Posts Tagged ‘detection’
There’s nothing worse than the taste of sour milk – in fact, some research we just did there a minute ago reveals that 87% of all long-term depression in the UK is triggered by the sufferer getting a gobful of sour milk. Scary, if not entirely accurate.
But now Cravendale (who we like because of their adverts) think they’ve come up with something that will rid us of the curse of curdling forever. It’s a milk jug that can detect whether or not your milk is still good for human consumption or whether it’s time to hurl it down the plughole.
Here’s the science bit – a sensor in the jug will read the PH acidity of the jug’s contents and alert you by displaying the words ‘fresh’ or ‘sour’ on its side. Truly amazing stuff – an enormous boon, and we’re always on the lookout for enormous boons around here.
No, it isn’t April Fool’s Day yet and no, the jug hasn’t gone into production either – Cravendale are merely goading us with the fact that they could mass-produce this thing anytime they wanted to.
For now though, we’ll have to deal with our depression and try to detect sour milk by, you know, sniffing it.
We’re not sure if this is for finding pornography you thought you’d lost, or for your boss or wife to find your secret stash of eastern European yankee doodle. Either way it’s likely to cause a world of trouble, divorces and employment tribunals. Yes, it’s the porn detection stick:
Put how does it work? Here’s the science bit, concentrate:
The Porn Detection Stick uses a complex series of algorithms to analyze flesh tones, shapes and curvatures, face detection, body part separation, and more to alert you to images likely to contain pornographic material.
The blurb claims that ‘a search of a 500 GB hard drive with over 70,000 images takes only about an hour and a half.’ Christ, they’ve been testing it on the Bitterwallet servers. Interestingly, ProofPronto is marketing the American product to three groups: ‘parents’, ‘employers’ and ‘schools and churches’ (‘pornographic content can easily contaminate your organisation’s computers’). Quite a problem you’ve got there, Uncle Sam.