Posts Tagged ‘funny’
If you’ve been out in the world with your eyes open at any point, you’ll know that sometimes, Out Of Order signs will appear on toilets. They’re annoying, but a necessary evil.
However, one sign at a Debenhams in Cardiff has caused a bit of interest over what is either a fun joke or a brilliant spelling mistake. The sign apologises “for any incontinence this may cause.”
We can’t decide whether or not that someone is having a joke, or if it is a genuine spelling error. Either way, we’re glad it exists.
Just as long as you didn’t see it in person and end up pissing your sides.
Ever wanted to send someone a fart in a jar? Ever thought; “Alan from accounts would really like a jar with a trump in it – I’d like to see his face and his flaring nostrils when he opens it. I really hate Alan from accounts.”
Well, you’re in luck! You no longer have to hover over an old jam jar you’d washed out, with your hole parping away into the receptacle. You can now get someone to do it for you for money.
Send a Jart is a proper thing and it’ll cost you $10, which seems like both a rip-off and a bargain at the same time.
So what do you need to do? Well, on the Send A Jart website, you ‘choose a booty blast’ (options include ‘crispy’ and ‘Republican’) then write a personalised message, then seal up the stink jar and then you ‘fist bump an eagle’ because, in the words of the company: “What’s that sound? Oh, that’s just the sound of sweet-ass victory being poured in a glass. Drink it up, my friend.”
Of course, you could just do all this yourself, but careful you don’t end up like the grotesque and totally NSFW 1 Man 1 Jar video, okay?
You’ll know that retailers have to impose all manner of rules on customers that are buying booze. They advise you drink responsibly and ask you not to drink them on the premises and all that jazz.
However, at WH Smith, they have drinking rules that are, to say the least, conceptual.
As you can see from the sign, they say: “Alcohol purchased in WH Smith cannot be consumed anywhere inside or outside these premises.” It seems like, should you want to crack open a tin of bitter, you might have to open up an extra dimension that is neither inside or outside the shop, or something.
Of course, this isn’t the most bizarre concept WH Smith has come up with – have you ever seen how they price things in train stations? Some of the basics are so expensive that it’ll make you feel like you’ve had a brain injury.
[nicked off Twitter]
As you know, sometimes you have to barter with companies to get a deal. One fella called Richard Moore chanced his arm when contacting a Chinese restaurant.
He asked, because he was bringing a group to Twin Dynasty in Kent, if it would be possible to get a discount.
Unfortunately for the restaurant, they don’t know how to work technology and, presumably hitting ‘reply all’, Moore soon found himself being called a “cheeky f***er”.
Restaurant director Nick Byram said sorry, saying: “As I explained to Mr Moore the email he received was a genuine mistake sent to the wrong recipient on a completely different matter and topic.”
Moore isn’t having any of it, saying: “I was completely shocked, I’ve told friends who have said they are disgusted by it all. I certainly won’t be eating there.”
Of course, Moore should be angling for LOADS of free stuff now by way of compensation. Of course, there’s no real emotional distress or anything like that over something as trivial as this… but this is the dance of customer service. When you cock-up, you’ve got to either try and out-troll someone or hold your hands up and give the aggrieved a load of fodder and laugh it off.
You’ll remember the Protein World advert which made a load of people angry – while the owner of the company said people who were defacing them were ‘terrorists’, they’re not the only ones who want to mock.
Carlsberg decided to do their own response on the London Underground.
While Protein World seemed to actively enjoy the negative attention for their ‘body shaming’ billboard, Carlsberg decided to paraphrase them with a ‘beer body’ ad, as you can see above.
The Carlsberg bottle even has a nice pair of yellow bikini bottoms on, just like the advert it mocked with the “Are you beer body ready?” slogan. This of course prompted “If Carlsberg did adverts, they’d probably do the best adverts in the world’ pun in everyone’s heads.
Catalogues for supermarkets and the like, are always thoroughly tedious affairs. There’s so little of interest in them, that we’ll pounce on just about anything that raises the vaguest of smiles.
However, we’re beaming at the brilliantly odd child who stars in this week’s Lidl catalogue. For reasons unclear, the photo shows a little girl chewing on a flower.
So whether they left this in because they thought it was funny or they just didn’t check, the whole thing is by-the-by, as everyone can enjoy the daft things children do, like sticking flowers in their mouths and eating them.
There’s nothing worse than finding out your favourite chippie is closed. Usually, they’ve shut up shop ‘due to a family bereavement’ or because they’re ‘renovating’.
However, one chippie closed for something quite different. This fella was going on holiday and he left a note to customers, which will have left them chuckling.
As you can see, he wrote: “This year my wife has decided to take us all youth hosteling, I told her at her age she would be better off with Saga. We are taking two of our children. 1 Daughter in law, plus 1 grandson. No internet, mobile phones, playstations etc.”
“Personally I think we will all be bored to tears. She who must be obeyed says we will have a great time telling tales round the campfire etc.”
He’s back in the shop now, and hopefully, stocked up on beer and gadgets.
When you’ve had a few, navigating your way around a toilet visit can be treacherous. You’ve invariably left it too late and rush to get your kecks undone and there’s other humans milling about pointlessly while you try to avoid soiling yourself. And then you’ve got splashback issues and other people farting.
It really can be nightmarish.
One bar decided that the whole situation wasn’t enough of a headmelt and decided to toy with patrons by creating a false door that would mess with nature’s call. A Reddit user went to relieve himself and found himself draining of colour, as well as excretions, thinking that he was in the ladies instead of the gents.
The reality was that the bar in question had put in a fake door that looked like the reverse of the ladies’ toilets, just to frazzle burping blokes into thinking that they’d dropped a massive clanger.
Redditor Jaydscustom said: “As I’m leaving the restroom panic sets in…then I realize I just pissed in a urinal and the bathroom door was solid wood when I came in. Oh you clever, clever door.”
Tesco can’t get a thing right at the moment, with legal action being taken against them for that accounting balls-up, and now, they’re being far too literal with their marketing slogans.
Have a look at this lovely scene and see if you can spot it (we didn’t, immediately).
While the Tesco lorry proudly crows: “You shop, we drop”, you can see that the fella in the hi-vis jacket has taken the slogan on as gospel, and dropped his load everywhere.
If advertising slogans are all correct, maybe Gillette is the best a man can get and the men of the world have already peaked, and we should just give up?
Getting on a plane can be a worrying, trying experience at the best of times. Boarding a metal cylinder which hurtles through the air at huge speeds, with the potential for crashing into the hard, unforgiving earth, is enough to get your heart racing.
Imagine then, considering all that, how stressed passengers would be, if one of your fellow travellers has tried to settle their nerves with a stiff drink. Or ten. Thousand.
Well, in a flight from Jamaica which was landing at Gatwick, a lady got tanked up on booze and then started getting freaky.
The lady in question stripped off in front of her fellow passengers and then, with a flourish, decided to perform what is politely described as ‘a solo sex act’.
The 46 year old lady had quite the time of it and then, on landing, was greeted by the police who were waiting on the tarmac, holding the handcuffs and waiting to book her for being incredibly drunk on an aircraft.
British Airways aren’t in the mood for commenting on this incident.
Passengers were flying to Dubai to have a lovely time, when suddenly, they were heading back to Heathrow. Not because of technical problems, but because someone had dropped their guts in a spectacularly vile manner.
Those on the flight had been complaining about the skin-stripping stench from the toilets which were enough to curdle milk.
Tory councillor Abhishek Sachdev was on-board (going to Dubai, eh?) and tweeted about the whole affair, prompting Bitterwallet to immediately think ‘whoever smelt it, dealt it’. That’s the way it works right? Even in adult life.
His tweet read:
Talking to the Mail, he said the pilot apologised to the passengers, and: “About 10 minutes later he said you may have noticed there’s a quite pungent smell coming from one of the toilets. He said it was liquid faecal excrement, those are the words he used. He said it’s not a technical fault with the plane, and he was very adamant about that.”
The flight was rescheduled for the next day and a British Airways spokesperson said: “We are very sorry for the discomfort to our customers.”
Meanwhile, someone somewhere can be proud or ashamed, depending on their constitution, of doing a crap so rancid that a plane had to stop flying.
There’s been some furrowed brows over a sportswear company who printed some labels for football shirts, where the washing instructions were ‘GIVE IT TO YOUR WOMAN – IT’S HER JOB’
This, of course, has seen a lot of people shrieking in disgust. Not the people who think the message is a bit off, but rather, people who say things like ‘feminazis’ and the like.
The response from people who thought it wasn’t a particularly nice thing to have on a shirt, was basically ‘this seems sexist’ or ‘bloody hell’, which of course, was met with the most hysterical set of people on the internet – those who think they’re not at all hysterical who like shouting at feminists (even though many of those criticising the label hadn’t said if they were or weren’t feminists at all).
Among all this, Salvo Sports said sorry on their Twitter account: “The message is simply, instead of washing it in the wrong way, you might as well give it to a lady because they are more capable”
“There is no intention to humiliate women. In contrast [we want to tell the men] learn from women how to take care of clothes”
Boom! There you go! Some lovely back-pedalling from a company saying ‘no, no, no, no – we meant that women should wash the clothes because women are the best! Loving your work ladies!‘ Meanwhile, the internet debates about what can and can’t constitute a joke and where people hysterically shout at each other, claiming to not be hysterical themselves.
“Hey! Get women to wash your clothes!” is a rubbish joke though.
You’ve had a nice meal and you order some nice cheese and biscuits to finish things off with. You’re in the mood for something else, but you don’t want a sweet pudding.
You know how it is.
Well, Diane Murray did exactly that, but her order wasn’t at all what she was expecting. She got cheese. She got biscuits. The problem, however, was the type of biscuit.
That’s right! Instead of a nice savoury biscuit and some crackers, Diane ended up with some bourbons and custard creams with her cheeses. And whatever those knock-off Jammy Dodgers with cream in the middle of them are called.
Mercifully, she thought it was funny and said that she’d reveal the place that served up this unusual treat in return for a Comic Relief donation, which is nice.
She tweeted: “@stephkerr: Cheese and biscuits – if anyone pledges to comic relief I’ll tell them which hotel they can get this in”, with the above photo attached.
We’d go for a custard cream with some brie on it. You know it makes sense.
Do you… erm… like to feel pleased a lot of the time? Do you spend your downtime by… umm… beating up the wookie? Well, if that sounds like you, there’s a gadget that could help you save the planet while you throw yourself into an onanistic fever.
Those scamps at PornHub have made a video about some wearable technology called the ‘Wankband’, which basically sits on your wrist and, with the movement of your wrist, creates energy.
With this thing, you can ‘love the planet, by loving yourself’.
You work, create the energy and then plug your phone, tablet or whatever, into the wrist band and, hey presto, you’re charging your device with the power of love.
Of course, the product is unisex and apparently, you can sign-up as a beta tester for the thing, which you sign-up for over at the smut vendor’s site. Might be best to not access that if you’re at work, unless you have a great game face and are able to tell your superiors that, yes, you’re accessing a dirty site at work, but you’re doing it to help reduce their electricity bills.
The power is in your hands.