suspend the connections of those who repeatedly share music and films online. The actions of the pirates will see all consumers coughing up £500 million.

The Digital Economy Bill would force ISPs to send warning letters to anyone caught flinging copyright material around without permission. As such, these people will see their connection suspended or slowed to the point where they’ll feel like they’re using a computer in 1996. In real terms, the ISPs reckon consumers will have £25 added to their broadband subscription.

The MPs think that this will all generate £1.7 billion in extra sales for the entertainment industry and, perhaps most tellingly, £350 million in extra VAT for the government.

In The Times, Charles Dunstone, chief executive of Carphone Warehouse (who own TalkTalk) said: “Broadband consumers shouldn’t have to bail out the music industry. If they really think it’s worth spending vast sums of money on these measures then they should be footing the bill; not the consumer.”

Meanwhile, pint-sized U2 warbler Bono, has had a pop at the ISPs for not doing enough to combat illegal filesharing.

In the New York Times, he proposed that the rise of filesharing has hurt musicians and claimed that the only group “this reverse Robin Hooding benefits are rich service providers, whose swollen profits perfectly mirror the lost receipts of the music business”. That’s not all though. Get this:

“We know from America’s noble effort to stop child pornography, not to mention China’s ignoble effort to suppress online dissent, that it’s perfectly possible to track content,” Bono added. So what, he wants us all to get spied on now? The jumped-up little squirt! Why I oughta…

Anyway, this debate is one that’s going right down to the copper wire and no-one, as yet, has come up with a solution to it. As ever, it’s over to the collective You, dear Bitterwallet readers, to think up the answers for these bozos.

[MusicWeek]

PS: Don’t take the image too seriously folks. It’s lame joke to try and drag your attention in from the millions of other flashing neon blogs and sites out there.

Now this is a little scary. TorrentFreak is tonight reporting that lawyers in the UK have been granted court orders which “force ISPs to hand over the details of individuals who they say have been monitored sharing hardcore pornography”. According to the site, up to 30,000 individuals – as many as 25,000 BT and 5,000 customers of other ISPs – will be receiving “shock letters demanding big payments” during the coming weeks.

Last week at the Royal Courts of Justice in London, a firm called ACS:Law made applications for orders that force ISPs to hand over the names and addresses of subscribers that are claimed to have infringed their client’s rights. TorrentFreak states the orders related to around 30,000 IP addresses in relation to nearly 300 movie titles.

These aren’t the first such orders to be published – there’s plenty more reading on the topic at TorrentFreak and the website BeingThreatened (which provides advice to innocent parties receiving letters from ACS:Law).

Nobody will be surprised to hear it – Ofcom has been testing the average speed of household broadband lines, and the reality is a million miles away from the promise sold by service providers. In the case of AOL and Tiscali, the line speeds advertised and those achieved are as different as chalk and Chichester.

And to be fair to Ofcom, they didn’t just check a handful of times – in the six months to April this year, the regulators performed over 60 million separate tests in over 1600 homes. What was the result? Fewer than 9 per cent of customers who bought “up to 8Mbps” services received actual average speeds of over 6Mbps – and around one in five received, on average, less than 2Mbps.

Here’s how the results stack up:

Apologists and the ISP providers themselves will no doubt claim the speeds are attainable for customers who live close to the exchanges – but then if that’s such a key factor, why isn’t addressed when a customer buys the service? “You live X miles from your local exchange, therefore you can expect an average speed of XMbps” – if the distance to an exchange can readily be used to defend the “up to” claims, then surely it can also be used to inform the customer? Otherwise it’s a clear-cut case of mis-selling, surely?

Ofcom also cites two factors as responsible for these terrible performances - “the technology used to deliver broadband and the capacity of the provider’s network”. In other words, ISP providers are knowingly selling a service their technology and the network may not be able to provide.

Every little helps, unless you’re referring to Tesco Broadband. As anyone who has tried their customer support number will know, whatever help you do receive will cost you one good kidney at the bare minimum.

Which? has been delving into the murky world of ISP technical support, and the numbers revealed – in particular those that appear on your phone bill – make for a disturbing read. Like a Stephen King novel, but when he was still good.

The magazine surveyed 45 service providers, and found that 32 use premium-rate numbers for customer support. A handful used 090 numbers, which can be charged out to the customer at up to £1.50. Tesco Broadband uses such a prefix for tech support and charges an eye-watering 50 pence a minute for the experience.

Only six of the service providers surveyed offer a freephone 0800 number including BT, Waitrose, and O2.

And then of course, there’s the time your call sits in a queue while you slowly lose your teeth, your looks and the will to live. Which? discovered the average wait to speak to someone was just over 90 seconds. If you’re a Plusnet customer, then it’s possible that scientists will have successfully developed AI by the time you’re connected; the average wait was nearly eight minutes, though one researcher had to wait over twelve minutes to talk to somebody.

[Which?]