Posts Tagged ‘beer’
As always, all of this and more hails from HotUKDeals…
We’ll kick off with some fine face-filling fun – the tried and tested menu of steak, chips and booze that will plaster a big smile across the chops of all but the weirdest of dads. Yes, even the vegetarian ones. Probably.
The offer consists of a beef steak with peppercorn sauce, onion rings with dip and chunky chips. It can all be washed down with a big 66cl bottle of Stella Artois and it’ll only set you back £5.00.
Once your dad is filled up with meat and booze and fit to burst, why not guide him towards the sofa and force him to watch some DVDs that you’ve bought for him. We recommend the first three series of Dexter.
Of course Dexter is a serial killer, and prolonged exposure to his antics might turn your own dad into a serial killer as well. But that’s the risk you take – on the positive side, you’ll be getting 13 discs for only £27.99, so it’ll be well worth jeopardising your future being-aliveness.
Finally, if your dad isn’t into hour upon hour of twisted serial killer action, perhaps he likes playing games instead. Yeah, because THEY’RE not liable to warp his mind and turn him into a grade-A psycho are they?
There’s a big old list of reduced games over at HotUKDeals at the moment, with prices starting from as little as £1.99. Titles cover all the major consoles as well as the ZX Spectrym. Except for the ZX Spectrum. It’s plain old Sinclairism is what it is.
(deals found by HUKD members spitfire1500, steve81 and Kodoku)
Some fine work going on here in a video that has leaked from the United States of A. A man’s got to get his beer home somehow but the cops have got other ideas
Okay, so it’s almost certainly a viral. Doesn’t mean you can’t all try it yourselves…
Every little helps say Tesco, especially when they’ve got a glitch in the system that helps already willing Scots get drunk on the cheap.
An error at a Scottish store in the tills ended up slashing the price of beer and cider, leading to a rush of customers piling through the door to exploit the supermarket giant. A deal that offered three boxes of various boozy treats for £20 was going registering on the checkouts at three for £11.
Of course, this news spread like wildfire across the internet from around 7pm, with people either getting in on a good deal or simply having a laugh at the expense of a company that makes huge amounts of money.
One human on Twitter chirruped: “Price glitch for beer has literally caused a stampede at the local Tesco. Tempers are flying in car park.”
Such was the rush that the police were alerted to the Tesco in Greenock after the carpark swarmed with giddy people, causing heavy congestion.
Sadly, the spoilsports at Tesco quickly spotted the pricing error and soon, all the cashiers were putting correct prices through.
Dig if you will a picture, of a mansion filled with attractive young female models, each of them parading around in the skimpiest of clothing and eternally grateful to their host for allowing them to be at what is essentially a never-ending party.
But the host is an old man, and he’s beginning to finally grow weary of it all. He’s tired of being asked for Chihuahua clothing advice and he needs a break. He’s Hugh Hefner and he just fancies some beer with a bunch of blokes.
Not so special now are you, you smug old twat?
It’s a beer for the men and a white wine spritzer for the ladies isn’t it? That’s what we were led to believe anyway. But Carlsberg have devised a third way. It’s this – Copenhagen, a different kind of beer, a beer that they believe the women will go nuts for.
Carlsberg’s International Innovation Director (no, really) says: “We can see that there are a number of consumers, especially women, who are very aware of design when they choose beverage products. There may be situations where they are standing in a bar and want their drinks to match their style.”
Their ‘style’, we assume, being the style of someone who openly consumes large quantities of children’s piss.
Well, after some coughing, some laughing, the death of an old woman* and some accusations of “Del Boy economics” the annual Budget is over for another year. It was a whirl, folks.
But you are probably less interested in the economic theory behind the proposals, and more interested in the economic effect on your pocket. And being avid BitterWallet readers, I am guessing beer, fags and petrol are top of your concern list. Well, there’s good news and bad news.
Beer and Fags
Politicians are slippery sausages** aren’t they? George proudly proclaimed that “I have no further changes to announce to the rates of alcohol duty”, meaning the previously announced increase to beer duties will go ahead. Never mind.
In addition, the new rates of duty on high and low strength beer have been confirmed and will take effect on 1 October 2011. The rate of duty on low strength (between 1.2% and 2.8% abv) will be 50% of the general duty, meaning a saving of about 18p per pint, but likely to be of more interest to you lot is that a 500ml can of super strength beer (over 7.5% abv) will cost 25p more. Presumably beer with abv of less than 1.2% is too piss-poor to actually count as beer…
And it gets worse. Smokers will now be paying duty at a composite rate of 16.5% of retail price plus £3.10 per pack of 20, with this second element going up if there are more than 20 fags in a packet. They are targeting those cheap 25 pack ones, you see. In actual terms, a normal ‘premium’ pack of cigarettes will go up by 33p and an ‘economy’ pack will go up by 50p.
But there is good news
Well ish. The first point is that fuel duty is actually going to go down by 1p per litre from 6pm tonight. Do not visit your petrol station until 6.01pm. While anything that involves a tax or levy going down is a good thing, as the Opposition are at pains to point out, the January increase in VAT actually added 3p to the average litre, meaning we are still 2p down on the deal so far this year.
George has also scrapped the fuel escalator introduced by the previous Government, which had plans to increase fuel duty over and above inflation over the next few years. Or at least he has sort of scrapped it.
The reduction in fuel duty will be paid for by a fair fuel stabiliser, an extra 12% being added to tax on oil companies profits. No one (except perhaps the oil companies) is going to argue with that. However, if the price per barrel falls below $75, then the tax on the oil companies will be reduced.
But following tonight’s 1p cut, the rate will increase by 3.02p per litre on 1 January 2012 and “the 2012-13 increase in fuel duty will be implemented on 1 August 2012”. Until the draft legislation is published (due 31 March), it is not clear whether this means the increase in pence per litre will be implemented (1 percent plus inflation), or whether the rate of duty will be increased to the total rate previously announced for 2012/13. Or perhaps I am just being cynical.
The official Treasury document suggests that “a typical Ford Focus driver will be £56 better off in 2011-12 as a result of the measures announced in Budget 11.” Shame he will still be driving a Ford Focus though.
Finally, you may remember me mentioning low value consignment relief a little while ago. The Government have taken decisive action. The limit at which LVCR applies will be reduced to £15 (from £18) with effect from 1 November 2011, and a ‘consultation’ with the European Commission will commence immediately thereafter. Amazon and Play.com must be quaking in their boots…
*news of Elizabeth Taylor’s demise hit Twitter while the Budget was going on. I don’t think that was how she died though.
** replace ‘sausages’ with your choice of descriptive expletive.
Here’s a new-to-market product that we’d love to own but we’re slightly worried about one or two potential safety issues – it’s the novelty chainsaw bottle opener.
The man in this video has obviously had his for a couple of days and has more or less mastered it, but in the hands of a complete novice or a small child, this thing could be pretty dangerous we reckon.
No news yet on availability or pricing but watch this space…
Ladies and gentlemen, here is a genius. Here is a man who has taught his fridge to fire beer at him while he controls it with his iPhone.
The man is Ryan Rusnak and with the help of machinery and a brain and a cannon and stuff, he’s trained the fridge to spew a can at him whenever he commands it to. Way better than that crash helmet car we showed you earlier on.
The iPhone app that runs it even works in conjunction with a webcam so that the right person in the room gets the beer. Someone give Ryan Rusnak a cheque for a billion dollars and/or the Nobel Booze Prize will you?
If you’re all thinking about what to get your beloved Team Bitterwallet for Christmas, it’s fair to say we’d be quite chuffed with one of these – it’s the Shoot A Brew, and helpfully, it doesn’t spew hot tea everywhere.
No, it’s a remote controlled beer can dispenser that will keep 24 cans of your booze chilled and fire it at you with a range of eight feet. In short then, it’s near-perfection. Only near-perfection because of the frustration you’ll feel while you’re waiting for the contents to settle so that you don’t end up with a faceful of beer. And because it’s hard to catch stuff when you’re shitfaced.
It’s $295 so you lot had best start some kind of collection for us. Otherwise we’ll run the chicken in a can story again.
We Brits love booze don’t we? That’s because Britain is a crushingly okay place to live. We don’t have wars, rioting or anything like that… so we drink ourselves into a stupor and dream of looting electrical shops and stealing high performance sports cars in some imagined post-apocalyptic world.
See, we’re drinking less alcohol than we used to. Apparently, the average Brit sank the equivalent of 89 bottles of wine during the year, down from more than 94 bottles, according to new stats.
This may seem like a lot, but this is the sharpest drop since 1948. That was the year records began on our intake of booze.
The figures include sales from both supermarkets and pubs. This means we’re either getting really good at stealing or really good at making moonshine. Or, more chillingly, we’re all becoming health-drones.
Of course, this flies in the face of the notion that we live in a world filled with binge drinkers who shit out their entire insides every night, hammered on £1 shots of sambucca before hurling up bright orange WKD sick down the throat of a Britain broken by our late night brawls and fingerings down back streets.
This, of course, isn’t stopping the Treasury from reviewing the situation and looking at whether the Government should introduce minimum pricing for alcohol… AKA, sticking more tax on it so they can fleece us for an imagined problem.
Brigid Simmonds, the chief executive of the BBPA (British Beer and Pub Association), told the Telegraph: “These figures will confound many pundits, as yet again they confirm that as a nation, we are not drinking more. Those who suggest otherwise need to focus on the hard facts.”
So readers, the message is clear. We need to revive the British booze industry by getting plastered on British-made beers as frequently as possible. If your boss moans about you turning up to work half-cut, slap them and tell they’re unpatriotic and that you’re just doing your bit for the economy.
The summer of August 2010 has seen little need to seek out increasingly extreme ways to battle heat exhaustion – the fact is it’s pissed down for the past fortnight, and it looks set to continue. Regardless, even if books were spontaneously combusting all around us, this would still be an extremely dickish way to keep cool.
It’s a hopsicle – a lager ice pop being served up by a bar in New York City. Syrup and lime juice are poured into a can of lager (or what the Americans insist on calling beer), and a wooden stick is stood upright in the can. The concoction is then tucked away in the freezer for four days. Once the mixture is suitably solid, the can is sawn in half with a steak knife and presto! Surely an impressively stupid way to slice your tongue in half on a serrated can edge?
It beats our plan to gut a dwarf and fill the carcass with ice and Bailey’s, but only just.
Beers sales are on the up! HURRAY! Unless, of course, they’ve gone up for depressing reasons like, say, everyone in Britain is depressed and started looking into habitual alcoholism. One source of simultaneous glee and gloom – the World Cup – is thought to be one of the reasons that UK beer sales have risen.
The BBC report that the equivalent of more than 2.2 billion pints were sold between April and June, which according to the British Beer and Pub Association (BBPA), is an increase of 2.9% on last year which means that quarterly sales were up on 12 months ago for the first time in four years. The nice weather probably didn’t do any harm either.
It isn’t all good news for the booze industry. Growth was seen at shops and supermarkets, but sales in Britain’s pubs fell by 6.3%. “The World Cup has certainly been a benefit to Britain’s beer sector and we can now hope that the market is starting to turn a corner,” said BBPA chief executive Brigid Simmonds.
“However, while there is some reason for cheer, it has to be noted that beer sales in pubs are still falling and the nation’s pubs need support.”
The BBPA once again called on the government to freeze the tax on beer and support pubs “recognising the economic and social contribution of these vital community assets”.
SAVE OUR PUBS!
An advertising campaign featuring three women with no tops on has been criticised for sexism (“What’s wrong with bein’ sexy?” – N. Tufnel, Spinal Tap):
According to Digital Spy, CEN is reporting that some groups have called for the campaign to be suspended.
One protester is quoted as saying: “There is no genuine connection between beer and naked women. The women have just been put there to sexualise beer. The advert is sexist against women.”
In fairness, there probably are links to people getting pissed and taking their clothes off.
Austria’s Hirter brewery spokeswoman Caroline Kroepfl impishly responded: “The poster shows three self-confident beer drinkers.”
Very confident! Of course, we at Bitterwallet don’t stand for this type of rampant objectification of women. DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING!
It’s the kind of story that would bring a tear to the eye of Sir Alan Sugar – a tale of classic British entrepreneurial spirit being cut away at the knee by needless red tape and regulation.
Two men have been arrested after they allegedly gave away free porn DVDs from their burger van. Customers were offered a free bongo film with their burgers if they spent more than £5 at the van, which was operating out of a garden in Driffield, East Yorkshire.
To help customers make the £5 minimum purchase required to trigger the free porn giveaway, beer was also sold from the van, in spite of the fact that neither of the arrested men had a licence for selling alcohol or hot food.
Police licensing officer PC Carolyn Grundy said: “Porn was being played on a TV inside the caravan when we arrived on Saturday night. It is unbelievable customers were being offered porn DVDs with their beer and burgers at an outlet that did not even have the necessary licences. The operation went well and we are now looking at the evidence to see what offences have been committed.”
We say… is it any wonder Britain is in the state that it’s in when a couple of enterprising young chaps can’t set up a caravan in a garden and incentivise new customers with an offer that they’ll find hard to resist?
Screw you UK PLC, screw you!
Molson Coors have said they’ll be launching a clear beer in August in an attempt to increase the number of women lager drinkers. And listen up women – they even want you lot to help come up with a name for it (we reckon it should be called Fat Doris)
Molson recently trialled a clear alcoholic drinking product that was flavoured with (ugh) green tea and dragon fruit – it had a similar taste to an alcopop but they say that the new booze will be more beer-orientated.
Brand Republic are reporting that it will be a bottled, rather than draught beer and that calorific content will be featured heavily on the label, as the ladies are generally put off by the idea that beer can make you fat (that sort of rules out Fat Doris then.)
Ladies (because we KNOW you’re reading) – do you drink beer and if not, why not? Would you be prepared to gorge on this fanciful, clear drink from Molson Coors and can YOU come up with a better name for it than Fat Doris?