Posts Tagged ‘crabs’
Here in the Bitterwallet bunker, we’re hardly a bunch of bath-dodging animal activists, but this feels like it’s taking the piss. It’s reasonable to assume crabs aren’t the smartest of Earth’s creatures, but they probably don’t deserve to be dispensed from a vending machine – while still alive.
Thanks to avid Bitterwallet reader ‘sprout’ we’ve been introduced to one of the most disturbing consumer offerings out there – from CrabRevenge.com a packet of pubic lice that you can sneakily infest a cheating partner with. Mmm… classy.
It’s sort of like sea monkeys but with a devastating twist. Send off for a sachet of the crabs and surreptitiously smuggle them into the bed or even the undercrackers of your piece of shit boyfriend or girlfriend. Within days they’ll be riddled with lice and you’ll be laughing your way back to Singlesville having just downed a foaming tankard filled with essence of revenge.
Prices start at just £13.99 for a sachet of the bog-standard lice and rise to £34.99 for what the sellers describe as ‘Super Crabs’, explaining that: “These crabs are almost impossible to get rid of and have been through over a year of selective lab breeding to be the most aggressive and most reproductive species on the planet!” Hurrah!
What’s the odds that before the end of the year, David Cameron and/or Nick Clegg are deploying these against each other?
UPDATE: We just tried to buy some pubic lice, er, purely for research, only to get an error message at the ‘add to basket’ stage. The same thing happens at a similar site, www.revengecrabs.com. Which means that it’s all a load of big fakey bollocks. Sorry folks.
It made you all think though didn’t it? No? Oh…
It’s not a case of lost in translation for this restaurant in North Carolina; the owners know exactly what they’re up to:
Yes, welcome to Dirty Dicks, where you can be assured of sexual innuendo courtesy of a gentlemen that in every way plays to the less-than-appetising stereotype of a filthy, gap-toothed traveller. It makes you crave their lump crab baked in a rich cheese sauce all the more, doesn’t it readers? At least you can be sure that the staff haven’t been gaming TripAdvisor recently – or if they have, they haven’t done a very good job of it.
* tenuous marine-related punnery