Posts Tagged ‘food’

Burger King: delivering in the UK

February 19th, 2015 3 Comments By Mof Gimmers

burger king simpsons 300x223 Burger King: delivering in the UKOkay stoners, there’s some good news for you – Burger King have announced a home delivery service in the UK.

Don’t start tearing your clothes off and screaming in celebration just yet though. As ever, with these things, BK are trialling it in certain areas first. So, if you live in Hornchurch, Gants Hill, Romford, Hayes, Northampton, Truro, Skegness and Hull, then you’re in luck.

As for the rest of the country – if this doesn’t get rolled out nationwide, you’ll know who to blame for not making the delivery service a rousing success. We’ll understand if we hear reports of angry mobs descending on Truro or Hull with pitchforks.

If this proves worthwhile for Burger King, then the other fast food chains might join-in, which will be huge competition for Just Eat and Hungry House.

A cursory glance at Twitter, and the reaction to the news is pretty good. Unless you live in an area that isn’t delivering yet. They’re taking it hilariously badly.

So, if you’re in the right bit of the country, you can visit Burger King Delivers and check your postcode to see if you can order a Whopper to your front door.

McDonald’s on the slide

December 9th, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

mcdonalds logo McDonalds on the slidePeople are going off McDonald’s.

Global sales at the fast food empire dropped 2.2% for the six consecutive month. Sales in the US fell 4.6% in November, which is more than double than what was projected.

It’s been a bit touch-and-go for McDonald’s as like-for-like sales have not increased since October 2013.

It’s said that consumers are going for healthier lunch-based solutions, even if Big Macs are less fattening than your average pre-packed sandwiches [Or, they're going to places that are unashamedly unhealthy, which is why people eat burgers - Ed]

Elsewhere in McDonald’s world, sales in the Asia/Pacific, Middle East and Africa markets were down 4%, but this was partly due to a meat supplier scandal. It’s the same all over though – Russia dropped 2%, and both France and Germany have suffered low sales.

Don Thompson, McDonald’s chief executive, said: “Today’s consumers increasingly demand more choice, convenience and value in their dining-out experience.”

Last month, the fast food giant said it would move into its 120th global market by opening outlets in Kazakhstan next year, adding yet more to the 35,000 locations that serve about 70 million customers a day.

So what are you all eating instead? Are we going to find you all Up The Greggs?

Tesco sizzle your teeth with biscuit spreads

November 27th, 2014 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

Over at Tesco, they’ve got a wilful disregard for the state of your teeth with some potentially orgasmic spreads that are made from biscuits.

We told you about the mighty Biscoff, which is basically crack in a jar that will give you diabetes just by looking at it, and now Tesco are getting in on the action too.

However, this time, there’s a vote going on.

biscuit spreads 500x305 Tesco sizzle your teeth with biscuit spreads

Tesco say: “We asked The Orchard at Tesco members to submit their suggestions for a new biscuit inspired spread. After much umming and ahhing, we’ve shortlisted four tasty spreads: Jaffa Orange, Millionaire Shortbread, Jammy Ring Swirl and Chocolate Digestive.”

“It’s now up to you to pick the winner. Which spread do you think takes the biscuit?”

You can vote over at their Facebook page. We’re just disappointed that no-one suggested a Tunnock’s Tea Cake spread. We’ll just have to go back to squashing 6 of them onto our toast with a spoon while we cry at Judge Judy repeats.

fat and happy Has the recession made you a sad, scruffy fatso?*People are always interested in how consumer behaviour changes, particularly after big events like a recession. New research from Kantar Media now show that, compared with five years ago, consumers these days are miserable, minging slobs, or “unhappier, unhealthier and less concerned by their appearance”  as they put it.

Since 2008’s downturn, consumers’ health, appearance and happiness have all taken a “significant knock” according to Kantar, leading to “profound behavioural changes” in the relationship between consumers and food.

Kantar claims that the dark days of the recession led consumers into finding comfort and reward in more indulgent and less healthy foods, with the proportion of adults who said their diet was very healthy falling from 41% in 2009 to 36% today. Today’s consumers are also  ”less fussy” about their appearance, with only 54% claiming to look after the way they look, down from 62% in 2009. In some areas, we reckon the percentage is even less…

But even if you are still clinging on to your health and your looks, chances are you aren’t happy. Today, only 49% of adults are “happy with their standard of living” down from 58% in 2009. Similarly, the proportion of adults who say they are happy with their life as it is has fallen from 63% in 2009 to 57% today.

The problem, according to Kantar, is that we are now associating junkier food and takeaways with happiness- after all, the recession meant that going out for a meal was often replaced by a cheeky takeaway. Little pleasures. But this isn’t just bad news for our waistlines and looks, producers of healthier and organic foods are also down in the dumps.

“The consequence of this declining happiness amongst British consumers and its link to healthy eating is that interest in the likes of organic and fair trade food will be unlikely to pick up again until the economic recovery not only improves consumers’ quality of life, but also ultimately delivers higher levels of happiness,” said Anne Benoist, director, Kantar Media TGI.

“The fast food industry has, to a certain extent, repositioned itself during the downturn so that it is no longer so synonymous with junk food…This has helped consumers feel less guilty about what they eat. The healthy food industry needs to undertake a similar re-positioning so that eating healthily is no longer equated with unhappiness in consumers’ minds.”

So we may now be glum, gelatinous and grotty as consumers, but it could be worse. We could be eating healthy food and be even more miserable…

*assuming you weren’t one already.

Now a thing: Personalised Nutella

November 18th, 2014 3 Comments By Ian Wade

nutella david 285x300 Now a thing: Personalised NutellaWhat do you get the person who is really batshit for Nutella this Christmas? Why, a personalised pot of it.

Yes indeed, Nutella are doing special personalised pots of its spread in branches of Selfridges this year. The £3.99 for a 400g jar will seem meaningless once the object of your affection’s eyes light up upon unwrapping their own personal jar of brown gloop.

It’s not available online, but you can call 0800 123 400 and order there and collect in your nearest store.

This idea worked a charm for Coca-Cola. By simply putting human names on a product, you’ll find that everyone on the internet can’t wait to show something with the same name as them, thereby, doing a lot of free promotion for you.

Obviously this – as anything offering a personalised service – can be corrupted by miscreants and all manner of words can be put on the jars, not that we’re advising you get a jar and personalise it with something like “compacted faeces” or something like that.

But it’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid (well, unless you have a nut allergy, and then you’re a bit doomed). Quite literally SPREAD the love. [you're fired - Ed.]

KFC have a redesign

November 5th, 2014 2 Comments By Ian Wade

300px kfc logo svg KFC have a redesignKFC are having a radical image overhaul across its branches.

All 870 of the chicken-based restaurant chain’s interiors are set to be revamped from March 2015, which they reckon represents “the future of interior design for KFC”.

To get an idea of what’s to come, the chain have launched the new spruce-up at their Bracknell branch, with Exeter and Reading next on their list.

Although they’ll have to pull their finger out, to get it nationwide before their self-imposed deadline.

Gone are the easily-copied-by-Chicken-Cottage fittings of old, and now it’s all exposed ceilings and textured brick effect walls, accessorised with illustrations of, well, mainly chicken, from commissioned artists

Jane Sawby of KFC’s in house interior design cabal, reckons the design was inspired by “families and friends coming together around the kitchen table to share freshly made food” adding, “KFC was designed with sharing in mind”.

You’ll also be able to see your food being prepared in a “semi open-plan kitchen” get-up.

Swaby continues: “The sense of the kitchen being the heart of the home really influenced the authentic, inviting design. You can feel the openness and warmth from the moment you step through the door and we hope that customers feel at home in the new restaurant.”

There’s just too much speak there, so we’ll leave that with you to digest what they’re banging on about. Basically, it sounds like they’ve noticed how well Nando’s and Bar Burrito are doing.

zxzxzx2 Just Eat: Proof that people dont want to cookOnline takeaway service Just Eat have reported a healthy growth! The takeaway pimps for the genuinely lazy, has seen orders up 51% in the third quarter.

This follows Just Eat’s float on the London Stock Exchange earlier this year. Back in August, they announced a 35% increase in users and over 4400 new restaurants signed up into their takeaway harem.

Orders in general were up by 56% up until September, which is better than last year when we had that heatwave and nobody wanted any food at all. That, and what spare cash anybody had was used on pesky things like rent.

David Buttress, Just Eat CEO, is understandably very pleased about all this, saying: “I am very pleased with our performance over the summer, a period when even more consumers have enjoyed the benefits of our online marketplace for takeaway food, particularly via their mobile devices,”

“At a strategic level, our commitment to developing market leadership in all of our territories was further reinforced by Just Eat acquiring control of Alloresto.fr in France, and creating a market-winning JV in Brazil with iFood. We are in an excellent position as we enter the important winter period and remain confident for the full year.”

That’s all super then. Let’s just stop moving our limbs altogether and welcome our feeder overlords.

halal test 300x163 Check everything is pork free with the Halal test kitA food testing kit which allow you to check if your purchase is Halal or not could soon be a thing in the UK.

Halal Test, which launched in France this week by French start-up Capital Biotech, uses immunochromatography, which is the same technology used for pregnancy tests, to detect traces of pork in food, cosmetics and medicines.

The portable test, which costs €6.90 each or €125 for a pack of 25, had already attracted considerable interest from several companies in the UK and further afield.

Halal Test is currently available only in France through traditional retail channels or online, but the makers of the kits reckon the UK is a very interesting market to develop further.

The test is packaged with a small tube into which a food sample is mixed with warm water. A test strip is then inserted into the tube, and after a few minutes reveals whether any pork traces are present by displaying two lines for a positive result and one for a negative result.

It can also sniff out alcohol in food products too, like a proper party pooper. The company is also developing a test that can detect how an animal was killed too. It’s all glamour, basically.

Capital Biotech said: “There are similar tests which use similar technology, but they are much more complicated to use, and require a special liquid extraction buffer usually containing ethanol. We concentrated our research efforts to simplify the use of these tests and get rid of the liquid extraction buffer, which makes them easy to use by anyone and anywhere.”

Imagine that – going to a restaurant and pulling out a mini laboratory and making the rest of your family wait for your findings while their food goes cold.

Burger King go goth

September 11th, 2014 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Seems like Burger King have been having their photos taken in castle ruins, listening to Bauhaus and writing awful poetry, as they’ve made a goth burger.

Sadly for you gloom merchants, you’ll have to go to Japan for one.

gothburger2 Burger King go goth

These rascals are called ‘Kuro Burgers’ and have bamboo charcoal buns, onion and garlic sauce made with squid ink, burgers made with black pepper and black cheese.

You can get a Kuro Pearl and a Kuro Diamond with all the doom trimmings. Eating one may turn you into Robert Smith, so weigh that up before chowing down.

M&S introduce frozen food to posh people

September 4th, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

marks and spencer M&S introduce frozen food to posh peopleMarks & Spencer are launching their first ever range of frozen ready meals. That’ll upset some of the foodies who shop there and haven’t noticed that they’ve had ready-meals for a while as it is.

The range consists of 30 dishes, for either 2-4 people, and should be in selected stores from the end of September.

As with any ready meal, all the meals can be cooked from frozen and features ingredients that cope the best with the frozen wastes.

“We’re well known for our ready meals, and we felt that we could do our frozen prepared foods justice in terms of quality” said someone from M&S.

“This move was part of the expansion of our food ranges and has nothing to do with other retailers, especially not Iceland,” the spokesman added cattily, honest.

Still, no-one’s buying non-food items from M&S, so they might want to have a look at those arms of the business before trying to fix things with frozen pies.

M&S go all ponce on new food advert

September 2nd, 2014 1 Comment By Ian Wade

Marks & Spencer have launched a new TV advertising campaign for its food.

The ‘Adventures in Imagination’ (which, if it involved the Body Talk hitmakers, would be even more amazing) slightly harks back to their soft-porny ‘Not Just Any…’ series of ads, with erotic cutting and gooey centres oozing just so.

Gnnnggg.

M&S has said that the ad is to “tease the nation’s increasingly discerning taste buds” and highlights the most in-demand food trends featured in the retailer’s autumn 2014 range, such as lush looking patisserie loveliness, top quality cuts, runny Scotch eggs and showcases the Kouign-amann, a traditional Breton cake that is a cross between a croissant and a brioche.

It’s also a rare opportunity to hear that most-streamed-song-of-the-year Clean Bandit number.

The unnecessarily lengthily titled M&S executive director of marketing and international Patrick Bousquet-Chavanne said: “Over the last decade, consumers’ culinary tastes have become more adventurous and Britain’s love affair with food has really ignited.”

“Our new campaign reflects this shift and uses a different language to the price-focused supermarkets. It brings to life the hundreds of new ideas we have in our food halls every month by showcasing the sensual and surprising aspects of food – like its textures and movement – in a modern, stylish and precision format.”

‘A different language’ – nice bit of shade there.

Deathwatch: Hazelnuts

August 21st, 2014 2 Comments By Ian Wade

250px Nutella Deathwatch: HazelnutsIn today’s No. Not this. Not now news, there’s a Nutella shortage a-coming. Widespread riots are predicted among the painfully twee.

Around 70% of the year’s hazelnut crop has been wiped out due to a March frost in Turkey.

The price of hazelnuts has gone right up, too, to a 10 year high, with worries that the prices will only increase as the shortage bites further.

Nutella fans should be very concerned, as it has 50 hazelnuts per jar.

Ferrero, who make Nutella, are the largest consumers of hazelnuts, having bought the Turkish supplier Oltan Group in July.

There’s no clear news at the moment of impending price rises on hazelnut-based treats, but we’ll keep you in the loop about exactly when and where to turn up with pitchforks and the like.

You can also contact the samaritans if you’re having any troubling thoughts regarding this news.

Greggs 300x286 Greggs: They actually sells things that arent bad for youGreggs have been performing well, but it isn’t all cheese and ham slices and steak bakes. No. Greggs is trying to be a bit healthier, which is very distressing news for all concerned.

With more seating in shops and a bunch of salady things and butties that are under 400 calories, they’ve got one eye on becoming a budget version of Pret or something. And they’re doing something right, because half-year profits up nearly 50%.

Greggs’ finance director, Richard Hutton, said: “We want to make sure we keep pace with changing taste. People have developed a taste for good coffee and healthy food.”

However, the good people of Britain are still great enough to know the value of deliciously greasy food, with Hutton adding: ”We still sell more sausage rolls than anything else, more than 100m a year. You will still see the sausage roll as a snack. It has 350 calories. There’s nothing to worry about for the sausage roll.”

Next up for Greggs is new fresh soup and hot sandwiches in the Autumn. Basically, they’ve noticed that everyone likes coffee shops, so they’ll be better than them by being a coffee shop that sells pasties.

“Greggs has a similar model to Pret. We have a similar supply chain, although we own our own bakeries, Pret don’t. Both are about good food made fresh.”

Just don’t remove too much salt and grease from your food though because, really, that’s the reason why people still shop there. If it doesn’t pass Dr Nick’s see-through food test, it isn’t worth bothering with.

Ditch the wheatgrass smoothies and save £440

July 21st, 2014 1 Comment By Lucy Sweet

Wheatgrass 250x250 Ditch the wheatgrass smoothies and save £440 Crazy people who believe in the healing power of superfoods are spending far too much on their health fix, says Which!!!

Instead of spunking all their hard earned wages on goji berries and wheatgrass and other dubious inedibles, our favourite consumer vanguards suggest that people should try cheaper alternatives, like kiwi fruit and sardines.

In what has to be their most niche report yet, Which!!! found that swapping blueberries for kiwis and salmon for sardines could help healthy types save £440 a year and still stay alive longer (while not having any fun.)

Lean, mean, tanned and toned Richard Lloyd from Which!!! paused his Tracy Anderson workout DVD and said:

‘You don’t need to break the bank to eat healthily. We’ve found you can swap some superfoods for cheaper alternatives and save a packet while still getting the vitamins you need.’

Thanks Richard! And now we can spend that lovely £440 on beer and pipes of Pringles.

Dominos caught selling Aldi potato wedges

July 4th, 2014 9 Comments By Lucy Sweet

wedges 300x243 Dominos caught selling Aldi potato wedges Staff at a branch of Dominos in Linlithgow, West Lothian face a grilling after they were caught buying cheap jumbo bags of potato wedges from Aldi and then trying to pass them off as Domino’s own brand.

The cheapo wedges cost only 59p from Aldi, whereas Dominos wedges are a staggering £3.49 for a tiny box. But staff say they’d run out due to Wimbledon and the World Cup, and they were just trying to keep up with an unprecedented demand for wedge action.

A customer spotted what they were up to when he went in to order a pizza, and said: ‘I had a bit of a chuckle – but it’s really cheeky flogging Aldi products as their own.’

Domino’s bosses explained the problem.

‘With big sporting events in full swing, the Linlithgow store was faced with no wedges. We do not advocate this as a solution. We have spoken to the store to ensure ordering has been adjusted and our customers get Domino’s wedges.’

It’s actually pretty enterprising when you think about it – and it also very much begs the question: ‘is there a scientific correlation between major sporting events and potato wedges?’