Posts Tagged ‘funny’
Even though chairman Sir Richard Broadbent said that the former finance director Laurie McIlwee had been working on a part-time basis (with the fabulous job title of ’CFO Emeritus’) since quitting, turns out that was a load of cobblers and that Tesco are running their multinational company like a provincial chip shop.
It looks like Sir Richard’s position is somewhat untenable, what with this and the small matter of Tesco’s £250m profit shortfall.
Tesco announced that McIlwee’s replacement, Alan Stewart, was being brought in two months ahead of when he was supposed to start, presumably ringing him up and saying; ‘Can you start early mate? We need to get things running professionally again and we’re running out of a bollocks to drop.’
Sir Broadbent was asked about McIlwee’s absence and he said that he “was available to us to oversee that transition but he has not been in the office this weekend.” adding that: “He’s not in the office because, as I said, he was not directly involved and has not been directly involved in the recent days and weeks.”
Basically, since McIlwee quit, Tesco have been issuing profit warnings all over the place. It has been quite extraordinary.
In the statement last night, Tesco said: “Tesco stated on the 4th of April that until he officially left the company in October, Laurie McIlwee would be available to carry out transitional activities and support handover with colleagues as required.”
“During the transition period Laurie has in fact not been called upon by Tesco and has not been involved or had any input to any financial matters or held any position of responsibility in the company.”
The result of all this is City investors, who are dumping tens of millions of Tesco shares. The whole company, it seems, is about as slick as peanut brittle drying in your hair.
There’s inevitably going to be more laughs to be had at Tesco’s expense. They really are a farce.
This has been doing the rounds, but always worth sharing on the off-chance you haven’t seen it. Dr Emma Wilson wrote into the Guardian to say that her nana’s mobile phone had turned her into a wreck.
The letter says that the mobile spoke to gran, and left her in a “state of physical and emotional collapse” after she gave it what-for with that potty mouth of hers.
All hail Nana Wilson and her dirty language.
If you tap ‘Greggs’ into Google and look at the logo that pops-up, you might notice that there’s something a little unusual about it.
That’s right – Google have once again found themselves hosting an image which is less than complimentary about a company thanks to people mucking around.
As you can see, the Greggs logo says: “Providing shit to scum for over 70 years”, which isn’t the pie-vendor’s official strapline. If it is, that’s an incredibly bold move from their marketing department.
A spokeswoman for the firm have confirmed they are taking immediate steps to have the image removed.
Of course, something similar happened with PC World not too long which we had absolutely nothing to do with, honestly, honestly, honestly.
Ryanair, have of late, been promising to go all cuddly and helpful. They know that they’ve got a bad reputation and, seeing as people aren’t spending their money on Ryanair as they used to, they are trying to fix it.
So much so that arch-gobcrap Michael O’Leary has said he’ll slowly back away from the company and keep his mouth shut, apart from the opportunities he gets to tell you all how lovely you’re looking today.
Naturally, this is all complete codswallop and Ryanair are the same old infuriating set of holes that they’ve always been.
And they’ve particularly annoyed one customer who has written a comprehensive and hilarious ranty complaint letter to Ryanair. And it is on the internet for us all to read!
The customer in question arrive just before check-in, but was assured everything would be fine by Ryanair staff. However, typically, this wasn’t the case and the customer was left out of pocket.
Highlights of the complaint include a member of Ryanair staff with a brain that “fell apart like a wet cake” because it was “so full of girls and Vauxhall Corsa modifications he couldn’t actually listen or speak”, the ‘Customer Services Counter’ being referred to as ‘a Customer Shouting Desk’ with a manager “so angry all his hair had literally fallen out” and one poor woman who was so unhappy that the complainant wants her to “find a more fulfilling job, like starting the very first Israeli pork pie factory, or being a parking attendant in Tower Hamlets, or in fact just resigning herself to a slow and uncomfortable death would have been indistinguishable from the current position and would require much less effort.”
If you want to read the letter in full, which has been sent to Ryanair by recorded delivery so they can’t pull a fast one, click here. It is a story of infuriating cackhandedness and uselessness, delivered with impressive bile.
Feel free to share you own stories of woe with us.
Making adverts for health concerns, are usually awkward affairs that make you want to ignore what the commercial is saying to the point where you’ll willing take the illness on offer, just to end the horror of watching it any more.
Well, over in that Canada, they’ve managed to make a funny video out of balls that might have cancer in them. They’ve mixed a serious message with a load of blokes in amusing agony, which you’ll enjoy, regardless of your gender.
Have a look… at the video and your bollocks.
You may recall a fine, fine review spotted on a dodgy bootleg of Old Boy we shared (if you missed it, have a look here) and it seems to be quite the thing in the Far East.
Now, a knock-off of Shrek sees another killer one-line review which says “good, but not great.” Wouldn’t it be nice if all film blurb was that honest?
Buzzfeed – the Sunday afternoon repeats of the internet – have seemingly stumbled across some Bitterwallet japery. If you look for PC World on Google, the official tile shows this as the companies logo.
And if you hover over the image, what will you see?
There it is. Our name.
You can try it for yourself as, at the time of publication, Google or PC World haven’t actually managed to remove it or correct the error.
We’re puerile enough to be thrilled by this and we’re happy that someone has finally managed to find our little Easter Egg.
National Geographic have done an advert of a 3D crocodile which is making people poo their pants with terror.
Of course, it is one of those optical illusions that looks rubbish from certain angles. However, when you’re going down an escalator in Brazil and it is at the optimum viewpoint, there’s a very real chance that you could do a small about of wee.
The ad, shamelessly swiped off Reddit (thanks SAT0725), is a marketing ploy for ‘Mundo Salvagem de Richard Rasmussen’ (which means, roughly, ‘are you ready for adventure in the Brazilian forests? Wild world with Richard Rasmussen’).
You have to say, as marketing goes, this is frighteningly good. Until some old person keels over and dies of a heart attack.
Oh dear. Over on TripAdvisor, a seemingly nice lady called Mary Johnston has signed herself as a place, rather than a user, and as a result of mischief, become the 87th most popular place in Glasgow.
As the screengrab below shows, the page poses the existential question of “Have you been to Mary Johnston?” You can also update her “attraction details” and find out which restaurants are near to Mary.
You can see the page here, but it’ll probably get removed once a load of people take the joke too far and start calling her horrible names.
The branding for the Lancashire borough was drawn up by a local councillor, but was deemed too similar to that of Lovehoney – the sexual happiness people (aka a drop-in centre for all your lube and gag treats).
After spending a whole £3,000 on the project – and wasting no end of councillors valuable time – they insisted that no taxpayer’s money was wasted on it [Not that councils find a myriad of other ways to waste our precious money, eh? - Ed.]
Upon seeing the results, Councillor Ann Kerrigan told her colleagues: “It wouldn’t do much for Pendle and I don’t think we should be associating our logo with this kind of thing.”
They should’ve kept the symbol as both symbols represent a cavalcade of spectacular tools.