Posts Tagged ‘beer’
Science is your friend. It makes your TV a magical talking box and cures you of cow pox. Science is also working hard to make drinking beer a much better experience. And those fiendish swine at Hahn (us neither) have showcased the work done by boffins in their latest commercials. Which happen to be rather funny. Hark as a solution to having you pint spilled is shared.
And there’s more…
For more, click over the jump
It’s not often that we give you a double dose of Commercial Break fun in the same day, but this one trickled on to our Twitter timeline a little bit earlier and made us do big smiles right across our stupid boozy faces.
From New Zealand, and as an attempt to flog some kind of brew called DB Export, it’s a reminder that men DON’T have to have wine. They’ve never had to have wine – it was just something that happened without any of us noticing. Beer is still here and everything is going to be alright. Yes, everything is going to be alright. Beer. Mmmmm….
Beer. You like it don’t you. It makes you better looking. It makes you a superior dancer. It enables you to ooze charm. It absolutely, unequivocally makes you a tremendous lover. Why, if it wasn’t for the headache the morning after, it’d be perfect.
However, beer looks like it will be going up in price, AGAIN! And it could be as much as 15p a pint!
The people at Enterprise Inns and Punch Taverns have announced that they’ll be increasing the prices they charge tenants. To you, that means price rises in upward of 11,000 pubs. That’s a fifth of all the pubs in Britain.
Enterprise Inns blamed higher bills from Coors and Carlsberg as it raised prices up by an average of 5 per cent, which they’ll have to pass on. Meanwhile, a Punch Taverns memo seen by The Sun shows its prices will climb by up to 12 per cent from February 20.
This is a lovely price rise that comes before another inevitable price rise come the Budget. This could mean that a pint of Carlsberg could cost you nearly £4 in some instances and, to be frank, you may as well drink your own urine for free in that case.
We’re all familiar with the idea of top Hollywood star nipping sloping popping over to Japan in order to make a few cool million yen by starring in some credibility-crushing ad that few in the western world will ever get to see.
Now top Hollywood star Will Ferrell has done the opposite, travelling to Davenport, Iowa to star in some ads for their local Old Milwaukee beer. Apparently Ferrell came up with the ads himself and did it all for no fee (but presumably got a few cans of beer to take home with him). Hats off to him.
The idea that the ads won’t be seen by a wider audience still applies though – this campaign is only running in and around the Davenport area. And if the ads don’t tickle your funny ribs, here’s Will Ferrell as Harry Caray, interviewing Jeff Goldblum about outer space. It’s never not hilarious.
We all like free stuff, and there’s no one who likes free stuff more than criminals. However, in Derbyshire recently, their yearning for free stuff has been the undoing of some nineteen suspected criminals, who were lured into a state of arrest with the promise of free beer.
Derbyshire Constabulary lured the suspected baddies into their arrest net by sending them letters, inviting them to ring a ‘marketing company’ and claim a ‘free crate of beer’. You can see where this is going can’t you?
Once they rang the ‘marketing company’, the hoodlums were put through to Chesterfield police station and arrangements were made with them for the delivery of their ‘free beer’. Once the police knew where they would be and when, they merely turned up with their special metal arresting mitts and threw them into the backs of some panda wagons.
Chief Inspector Graham McLaughlin, who was in charge of the ingenious operation, smirked like a bastard as he said: “These suspects are people who have managed to evade arrest for some time, so we have used different tactics to find them. It has been very cost-effective as it can take a lot of time and money to track people down. We use a variety of methods to arrest those suspected of committing criminal offences and we will continue to use new tactics when necessary.”
Hurrah for the police! Down with crime! Let’s all have some beer!
The Czech brewers of Budvar can officially continue to use the Budweiser name in the UK following a ruling in Europe’s highest court. Presumably those ruling on the beers did a taste test and decided that the American piss-vendors could go whistle.
The Court of Justice of the European Union ruled that Budejovicky Budvar was entitled to use the famous Budweiser name because, essentially, UK drinkers aren’t complete idiots and are “well aware of the difference” between the two beers and that Bud makers AB InBev aren’t likely to suffer any adverse effect, business-wise.
“The two brands have co-existed in the UK for decades, differing in taste, price and get-up,” said Mark Blair, who represented Budvar. “The identical nature of the Budweiser marks is an honest, historical co-incidence and causes no significant confusion amongst UK consumers.”
“This is a strong endorsement of Budvar’s right to the name in the UK. It also sends a clear message that you cannot simply cancel a trade mark that has been used for 30 years in good faith.”
The American Bud, which no self respecting human should ever willingly drink, will have to bumble on with its talking frogs and jock strap idiots burping the word BREWSKI while proper beer drinkers enjoy a proper pint.
Away from Bud and onto a different, yet equally pointless tipple, you’ll be thrilled to learn that Carlsberg have had to cut the scarce alcohol content in Skol in a bid to take advantage of changes to the domestic duty regime. It’s gone from a laughable 3% abv to a frankly pathetic 2.8%.
You may as well buy Bass Shandy.
As we reported in June, the price of beer is galloping ahead of inflation, and with raw ingredient costs rising too, there looked to be no light at the end of the beer tunnel. But never fear, Bitterwallet is here with the solution. Cheaper beer.
Now, you are probably thinking there is a catch*, and you would be right. You see, breweries have been fiddling about and inventing new beers ever since March when the Chancellor announced that the tax on beer with a strength of 2.8% ABV or less would be cut by 50%
The reduced tax, coupled with the higher tax on the high-strength beers favoured by desperate Bitterwallet staff, could make weaker beers 50p a pint cheaper than their higher-strength counterparts. And brewers are anticipating an unprecedented surge in popularity from those looking to save a fiver a night.
However, the biggest problem with low-alcohol beer is that it tastes like piss. Apparently. I have never actually drunk piss. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. “It’s certainly a challenge,” said John Keeling, head brewer at Fuller’s, who make London Pride. “Alcohol content comes from the malt. The more malt you use, the more alcohol content you have, and malt gives flavour. If you want to brew a weak beer, you can’t use lots of malt.”
According to Mr Keeling, the growing market for weaker beer is not just because it is cheaper.”People want to drink different strength drinks at different times of day. With lunchtime drinking increasingly frowned upon, drinkers want a weaker beer with their lunch than they would after work or at home.” Wimps.
But perhaps we are being hasty here, after all, a blind taste survey conducted at the Campaign for Real Ale’s Great British Beer Festival in London this week are encouraging. A panel of eight experienced beer tasters, buyers and brewers were asked to rank six beers, ranging in strength from 2 to 3.5 per cent, in order from highest to weakest.
The collated results placed Brodie’s Stout as the second strongest when it was actually the weakest, at 2 per cent. Fuller’s is holding another tasting trial next week for its 2.8 per cent beer.
Camra’s survey also concluded that 52 per cent of drinkers would consume a lower-strength beer if it were available in their local. Among the tasting panel, all said they would drink a low-alcohol beer if it were 50p cheaper.
We never said it was a shining light at the end of the tunnel.
And if you need any further help in working out your beer and fag finances, why not try the vice-o-meter which not only depresses you by telling you how much your vices cost you every year, but then incites hara kiri by then working out how much the government is getting in tax. Not that it’s like a Daily Mail website to incite outrage or anything you understand.
*The clue was in the title.
Today’s ad is a bit old but just because something is a bit worn around the edges doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have merit. Just look at Spike Milligan – you could argue that his best work was when he could barely speak but managed to call Prince Charles a ‘mincing old twat’ at the Brits.
But we digress. Here’s a beer ad where a man does a lot of teeth-cleaning. Why? Has the aftertaste of the beer infested his mouth and he can’t get rid of it? Is he so drunk that he feels compelled to scrub his own face off? Maybe, but probably not. Watch and see…
It’s a bit glum isn’t it. If it’s not the weather, it’s the economy, and starting today, we’ve all got Wimbledon to moan about. But worse than all of these is the dire news that the price of alcohol has already gone up stupidly, and is set to go up again.
Yes, the bad news is that the latest inflation figures show that the price of ‘alcoholic beverages and tobacco’ rose by 9.8% per annum, more than twice the ‘standard’ rate of inflation which was a measly(!) 4.5%.
Clearly this is Not A Good Thing, but can be attributed to a number of factors. On top of the baseline inflation, the Chancellor’s Budget in March added 4p to a pint of beer and 15p to an average bottle of wine, not to mention a small fortune on every packet of cigarettes. However, figures show that the average price of a pint of lager in the UK now stands at £3.08 compared with £3.02 in March and a pint of bitter that used to cost an average £2.64 in March will now set you back £2.70. You will notice this is more than the 4p tax increase. Crafty beer retailers.
But unfortunately it is not just pub beer and wine that is getting pricier. This year has seen fewer supermarket deals, as the big grocery chains have been under intense pressure from interfering so and sos health groups and the Government. They think loss-leader promotional deals are contributing to alcohol abuse and these deals are therefore evil. Yay for the fun-killers. In fact, it has been suggested that the Government is being a huge non-Christmas Bah Humbug by taxing a downtrodden population who are simply having a drink to try and forget their money/unemployment/pension worries…
Other things that could be affecting the price of a tipple include the rising cost of fuel, which affects distribution and manufacturing costs, and of raw materials such as grain. In fact, the rising cost of barley means further price rises for beer are inevitable this year with up to 5p more on the price of a pint.
It never rains…
As always, all of this and more hails from HotUKDeals…
We’ll kick off with some fine face-filling fun – the tried and tested menu of steak, chips and booze that will plaster a big smile across the chops of all but the weirdest of dads. Yes, even the vegetarian ones. Probably.
The offer consists of a beef steak with peppercorn sauce, onion rings with dip and chunky chips. It can all be washed down with a big 66cl bottle of Stella Artois and it’ll only set you back £5.00.
Once your dad is filled up with meat and booze and fit to burst, why not guide him towards the sofa and force him to watch some DVDs that you’ve bought for him. We recommend the first three series of Dexter.
Of course Dexter is a serial killer, and prolonged exposure to his antics might turn your own dad into a serial killer as well. But that’s the risk you take – on the positive side, you’ll be getting 13 discs for only £27.99, so it’ll be well worth jeopardising your future being-aliveness.
Finally, if your dad isn’t into hour upon hour of twisted serial killer action, perhaps he likes playing games instead. Yeah, because THEY’RE not liable to warp his mind and turn him into a grade-A psycho are they?
There’s a big old list of reduced games over at HotUKDeals at the moment, with prices starting from as little as £1.99. Titles cover all the major consoles as well as the ZX Spectrym. Except for the ZX Spectrum. It’s plain old Sinclairism is what it is.
(deals found by HUKD members spitfire1500, steve81 and Kodoku)
Some fine work going on here in a video that has leaked from the United States of A. A man’s got to get his beer home somehow but the cops have got other ideas
Okay, so it’s almost certainly a viral. Doesn’t mean you can’t all try it yourselves…
Every little helps say Tesco, especially when they’ve got a glitch in the system that helps already willing Scots get drunk on the cheap.
An error at a Scottish store in the tills ended up slashing the price of beer and cider, leading to a rush of customers piling through the door to exploit the supermarket giant. A deal that offered three boxes of various boozy treats for £20 was going registering on the checkouts at three for £11.
Of course, this news spread like wildfire across the internet from around 7pm, with people either getting in on a good deal or simply having a laugh at the expense of a company that makes huge amounts of money.
One human on Twitter chirruped: “Price glitch for beer has literally caused a stampede at the local Tesco. Tempers are flying in car park.”
Such was the rush that the police were alerted to the Tesco in Greenock after the carpark swarmed with giddy people, causing heavy congestion.
Sadly, the spoilsports at Tesco quickly spotted the pricing error and soon, all the cashiers were putting correct prices through.
Dig if you will a picture, of a mansion filled with attractive young female models, each of them parading around in the skimpiest of clothing and eternally grateful to their host for allowing them to be at what is essentially a never-ending party.
But the host is an old man, and he’s beginning to finally grow weary of it all. He’s tired of being asked for Chihuahua clothing advice and he needs a break. He’s Hugh Hefner and he just fancies some beer with a bunch of blokes.
Not so special now are you, you smug old twat?
It’s a beer for the men and a white wine spritzer for the ladies isn’t it? That’s what we were led to believe anyway. But Carlsberg have devised a third way. It’s this – Copenhagen, a different kind of beer, a beer that they believe the women will go nuts for.
Carlsberg’s International Innovation Director (no, really) says: “We can see that there are a number of consumers, especially women, who are very aware of design when they choose beverage products. There may be situations where they are standing in a bar and want their drinks to match their style.”
Their ‘style’, we assume, being the style of someone who openly consumes large quantities of children’s piss.