Posts Tagged ‘funny’
Ryanair, have of late, been promising to go all cuddly and helpful. They know that they’ve got a bad reputation and, seeing as people aren’t spending their money on Ryanair as they used to, they are trying to fix it.
So much so that arch-gobcrap Michael O’Leary has said he’ll slowly back away from the company and keep his mouth shut, apart from the opportunities he gets to tell you all how lovely you’re looking today.
Naturally, this is all complete codswallop and Ryanair are the same old infuriating set of holes that they’ve always been.
And they’ve particularly annoyed one customer who has written a comprehensive and hilarious ranty complaint letter to Ryanair. And it is on the internet for us all to read!
The customer in question arrive just before check-in, but was assured everything would be fine by Ryanair staff. However, typically, this wasn’t the case and the customer was left out of pocket.
Highlights of the complaint include a member of Ryanair staff with a brain that “fell apart like a wet cake” because it was “so full of girls and Vauxhall Corsa modifications he couldn’t actually listen or speak”, the ‘Customer Services Counter’ being referred to as ‘a Customer Shouting Desk’ with a manager “so angry all his hair had literally fallen out” and one poor woman who was so unhappy that the complainant wants her to “find a more fulfilling job, like starting the very first Israeli pork pie factory, or being a parking attendant in Tower Hamlets, or in fact just resigning herself to a slow and uncomfortable death would have been indistinguishable from the current position and would require much less effort.”
If you want to read the letter in full, which has been sent to Ryanair by recorded delivery so they can’t pull a fast one, click here. It is a story of infuriating cackhandedness and uselessness, delivered with impressive bile.
Feel free to share you own stories of woe with us.
Making adverts for health concerns, are usually awkward affairs that make you want to ignore what the commercial is saying to the point where you’ll willing take the illness on offer, just to end the horror of watching it any more.
Well, over in that Canada, they’ve managed to make a funny video out of balls that might have cancer in them. They’ve mixed a serious message with a load of blokes in amusing agony, which you’ll enjoy, regardless of your gender.
Have a look… at the video and your bollocks.
You may recall a fine, fine review spotted on a dodgy bootleg of Old Boy we shared (if you missed it, have a look here) and it seems to be quite the thing in the Far East.
Now, a knock-off of Shrek sees another killer one-line review which says “good, but not great.” Wouldn’t it be nice if all film blurb was that honest?
Buzzfeed – the Sunday afternoon repeats of the internet – have seemingly stumbled across some Bitterwallet japery. If you look for PC World on Google, the official tile shows this as the companies logo.
And if you hover over the image, what will you see?
There it is. Our name.
You can try it for yourself as, at the time of publication, Google or PC World haven’t actually managed to remove it or correct the error.
We’re puerile enough to be thrilled by this and we’re happy that someone has finally managed to find our little Easter Egg.
National Geographic have done an advert of a 3D crocodile which is making people poo their pants with terror.
Of course, it is one of those optical illusions that looks rubbish from certain angles. However, when you’re going down an escalator in Brazil and it is at the optimum viewpoint, there’s a very real chance that you could do a small about of wee.
The ad, shamelessly swiped off Reddit (thanks SAT0725), is a marketing ploy for ‘Mundo Salvagem de Richard Rasmussen’ (which means, roughly, ‘are you ready for adventure in the Brazilian forests? Wild world with Richard Rasmussen’).
You have to say, as marketing goes, this is frighteningly good. Until some old person keels over and dies of a heart attack.
Oh dear. Over on TripAdvisor, a seemingly nice lady called Mary Johnston has signed herself as a place, rather than a user, and as a result of mischief, become the 87th most popular place in Glasgow.
As the screengrab below shows, the page poses the existential question of “Have you been to Mary Johnston?” You can also update her “attraction details” and find out which restaurants are near to Mary.
You can see the page here, but it’ll probably get removed once a load of people take the joke too far and start calling her horrible names.
The branding for the Lancashire borough was drawn up by a local councillor, but was deemed too similar to that of Lovehoney – the sexual happiness people (aka a drop-in centre for all your lube and gag treats).
After spending a whole £3,000 on the project – and wasting no end of councillors valuable time – they insisted that no taxpayer’s money was wasted on it [Not that councils find a myriad of other ways to waste our precious money, eh? - Ed.]
Upon seeing the results, Councillor Ann Kerrigan told her colleagues: “It wouldn’t do much for Pendle and I don’t think we should be associating our logo with this kind of thing.”
They should’ve kept the symbol as both symbols represent a cavalcade of spectacular tools.
People give all manner of reasons for not handing a tax return in on-time, and HM Revenue & Customs has heard them all. And now, with a tax return deadline imminent, they thought they’d share the daftest reason for people’s tardiness.
Goldfish dying and woman too stunned after seeing a volcano go off on the news got onto the top ten of the most ‘bizarre and flimsy’ excuses and each one was met with a £100 fine from HMRC officials.
Others include a thespian from Coventry who said he was too busy touring the country with his one-man play while elsewhere, a taxi driver with a bad back would’ve done his return but he had a bad back and wasn’t able to clamber upstairs to get his tax return form. One corker was the man on a world cruise in his yacht who basically said they don’t have postboxes on the sea.
The best was a London accountant who told inspectors that he had been too busy submitting his clients’ tax returns to file his own.
HMRC’s head of personal tax, Ruth Owen, said: ‘There will always be unforeseen events that mean a taxpayer could not file their tax return on time. However, your pet goldfish passing away isn’t one of them.”
Fill out a self-assessment return for the 2012/13 tax year before the January 31st if you want to avoid a fine and if you’re struggling, have a look at www.hmrc.gov.uk/sa or call the self-assessment helpline on 0300 200 3310.
Ever secretly thought of becoming a vegan? Of course you haven’t. Everyone would’ve heard about it constantly and loudly. However, the Windsor Meat Co. decided to share a few facts about vegans in their shop window, trolling them into weak fury.
Meat-eaters may have yellowing fat around their internal organs, but it seems like they’re having more fun, according to this little fact sheet.
To qualify for a prize, you needed to scratch a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. Now, because the card was winter themed, temperatures were usually below freezing.
Alas, people aren’t too great with negative numbers and Camelot received a number of complaints on the first day. To understand the problem, we need someone who was confused by the whole thing to tell you about it. And be warned, this contains one of the quotes of the year.
Tina Farrell, from Manchester, called Camelot after failing to win with a load of cards and said: ”On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8. The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn’t.”
Here comes the quote.
“I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher – not lower – than -8 but I’m not having it.”
She continued: ”I think Camelot are giving people the wrong impression – the card doesn’t say to look for a colder or warmer temperature, it says to look for a higher or lower number. Six is a lower number than 8. Imagine how many people have been misled.”
A Camelot spokeswoman said: ”The instructions for playing the Cool Cash scratchcard are clear – and are printed on each individual card and in the game procedures available at each retailer. However, because of the potential for player confusion we have decided to withdraw the game.”
People are forever winding up companies with joke letters of complaint, but things get really good when companies play along in turn.
And so, to Bic, who make the famous pens. One customer told them that one of their pens must have been faulty because it was erroneously drawing nothing but massive penises. And so, Bic responded to the letter and apologised in a funny fashion.
Have a read of this letter (click on it to make it larger, if needed)
[image via twitter/warrenchrismas]
Some bright spark has come up with a brilliant range of t-shirts that feature slightly wrong quotes. Our favourite is the one pictured below, but there’s ones starring Victor Meldrew, Joey from Friends, Star Trek and loads more.
They’re pretty amazing.
Even better, is that you can buy them! Have a look at the wondrous slightlywrongquotes.com to see the full range. They’d make an excellent Christmas present, especially if you are utterly adamant that the quote is correct if the recipient tells you it is wrong.