Posts Tagged ‘homeless’

River Island stay classy

March 4th, 2014 4 Comments By Ian Wade

River Island have brought out a t-shirt with the word ‘Homeless’ on it.

The clothing chain, favoured mostly by those wanting a step-up from Primark, have been quietly selling the item on their website for a little while for a not entirely unreasonable £16.

zzzzzzz2 500x500 River Island stay classy

The website reckons it will “Give your day a quirky talking point in this black and white “homeless New York City” print t-shirt”.

“We plan to give some of the proceeds of sales to homeless charities rather than making a LOL out of people less fortunate than ourselves” would be a better tagline.

Lidl end up paying £162k for homeless dinners

December 18th, 2012 10 Comments By Mof Gimmers

tramps 300x220 Lidl end up paying £162k for homeless dinners

Lidl got into the Christmas spirit by accident recently after they were half-forced into coughing up  €200,000 (£162,000) worth of food to homeless food banks after a donation pledge ended up going viral.

One wing of Lidl said that they’d be more than happy to hand out five four-course Christmas dinners to homeless centres for each tweet containing the hash tag “#luxevooriedereen” (that’s Dutch for “luxury for everyone”).

It seems Lidl thought they would be handing out around a thousand of these dinner offers, which cost £16 each and consist of of tomato soup, vol-au-vents with chips, an ice-cream cake and chocolates. However, after the local press and Twitter got hold of it, it ended up costing them a whole load more.

Lidl will now be delivering 7,500 dinners.

Of course, it is easy to sneer that this is a company caught on the hop and forced into fulfilling a vow that got a little out of hand, but in Lidl’s defence, they’ve kicked up zero stink and honoured their promise and in fact, added an extra 2,500 meals across the country, bringing the total to 10,000 dinner packs.

“We’ve learnt quite a few lessons over the past 48 hours, to say the least,” said the spokesman.

Every Lidl helps, etc.

Vagrants! Pret A Manger want you!

April 3rd, 2012 21 Comments By Mof Gimmers
tramps 300x220 Vagrants! Pret A Manger want you!

"Fancy a butty?"

Pret A Manger is going to create over 500 jobs in the UK, and interestingly, they’re open to applications from the homeless.

The firm already give leftover food to vagrants and now, is planning to recruit them once they get over the overbearing smell of ammonia coming from their crotches.

Chief executive Clive Schlee said: ‘Pret plans to expand the Pret apprenticeship scheme for the homeless and increase the number of apprentices to 70 this year. The scheme offers an opportunity to break the cycle of homelessness by providing the most valuable gift of all – a paid job in a lively social environment.’

Of course, this neat trick is a reply to criticisms that Pret have come under in the past, most noticeably from Employment Minister Chris Grayling who said that it was ‘unacceptable’ for food chains to employ all-foreign staff at a time when British people were losing their jobs.

One question that remains unanswered is how the homeless are going to actually apply for these new jobs. You’re average cardboard shelter doesn’t tend to have a printer installed in it and, if it did, previous experience of drinking Special Brew and defecating in doorways won’t really make for a decent CV.

Let’s send you into the weekend with some remembering. Remember Ted Willams, the homeless Ohio hobo with the velvet larynx? A year ago, he was living on the streets, smoking crack and not doing very many advert voiceovers. In fact, he was doing none – it was almost all about the smoking of the crack.

But then he got discovered by a TV news crew and within a few days he’d had a wash and was advertising macaroni cheese – the American dream writ large. But twelve months on, where is he now? Back in a ditch, with his lips locked around the pipe again? NO! He’s fine, kind of (there’s been a few stabs at rehab but he’s clean at the moment). He’s living in a condo, has got a walk-in wardrobe and everything’s fine and dandy. EVERYTHING’S COMING UP TED!

He still needs to bring back the old hairstyle though.

Commercial Break: Homeless Voiceover Man gets a gig

January 10th, 2011 4 Comments By Andy Dawson

Ted Williams Commercial Break: Homeless Voiceover Man gets a gigRejoice! Miracles CAN happen! Dreams CAN come true! Homeless men with SMOOTH voices can rebuild their lives in the blink of an eye.

Just over a week ago, Ted Williams (pictured) was an American bum, living on the streets and trying to earn some loose change with the help of his larynx. Then a TV news crew spotted him and turned him into a worldwide internet phenomenon.

Days later, and Ted’s had his hair cut and already got himself some voiceover work – and here it is, for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. What a literal rags to riches story – let’s just hope recovering drink and drug user Ted doesn’t piss the cash away on fancy living.

Truth be told, we preferred him when he was roaming the streets with the wild hair…

You Can Trust Tramps With Your Credit Card

September 8th, 2010 5 Comments By Mof Gimmers
jimmy cricket You Can Trust Tramps With Your Credit Card

A homeless person, yesterday

You’ve seen homeless people around haven’t you? You vicious swines probably shout “How’s homelessness working out for ya?” don’t you. Gits. Anyway, for those of you who give change when you can, have you ever considered handing over your credit card to them?

That would be just stupid, right? They’d run off and buy… hang on… do dealers even accept cards these days?

However, some schmaltzy report from Canada suggests that you can indeed trust a homeless person with your credit card.

There was a story recently which saw a New York advertising executive (aka a prick) handing over her American Express Platinum Card to a homeless chap who went off and bought $25 worth of deodorant, water and cigarettes before returning the card.

The Star (no, not that one) sent a reporter out with a load of prepaid credit cards and dished them out to people living on the streets. The main purchases revolved around McDonald’s, with cigarettes coming a close second. Basically, the story seems to go that, if you hand over a credit card to a homeless person, they’ll stock up on groceries and hand you your card back.

Of course, it helps if you’re a reporter and you can confidently get some cash from your bosses to conduct this little social experiment. This means that, when the card goes walkies, you can simply shrug it off and not worry about your identity being stolen.

Anyway, click that link above and read all about and, please note, the reasonably witty panhandling sign about Obama.