Posts Tagged ‘beer’
It’s a beer for the men and a white wine spritzer for the ladies isn’t it? That’s what we were led to believe anyway. But Carlsberg have devised a third way. It’s this – Copenhagen, a different kind of beer, a beer that they believe the women will go nuts for.
Carlsberg’s International Innovation Director (no, really) says: “We can see that there are a number of consumers, especially women, who are very aware of design when they choose beverage products. There may be situations where they are standing in a bar and want their drinks to match their style.”
Their ‘style’, we assume, being the style of someone who openly consumes large quantities of children’s piss.
Well, after some coughing, some laughing, the death of an old woman* and some accusations of “Del Boy economics” the annual Budget is over for another year. It was a whirl, folks.
But you are probably less interested in the economic theory behind the proposals, and more interested in the economic effect on your pocket. And being avid BitterWallet readers, I am guessing beer, fags and petrol are top of your concern list. Well, there’s good news and bad news.
Beer and Fags
Politicians are slippery sausages** aren’t they? George proudly proclaimed that “I have no further changes to announce to the rates of alcohol duty”, meaning the previously announced increase to beer duties will go ahead. Never mind.
In addition, the new rates of duty on high and low strength beer have been confirmed and will take effect on 1 October 2011. The rate of duty on low strength (between 1.2% and 2.8% abv) will be 50% of the general duty, meaning a saving of about 18p per pint, but likely to be of more interest to you lot is that a 500ml can of super strength beer (over 7.5% abv) will cost 25p more. Presumably beer with abv of less than 1.2% is too piss-poor to actually count as beer…
And it gets worse. Smokers will now be paying duty at a composite rate of 16.5% of retail price plus £3.10 per pack of 20, with this second element going up if there are more than 20 fags in a packet. They are targeting those cheap 25 pack ones, you see. In actual terms, a normal ‘premium’ pack of cigarettes will go up by 33p and an ‘economy’ pack will go up by 50p.
But there is good news
Well ish. The first point is that fuel duty is actually going to go down by 1p per litre from 6pm tonight. Do not visit your petrol station until 6.01pm. While anything that involves a tax or levy going down is a good thing, as the Opposition are at pains to point out, the January increase in VAT actually added 3p to the average litre, meaning we are still 2p down on the deal so far this year.
George has also scrapped the fuel escalator introduced by the previous Government, which had plans to increase fuel duty over and above inflation over the next few years. Or at least he has sort of scrapped it.
The reduction in fuel duty will be paid for by a fair fuel stabiliser, an extra 12% being added to tax on oil companies profits. No one (except perhaps the oil companies) is going to argue with that. However, if the price per barrel falls below $75, then the tax on the oil companies will be reduced.
But following tonight’s 1p cut, the rate will increase by 3.02p per litre on 1 January 2012 and “the 2012-13 increase in fuel duty will be implemented on 1 August 2012”. Until the draft legislation is published (due 31 March), it is not clear whether this means the increase in pence per litre will be implemented (1 percent plus inflation), or whether the rate of duty will be increased to the total rate previously announced for 2012/13. Or perhaps I am just being cynical.
The official Treasury document suggests that “a typical Ford Focus driver will be £56 better off in 2011-12 as a result of the measures announced in Budget 11.” Shame he will still be driving a Ford Focus though.
Finally, you may remember me mentioning low value consignment relief a little while ago. The Government have taken decisive action. The limit at which LVCR applies will be reduced to £15 (from £18) with effect from 1 November 2011, and a ‘consultation’ with the European Commission will commence immediately thereafter. Amazon and Play.com must be quaking in their boots…
*news of Elizabeth Taylor’s demise hit Twitter while the Budget was going on. I don’t think that was how she died though.
** replace ‘sausages’ with your choice of descriptive expletive.
Here’s a new-to-market product that we’d love to own but we’re slightly worried about one or two potential safety issues – it’s the novelty chainsaw bottle opener.
The man in this video has obviously had his for a couple of days and has more or less mastered it, but in the hands of a complete novice or a small child, this thing could be pretty dangerous we reckon.
No news yet on availability or pricing but watch this space…
Ladies and gentlemen, here is a genius. Here is a man who has taught his fridge to fire beer at him while he controls it with his iPhone.
The man is Ryan Rusnak and with the help of machinery and a brain and a cannon and stuff, he’s trained the fridge to spew a can at him whenever he commands it to. Way better than that crash helmet car we showed you earlier on.
The iPhone app that runs it even works in conjunction with a webcam so that the right person in the room gets the beer. Someone give Ryan Rusnak a cheque for a billion dollars and/or the Nobel Booze Prize will you?
If you’re all thinking about what to get your beloved Team Bitterwallet for Christmas, it’s fair to say we’d be quite chuffed with one of these – it’s the Shoot A Brew, and helpfully, it doesn’t spew hot tea everywhere.
No, it’s a remote controlled beer can dispenser that will keep 24 cans of your booze chilled and fire it at you with a range of eight feet. In short then, it’s near-perfection. Only near-perfection because of the frustration you’ll feel while you’re waiting for the contents to settle so that you don’t end up with a faceful of beer. And because it’s hard to catch stuff when you’re shitfaced.
It’s $295 so you lot had best start some kind of collection for us. Otherwise we’ll run the chicken in a can story again.
We Brits love booze don’t we? That’s because Britain is a crushingly okay place to live. We don’t have wars, rioting or anything like that… so we drink ourselves into a stupor and dream of looting electrical shops and stealing high performance sports cars in some imagined post-apocalyptic world.
See, we’re drinking less alcohol than we used to. Apparently, the average Brit sank the equivalent of 89 bottles of wine during the year, down from more than 94 bottles, according to new stats.
This may seem like a lot, but this is the sharpest drop since 1948. That was the year records began on our intake of booze.
The figures include sales from both supermarkets and pubs. This means we’re either getting really good at stealing or really good at making moonshine. Or, more chillingly, we’re all becoming health-drones.
Of course, this flies in the face of the notion that we live in a world filled with binge drinkers who shit out their entire insides every night, hammered on £1 shots of sambucca before hurling up bright orange WKD sick down the throat of a Britain broken by our late night brawls and fingerings down back streets.
This, of course, isn’t stopping the Treasury from reviewing the situation and looking at whether the Government should introduce minimum pricing for alcohol… AKA, sticking more tax on it so they can fleece us for an imagined problem.
Brigid Simmonds, the chief executive of the BBPA (British Beer and Pub Association), told the Telegraph: “These figures will confound many pundits, as yet again they confirm that as a nation, we are not drinking more. Those who suggest otherwise need to focus on the hard facts.”
So readers, the message is clear. We need to revive the British booze industry by getting plastered on British-made beers as frequently as possible. If your boss moans about you turning up to work half-cut, slap them and tell they’re unpatriotic and that you’re just doing your bit for the economy.
The summer of August 2010 has seen little need to seek out increasingly extreme ways to battle heat exhaustion – the fact is it’s pissed down for the past fortnight, and it looks set to continue. Regardless, even if books were spontaneously combusting all around us, this would still be an extremely dickish way to keep cool.
It’s a hopsicle – a lager ice pop being served up by a bar in New York City. Syrup and lime juice are poured into a can of lager (or what the Americans insist on calling beer), and a wooden stick is stood upright in the can. The concoction is then tucked away in the freezer for four days. Once the mixture is suitably solid, the can is sawn in half with a steak knife and presto! Surely an impressively stupid way to slice your tongue in half on a serrated can edge?
It beats our plan to gut a dwarf and fill the carcass with ice and Bailey’s, but only just.
Beers sales are on the up! HURRAY! Unless, of course, they’ve gone up for depressing reasons like, say, everyone in Britain is depressed and started looking into habitual alcoholism. One source of simultaneous glee and gloom – the World Cup – is thought to be one of the reasons that UK beer sales have risen.
The BBC report that the equivalent of more than 2.2 billion pints were sold between April and June, which according to the British Beer and Pub Association (BBPA), is an increase of 2.9% on last year which means that quarterly sales were up on 12 months ago for the first time in four years. The nice weather probably didn’t do any harm either.
It isn’t all good news for the booze industry. Growth was seen at shops and supermarkets, but sales in Britain’s pubs fell by 6.3%. “The World Cup has certainly been a benefit to Britain’s beer sector and we can now hope that the market is starting to turn a corner,” said BBPA chief executive Brigid Simmonds.
“However, while there is some reason for cheer, it has to be noted that beer sales in pubs are still falling and the nation’s pubs need support.”
The BBPA once again called on the government to freeze the tax on beer and support pubs “recognising the economic and social contribution of these vital community assets”.
SAVE OUR PUBS!
An advertising campaign featuring three women with no tops on has been criticised for sexism (“What’s wrong with bein’ sexy?” – N. Tufnel, Spinal Tap):
According to Digital Spy, CEN is reporting that some groups have called for the campaign to be suspended.
One protester is quoted as saying: “There is no genuine connection between beer and naked women. The women have just been put there to sexualise beer. The advert is sexist against women.”
In fairness, there probably are links to people getting pissed and taking their clothes off.
Austria’s Hirter brewery spokeswoman Caroline Kroepfl impishly responded: “The poster shows three self-confident beer drinkers.”
Very confident! Of course, we at Bitterwallet don’t stand for this type of rampant objectification of women. DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING!
It’s the kind of story that would bring a tear to the eye of Sir Alan Sugar – a tale of classic British entrepreneurial spirit being cut away at the knee by needless red tape and regulation.
Two men have been arrested after they allegedly gave away free porn DVDs from their burger van. Customers were offered a free bongo film with their burgers if they spent more than £5 at the van, which was operating out of a garden in Driffield, East Yorkshire.
To help customers make the £5 minimum purchase required to trigger the free porn giveaway, beer was also sold from the van, in spite of the fact that neither of the arrested men had a licence for selling alcohol or hot food.
Police licensing officer PC Carolyn Grundy said: “Porn was being played on a TV inside the caravan when we arrived on Saturday night. It is unbelievable customers were being offered porn DVDs with their beer and burgers at an outlet that did not even have the necessary licences. The operation went well and we are now looking at the evidence to see what offences have been committed.”
We say… is it any wonder Britain is in the state that it’s in when a couple of enterprising young chaps can’t set up a caravan in a garden and incentivise new customers with an offer that they’ll find hard to resist?
Screw you UK PLC, screw you!
Molson Coors have said they’ll be launching a clear beer in August in an attempt to increase the number of women lager drinkers. And listen up women – they even want you lot to help come up with a name for it (we reckon it should be called Fat Doris)
Molson recently trialled a clear alcoholic drinking product that was flavoured with (ugh) green tea and dragon fruit – it had a similar taste to an alcopop but they say that the new booze will be more beer-orientated.
Brand Republic are reporting that it will be a bottled, rather than draught beer and that calorific content will be featured heavily on the label, as the ladies are generally put off by the idea that beer can make you fat (that sort of rules out Fat Doris then.)
Ladies (because we KNOW you’re reading) – do you drink beer and if not, why not? Would you be prepared to gorge on this fanciful, clear drink from Molson Coors and can YOU come up with a better name for it than Fat Doris?
Some of the parents among you are now up to your necks in the Easter holidays, with your children running wild around your home, painting on the walls and doing their number ones, number twos and even number threes all over the floors like feral creatures.
It’ll be over soon enough and they’ll be back at school where they can be tranquilised, restrained in behaviour cages, and er, taught stuff, but that’s precious little consolation to you now, as you rock backwards and forwards, your nerves beyond shredded.
You’re probably tempted to turn to the bottle and immerse yourself in booze. It seems that in Japan, they do things differently – it’s the kids who get the beer…
While Eastenders was tarting about making live shows and cracking open Bradley’s skull like it was a soft boiled egg being hit with a monkey wrench, Coronation Street is going to get you fat and pissed.
Yep, retailers will be able to stock Coronation Street-branded products to mark the 50th anniversary of the ITV soap.
This means you’ll be able to get so drunk that you go blind in your ears on Newton and Ridley ale (made in association with JW Lees) and then soak up your crushing hangover the following morning with a portion of Betty’s Hot Pot.
Holland’s Pies is taking care of the food side of things and will make the range of Corrie grub available in supermarkets.
The products are part of ITV Global Entertainment’s plan to make the anniversary a key marketing, promotional and licensing platform this year.
Of course, this means that all these releases will be promoted through adverts, presumably online and on the television box machine.
That’s not all Corrie will be pushing though. As well as a ‘Best of British Brands’ promotion with Warburtons, Typhoo and Imperial Leather, from next month, fans of Coronation Street will be able to play a Nintendo Wii game featuring their favourite characters.
Rumour has it that the game will be a Mortal Kombat style gore-fest and gamers will be able to play as a host of classic characters from the soap. One clip seen at the Bitterwallet office saw a collective dry-wretch as it appeared to show Bet Lynch hoiking Emily Bishop’s head off with her labia, leaving the veteran actress decapitated with her spine swinging freely from the skull.
Another screengrab appeared to show Rita Fairclough being impaled in a pit of spikes after being torched by a naked Curly Watts. Should be good fun, eh?
As we were always led to believe, someone who is described as an ‘heiress’ usually has shitloads of money orbiting around them, otherwise they would just be known as a ‘person.’
Why is it then that oddly-popular heiress Paris Hilton seems to be as keen as mustard to do almost anything if there’s some cash to be hauled in at the end of it? We recently watched a documentary (if indeed THAT’s the right word) where the oddly-popular Fearne Cotton accompanied Paris to a job where the monied airhead stood around in a VIP area of some club in exchange for a bag of dough.
Then there’s her shameful attempts to become a pop star, actress, novelist, shoe-seller and smell-maker. She’s THIS close to a needless appearance on The One Show. And now… meet Paris Hilton, peddler of Brazilian booze.
Here she is, fannying about in Rio, waving around cans of a drink we’re pretty sure she’s not a regular imbiber of. How much dosh will she make from this ad? Plenty. How can she justify needing said dosh? We’re not sure.
Ah, it says here that her grandfather, the brilliantly-named Baron Hilton, has pledged almost all of his $3 billion fortune to charity, leaving very little for poor Paris to get her well-manicured mitts on. Ah well, as you were love…
This recession has totally shagged the British pub industry. The big figure has been that 52 pubs have closed per week. That’s a staggering and, quite frankly, shitty amount of boozers to lose.
However, after relentless gloom ladling, here’s something a little more cheerful. Last week, a report came out saying that beer sales are finally getting better. These sales are far from brilliant, but progress is progress. So is it time to be cautiously optimistic for British pubs?
The Publican reported yesterday that pub performance is improving. Naturally, the first lot to show signs of recovery are the big chain pubs. However, this news was followed by new data compiled for the British Beer and Pub Association by CGA Strategy, showing that the second half of 2009 saw 39 pubs closing per week. It’s still crap, but it’s definitely not as crap as it was, meaning that things could be getting better for our ale houses.
A total of 2,365 pubs closed during 2009, leaving us with 52,500 in Britain. What this transpires to is a loss of over £250 million in tax revenues this year, if the current closure level continues. There’s a whole lot of people losing their jobs too, which is something that news outlets seems less keen on reporting.
However, the BBPA is warning the Government that they should be looking at way to help pubs out to avoid intensifying problems. The tax burden remains the biggest issue, and the government is apparently planning another above inflation increase in Beer Tax in the forthcoming Budget.
This increase in the complexity and cost of running a pub is ensuring that our ‘free houses’ are suffering more than any other pub. These closures have lead to a group forming called Back The Pub which is a campaign which hopes to bring together all those with an interest in supporting and promoting the British pub.
While it seems that things are a long way from being sorted, things are certainly looking up for the British pub. Now, who fancies a scoop?