…that’s what Petula Clark sang back in 1960somethingorother.

Words beautifully delivered but ignored by this woman traveller on the subway in Boston, The United States Of America, who almost ended up with a severe case of head-mash when she drunkenly fell on to the track for a kip.

It would never happen in the UK – she’d never have been able to get her ticket into one of the millions of barriers that are now getting in the way of hammer-drunk commuters everywhere….