Cheryl Cole - just look at the state of her hair

Cheryl Cole has had it tough of late – her solo career has floundered after the public decided that they all prefer to see Rufus Hound dancing around to ‘Fight For Your Love’ instead, and she’s recently become a single lady again following the collapse of her marriage.

It’s high time that the feisty Geordie songstress had some good news and here it is – she WON’T be feeling the full force of the Advertising Standards Authority coming down on her like a ton of bricks.

They’ve thrown out 40 complaints about Chezza’s L’Oreal advert where she boasts that her hair “feels stronger” and “full of life” with a “healthy shine” even though a significant amount of said “hair” is actually glued-on extensions.

But perhaps someone at the ASA fancies himself as a possible suitor to the newly-single Ms Cole as the official verdict was: “We considered most consumers would interpret the ads to mean the product would have an effect on the look and feel of hair that was weak, limp, lifeless, dull or straw-like. However, they were likely to understand that individual results would vary according to their own hair type.”

L’Oreal pointed out that the ads had not been intended to promise that consumers would look exactly like Cheryl Cole and that the average consumer would understand that the effects would vary according to hair type and the style adopted.

Over in the corner of the Bitterwallet office sits our near-bald Paul Smith. He is surrounded by empty L’Oreal hair product bottles and is clutching a crumpled photo of Cheryl Cole. He is in the foetal position and he is crying. We hope you’re happy now Cheryl.

Either advertising planners are rarely aware of the content that appears on the billboard space they sell, or this is deliberate. It’s probably the former, but it’s nice to think it’s the latter. Or perhaps it’s a case of Cheryl Cole making a refreshingly honest admission to counter the revelation she used hair extensions for her L’Oréal commercials.

This juxtaposition of statement and form was spotted near Saint James’ Park in Newcastle by Bitterwallet readers Gaz and Robbo from NUFC blog ShiteSeats.co.uk:

“For the record – we love Cheryl and think she’s a great ambassador for the region. She’s just not the sharpest tool in the box.”

As sure as eggs are eggs, Peacocks sell clothes. Workwear, swimwear, nightwear, footwear, outerwear, knitwear and all the party wear that attends Christmas parties only to be returned two days later, together with the excuse “it doesn’t fit properly and I’ll like a refund, please”. Peacocks have over 550 outlets in the UK, and all of them to a store sell clothing, besides a smattering of accessories. So it makes perfect sense for Peacocks to move into music retail.

Hoping to plug the gap where Woolworths and Zavvi used to rule, Peacocks will be pushing the nauseatingly trite pop vomit of Take That, Cheryl Cole and The Saturdays into your shopping bags, while also selling a range of t-shirts to tie in with the artists. In a series of ghastly Frankenstein-style experiments, the two disparate products will be fused together to create a “gift package”.

But Peacocks is merely the puppet in this – it’s Universal Music who are seizing the chance to claw back sales of their physical product by selling it through third party brands. Having said that, it’s more of a return to form for the clothing retailers; when Peacocks was founded in the late 19th century, it was a penny bazaar that sold all manner of minutiae. Except CDs, obviously. 8-track tapes, maybe.