Posts Tagged ‘funny’

People often like to have a bit of fun with their online orders. Someone asked for their shopping to be delivered by someone in a penguin suit (and they obliged) while others have given dinosaurs with orders.

Well, one hungry redditor ordered a couple of pizzas with some caveats.

B0djzzdCMAAdtmA Behold the silly pizza order about spiders and revenge!

As you can see, the customer asked for a crispier than normal pizza crust with the note of “if that’s not vague enough – make it like you’re taking revenge on a cheating boyfriend BUT you still want to reconcile in the not too distant future.” As for the delivery guy, he was told to keep an eye out for a spider called Frank.

There’s three potential responses to this:

1. Urgh! Arseholes! Why won’t they let people just do their jobs without being so bloody wacky and trying to get internet famous all the time! I hope they spat on their pizzas!
2. Aw! How funny! Adding a little humour to the mundane! How fantastic!
3. $20 for two pizzas? Sign me up!

You can decide which category you fall in for yourself.

Waterstones lock Texan in their shop

October 17th, 2014 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

An American who was visiting London, decided to pop into a branch of Waterstones to look at some books. However, he was so engrossed in his shop that he didn’t realise that all the customers had left and the staff had gone home for their chicken kievs and locked the building.

The staff, naturally, didn’t notice him either.

waterstones trapped 500x280 Waterstones lock Texan in their shop

The Texan spent all night alone in the empty shop, sending out a tweet or two while he was there. Of course, it wasn’t long before #waterstonestexan was hatched up and everyone jumped on it.

waterstones trapped 2 Waterstones lock Texan in their shop

waterstones trapped 3 Waterstones lock Texan in their shop

Some people were less concerned and thinking more about consumer hacks. We suspect Bitterwallet readers wouldn’t need telling to get their loyalty cards swiped throughout the night.

waterstones trapped 4 Waterstones lock Texan in their shop

Just after midnight, the Texan was freed from the Waterstones shop, presumably after helping himself to a coffee from the cafe in the store and creasing the spine on some books just to annoy future customers.

waterstones trapped 5 500x301 Waterstones lock Texan in their shopThe story doesn’t end there though. After becoming a Twitter sensation (mostly people taking the piss, of course), David Willis tweeted “I’m free” before telling his girlfriend he was okay.

waterstones trapped 6 Waterstones lock Texan in their shop

Oh well.

You’ve probably complained about people wearing wax jackets when they’ve never been near the countryside or whined about Land Rover drivers who only ever use their vehicles in the city. Of course you have. It’s brilliant slagging these people off.

Well, North Face had an idea.

Shoppers in Korea got quite the fright when they were idly browsing through North Face’s wares, to suddenly find that the floor gave way and they had no choice to but to climb like a North Face wearing mountaineering person.

This was all to tie in with the company’s brand’s motto, “Never Stop Exploring.”

After climbing the wall (or falling into a pit), the consumers were then faced with a prize – a coat dangling in mid-air, for which you’d have to jump to claim.

“Consumers are used to comfortable city lives and are losing their natural strengths,” The North Face said about the “Never Stop Exploring” campaign. “Based on this brand philosophy, North Face Korea induces customers to face an unexpected challenge and encourages them to overcome the situation with their own strength in order to begin their journey to explore.”

Also: people will do daft stuff for a freebie. Either way, a decent marketing stunt this. With that, we’d like to see Land Rover showrooms slowly removing their floors and sending the poshos of South West London careering down the side of an active volcano for a test drive.

Shopper gets hit by 25mph mobility scooter in Tesco

October 15th, 2014 6 Comments By Mof Gimmers

mobility scooter 300x168 Shopper gets hit by 25mph mobility scooter in TescoIf you’re shopping at a Tesco in Plymouth, you’d better watch out because it sounds like there’s gangs of hoodlums charging about on mobility scooters.

One shopper has been injured after he was sent flying by an old bloke on his mobility scooter.

Bruce Storr, the man on the receiving end, reckons that the old coot was doing around 25 mph when he got hit, chipping a bone and leaving him hurt and confused. Police are investigating the collision that happened in the Plymouth Tesco, but the driver has not been charged by the cops.

Now, mobility scooters don’t actually go faster than 8mph, but Bruce Storr is a 67 year old lorry driver and he is sure that it was going three times the speed of that.

He said: “I was at the paper stand picking up a newspaper when he came shooting out of the aisle where they keep the videos and DVDs. It was doing about 25mph – being a HGV driver I am a very good judge of speed.”

“Hit me on the backside. I was knocked backwards by a good five or six feet and landed on my shoulder and my head. I was on the floor when the ambulance came and they took me to A&E. The police were also there and spoke to witnesses and took statements. I didn’t see much else but my Granddaughter said he was a grumpy old man, swinging his legs around like he didn’t care. He didn’t apologise.”

Remember that – lorry drivers are a very good judge of speed.

A spokesman for Devon and Cornwall Police said: “The man was taken to hospital with minor injuries and police attended the scene. Inquiries are ongoing.”

Free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane books

October 11th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Roy Keane has been having a pop at just about everyone on Earth in his latest book.

Tesco, ignoring their recent troubles, decided to have a giggle at the whole thing and do a creative/sarcastic promotion for the book by offering prawn sandwiches to those who bought a copy.

BzqpII3IMAA3BiN 333x500 Free prawn sandwich with Roy Keane books

 

Well played Tesco.

[via @Fozzington]

Lidl are now trolling Morrisons

October 4th, 2014 10 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Lidl are at it again! After trolling Sainsbury’s over their 50p debacle, they’re now taking the Michael out of Morrisons.

As you know, Morrisons have announced that they are going to price match Lidl with a new scheme, after Lidl and Aldi ate away at the competitions profits by basically selling everything more cheaply.

Lidl aren’t taking that lying down and have trolled Morrisons in an advert in today’s papers.

IMG 20141004 092235 408x500 Lidl are now trolling Morrisons

 

As Lidl point out, you can go through all the faff of price matching with Morrisons and follow the exhaustive instructions as detailed in the sarcastic ad above, or, you could just shop at Lidl.

Looks like this is just the beginning of the supermarket wars getting ugly with each other in the press. Grab the popcorn. This could get very entertaining.

No-one has been running Tesco’s finance for months

September 25th, 2014 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

tesco NEW No one has been running Tescos finance for monthsLaugh At Tesco Week continues apace with the news that their board is having a nervous breakdown when they found out that no director had been in charge of Tesco’s finances for the past five months.

Even though chairman Sir Richard Broadbent said that the former finance director Laurie McIlwee had been working on a part-time basis (with the fabulous job title of ’CFO Emeritus’) since quitting, turns out that was a load of cobblers and that Tesco are running their multinational company like a provincial chip shop.

Amazing.

It looks like Sir Richard’s position is somewhat untenable, what with this and the small matter of Tesco’s £250m profit shortfall.

Tesco announced that McIlwee’s replacement, Alan Stewart, was being brought in two months ahead of when he was supposed to start, presumably ringing him up and saying; ‘Can you start early mate? We need to get things running professionally again and we’re running out of a bollocks to drop.’

Sir Broadbent was asked about McIlwee’s absence and he said that he “was available to us to oversee that transition but he has not been in the office this weekend.” adding that: “He’s not in the office because, as I said, he was not directly involved and has not been directly involved in the recent days and weeks.”

Basically, since McIlwee quit, Tesco have been issuing profit warnings all over the place. It has been quite extraordinary.

In the statement last night, Tesco said: “Tesco stated on the 4th of April that until he officially left the company in October, Laurie McIlwee would be available to carry out transitional activities and support handover with colleagues as required.”

“During the transition period Laurie has in fact not been called upon by Tesco and has not been involved or had any input to any financial matters or held any position of responsibility in the company.”

The result of all this is City investors, who are dumping tens of millions of Tesco shares. The whole company, it seems, is about as slick as peanut brittle drying in your hair.

There’s inevitably going to be more laughs to be had at Tesco’s expense. They really are a farce.

Talking phone gets nana in a right state

September 23rd, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

This has been doing the rounds, but always worth sharing on the off-chance you haven’t seen it. Dr Emma Wilson wrote into the Guardian to say that her nana’s mobile phone had turned her into a wreck.

The letter says that the mobile spoke to gran, and left her in a “state of physical and emotional collapse” after she gave it what-for with that potty mouth of hers.

Bx9sTwSCQAAIDPl 343x500 Talking phone gets nana in a right state

 

All hail Nana Wilson and her dirty language.

All Hail! The Domino’s customer who is rather dim

September 2nd, 2014 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

The anticipation when ordering fast food is unbearable. You order your food and get hungrier and then realise that, if they bugger your order up, you’ll be so starving by the time it comes that you’ll probably eat it, even if it is a dish of raw chicken thighs.

Well, one scamp ordered a pizza from Domino’s and opened the box and got a nasty surprise!

The surprise for @SadderDre was that he can be prone to bouts of thundering thickness. He thought Domino’s had send him just the base of the pizza, but that wasn’t the case.

BweK19WIUAE1okX 378x500 All Hail! The Dominos customer who is rather dim

 

We can only be thankful to this young fella that he partook in this query in public, just so we could all see and snort with laughter at his daftness.

Marvellous.

 Facebook ruin The Onions jokes like massive spoilsportsAre you the kind of person who responds to a joke with “REALLY?!” Then you’re the kind of person who has probably been hoodwinked by a headline from The Onion, which all right thinking people know, is a satirical outlet.

Funnier than The Onion is the people who rant and whine after believing one of their stories, getting themselves in a fluster while everyone else laughs at them.

However, that may be a thing of the past as stupid Facebook are going to flag The Onion’s articles with a ‘satire’ tag in news feeds, just so stupid people don’t get caught out. Spoilsports.

A Facebook rep told Ars Technica that they’d “received feedback that people wanted a clearer way to distinguish satirical articles from others in these units,” which they should’ve ignored or not completely invented.

Of course, once The Onion heard about this new feature, they produced an article about a fictional man who required a tag to understand his News Feed.

If Facebook decide to roll this out, it’ll be bad news for the brilliant blog Literally Believable, who chronicle all the idiotic responses from people taken in by Onion stories.

This all reminds us of the time when someone complained about a Chris Morris sketch from The Day Today, which saw Morris responding with a typically withering put-down.

Handily, Cookdandbombd recently uploaded it and you can watch it below.

Ryanair provoke man into magnificent rage

April 29th, 2014 8 Comments By Mof Gimmers

ryanairvsign Ryanair provoke man into magnificent rageRyanair, have of late, been promising to go all cuddly and helpful. They know that they’ve got a bad reputation and, seeing as people aren’t spending their money on Ryanair as they used to, they are trying to fix it.

So much so that arch-gobcrap Michael O’Leary has said he’ll slowly back away from the company and keep his mouth shut, apart from the opportunities he gets to tell you all how lovely you’re looking today.

Naturally, this is all complete codswallop and Ryanair are the same old infuriating set of holes that they’ve always been.

And they’ve particularly annoyed one customer who has written a comprehensive and hilarious ranty complaint letter to Ryanair. And it is on the internet for us all to read!

The customer in question arrive just before check-in, but was assured everything would be fine by Ryanair staff. However, typically, this wasn’t the case and the customer was left out of pocket.

Highlights of the complaint include a member of Ryanair staff with a brain that “fell apart like a wet cake” because it was “so full of girls and Vauxhall Corsa modifications he couldn’t actually listen or speak”, the ‘Customer Services Counter’ being referred to as ‘a Customer Shouting Desk’ with a manager “so angry all his hair had literally fallen out” and one poor woman who was so unhappy that the complainant wants her to “find a more fulfilling job, like starting the very first Israeli pork pie factory, or being a parking attendant in Tower Hamlets, or in fact just resigning herself to a slow and uncomfortable death would have been indistinguishable from the current position and would require much less effort.”

If you want to read the letter in full, which has been sent to Ryanair by recorded delivery so they can’t pull a fast one, click here. It is a story of infuriating cackhandedness and uselessness, delivered with impressive bile.

Feel free to share you own stories of woe with us.

Commerical Break: Check your balls

April 4th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Making adverts for health concerns, are usually awkward affairs that make you want to ignore what the commercial is saying to the point where you’ll willing take the illness on offer, just to end the horror of watching it any more.

Well, over in that Canada, they’ve managed to make a funny video out of balls that might have cancer in them. They’ve mixed a serious message with a load of blokes in amusing agony, which you’ll enjoy, regardless of your gender.

Have a look… at the video and your bollocks.

Another bootleg DVD with a killer review

March 10th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

You may recall a fine, fine review spotted on a dodgy bootleg of Old Boy we shared (if you missed it, have a look here) and it seems to be quite the thing in the Far East.

Now, a knock-off of Shrek sees another killer one-line review which says “good, but not great.” Wouldn’t it be nice if all film blurb was that honest?

Bh5lYLYCIAARihZ 375x500 Another bootleg DVD with a killer review

[via twitter/larsenaround]

PC World is worse than hell?

March 4th, 2014 9 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Buzzfeed – the Sunday afternoon repeats of the internet – have seemingly stumbled across some Bitterwallet japery. If you look for PC World on Google, the official tile shows this as the companies logo.

pc world logo1 PC World is worse than hell?

And if you hover over the image, what will you see?

pc world hell 500x242 PC World is worse than hell?

 

There it is. Our name.

You can try it for yourself as, at the time of publication, Google or PC World haven’t actually managed to remove it or correct the error.

We’re puerile enough to be thrilled by this and we’re happy that someone has finally managed to find our little Easter Egg.