If ever anybody needed a punch in the balls, it’s this guy. It’s an attempt to whore a new wet wipe product by Charmin, the bog roll purveyors who have struggled to establish themselves in the UK, and who clearly assume they have a customer base of people with vegetables for heads.

They can’t show you the meathead wiping his shitty arse, so instead he demonstrates with toothpaste. He fails to mention that wetwipes leave your crack feeling as if somebody is fingering it for the rest of the day, but by way of compensation you get one of our favourite YouTube moments at 45 seconds in:

[Consumerist]

Whenever we try to imagine the typical Bitterwallet reader, we like to think of a brave member of the UK’s armed forces who likes a nice comfortable toilet tissue experience (when they’re not crapping in a hole in the Middle East that is) as well as enjoying DVDs of comedy shows about sex-crazed 17 year-olds (is there any other kind?)

That’s you? Yeah, we know. You’ll love this stuff, all dredged up from HotUKDeals…

Imagine you’re a member of Britain’s magnificent armed forces. Maybe you actually are. You must have seen some horrendous sights while carrying out your duties for Queen and country. But could you stomach 90 minutes of Birmingham City v Bolton Wanderers?

If you think you can handle it, there’s a ticket waiting for you at St Andrews, for only a fiver. All members of the Armed Forces including the Army, Royal Navy, Royal Air Force and the Territorial Army can purchase match tickets for £5.00. It’ll be a true test of your mettle.

While we’re on the subject of unspeakable horror, just imagine what you could do with 24 rolls of Charmin toilet roll. Or rather, don’t. This is a family website.

But that’s what’s on offer from next Monday – for some of you, 24 rolls could last you for six months, for others it might barely see you through a bank holiday weekend. Either way, they could be yours for £5.99.  Too late to take them to the Birmingham match for some old-school bog roll-throwing fun. Shame.

From toilet rolls to toilet humour, and one of the finest recent exponents of what is undoubtedly an acquired taste as well as being a rarefied art. We’re talking of course about The Inbetweeners, Channel 4’s superb sixth form sitcom.

It’s brilliantly-observed, gloriously rude and disturbingly realistic, containing more wit in a single episode than Bitterwallet’s latest whipping boy, useless ‘comedian’ Iain Lee will ever manage even if he lives to be 114. Anyhoo, a DVD of series one and two is available for only £10 – but not everyone. Good luck Sherlocks!

(deals found by HUKD members smithyp, lprangle21 and PoisonJam)

Due to an unforeseen clerical error or the tennis or something, Deal Of The Day’s near-legendary True Or False Friday has been shunted back a day to the here and now. So it’s True Or False Thursday instead.

You know how it works and you know that all the bargains come from HotUKDeals so why are you even bothering to read this paragraph. Move along now…

THE DEAL: 15-can pack of 5% Stella Artois 440ml cans. Just £7.49. Giddy up!

TRUE OR FALSE?  The lager was invented by Belgian Jean Luc Pfffaff and Stella Artois was the secret love of his life. The drink acquired its nickname of ‘Wife Beater’ after Pffaff’s missus kicked the living shite out of him when she found out about his obsession with Mme Artois.

THE DEAL: A 9-roll pack of Charmin toilet tissue for just £2.50. Follow the link from HUKD and you could get a further 50p off, taking the price down to just £2.00.

TRUE OR FALSE?  Although he appears in advertising as a cartoon, the Charmin bear is actually based on a real bear. He’s based on Paddington Bear’s second cousin, Len Randall.

THE DEAL: Reservoir Dogs. A 2-disc BluRay offering for just £6.99, with free delivery. Quentin Tarantino’s directorial debut, and a film he has yet to surpass. Before you start, Pulp Fiction could have had at least 30 minutes cut out of it. Boring.

TRUE OR FALSE?  Quentin Tarantino’s real name is Alfred Bitchcock, but he changed it as he didn’t want to be unfairly compared with the legendary thriller director.

(deals found by HUKD members SupaGeek, michelleleemoo and andywedge)

This week’s TRUE OR FALSE statements were all TRUE. No, what’s the other one? Yeah, they’re all that one.