Posts Tagged ‘drink’

While children might be taken in by those healthy, bouncing blackcurrants, everybody else knows that it’s just purple sugar liquid which has the potential to create a dental apocalypse.

ribena plus big 300x300 Ribena isn’t as good for you as it thinks it is, says ASA

Apart from, it would seem, Ribena itself, whose latest promotion has been banned because they’ve over-exaggerated health claims. The website for Ribena Plus, which has no added sugar (that’s ‘added’ sugar), went a little bit over the top about its vitamin content.

By saying ‘vitamin A… helps keep your vision in tip top condition’ and ‘Vitamin C… it helps immunity’, they flouted EU guidelines and have found themselves in hot water with the Advertising Standards Authority.

The ASA has ruled that they failed to convey the meaning of the EU’s health claims to shoppers, because they implied that vitamins optimise the body’s performance rather than just maintaining it.

‘Ribena Plus – maintains normal function!’ – catchy, eh?

This is the second brand formerly made by GlaxoSmithKline that has been in trouble with the ASA for overstating health claims. Lucozade Sport’s ads were banned when it claimed that it ‘hydrates better than water.’

Still, you can’t really blame them. Attempting to translate convoluted EU health guidelines for the average consumer is a copywriting minefield – let alone trying to make it jolly and rhyming and blackcurrant-y…

Supermarket furore over Mike Tyson drink

January 25th, 2013 29 Comments By Andy Dawson

Black Energy Drink 250ml Mike Tyson CAN Supermarket furore over Mike Tyson drink Former heavyweight world champion Mike Tyson might be facing the greatest battle of his life – and it could be against Asda, Tesco and Sainsbury. If it happens. Which it might. Or might not.

There’s a growing campaign against the Black Energy drink, which hails from Poland but has the ex-boxer and rapist plastered all over it and is stocked by the aforementioned supermarkets.

Of course, there’s the obvious objection that they’re selling goods that are being plugged by a convicted rapist, but throw in the fact that the drink claims to offer ‘sexenergy’ and it all starts to look a bit more unsavoury.

There have been complaints to the supermarkets that are stocking the stuff and Facebook groups and noise from Mumsnet and all that stuff.

Justine Roberts, founder of Mumsnet, said: ‘Lots of Mumsnet users are disappointed that the likes of Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury’s are stocking a product endorsed by convicted rapist, Mike Tyson, and would rather that someone who showed little remorse for his behaviour wasn’t given the opportunity to cash in on his notoriety.’

The makers of Black Energy are believed to have altered the packaging but references to Tyson remain. Meanwhile none of the three errant supermarkets have announced any plans to remove the drink from their shelves.

Here’s Tyson in an ad for the stuff…

coffee cup 200x300 Debenhams now allowing you to order coffee in plain EnglishOrdering coffee in Italian is a daunting prospect, especially if you can barely speak the language you were born with (hello there people of Wigan). With that, the rapacious nature of the coffee house has been a troublesome sight for unfortunates.

Grande doesn’t mean biggest? Or does it?

Either way, Debenhams are ditching all that in favour of a delightfully dumb menu after their customers (70% of them) moaned that it was confusing remembering what three words meant, and couldn’t work out that they could ask the staff or say things like ‘medium’ and the person serving you would know what you meant.

Either way, you won’t be hearing people say venti skinny latte in Debenhams from now on. Basically, you’ll be able to ask for things like ‘a black coffee’, ‘one of them frothy ones’ or ‘one with chocolate in’.

The store said: “We’re testing a redesign of the menu so shoppers spend less time playing coffee Cluedo and more time enjoying their favourite drink.”

The Plain English Campaign (yes, that’s an actual thing) welcomed the move with founder Chrissie Maher saying: “Whether tea or coffee, it needs to be in plain English. If customers can read the menu clearly, they’re more likely to try something new and they may come back.”

Next week: Spaghetti renamed long tomato pasta and Rioja, wobbly grape drink.

Booze comes in all kinds of shapes, sizes and flavours and if you’re into getting off your head, there’s almost certainly something on the market for you. But what if you’re the alcoholic equivalent of a fussy eater, and nothing is quite right for you?

You need Air instead. It’s the upcoming drink that will launch in the US of America soon and is simply a mixture of water and alcohol (with some carbonation) to give it added fizz. Boozy water then. 4% ABV.

17tgbalmhpx55png 500x281 Why drink foul tasting booze when you can drink Air instead?

The company behind it, Fourloko, are also planning berry and citrus-flavoured versions as well, but that’s a bit too extreme if you ask us. So, would you forego the taste of lager and cider to sup yourself pissed on something that tastes of nothing?


Pepsi claim that Mountain Dew dissolves dead mice

January 5th, 2012 13 Comments By Andy Dawson
blisstree mountain dew 400 400 Pepsi claim that Mountain Dew dissolves dead mice

'Squeak! Let me out!'

If you’re a fan of the Mountain Dew energy drink, we feel obliged to tell you that your tipple of choice may contain a dead mouse – but you’ll never know it, because it’ll have dissolved before the bottle even touches your lips.

That’s the potentially nuclear claim that Pepsi, makers of Mountain Dew have themselves made, after a punter alleged that a dead mouse tumbled out of a can of the stuff that he recently bought.

Ronald Ball of Madison County, US of America is suing Pepsi after claiming that he opened a can of Mountain Dew that he’d purchased from a vending machine, only to discover a deceased mouse when he began to drink from it.

Ball says he sent the mouse to Pepsi, who then destroyed it. He is seeking damages in excess of $50,000, although Pepsi are fighting his claim. Their argument, and get a load of THIS, is that the mouse would have dissolved in the drink had it been in the can from the time of its bottling until the day that Ball drank it. That’s right – your Mountain Dew may or may not have contained a dead mouse, but you’ll never know. Unless, you know, you can taste it. Which is probable.

It’s the Mystery (can) Machine!

September 15th, 2011 5 Comments By Mof Gimmers

You’re thirsty. You want a drink. And so, you walk up to a vending machine to complete the incredibly simple process of buying yourself a drink. You pull out your wallet, finger through your change, put it in the slot and… BAM! It hits you.

mystery can 375x499 Its the Mystery (can) Machine!

Mystery Can hits you right between the eyes and you feel a pressure you’ve never felt before. What will it be a can of? Dog food? Napalm? Dr Pepper? You do the only sensible thing. You kill yourself.


Booze is ‘obscenely’ cheap, but death is expensive

September 14th, 2011 7 Comments By Mof Gimmers
beer1 300x225 Booze is obscenely cheap, but death is expensive

Lovely, delicious beer

You may have been to That London and baulked at the price of a pint, but the reality is that you’ve never had it so good.

Apparently, the price of alcohol is “obscenely low” and champion booze hounds/alcoholics are being subsidised by boozeless bores/ordinary shoppers in supermarkets, according to medical experts.

Speaking at the British Science Festival in Bradford on Tuesday (our generation’s Woodstock), they called for the government to take some action, worrying that the rising consumption of sweet, sweet liquor is going to kill us all.

“A gram of cocaine in Yorkshire costs £40 [whereas] 40 grams of alcohol costs a pound if you buy white cider at £2 for a 2 litre bottle,” said Robin Davidson, a clinical psychologist and chair of the newly launched charity, Alcohol Research UK. “The price of this drug is obscenely low.”

Ian Gilmore, consultant at Royal Liverpool Hospital, said that moderates are “almost certainly currently subsidising the heavy drinker in the supermarket. All the hooks to get people into supermarkets are drinks adverts – they’re subsidising and discounting alcohol instead of fruit and vegetables. If there was no discounting of alcohol, it’s likely that the shopping basket would be cheaper for people who do not drink heavily.”

A study reckons that, if the UK reduced its overall ale consumption, it could prevent more than 250,000 deaths from liver disease in the next 20 years. But you may as well kill yourself prematurely with liver failure because the cost of death has rocketed, ensuring that any savings you make on beer are lost to the Grim Reaper.

The average cost of dying has risen to £7,248, according to a survey. That’s a rise of 20% since 2007. The big increase has been the rise in funeral costs, which have gone up by 61% over the past seven years. Seeing as this trend is not looking to slow, Bitterwallet advises that you exploit the cheap drink until you’re a reasonable age, and then make a rash, drunken decision to throw yourself off a cliff while sozzled beyond repair.

HotUKDeals Of The Day – Friday 5th August

August 5th, 2011 No Comments By Andy Dawson

hukd logob1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Friday 5th AugustPOW! It’s time for you all to buckle up and ready yourself for another True Or False Friday. It’s like when Chris Evans does The One Show – it’s too good for all the other normal days. See if you can figure out how to play it.

Don’t forget that there’s more bargains over at HotUKDeals… oh, and last week’s answers were all FALSE.

990227 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Friday 5th AugustTHE DEAL: Free drinks and free money.

TRUE OR FALSE? This is obviously too good to be true. No, really, no lies this time. Ignore it. It can’t be possible.

990004 1 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Friday 5th AugustTHE DEAL: Snuggle Pod for premature babies. Down from £19.99 to only £8.49.

TRUE OR FALSE? This will also work on large, poorly mice and average-sized, sedated kittens.

shotthrutv 300x238 HotUKDeals Of The Day   Friday 5th AugustTHE DEAL: A Panasonic 42” TX-P42C3B plasma TV with Freeview HD – only £379.00 delivered with a free 5-year guarantee.

TRUE OR FALSE? In this case, ‘plasma’ refers to blood, which arcs out of the middle of the screen via a jet every three hours. A facemask is available for a further £99.99

(deals found by HUKD members skeewc1, andywedge and taswir1)

Summer boozers, all hail the Flipflasks!

June 23rd, 2011 7 Comments By Paul Smith

Bitterwallet Flipflask Summer boozers, all hail the Flipflasks!

Running out of drink at a critical business is a rum do. Or not. And there’s many a party pooper who won’t let you take booze into a summer gig with their oppressive bag searches.

Help is at hand, and at heal. A pair of Flipflasks will let you store liquid in the soles of your flip-flops for booze smuggling purposes. The shoes only hold about 90ml, so nothing too outrageous will be occurring – it’s more about illicit sips of drink to keep you strong, like a hipflask.

And nobody’s going to suspect a red-nosed gent pouring whisky out of his shoes, now are they?

We’ve all boarded a train with a handful of inconsiderate louts aboard. Maybe it was a cup final, maybe they’re just thirsty for Tennents – whatever the excuse, it can make the journey a misery for other passengers. Still, you’ll have to put in a near-professional drinking effort to beat these arseholes on board the 12:52 East Midlands train from Liverpool to Norwich yesterday.

Picture 11 Let the good times roll aboard East Midland Trains

What’s in store for you and your family early on a Sunday afternoon? Christian was a passenger on board and recorded this short video. He goes on to report on his blog:

They passed their time surrounding a group of girls who at first appeared to be egging them on as they talked dirty & told them what they would like to do with them. It may have been more out of nervous self defence.

The whole carriage got to hear their obscenities, watch as they stripped & danced on the tables and sit in the cloud of cigarette smoke now filling the carriage.

Complaints to the staff fell on deaf ears. The guy manning the snack trolley was too scared to pass through the carriage.

After the group had got off at Alfreton one of the girls stated that she worked in a prison for sex offenders and she dealt with people who were doing time for doing less.

I paid £72.20 for this journey.

You’ll watch the video, and you’ll know immediately that this isn’t an isolated incident. It happens on trains most weekends, and it’s not always the gents at fault; there’s nothing to fill the heart with pride like a pissed-up hen night that can’t handle its drink. Carriages full of families and tourists must adore every moment of the middle-aged house wife flashing her tits at passing motorists. Stay classy, UK.


Beware fake Jacob’s Creek wine!

April 6th, 2011 6 Comments By Mof Gimmers

jacobs creek Beware fake Jacobs Creek wine! If you’re some kind of alcoholic, this news won’t mean squat to you because you’ll pretty much drink anything.

However, if you’re middle class, and therefore, one of those people with a problem with alcohol that seems more refined in some way, you might want to know about a load of fake Jacob’s Creek bottles hitting the market.

Basically, if you slowly sozzle yourself every night with cheapish plonk, it’ll be worth checking it isn’t a fake.

Apparently, these knock-off versions have a pretty glaring spelling mistake on the label, saying ‘Austrlia’ on them.

Trading standards have warned us plebs that these bottles are being sold in off-licences all over the country. Seized thus far are bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon 2007, Merlot 2009, Semillon Sauvignon Blanc 2008, Chardonnay 2009 and Semillon Chardonnay 2009.

Another clue is that the wine itself tastes vile, which has seen some customers complaining to Jacob’s Creek, thinking they’ve bought the real thing.

Jacob’s Creek man Ricard Simon Thomas says: “Tests indicate the content is not harmful but anyone with doubts concerning the authenticity should not consume it.”

How to get properly smashed on drink

March 7th, 2011 2 Comments By Paul Smith

Upset with your local Boozeboosters? Got a grudge to settle? Why not get tanked up on White Star cider and smash a grand’s worth of liqueur. Don’t worry about the shop assistant stopping you – she won’t hurry to tackle anyone crazy enough to do it:

Whether dipping cigarettes into your brew would make you look ragingly cool or like an absolute berk who should be whisked away to the nearest asylum remains to be seen, but the Cigarettea is a novel approach to making a cuppa.

cigarettea Forget tea bags   dipping cigaretteas is the way forward

The filter of the faux-fag keeps the thing afloat while the segment that would normally hold the tobacco is filled with tea-leaves. Obviously, these will be no use to anyone trying to knock smoking on the head as they’ll serve as a delicious, refreshing reminder.


(Falling over) In a shop now!

October 15th, 2009 7 Comments By Andy Dawson

Morning all! Sorry we’re a bit late in getting going today. While we sort out what’s what, here’s a ten-minute video of a long-hair off his tits on drink and/or meds in an American shop…