Posts Tagged ‘food’
ARRRRRGH! The fate of the banana could be in jeopardy, thanks to plagues of bugs and banana related infections that are currently sweeping Costa Rican banana crops.
The bugs, called mealybugs, might sound like cosy little critters made up by Roald Dahl, but they’re a menace to our yellow, fruity friends. Along with their partners in crime, scale bugs, they’ve destroyed almost 20% of banana crops – and the problem is so bad that Costa Rica has declared a national banana emergency.
Magda Gonzalez, from the agricultural ministry, said the reason the bugs – which weaken the plants and cause discolouration on the fruit – were spreading was clear. ‘I can tell you with near certainty that climate change is behind these pests.’
But the problem isn’t just confined to Costa Rica, or bugs. Scientists have also found a strain of fungus, catchily named Fusarium oxysporum f. sp.cubense (Foc), in banana crops as widespread as Mozambique and Jordan. Experts are now worried that the plague will spread to the whole of Latin America and the Caribbean, where 80% of bananas are grown.
We need help, otherwise our favourite fruit will die!
If this isn’t a case for Bananaman, I don’t know what is.
Forget guns, there’s soon going to be a 3D printer that can print out…PIZZA! The device, invented by Natural Machines of Barcelona, builds up layers of ingredients which you can ‘design’ using the control panel. It does pizza, pasta, and even cakes.
The ‘Foodini’ (see what they did, there?) goes on sale in the middle of next year and costs £835. The fresh ingredients come in capsules, like edible printer ink, and are sold separately.
But although it sounds really exciting and modern, printing out your food could be as time consuming as measuring out ingredients and preparing it yourself. And there’s one – fairly major – drawback. It doesn’t actually COOK it.
‘Foodini does not automate all your cooking, nor does it cook food. If necessary, it can keep food warm as it works as it contains a heating element.’ Said a spokesman for the company.
So instead of faffing around with capsules and a machine that costs the best part of a month’s wages, you could just go to the shops, get a frozen Dr Oetker for £2.99 and put it in the oven.
Yeah, let’s do that, instead.
Like apples? We’re talking about the fruit, not the gadget-makers. Well, you’ve been eating them all wrong.
Grub-botherers Foodbeast, who have previously told us that we’ve been doing Tic-Tacs all wrong and removing the green bit off a strawberry like idiots and more, are now showing us the error of our ways with apples. Seems trivial, but you’ve been wasting “15 to 30% of every apple”, and in American money, that’s a “waste of $42″ a year.
So what do you need to do? The answer is surprisingly easy and all you have to do is watch this video.
As you can see, you’ve been eating it around the awful, inedible core and binning it. If you just ate it top-to-bottom, the core ostensibly disappears, making more flesh to eat for everyone in these terrible economic times.
Foodbeast said: “Eating it from the sides is wasteful. But if you eat it from the top, the core doesn’t even exist.”
So there you have it. More apple for your buck. Get a bag on the way home and wow your friends and family with your revolutionary new way of eating slightly more fruit.
Once again, some pointless berk has decided to make ‘the world’s most expensive’ something. In this instance, it is a ready meal and a chef has thrown oysters, gold leaf and Dom Perignon at it so no-one will buy it for £314, but idiots like us will write about it.
Of course, these ‘world’s most expensive thing that is usually cheap’ projects are PR stunts for those trying to flog something else, so, in the name of fairness, we’ll talk about the ready meal but purposefully fail to mention the people behind it.
So, do you fancy a really posh microwave meal?! Well, Some Chef has invented the Swish Pie which is a fancy version of a fish pie and it contains vintage champagne, lobster, Balik salmon, the aforementioned oysters and gold leaf, as well as wild turbot, white Alba truffles and a load of other stuff no-one cares about like sea salt harvested from the Piran Salt Pans.
It goes without saying that these pies will only be available for a limited time and for the site of Some Chef who made it. If you’re adamant you need a name, let us patronise you with this link.
The pie is topped off with an amuse-bouche of Beluga Caviar, served on two mother of pearl spoons, which will probably impress a some vapid clothes designer or something, especially as each meal is delivered in a bespoke aluminium case, handcuffed to a professional security guard.
Some chef said: “We wanted to take our reputation for making the finest [blah blah blah] truly extraordinary [yadda yadda] always been obsessed with quality ingredients, provenance and unique and [waffle waffle] the most exclusive ingredients while developing this unique recipe to ensure that it really is [kills self]”
Meanwhile, the supermarkets have a load of ready meals you actually want to eat and you’ll probably be able to get 2 for £6.
We’re not sure if Greggs have started having glue on their Corn Flakes in the mornings, but over on their website, they’ve announced something called ‘fish custard’.
You can have a look at their page here – greggs.co.uk/fish-custard - which is accompanied by this: “In a rush? Too busy for lunch, followed by pudding? 1 out of 11 Doctors recommend Fish Custard. Perhaps the greatest sweet-savoury invention since the Yorkshire Pudding… Fish Fingers & Custard make a delicious snack.”
**edit** Turns out this is a reference to Doctor Who. Thanks to all the Sheldon Cooper’s who pointed that out to us.
In McDonald’s, they dole out tomato sauce differently. No longer do you get a sealed tub, but rather, you serve yourself from a dispenser into a little paper cup.
So far, so obvious. However, it turns out we’ve all been doing it wrong. If you’re just sticking sauce into a cup, then you’re missing out on a world of slightly more ketchup.
Turns out that they’re built to be fanned out, allowing you a greater dunking surface area. Watch.
Now you can dunk your burger as well as your fries! This is magnificent news for all concerned. Of course, there will be people who already knew this and kept it to themselves like dreadful arses, but now the information is out there for all of us!
This is a human progression up their with penicillin and the combustion engine.
You have to applaud people for their shameless attempts to ride the coattails of those more successful. There’s some hilarious knockoff Manchester United kits doing the rounds and of course, all good B&M Bargain shops have things that Look A Bit Like Mars Bars and the like.
However, Iceland have gone one further than everyone else, with a range of snack which are enough to make a lawyer’s bumhole twitch.
Behold, the majesty of a packet of Wotsi… hang on, Wot’sthis? And there’s more.
However, these aren’t bags of crisps; these are things you cook in the oven! There’s a range of official tie-ins and one sly dupe. And, if you’re wondering what is inside, the wonderful Grocery Gems reviewed them all.
Have a look here – grocerygems.co.uk/review
A Reddit user has shared a picture of a frozen McRib – the legendary McDonald’s sandwich – and people aren’t impressed. The user said: ”My buddy works at McDonald’s and sent me this photo of raw McRib meat.”
And here it is.
Of course, McDonald’s rarely put out the McRib and when they do, it is for a limited time. This has seen people getting obsessive about it to the point of creating a McRib Locater so it can be found wherever it is in the world.
Frozen, it doesn’t look too great, but then again, most uncooked meat looks pretty hanging.
Obviously, you lot have dreadful table manners, so when you’re eating a burger, everyone around you feels violently ill, watching you grind meat and bread to a lumpy paste, lettuce hanging out of your teeth.
Thankfully, the Japanese have just the thing! Over there, ochobo (small, modest mouths) are a much desired thing, so burger chain Freshness Burger, have launched a modesty napkin called the ‘Liberation Wrapper’.
Thanks to this wrapper, sales have rocketed. “Their largest and best-tasting Classic Burger was amongst the least chosen by their female customers,’ explained a spokesman for Dentsu East Japan, the firm that created the wrapper. “One of the major reasons seems to relate to Japanese manners… It is good manners to cover their mouth when they have to largely open up their mouth.”
“Our female customers had a frustration of not being able to do it. Freshness Burger decided to challenge convention, freeing women from the spell of ochobo mouth.”
You disgusting gits should get some too AND you’ll look like you have the jaw of an attractive Japanese woman. Win-win!
We’ve seen Pepsi flavoured crisps on Bitterwallet, and now we’ve got chocolate covered crisps, which have just been unleashed on America, with women in mind. Presumably men wouldn’t be interested or they’ve already worked out that you can buy a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar and put them both in your mouth at the same time.
Jennifer Saenz, Lay’s senior director of marketing, said: “The increasing popularity of chocolate-covered snacks among our target audience, millennial women. … They are looking for those more indulgent, savory/sweet combinations.”
So, basically, Lay’s ‘Wavy’ is a cross between Cadbury’s Snaps and Tayto’s cheese and onion chocolate bar then?
Lay’s reckon that the “possibilities are endless”, which means (should these take off) we could end up with chocolate dip for your chocolate crisps, or maybe yoghurt covered cheesy Cheetos? Or maybe they’ll do a teabag covered in salt and pepper icing?
Either way, these are being trialed in the States and there will be a worldwide roll-out if they’re a success. Maybe then, McDonald’s will work a way of combining flavours for people who like dunking their fries in a chocolate milkshake.
If you’re interested in eating an animal that isn’t turkey, then you can grab a reindeer steak for £7.99. Reindeer is part of Lidl’s premium range, which means venison, quail and partridge is also up for grabs. Obviously, the supermarket is trying to attract middle class customers.
Animal campaigners, of course, are furious, saying the whole thing is a “sick novelty”, but they’ve missed the fact that this isn’t the first time Lidl have actually sold reindeer. These campaigners also reckon that this product endangers wolves and bears.
Justin Kerswell, of animal welfare and vegetarian group Viva!, said: “What Lidl aren’t telling their customers is that to put reindeer meat on British shelves, other large wild animals are systematically hunted, or trapped, and shot. All that seemingly matters to this cut-price supermarket is delivering sick novelty and the pursuit of profit this Christmastime.”
Lidl aren’t having that though. A spokesperson said: “The animals are slaughtered in strict accordance with EU guidelines in a EU certified slaughterhouse, where the animals are stunned prior to the slaughtering process. We takes issues of animal welfare as well as environmental protection very seriously.”
Obviously, animal welfare isn’t being taken too seriously, what with animals dying in the process… but who cares? Who fancies a reindeer burger? Apparently it tastes somewhere between beef and lamb, but with an aftertaste of liver.
Tesco’s overhaul of its Finest Range is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO with trying to compete with Waitrose, says Tesco.
The Finest range makeover is an essential part of Tesco’s £1bn restructuring of the brand, after profits dipped in the last year. It’s something of a coincidence, especially as you consider that Waitrose are flying higher than Heston after eating a giant Wham bar made of helium and dry ice. Tesco are also banging as many adverts as they can in between posh snore fest Downton Abbey, to appeal to the Waitrose crowd.
‘This isn’t about taking on Waitrose,’ insisted Chris Bush from Tesco, putting down his Waitrose recipe cards. ‘This is us continuing our journey of improving our food offer that started last year with the relaunch of Everyday Value, the continual improvement of the Tesco brand and now the relaunch of Finest.’
1500 Tesco Finest products are set to be revamped and repackaged, with the introduction of 400 new products, and the removal of some unglamorous existing ones, like baked beans. It’s all about the provenance (Waitrose) and the quality (Waitrose) and the organic-ness (Waitrose.)
Watch out for a column by Pippa Middleton in Waitrose – I mean, Tesco – magazine soon.
The truck was transporting the popular condiment and got into a bit of a pickle when it found itself sandwiched between the low branch of a tree on its way to a Somerset farm.
One local said: “It’s a shame about the lorry, but we were close to seeing the ultimate serving of Cheddar and pickle.”
Mercifully, no-one was hurt in the incident.
Now we’re just waiting for some kind of accident with Edwina Curry and Anneka Rice so we can laugh at someone else’s misfortune in the name of food-based puns.
Why can’t some things just be plain unhealthy? If everything was good for you, the world would be a very tedious, puritanical place. With that, stupid McDonald’s have announced that they would no longer be making some of their less nutritional options and are going to start waving fruit and vegetables at us.
Irritatingly, they’re going to use their huge marketing clout to ‘help’ us understand the nutritional choices available, when all we want when we walked through those grubby doors, is some processed cheese on a greasy burger.
And this is all the fault of fat American kids. This campaign was announced in conjunction with the Clinton Foundation’s campaigns to reduce childhood obesity. Again, why can’t some kids just be fat? Imagine a thin world of Gillian McKeiths. Dreadful.
“Companies like McDonald’s play a powerful role in shaping the culture and environment that influences the health-related behaviors of young people,” said thunderous bore, Howell Wechsler, chief executive of the Alliance for a Healthier Generation.
“We’ve been trying to optimize our menu with more fruits and vegetables and giving customers additional choices when they come to McDonald’s,” said Don Thompson, McDonald’s chief executive. “This is a particular opportunity to partner with the Clinton Foundation and the alliance to leverage our scale and size and marketing prowess to be able to influence more purchases of fruits and vegetables.”
Of course, Maccies already has salad and fruit, but those sales have been flat. This means McD’s should give up and vow to make their food even more unhealthy. They should make Big Macs with additional kebab meat and bacon and ten sauces, deep fried, basically.
Dunkin’ Donuts are going to have another stab at the UK market, saying that they will be opening 150 new outlets over the next five years. Presumably, they think the timing is better now that Krispy Kreme is doing so well on these shores.
Dunkin’ Donuts last tried to win Britons over in the ’90s, but things didn’t work out as planned.
Initially, 50 restaurants will open in London over the next five years, before rolling out around the rest of the UK.
They already have more than 10,500 restaurants in 31 countries and, not only that, the company’s sister brand – Baskin-Robbins ice cream – already has 100 outlets in the UK.
If America is sending all their food chains over her, can we please have a Wendy’s and a Waffle House and we’ll send Greggs on an exchange?