Posts Tagged ‘funny’
People are forever winding up companies with joke letters of complaint, but things get really good when companies play along in turn.
And so, to Bic, who make the famous pens. One customer told them that one of their pens must have been faulty because it was erroneously drawing nothing but massive penises. And so, Bic responded to the letter and apologised in a funny fashion.
Have a read of this letter (click on it to make it larger, if needed)
[image via twitter/warrenchrismas]
Some bright spark has come up with a brilliant range of t-shirts that feature slightly wrong quotes. Our favourite is the one pictured below, but there’s ones starring Victor Meldrew, Joey from Friends, Star Trek and loads more.
They’re pretty amazing.
Even better, is that you can buy them! Have a look at the wondrous slightlywrongquotes.com to see the full range. They’d make an excellent Christmas present, especially if you are utterly adamant that the quote is correct if the recipient tells you it is wrong.
Ever found yourself wondering how to get more for your money after buying a cake tin that is shaped like a penis? Well, help is at hand as one woman came up with some novel ways of making wang-shaped treats into something that, ahem, anyone can swallow.
Shoplifter gets beat down - bitterwallet/shoplifter
Mortgage overpayments are rife - bitterwallet/overpaying
Banks to stop premium rate phone numbers - bitterwallet/bankphone
McDonald’s – now with sexual assault - bitterwallet/mcdonalds
Supermarket offers – are they misleading and confusing? bitterwallet/offers
Greggs say no to sauce - bitterwallet/no-sauce
Getting refunds on downloads - bitterwallet/refund
The best of the rest
Google and Microsoft block abuse online - bbc/block
Android device having battery issues? - androidpolice/battery
Apple to bring 3D sensors to their game - techcrunch/apple3D
Hackers are going after governments - theatlanticwire.com/anonymous
Facebook filled with corpses - what-if
Samsung shares rise, despite Apple spat - dawn/samsung
It invariably isn’t good for the economy, but who cares? You need to bunk off work and get to the pub or start putting your feet up. With that, you can pretend your computer is broken or has a virus, thanks to Happy Hour Virus.
Here’s what you do. First, visit the website here. Choose an option, as seen above. Then, let out a frustrated noise or sigh wearily. Then, tell you colleagues that you’re going to have to stop work.
Then start the weekend.
Never let it be said that the American Dream isn’t alive and well in South Wales. It seems anyone really can do anything, as small business owner Dianah Kendall from Pencoed near Bridgend has proven. She’s a blind hairdresser.
Dianah, 56, suffered a brain injury earlier this year, but her loyal customers have insisted they will still let her cut their hair even though she is registered partially blind and “couldn’t see her hand in front of her face” and can now only see “a small box”.
One customer, 34, told the Express “I have never left with a cut I did not like. She knows what I like so well that she could do it with her eyes closed,” adding “I wouldn’t go anywhere else.”
Dianah had three months off with her injury, before returning to her business, built up over 40 years. Dianah says her customers “ tease me about my eyesight – saying who would have a cut from a blind hairdresser?” but Dianah doesn’t mind, after all “losing some of my sight and surviving is better than the other option.”
Dianah is confident her business will continue to thrive “I was told my sight would come back slowly but it has been over a year now and it’s worse if anything. But now … it only affects my peripheral vision” adding… “if a head of hair is in front of me I can see well enough to give my usual great standard of cut.” We say fair play to her- if she can manage and no-one complains, who are we to snigger into our hankies?
But what’s next? Blind taxi drivers? Low-intelligence politicians? Oh, wait…
Comedians have taken the Michael out of IKEA’s bewildering floor layout by creating a system which traps customers inside rooms, so we can laugh at them while they nervously giggle their way through a Terry Waite scenario (sorry Terry, we love you really).
Watch the video as brothers Vegard and Bard Ylvisaker directing the mischief from behind the scenes while their associates rearrange doorways and close off entrances.
Seriously though – is it that different from the real thing?
You have to applaud people for their shameless attempts to ride the coattails of those more successful. There’s some hilarious knockoff Manchester United kits doing the rounds and of course, all good B&M Bargain shops have things that Look A Bit Like Mars Bars and the like.
However, Iceland have gone one further than everyone else, with a range of snack which are enough to make a lawyer’s bumhole twitch.
Behold, the majesty of a packet of Wotsi… hang on, Wot’sthis? And there’s more.
However, these aren’t bags of crisps; these are things you cook in the oven! There’s a range of official tie-ins and one sly dupe. And, if you’re wondering what is inside, the wonderful Grocery Gems reviewed them all.
Have a look here – grocerygems.co.uk/review
Western products are so irritatingly vague when it comes to straplines. McDonald’s say ‘I’m lovin’ it’ and Gillette say ‘a best a man can get’, which tell you nothing.
However, a Japanese product helps to solve your constipated problems and offers you reassurance in the bluntest of manners.
If “A Solo a day, clear your constipation away” wasn’t direct enough, the delightful CAPS LOCK claim of “GUARANTEE YOU SHIT EVERYDAY” certainly clears things up.
If only all products were so uncomplicated.
There’s something quite depressing when you have to scroll down for a while when entering your year of birth on a website. The older you get, the longer you scroll. Each passing year reminds you that you’re probably going to die soon.
At EasyJet however, it seems like they’re expecting Mumm-Ra levels of old. According to their website, they’re expecting passengers that are over 160 years old.
Over on Twitter, JonathanDean spotted just how old you can be, saying: “Imagine being 163-years-old, with all the wonder you have seen, and having to take an EasyJet flight.”
G4S, when they’re not ballsing everything up, have a wonderful, wonderful corporate theme song. Would you like to hear it?
Here it is.
If you’d like to singalong, here are the lyrics:
“You love your job and the people too; Making a difference is what you do; But consider all you have at stake; The time is now don’t make a mistake”
“Because the enemy prowls, wanting to attack; But we’re on the wall, we’ve got your back; So get out front and take the lead and be the winner you were born to be.”
“G4S! protecting the world! G4S! so dreams can unfurl! 24/7 every night and day! A warrior stands ready so don’t be afraid!
G4S! secure in your world! G4S! let your dreams unfurl! We’re guarding you with all our might! Keeping watch throughout the night!”
A video has appeared online which shows a gaming granny playing GTA V. That’s cool enough as it is, however, in the clip, she goes on a mental and thoroughly wonderful rant against British Gas, getting her revenge on innocents in the game and beating the crap out of them like they put her bills up.
Warning, this video has very, very fruity language.
The lady in question is called Gamergran87 and while punching and beating several pedestrians, setting people on fire and blowing up gas rigs, she shouts things like “SCUM!” and ”20% price hike?! You thieving bastards. Have some of this!” And it is all aimed at British Gas.
Of course, it might not be strictly kosher, but we don’t want to know. Either way, ‘GAS BASTARDS’ needs to make it into everyday language.
It can be hard for small businesses to stand out against the might of mega-corps, so they have to get inventive with the signage and naming of their shops.
However, for Mega Cutz, it all went a bit wrong as they sent out a very different message to the one they intended.
Picture via avid Bitterwallet reader hollybrocks
No-one actually knows what the Samsung ‘Push’ update it, yet, owners of Galaxy 3s and 4s will get a mysterious app update once a month. As such, everyone has decided to openly mock Samsung in the comments on the app.
And that’s just the tip.
When it isn’t clearing up people’s fatal diseases and promoting satanic buggery, it is making dweebs more attractive to womenfolk.
Of course, not everyone is a fan of this discourse.
One day, humans might actually work out what the Samsung Push update actually is and perhaps it’ll unlock the secrets to the human condition. Until then, we’ll have to settle for toilet humour.
The super soaraway Sun isn’t the brightest of newspapers as you know, and they’ve dropped a clanger by reporting something fictional as fact [insert satire here].
In a feature about future technologies, they show a picture of a cybernetic eyeball, saying that it is the kind of thing that will be commonplace with future generations. However, the eyeball is clearly labelled with the name of Sarif Industries, which you’ll find in the Deus Ex: Human Revolution game.
The Sun presumably looked for the ‘company’ online and found an active website that looks authentically corporate, but alas, if they’d bothered to actually have a snoop around it for 2 seconds, they would’ve realised it wasn’t real as tech firms don’t tend to have hacked audio files with insane voices (perhaps they should?).