Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Man sues Lidl for opening a bit later than usual

February 12th, 2016 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

lidllogo1 300x298 Man sues Lidl for opening a bit later than usualWelcome to the story of David Benson. He’s 65 and irritated with Lidl. Why? Well, his local store opened up a bit later than it would normally, which caused his mince beef to go off. And he’s suing them about it.

Benson arrived at the Lidl in Edgware around 10am on a hot day last summer. On Lidl’s website, they said they were opening at that time, but he noticed a ‘hand-written note’ stuck on the door, saying it wouldn’t be opening ’til 11am.

As such, Benson claims that he was forced to wait outside until they opened, and during that time, his meat went off.

He said: “I realise there are those who would suggest that I am possibly over-reacting but I can assure you there were a lot of very unhappy people at 10am on that hot summer’s day”.

He’d bought his mince at a local butchers first, and went to Lidl to get the rest of his groceries. Benson, who happens to be an estate agent, said that he phoned Lidl customer services as soon as he got to the closed supermarket. He was told that Lidl’s opening hours had ‘recently changed’, and basically, they’d not updated the website yet.

Benson then wrote to Lidl, and he was offered vouchers. He says that he was treated ‘with complete contempt’.

A Lidl spokesperson said: “We can confirm the customer got in touch with us at 10.35am on June 7, 2015, and our customer services team investigated the matter fully. Our customer services team spoke to the customer over the phone and explained this, they apologised for the confusion and offered the customer vouchers as a gesture of goodwill.”

Fans of legal dramas – Mr Benson’s small claims case will be heard at Watford County Court on February 18th.

All hail the brilliant Tennent’s letter

February 10th, 2016 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Someone in Scotland, taking the Michael of course, and apparently got in touch with Tennent’s basically asking them to organise a piss-up in a brewery, and Tennet’s ‘replied’.

A fan of the booze asked the beer vendors if they could “hold a giant sesh”, with references to happy hardcore royalty DJ Hixxy thrown in too. The response is doing the rounds and bringing cheer, which is all we ask for.

Here’s the letter.

tenants 437x500 All hail the brilliant Tennents letter

We’re particularly fond of the line that says: “‘I’m not sure if it was typo or a drug reference when you said your mate’s wee sister loves to get wined and lined but it won’t be happening in this establishment.”

George Kyle, head of PR at Tennent’s Lager, said: “We’re glad to say that the letter isn’t actually real. Someone’s just gone to extraordinary lengths to try and get a free pint – or a few retweets on Twitter.”

We hope they got some cans out of it, at least.

All hail the Ian Beale Nike trainers!

February 5th, 2016 3 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Did you know that you can get personalised trainers with your name on them, or whatever you want? Both Adidas and Nike do the personalised trainer thing, so when one fella decided to get some Nike runners with something on the back, he didn’t account for his mates mucking about.

Mid-order, Danny Hunter took his eye off the ball, leaving his computer unattended, and didn’t realise that his Roshe kicks said ‘Ian Beale’ on the heel.

And he pressed ‘buy’.

ian beale trainers All hail the Ian Beale Nike trainers!

The photo was whacked up on Facebook, where everyone had a lovely time laughing at the customised sneaks, and of course, making comments about the hairiness of Hunter’s ankles.

The comment again: “Danny Hunter made some trainers on Nike ID last week in college and someone has changed the personalised writing on the back to “Ian Beale” when he wasn’t looking, he orders them without double checking and they turn up to his door like this – 105 quid well spent best thing I’ve ever seen – Nike Roshe Run Ian Beale editions.”

Marvellous work. We want some Elsie Tanner trainers now!

All hail the world’s best/worst password!

December 29th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Passwords, are the bane of everyone’s lives. So much so, that Google and others, are trying to get rid of them.

Well, poking fun at all that, someone’s gone and made a video starring the world’s worst password. We’re not talking about ‘password123′ or anything like that. You’ll have to watch it to understand.

Did you get what the guy was talking about at any point before it was revealed at the end of the video? We suspect some smartarse will have worked it out, but we didn’t as we’re still running on half-power thanks to Christmas over-indulgence.

A restaurant in LA called Frijoles & Frescas, which sells tacos and the like, got robbed. So, they did what anyone should do – get the CCTV footage and turn it into an advert.

The restaurant pieced together the various bits of security footage, and added some amusing captions, and hey presto, you’ve got something that’s going viral.

Have a look.

We particularly like the bit where you see one of the scallywags charging around in the dark, with the caption: “Checks the storage room again. Still no tacos.”

The video adds: “We take full responsibility for what our tacos cause people to do. They ARE pretty amazing.” And then they ask for help in finding these ne’er-do-wells… so they can give them some tacos.

They also troll one of the guys: “And someone please teach this guy how to throw a rock. That was weak, bro.” Possibly the best Christmas advert of 2015!

Deathwatch: Santa Claus

December 24th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

We like to keep an eye on the health of the businesses around the world here at Bitterwallet, which is why we have a ‘deathwatch’ section. At the close of 2015, we have some rather distressing news – Father Christmas is at the risk of going bankrupt.

An audit shows that Santa’s finances are all over the place and that his business model is absolutely unsustainable.

xmas deathwatch 500x285 Deathwatch: Santa Claus

Accountants at Expert Market have made up an infographic, so we can see just how much trouble Santa is in.

For starters, he needs to sort out the estimated £65million on elf wages. By their reckoning, Father Christmas’ business model has a shortfall of around £8 billion.

He could make some money by utilising the very valuable image of himself (he needs to get his image rights sorted, and quickly) and it is suggested that he could make some money by selling his stockpile of milk and biscuits.

Anyway, here’s the full thing for you to look at (click to enlarge). We’re sure Santa will be fine, because one thing we can’t account for is that he’s made out of magic. And he probably doesn’t pay any tax, like most giant delivery firms.

santa1 Deathwatch: Santa Claus

 

Underground threatens people with Star Wars spoilers

December 22nd, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

London Underground are looking at penalising fare dodgers with a most dastardly thing – Star Wars spoilers! If you don’t buy a ticket, you might get reprimanded by finding out that Jabba the Hut is actually Chewbacca’s real father in the new film, The Force Awakens.

Of course, if you’ve already seen Star Wars, you can dodge as many fares as you like, presumably.

CWl wjPXIAALGSb 500x375 Underground threatens people with Star Wars spoilers

This message – one of the now obligatory quirky notice board messages that the Underground has these days – was written by a member of staff at the Canonbury station.

They’re just taking the sith (etc)

Simply Be website shows off the Mein Kampf bra!

December 8th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

You might think of Simply Be as the place to get yourself a bra or some fancy lingerie, but this week, it has been showing off a very different type of thing.

While looking for a full cup wired black bra, Sylvie Metcalfe found herself looking at Hitler’s book – ‘Mein Kampf’ – instead. We know Hitler was a tit, but this is something else.

She tweeted: “Hey SimplyBeUK I don’t think that’s quite the right picture for the full cup wired black bra…”

hitler bra Simply Be website shows off the Mein Kampf bra!

Simply Be have been having problems with the wrong images being shown next to their products, and said sorry about the whole thing. Quite why they’ve got Hitler photos in the bank, is another matter.

However, it wasn’t the only product that had the wrong image.

kajagoogoo bra 500x459 Simply Be website shows off the Mein Kampf bra!

And it seems Simply Be really weren’t lying about their image problems.

Sarah Elizabeth-Daly found that, while looking at a lace trim jumpsuit, she was faced with an image of Kajagoogoo. From ‘my struggle’, to ‘Too Shy’, just like that.

Whether this is someone messing about at the company, who might be getting the sack today, or whether this is a weird glitch, we don’t know. Simply Be are looking into it, obviously.

Putting dye in your own hair, at home, can be mildly perilous at times. Things can go wrong, you can burn your scalp, or the colour comes out all weird… however, there’s one young lady who has taken the crown when it comes to hair dyeing mishaps!

She decided to use an Asda plastic bag in her dyeing process, and well, she ended up with Asda branded hair. Much to the amusement of her brother who gleefully shared it online.

12313647 10201220028180190 1805570670784482787 n Behold! The lady who dyed an Asda bag into her hair!

Mercifully, everyone involved saw the funny side of it, and there must have been a moment where she thought “if only I’d used a poncier bag, I might have been able to pull this off?”

The brother in question, Craig Richardson, shared Rebecca’s pain with the tactful update of “F***ing pissing made my day this [crying laugh emojis] fs my sister dyeing her hair problems”

Good work everyone.

PornHub might have won at Christmas adverts

December 4th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

PornHub have hired someone who really gets how the internet works because, apart from giving people something to look at while they have their hands down their pants, they’ve also been doing loads of marketing that has almost instantly memed.

And now, as everyone gets their feelings out for Christmas in the advertising world, PornHub have done the same, with a spot that might just be the best of the year.

Have a look at this.

Pornhub say: “This holiday season, give the most touching gift of all!”

“Pornhub Premium’s new gifting service allows you to spread the love to family and friends with specially customisable gift cards. Add a personal message and send same day or on a future date of your choosing! Pornhub Premium offers a totally ad-free experience to its users, complete with faster playback and higher quality streaming on the millions of videos currently on Pornhub as well as the largest collection of exclusive full length HD adult titles available in crisp 1080p resolution.”

Perfect for grandpa.

Yodel driver goes Fast & Furious at roundabout

December 3rd, 2015 4 Comments By Mof Gimmers

A Yodel driver has been sacked after they were filmed drifting around a roundabout in their work van.

Obviously, it was a rookie error doing this in a marked van, as the world is full of grasses and humourless bosses… and, yeah, it is dangerous or something.

Watch the video here.

Now, watching that van screech around like a boss, makes us think that the driver should be promoted in some way – how hard is it to do that in a van?!

Of course, this is reckless and whatnot, but c’mon… that’s ace! We hope he gets a cool job next after getting their P45.

Local shop may incur the wrath of Tesco with name

December 3rd, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

We do love a little shop with a dodgy name, especially ones that sound too much like a massive chain. And so, to South London, where we find a shop called Tesos Express.

Now, this shop used to be called Union Convenient, but they thought they’d have a rebrand and potentially get Tesco’s lawyers knocking on their door.

TESOS 500x332 Local shop may incur the wrath of Tesco with name

Talking to the Evening Standard, someone at Tesos Express said: “It has been like this now for more than one year, so I think we will be okay.”

Now it is on the internet, the shop’s basically been grassed up and Tesco may well want to ‘protect their brand’. Big brands have a lot of protection of their own names, and they will include those who try and ‘pass themselves off’.

Anyway, we’re off down to Azda and then Sainsberries for some bits… does anyone need anything?

Remember our pal who worked in a Co-op, who sat on a scally who was trying to shoplift booze? Well, sadly, he got suspended from his job, because you’re not supposed to sit on people’s necks.

If you can’t remember the incident, here’s a lovely photo of our hero.

face sitting 500x472 Co op man suspended for sitting on scally, gets job back!

Good news! He’s got his job back! That’s right, Adrian Weekes went a bit viral the other week, after he tackled a young lad who has been trying to nick booze from his shop.

As the photo spread on the internet, Weekes found himself suspended by Midcounties Co-operative, as they investigated the incident. The spoilsports. They should have given him a massive medal and four cans of Spesh. Either way, hundreds of people signed a petition to get Adrian back into work, and even more supported a Facebook campaign, imaginatively called ‘Let’s help Adrian Weekes keep his job.’

Well, the Co-Op have confirmed that Adrian is back working at the store.

Now, who is going to tell his bosses that, during his heroism, someone at the store ordered the 15 year old shoplifter to pay for the goods… and those goods were booze… therefore someone has accepted money from an underage person, for alcohol? We’ve said too much already…

Apple – they made a man rant

October 23rd, 2015 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Customer service can be a frustrating affair sometimes. Often, muttering under your breath will purge you of your anger… but sometimes, people need to maintain their fury and take it to the internet.

Now, as we know, most people aren’t very good at complaining on the internet, and are neither helpful or funny. We’re more concerned with the latter in this case, with a man who has so much impotent rage, that it all came spilling out of his guts after a trip to an Apple store.

Enjoy. Contains swearing. Lots of it.

apple rant Apple   they made a man rant

As you can see, this man was not impressed by his visit, and indeed, sounds like he’s kinda angry at Apple as a whole.

Still, nothing makes us glow quite like a miniature Falling Down moment, and this is a grade-A effort from a man who is still probably seething at something else now. Marvellous work.

[poke]

Every time we write about petrol, we’re either talking about someone taking 1p off the price, or complaining about drivers getting ripped off at the pumps.

Well, now, we’re talking about an old lady who made a spectacular two-wheeled exit from a petrol station in Wales. Hurray!

The lady’s wheelie was captured by the station’s CCTV, where she clips the kerb and ends up driving like she’s The Fall Guy or something. Mercifully, she was safe and everything was fine and she was on all four wheels in no time.

Footage was uploaded online by Sian Jones, who said: “She wasn’t fazed at all. She was going on to the main road to re-approach the forecourt to be the right side for petrol.”

Now, killjoys, feel free to complain about old people being unsafe on the road, and how road safety is no laughing matter, in the comments.