Posts Tagged ‘cars’

Audi make tax-free car!

February 18th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

Audi have made a car that you won’t have to pay tax on, which is nice. It is also very, very efficient thanks to a turbocharged 1.0-litre petrol engine.

The new Audi A1 will replace the old 1.2-litre affair and it will ramp up fuel economy and hack into CO2 emissions, which is all rather good and will be very kind on a driver’s pocket.

This is awful news for those of you who like your cars to go incredibly quickly and use huge amounts of fuel to make the ferocious engine frighten the birds out of the trees, but then, you invariably wouldn’t be weighing up anything that has a 1 litre engine. You’d probably turn your nose up at a lawn mower with an engine that small.

2015 audi a1 sportback 1 500x312 Audi make tax free car!

The little number goes 0-60ish in 10.9 seconds and will be available in three and five door models.

The CO2 emissions which Audi are claiming to achieve are at 97g/km, which is low enough for tax-free motoring under the present rules. That changes to a £20 a year charge if you get the one with a S Tronic automatic gearbox in it, but again, that’s not exactly going to break the bank.

If you’re Earth-minded, the 1.6-litre diesel A1 claims to have an economy figure from 74.3mpg to 80.7mpg, with the relevant drop in emissions.

So how much to buy one? The new 1.0-litre model is going for somewhere around the £14,300 mark, while the five-door equivalent will set you back around £14,900. They’re available this summer and look like great little runarounds. Looks a bit nicer than the also-taxless Hyundai i10 hatchback and Skoda Citigo hatchback and around the same price as the popular Mini hatchback.

Apple to make the iCar?

February 4th, 2015 1 Comment By Mof Gimmers

apple logo Apple to make the iCar?Google have been parping on about their driverless cars, and now, rumours are getting louder about Apple making an electric car.

CNN have an image of a patent which has been granted to “Apple Electric Car, Inc.,” yesterday, which should get some Apple devotees reasonably excited, and some Android defenders tutting into their laps.

Now specifically, this patent shows an adjustable mount for a computerized display in a golf cart, which isn’t strictly going to fulfil the promise of an all singing Siri and app-dancing iCar, but there’s no smoke without fire.

Tesla were spotted at Apple a few years ago, which got tongues wagging and Wall Street analysts have been loudly muttering about Apple looking at electric cars as an investment for ages.

And let’s be honest here – electric cars and Apple do look like a match made in heaven and with motoring changing toward a new model and, most importantly, a huge money-spinner if you get it right, Apple will absolutely be weighing up a move into the car game.

If this is just a move that Apple are making to create huge LCD dashboard panels, then you’ve got to ask yourself if you’d be into having that, or indeed, distracted by that.

Feel free to make your own jokes about an Apple car being installed with windows.


Jaguar Land Rover bring the jobs!

January 13th, 2015 1 Comment By Ian Wade

Jaguar Jaguar Land Rover bring the jobs!Jaguar Land Rover are claiming they will create 1,300 new jobs at their Solihull plant! The extra workforce will build Jaguar’s new F-PACE SUV at the branch in the West Midlands.

Jaguar Land Rover have already stumped up £1.5 billion in the plant, so it can increase production, also bugling that the workforce there has doubled in the last three years.

Overall, Jaguar Land Rover currently employs 30,500 people in the UK.

The car, called the Jaguar F-PACE, will be based on its C-X17 concept car, and was unveiled at the Frankfurt motor show in 2013. The new model is due to go on sale in 2016.

Jaguar Land Rover’s UK executive director, Mike Wright, told the BBC the new vehicle would not be a “gas guzzler”.

“We spend about £3.5bn on our product investment each year and one thing that we really focus on is making sure that our future cars are both economic in terms of fuel economy, in terms of CO2. This car’s going to be built at one of the world’s biggest aluminium body shops at Solihull that we’ve invested a huge amount of money in over the last couple of years. So gas guzzling? No”.

Jaguar Land Rover have said they wanted the new model to be worked on in Britain to give its cars a “crafted with that special British flair”. So fag butts and clearing off for skinful at lunchtime will be demanded, no doubt.

Jaguar Land Rover said it had sold 462,678 vehicles globally last year – a rise of 9% year-on-year – and the fifth consecutive year that sales have grown. China saw the strongest growth, with sales up 28%, while in the UK sales rose 7%.

Dad says sorry for son in car advert

January 13th, 2015 No Comments By Mof Gimmers

ebay Dad says sorry for son in car advertHonesty isn’t always the best policy, but sometimes, you have to applaud it.

Nigel Stewart-Stone was helping his son – Dalton – sell his Renault Clio and has become an internet hero with the honesty of his eBay advert. He left no stone unturned when describing the state of the car.

The ad, titled my teenage sons 2005 Renault Clio, with story time, who would buy it?, which you can see here, kicks off by saying sorry for the condition of the battered motor, listing the numerous faults with it and basically taking the piss out of his son.

Referring to the electric windows, they apparently work well “considering the amount of times they go up and down calling to his mates, and banter with the passing girls, many of whom have been taken for rides in the car, which may explain the passenger seat not moving back and forth anymore, still makes it hard for them to escape his deafening music.”

He adds: “Anyway if you think this car may be suitable for your son, please go ahead and buy it, its (sic) after all in the perfect state for any teenager lad, and will save them all the time and effort that my son has put in to it, getting it this way.”

sorry for my sons car 500x281 Dad says sorry for son in car advert

Dad noted: “There may or may not be any oil and water in the car , despite me repeatedly telling him to make sure it was maintained , I believe he thought this meant sitting in it on the driveway listening to his music whilst having a smoke , he would have washed it occasionally , but said” not really worth it now is it dad” , as its got a big dent on it !!! and anyway, surely I would know if it needed oil , the red light would come on !! , still he does have a brand new set of mats in the boot , bought when he first had the car”

While there are some bids on the car, tellingly, one person commented: “You have made my day! I have no interest in buying your son car! But I love the fact that you let your son live his life! WELL DONE FOR BEING A FAB DAD!!!”

parking space 300x227 Council parking fees are extortionate claims RACCouncils have been accused by the government of rinsing drivers for parking fines left right and centre.

Well. Where to start here with the bombshells? A council being corrupt is up there with the exclusive of bears defecating in woods. Take your pick.

In 2013/14, councils in England made a combined profit of £667 million from their on- and off-street parking operations. This was 12% more than the 2012/13 figure of £594 million, with 44% of the 2013/14 total being generated by councils in London, the RAC Foundation survey said.

How unusual that very, very few councils are actually losing money on parking, as only 16% of the 353 parking authorities in England had negative results. Well, that’s just not good enough.

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles said: “These official figures show how town halls are committing daylight robbery by ripping off drivers with exorbitant parking charges and unfair parking fines.”

“The recent growth in fines is coming from the industrial use of CCTV spy cars allowed under laws introduced by the last government. This is why we have introduced a law before Parliament to stop these snoopers, as part of package of measures to rein in the town hall parking bullies and protect local shops.”

A politician there, tough on corruption and bullying and everything.

According to RAC Foundation director Professor Stephen Glaister: “Parking profits seem to be a one-way street for councils, having risen annually for the last five years.”

“Yet over the same period spending on local roads has fallen about a fifth in real terms. We understand the pressures councils are under with their overall income still falling and the level of services they have to provide in such areas as social care rising rapidly.”

“One sign that the escalation in parking profits might be coming to an end is that much of this year’s increase comes not from growing income from penalties and charges but cuts in the cost of parking operations.”

“This suggests local authorities are making efficiency savings and should bring some good news to both drivers and council tax-payers. The bottom line is that parking policy and charges must be about managing traffic, not raising revenue.”

Shall we gander at those councils with the biggest surplus in 2013/14 before capital charges?

1. Westminster £51.03 million
2. Kensington & Chelsea £33.51 million
3. Camden £24.87 million
4. Hammersmith & Fulham £22.96 million
5. Wandsworth £19.69 million
6. Brighton & Hove £18.09 million
7. Nottingham City £12.06 million
8. Islington £10.38 million
9. Tower Hamlets £8.32 million
10. Brent £8.31 million

Cars getting too big for car parks

November 20th, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

car parking 225x300 Cars getting too big for car parksCars are getting bigger and car parking spaces are getting smaller, according to a new report.

A rise in minor accidents and the like is costing UK drivers around £750 million a year in repairs and, apparently there’s more than 500,000 collisions per year – working out at approximately 1,373 per day.

The Accident Exchange report revealed that car park incidents are second to rear-end shunts as the most common car mishap, costing motorists an average of £1,428 each time to repair.

The report says there were an estimated 2.2million accidents on UK roads in 2011 of which ‘general car park incidents’ represented nearly a quarter (22.78%) of the total.

A spokey for Accident Exchange said: “Most parking incidents take place at slow speeds but that does not stop motorists damaging doors, wheels, bumpers and other parts of the bodywork.”

“A possible contributing factor is that today’s larger vehicles are now squeezing into smaller parking spaces.”

The findings that emerged from their survey of car parks was very illuminating, discovering that the average car park space is an eye-opening  7ft 9.5 inches (237.5cm.) However, the average car has grown in size over the years, and even the smallest models of yore have at least another foot added to their size.

Yet due to the pesky Transport Department, parking space sizes have remained the same since 1994

It’s no joy for the drivers either, they’re getting taller and fatter and are causing themselves pain trying to get out of tight spaces. Well, it needn’t be painful if you know how to work it.

Liz Fisher of Accident Exchange said: “Looking at the statistics, you’d think there is chaos in car parks up and down the country and that drivers are literally battling for spaces to park. But the fact is that drivers are having to squeeze their larger cars into smaller spaces and there are many more car journeys made than just a decade ago.”

Car parks being a load of rubbish – who would’ve ever thunk it?

Smoking to be banned in your car

November 10th, 2014 25 Comments By Mof Gimmers

cigarette Smoking to be banned in your carNext month, you won’t be allowed to smoke in your own car if you have children riding with you. If you do, you’ll be fined £60 or you’ll have five points added onto your driving licence.

So, if you’re a driver who is considered to be failing to take ‘reasonable steps’ to prevent others smoking in cars with children, you can face a fine up to £10,000. Just imagine how many cartons of cigarettes you could buy with £10,000.

The law applies to any cars carrying children and, in addition to this, a proper ban will come into place in December, being implemented proper in October 2015.

Obviously, smokers are going to have to start putting their children on the roof rack if they want to get stuck into some Benson & Hedges.

Prime Minister David Cameron said: “The time has come,” for a ban, like some ominous overlord.

This change in law will be made under provisions in the Children and Famlies Act. Legally speaking, a child is anyone up to the age of 18, but of course, 16 year olds can toot bifters as well, so that’ll be a fun game for those enforcing the law.

Anyway, there you have it. No more smoking next to your children while you’re driving. What do you make of that? Do you feel like people who smoke around children are arses, so sod ‘em? Or, is it the principle of the matter, with the government telling you what to do in the privacy of your own vehicle, that ticks you off?

The car seat that detects heart attacks

October 22nd, 2014 No Comments By Ian Wade

old driver car The car seat that detects heart attacksAll hail the car seat that detects heart attacks! The motor company Ford has unveiled a car seat that can detect when the driver is having a heart attack, therefore allowing the vehicle to come to a safe stop.

Heart attacks are clearly a thing in Fords, so this is an issue that obviously needs sorting.

Using ‘electrocardiograph’ (heart-monitoring) sensors in the seats to detect an irregular heartbeat, combined with an in-car camera that detects when the driver slumps in his seat, the car can activate automated steering and braking systems to bring the car to a stop safely when there’s a problem.

It can then ring the emergency services for you if you’re so inclined. Or not, if you’d prefer to simply perish in your automobile.

Ford’s Research Centre director, the splendidly named Pim van der Jagt, told the FT that the technology is developed for when “100-year olds driving cars will not be abnormal in the future. About 30% of people above 65 have some kind of heart irregularity. And with the number of older car buyers set to rise dramatically this is an area of concern.”

Ford is yet to reveal when exactly this technology can be made available, as there’s no actual date of release yet, but Mr van der Jagt believes it will be in all new models within the next few years.

Toyota recall over a million vehicles

October 15th, 2014 2 Comments By Mof Gimmers

Toyota Logo 4 300x258 Toyota recall over a million vehiclesDo you drive a Toyota? Well, you need to know that you might be driving something that doesn’t have working brakes.

The Japanese car manufacturer is recalling 1.75 million vehicles worldwide because of three separate defects including a faulty brake master cylinder that could hinder the brake’s performance.

So which vehicles are affected?

The defect is found in some models of Toyota’s Crown Majesta as well as the Noah and Voxy models produced between June 2007 and 2012. There’s also issues with the Corolla Rumion and Auris, as well as more than a dozen Lexus models.

So if you bought one of them or are currently sat traffic reading this on your phone, you’ve been warned.

Importantly, Toyota have said in a statement that they are not aware of any accidents, crashes, injuries or fatalities caused by this fault.

This comes after Toyota recalled 6.39 million vehicles globally in April and then, two months later, the company recalled another 2.3 million vehicles for faulty airbag inflators. They’ve not been having a good year, in fairness.

Toyota should be getting in touch with owners, but if you can’t wait,  you should get in touch with your local Toyota dealer to see what they say or check here on their recall website.


The only registered vehicles in the UK (we’re leaving the other vehicles affected in the article for overseas readers) are the Lexus IS, GS and LS models manufactured between January 2005 and September 2010.

Owners of these cars will be contacted by Lexus within the coming weeks by post or telephone and asked to make an appointment to bring their car to their nearest Lexus Centre, in accordance with Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency (DVSA) guidelines. The work needed to fix the problem will take a “three to four hours to complete and will be carried out free of charge.”

You can call the customer helpline on 0800 1388744. For access to the full statement, please visit this link.

Phones to be seized in all road accidents

July 28th, 2014 10 Comments By Ian Wade

mobile car 300x224 Phones to be seized in all road accidentsEvery driver involved in a car crash will now have their phones seized.

This is said to be a help in cracking down on road deaths by those ne’er do wells who text at the wheel.

Police will now check if the motorist has broken the law and possibly been in any way responsible for the accident, and mobiles will now be taken away by officers as evidence.

The Police have said that they must do this due to the growing numbers of fatalities on the road, and this follows stiffer punishments for people who use their mobile at the steering wheel.

The move was welcomed last night by charities and pressure groups who have accused police and politicians of failing to make road safety a priority.

Of course, there are some people who aren’t into the idea, claiming that a mild car-park-shunt could result in phones being confiscated. Also that confiscating phones could delay help.

Although one can imagine that in a motorway pile up, the first thing the police would be concentrating on is confiscating phones.

There is perhaps a logical way to look at how to do this. If a driver has had an accident and the time of the accident matches up with when they sent a text or were gassing on the phone, then yes, this is a very good idea.

If someone is using the phone while manouvering about in a car park, then they are just thick, and shouldn’t be let out of the house.

The phone checks will apply to any accident. Previously they were made only in accidents where people were killed or seriously injured.

More than 500 people a year are killed or injured by people being thoughtless shits at the wheel, and half the time no charges are pressed against the driver, even if they were found to be in the wrong.

About time too.

l plate Learner drivers are on average even more uselessLearner drivers are already clocking up penalty points before evening passing their test, a thing says.

Thousands of learners are getting points for basic speeding or red light misuse, according to a Freedom of Information request, which also reveals 54,000 L-plated types currently have points on their licences.

A third of the people surveyed believe that the driving instructor should be held more responsible for the points, especially as they’re, like, supposed to be teaching people to drive properly.

Other learners have received penalty points for not having any insurance or driving carelessly.

Data from the DVLA revealed 53,988 learners with provisional licences currently have penalty points, and research by found 60% of these are for speeding and a further 43% were for jumping a red light.

Gemma Stanbury of said: “We’re aware that people might make mistakes along the way as they learn to drive, however practising road safety is an important part of the process, and picking up bad habits such as speeding or jumping lights before officially passing your driving test is never a good way to start.”

One in three drivers were unaware that it was possible to pick up penalty points while they learn, and 40% oblivious to the realisation that if you pick up six points within your first two years of driving, they lose their licence.

And that’s not good really. No one wants that.

Sales of petrol fell to a record low in March, as drivers abandoned their cars to do other things, like pay energy bills, feed their children and buy scratch cards in the vain hope that they’ll win £2.

petrol pumps 300x214 Petrol sales slumped in March because were all skint

Government figures showed that 1.367 billion litres of petrol were bought in March – a fall in demand of 24.7%. The only similar low figure in recent years was 1.376 bn litres last March. Back then, though, you could see the reason – March 2013 was freezing cold with petrol prices at a sky high £1.40 a litre. But this year was warm, with prices at a steady £1.30 a litre.

So what’s causing us to ditch the car? Well, AA boss Edmund King blames our boilers. He said (well, to be honest, he waffled):

‘Either the fear or reality of gas and electricity price surges has triggered an avoid-the-petrol-pump backlash to balance family spending, or the trauma of speculator-driven road fuel price spikes over more than three years has seared into the psyche of the UK driving consumer.’

We may find out in the next couple of months as the boilers and heaters are turned off – and drivers look forward to summer motoring and trips out.’

Ah, yes, summer motoring….with the hood down and a flagon of ginger beer in the picnic hamper.

Marvellous. (Oh, wait, we can’t do that, because the bailiffs repossessed the car. Oops.)

skoda Skoda: still brilliant (according to drivers)Skoda have actually had the last laugh, as three of their cars have taken the top slots in an Auto Express customer service survey.

The Skoda Yeti has taken the top slot for the third year running in the Auto Express Driver Power poll, scoring high on reliability, build quality and running costs.

Second place went to Citigo, which was also crowned best small car and most affordable to run.

Third went to the peculiarly named Superb – well it sounds a bit nuts “My car is SUPERB” etc – but it’s a saloon and all that, and you don’t go around calling yourself Superb without reason, like some small-dicked nobber.

Here are the top ten cars in the Auto Express Driver Power 2014 awards – along with their satisfaction rating:

1. Skoda Yeti – 92.78%
2. Skoda Citigo – 92.62%
3. Skoda Superb – 91.68%
4. BMW 5 Series – 91.45%
5. Kia Rio – 91.11%
6. MG6 – 90.92%
7. Toyota Prius – 90.90%
8. BMW 1 Series – 90.84%
9. Renault Captur – 90.84%
10. Kia Cee’d – 90.81%

So there you go. That’s your cars.

We’ve put together a gallery so you can identify these things should you see them.  We’re afraid we can’t return your pictures, but there is a prize for each one shown.

Ok, so you haven’t put in any screenwash for a while, and you’ve got a Blackpool Pleasure Beach sticker on the windscreen, and you haven’t washed it since Christmas. So what? There’s no way your otherwise perfectly good vehicle would fail its MOT for THAT, right?

Mechanic Conducting MOT Test1 Cars are failing their MOTs for being a bit manky

WRONG. has found that test centres are regularly failing cars for very simple and avoidable faults. Out of 285,000 MOT fails, 4649 of them were because people hadn’t topped up screenwash. And 2852 drivers failed their MOTs because their cars were filthy and full of old KFC boxes and empty coffee cups.

Usually cars fail their MOTs for balding tyres, wrongly aimed headlights and worn down brake pads. But drivers regularly throw away the £45 MOT charge by not cleaning their cars before they head to the garage. Emma Butcher from said:

‘There are some really simple things that every motorist can do to help a three-year-old car pass its first MOT test, but it’s amazing how many people don’t do them. Many people probably don’t even realise that MOT testers can refuse to test your car if it’s too dirty or full of clutter.’

Time to take that dirty pair of knickers off the gear stick and buy yourselves a Magic Tree, you skanks.

Volvo have gleefully announced their new “human machine interface” which will be shown off at the Geneva Motor Show.

You get a screen embedded into your dashboard which is divided into tiles. Most prominently, there’s information on navigation, media and stuff about your car and secondary features for messing about with your phone and the temperature of your vehicle.

Volvo say that this new dash ‘reduces visual noise’. To you, it looks like someone put a tablet in the dashboard, which is pretty snazzy.