Posts Tagged ‘funny’

All hail man’s bacon rant on Facebook!

July 22nd, 2015 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Mostly, when people complain to shops on Facebook and Twitter, they’re not at all funny. In fact, they’re a pain in the hole. However, sometimes, you get a cheeky git who can bring a smile to your face.

And so, to a bacon-devotee, who decided to rant at Tesco about his rashers.

A fella called Ben Roberts wrote to the retailer, to relive his the awful moment in his breakfast life. People liked it too, with his post being shared over 9,000 times. Naturally, we’re trying to ride on the back of his traffic because we’re not as funny as we used to be.

bacon FB 500x333 All hail mans bacon rant on Facebook!

He wrote: “Good Evening Tesco,

“I hope this post finds you well. I just wanted to draw to your attention a truly horrific moment I incurred on Sunday morning.

“Now in our house it is pretty much tradition, or more like religion that we have bacon sandwiches in the morning on a weekend, as I am sure a lot of families are the same. After all bacon is the food of champions.

“So here I am Sunday morning when suddenly I remember we don’t have any bacon. I couldn’t believe it! Heartbroken I was! I was on the brink of complete meltdown when I said to myself “Ben! It’s okay! You can just pop down to your handy Tesco Local and pick up a delicious pack of Smoked, back bacon rashers!” Genius!

“So I jumped in the car and drove my happy self down to Ye Olde Tesco. I park up, and skip my self into the shop and head for the meat section. I found the bacon, picked up the pack and thought that can go straight in my basket. Upon closer inspection at the checkout I read the front “7 Smoked Bacon Rashers” I chuckled to myself. 7. That’s a strange number for a pack of bacon. I mean come on 7 is the number of days in the week, or the number of Sins but that is not a great number when it comes to rashers of bacon.

“I should of walked away there and then I know but I didn’t. Instead I thought it’s ok, when I get home and have cooked the strange number of rashers I simply will have 4 and my other half can have 3. The thought of this made me smile. I will have the most bacon, because I deserve it.

“Anyway, I get myself home, turn on the grill, line the tray with foil to avoid washing it and then ripped open the packet. I beamed from ear to ear as I proceeded to lay the bacon out.

“Suddenly.. I stopped. I began to feel myself sink again only this time it was worse. I looked down at the tray and then at the packet, then back at the tray and once more took a real good look at the plastic.

“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! There was only 6 rashers of bacon. 6. I could not believe it! Mortified! I called my other half into the kitchen but quickly dismissed her as she did not seem to understand the problem.

“Well Tesco, let me explain in case you don’t understand the problem. When I go to one of your stores and see 7 rashers of bacon for sale for £1.50 I expect 7 pieces! Not 5, or 6 or even 8 (well 8 is fine) but I expect 7! 7 of your finest rashers is what I wanted and I was sincerely disappointed.

“I have attached photo evidence and basically what I want to know is what the bloody hell are you going to do about this cruel act of betrayal.

“I look forward to your your response and hopefully my additional rasher of bacon”.

Tesco replied with uncharacteristic warmth, by saying: “Well, it sounds like you’ve gone through a whirlwind of emotions for a Sunday morning.

“Like you, my day, month, and year can be made by a top quality bacon butty. I’ll eat them in all the conceivable varieties: with ketchup or with brown sauce. Sometimes, just sometimes, I’ll treat myself to what I call the Jamie special.

“This requires three slices of bread, some Brie, some mild salsa, bacon (obviously), a dab of imagination, and a George Foreman grill (other lean mean grilling machines are available).

“As a fellow bacon fan I can fully understand your shock, disappointment and unadulterated anger at finding only six rashers in the packet.”

To cap it all off, Tesco said they’d give Ben a full refund on the price of a packet of bacon, which means that, if you’re going to complain, it is worth considering being funny. If you’re not funny, then go H.A.M.

People who are able bodied shouldn’t park in bays set aside for disabled people. You might think you should be able to, but you shouldn’t. Why? You’ve had enough, you bloated swine.

In Brazil, someone found themselves on the end of a grand prank, after they’d parked in such a spot.

The person in question came back to his car to find it covered in stickers, to make the whole vehicle look like a blue disabilities logo. The front, top, sides and even wheels were covered.

As you can see from the video, not only did the driver suffer the defacement of his car, but also, a watching and sarcastically cheering crowd too. He sped off and everyone laughed at him.

Not only that, the driver in question got himself a ticket too.

Now, we hand you over to all those people who have missed the fun of a prank like this, for them to complain about vandalism and littering or something.

Remember everyone in Scotland mocking Microsoft, for their advert where they basically mentioned cricket? Of course, Scottish people don’t play cricket – they prefer backstreet wrestling and thumb-wars.

Here is the offending Cortana advert.

cortana 1 460x259 Microsoft appease Glasgow after cricket nonsense

Well, Microsoft have decided to make things right in Glasgow, by providing them with a brand new advert, just for them.

Instead of saying “Cortana can remind you to see if James is up for the cricket this weekend”, which was roundly booed, the new advert – which Microsoft were hoping would go viral – has rectified it.

The new ad reads: “Cortana, next time I speak with Chris, remind me not to mention the cricket.” And here’s the new advert, in exactly the same position, and aimed at the one person who tweeted about it last week.

Remarkable.

cortana 2 500x281 Microsoft appease Glasgow after cricket nonsense

Heinz send customers to filthy websites

June 18th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

porn Heinz send customers to filthy websitesEven though no-one uses QR codes, because they’re fiddly and out-dated, one man decided to try out the one that featured on a bottle of Heinz ketchup… and he got something that was a very different type of ‘saucy’. Instead of arriving on a page where he could design his own Heinz label, instead, he found himself being directed to a hardcore pornography site. Insert your own joke about ‘squirting’ here.

Daniel Korell scanned the label to find out more about the promotion, and was directed to a German porn site, with the utterly wonderful name of ‘Fundorado’.

So what happened? Well, Heinz ran the contest between 2012 and 2014, and the link expired this year, which was then taken up by a mucky website.

Korell wrote on his Facebook page: “Your ketchup really isn’t for under-age people. Even if the bottle was a leftover, it’s still in lots of households.”

“It’s incomprehensible that you didn’t reserve the domain for one or two years. It really doesn’t cost the Earth,” he added.

Heinz’s social media team were quick to apologise and replied to Korell, saying: “We really regret the event very much and we’re happy to take your suggestions for how we implement future campaigns on board.”

That’s all well and good, but Heinz were again scuppered by Fundorado, who enjoyed a load of free advertising and decided to leave a comment on the Facebook post, and offered Korell a free year’s subscription to a load of smutty films. Condimental.

Going for a slash in a public place, can be tricky at the best of times. Men have other men glancing at their junk, or some urinate so forcibly that they create a backspray that emanates from their general area, while another man belches and spits to the side of you.

Gordie Wallace, up in Aberdeen, had a whole new problem when he was at the city’s Handmade Burger Company.

peeburger1 500x303 Urine hand dryer accident gets man socks for life!

 

Basically, while taking a leak, the dryer went off and covered his foot in his own emission.

He said: “Halfway through my urination, the dryer decided to go on full pelt and blew my stream all over the place, covering my trousers and leaving me with a soggy trainer on my left foot.”

Then, the magic happened. After seeing the complaint on their Facebook page, the Handmade Burger Company said sorry, and then offered Gordie a new pair of trainers and a year’s supply of fresh socks, as a way of saying sorry.

They also took this lovely photo of themselves while they investigated the toilet set-up.

peeburger2 500x252 Urine hand dryer accident gets man socks for life!Bravo to all concerned.

 

Tesco troll Liverpool FC manager

June 16th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Corporate social media is, for the most part, the most nauseating thing in the entire world. It tends to veer toward irritating pal-speak where a supermarket pretends to be your pal, or worse still, overly cutesy and self-deprecating meme-chatter, where a retailer goes on like they’re a talking cat or whatever.

However, whoever was running the Tesco account when they were contacted by a parody account of Liverpool FC’s Brendan Rodgers, got it absolutely spot-on.

supermark Tesco troll Liverpool FC manager

For non-football fans, Liverpool have bought a number of players from Southampton FC, which Mike from Tesco thought he’d throw back at ‘Deluded Brendan’.

We hope Mike got a bottle of wine or some bonus for his efforts.

[via FootballRamble]

If you’ve been out in the world with your eyes open at any point, you’ll know that sometimes, Out Of Order signs will appear on toilets. They’re annoying, but a necessary evil.

However, one sign at a Debenhams in Cardiff has caused a bit of interest over what is either a fun joke or a brilliant spelling mistake. The sign apologises “for any incontinence this may cause.”

CFH64bkUEAE87kQ 500x332 Dont wet yourself over this toilets out of order sign

We can’t decide whether or not that someone is having a joke, or if it is a genuine spelling error. Either way, we’re glad it exists.

Just as long as you didn’t see it in person and end up pissing your sides.

Send someone a fart in a jar

May 15th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Ever wanted to send someone a fart in a jar? Ever thought; “Alan from accounts would really like a jar with a trump in it – I’d like to see his face and his flaring nostrils when he opens it. I really hate Alan from accounts.”

Well, you’re in luck! You no longer have to hover over an old jam jar you’d washed out, with your hole parping away into the receptacle. You can now get someone to do it for you for money.

Send a Jart is a proper thing and it’ll cost you $10, which seems like both a rip-off and a bargain at the same time.

 

fart jar 500x343 Send someone a fart in a jar

So what do you need to do? Well, on the Send A Jart website, you ‘choose a booty blast’ (options include ‘crispy’ and ‘Republican’) then write a personalised message, then seal up the stink jar and then you ‘fist bump an eagle’ because, in the words of the company: “What’s that sound? Oh, that’s just the sound of sweet-ass victory being poured in a glass. Drink it up, my friend.”

Of course, you could just do all this yourself, but careful you don’t end up like the grotesque and totally NSFW 1 Man 1 Jar video, okay?

You’ll know that retailers have to impose all manner of rules on customers that are buying booze. They advise you drink responsibly and ask you not to drink them on the premises and all that jazz.

However, at WH Smith, they have drinking rules that are, to say the least, conceptual.

WH Smith Weirdness WH Smiths bizarre concept on drinking their booze

As you can see from the sign, they say: “Alcohol purchased in WH Smith cannot be consumed anywhere inside or outside these premises.” It seems like, should you want to crack open a tin of bitter, you might have to open up an extra dimension that is neither inside or outside the shop, or something.

Of course, this isn’t the most bizarre concept WH Smith has come up with – have you ever seen how they price things in train stations? Some of the basics are so expensive that it’ll make you feel like you’ve had a brain injury.

[nicked off Twitter]

As you know, sometimes you have to barter with companies to get a deal. One fella called Richard Moore chanced his arm when contacting a Chinese restaurant.

He asked, because he was bringing a group to Twin Dynasty in Kent, if it would be possible to get a discount.

Unfortunately for the restaurant, they don’t know how to work technology and, presumably hitting ‘reply all’, Moore soon found himself being called a “cheeky f***er”.

cheekyf er 492x500 Restaurant calls customer a cheeky f***er

Restaurant director Nick Byram said sorry, saying: “As I explained to Mr Moore the email he received was a genuine mistake sent to the wrong recipient on a completely different matter and topic.”

Moore isn’t having any of it, saying: “I was completely shocked, I’ve told friends who have said they are disgusted by it all. I certainly won’t be eating there.”

Of course, Moore should be angling for LOADS of free stuff now by way of compensation. Of course, there’s no real emotional distress or anything like that over something as trivial as this… but this is the dance of customer service. When you cock-up, you’ve got to either try and out-troll someone or hold your hands up and give the aggrieved a load of fodder and laugh it off.

Calsberg troll ‘Beach Body’ ads

May 1st, 2015 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

You’ll remember the Protein World advert which made a load of people angry – while the owner of the company said people who were defacing them were ‘terrorists’, they’re not the only ones who want to mock.

Carlsberg decided to do their own response on the London Underground.

CD2xx yWEAE44If 500x234 Calsberg troll Beach Body ads

While Protein World seemed to actively enjoy the negative attention for their ‘body shaming’ billboard, Carlsberg decided to paraphrase them with a ‘beer body’ ad, as you can see above.

The Carlsberg bottle even has a nice pair of yellow bikini bottoms on, just like the advert it mocked with the “Are you beer body ready?” slogan. This of course prompted “If Carlsberg did adverts, they’d probably do the best adverts in the world’ pun in everyone’s heads.

Child eats flower in Lidl catalogue

April 27th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Catalogues for supermarkets and the like, are always thoroughly tedious affairs. There’s so little of interest in them, that we’ll pounce on just about anything that raises the vaguest of smiles.

However, we’re beaming at the brilliantly odd child who stars in this week’s Lidl catalogue. For reasons unclear, the photo shows a little girl chewing on a flower.

lidl flower child 500x375 Child eats flower in Lidl catalogue

Of course, Lidl’s marketing department have been on fire lately, trolling Morrisons and openly mocking Sainsbury’s. The supermarket was also responsible for one of the funnier April Fool jokes too.

So whether they left this in because they thought it was funny or they just didn’t check, the whole thing is by-the-by, as everyone can enjoy the daft things children do, like sticking flowers in their mouths and eating them.

Chip shop message cracks up customers

April 17th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

There’s nothing worse than finding out your favourite chippie is closed. Usually, they’ve shut up shop ‘due to a family bereavement’ or because they’re ‘renovating’.

However, one chippie closed for something quite different. This fella was going on holiday and he left a note to customers, which will have left them chuckling.

chippie Chip shop message cracks up customers

As you can see, he wrote: “This year my wife has decided to take us all youth hosteling, I told her at her age she would be better off with Saga. We are taking two of our children. 1 Daughter in law, plus 1 grandson. No internet, mobile phones, playstations etc.”

“Personally I think we will all be bored to tears. She who must be obeyed says we will have a great time telling tales round the campfire etc.”

He’s back in the shop now, and hopefully, stocked up on beer and gadgets.

Hail the most evil toilet door ever!

April 9th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

When you’ve had a few, navigating your way around a toilet visit can be treacherous. You’ve invariably left it too late and rush to get your kecks undone and there’s other humans milling about pointlessly while you try to avoid soiling yourself. And then you’ve got splashback issues and other people farting.

It really can be nightmarish.

One bar decided that the whole situation wasn’t enough of a headmelt and decided to toy with patrons by creating a false door that would mess with nature’s call. A Reddit user went to relieve himself and found himself draining of colour, as well as excretions, thinking that he was in the ladies instead of the gents.

door Hail the most evil toilet door ever!

The reality was that the bar in question had put in a fake door that looked like the reverse of the ladies’ toilets, just to frazzle burping blokes into thinking that they’d dropped a massive clanger.

Redditor Jaydscustom said: “As I’m leaving the restroom panic sets in…then I realize I just pissed in a urinal and the bathroom door was solid wood when I came in. Oh you clever, clever door.”

Customer service law tells you that the customer is always right. Of course, we all know that is very obviously not true as the customer can sometimes be a complete git.

Over in Tralee, in County Kerry, Ireland, someone at Burger King had found they’d just about had enough of pesky customers and their online criticisms.

When Emmet Oh Connor [sic] complained about the Tralee branch having the “worst drive thru service ever” and that “by the time u even make ur order mcdonalds wud have 20 cars done” [again, sic], one of the staffers gave this response.

3vQAdPJ Irish Burger King gets potty mouthed with customer

Even though we tend to side with the consumer, in this instance, we can’t help but laugh at the curt response from the employee at Tralee Burger King.

Have it your way, indeed.