…that’s what Petula Clark sang back in 1960somethingorother.

Words beautifully delivered but ignored by this woman traveller on the subway in Boston, The United States Of America, who almost ended up with a severe case of head-mash when she drunkenly fell on to the track for a kip.

It would never happen in the UK – she’d never have been able to get her ticket into one of the millions of barriers that are now getting in the way of hammer-drunk commuters everywhere….

This is Toby Jones. He’s got a lot of storage space and, because he’s drunk, you can have some of it for just $10.99 a month.

He’ll store anything – an old printer, some weed, even a bus. If you don’t believe it, try ringing the number on screen – he’s really real. If you don’t want to call him, you can find him “on them internets” at Jones Bigass Truck Rental & Storage.

Once again, he’ll store anything – tricycles, old videogames, cars, model trains, textbooks, antique silverware, antique anything. Call him – we did. He’s really real.