Commiserations to BT, lying battered and bloodied in the consumer hate gutter after almost 1,800 of you voted for them in yesterday’s Worst Company In Britain 2009 head-to-head with the plucky minnows from United Utilities.

Special technology that we’ve just made up showed that 70% of BT voters clicked on the vote button with extra aggression, suggesting that you REALLY hate them. Well done.

Today sees a numerically-monikered phonedown showdown between the clowns at 3 (or Three, or Trois if you’re French) and the bell ends that are Phones4U. There are ample reasons to vote for either company – in May, 3 tried to sneakily scrap their ‘3 Like Home’ service but we caught them, helping scores of their customers to walk away from their contracts.

Meanwhile, we’re still trembling at the thought of Phones4U’s current ad blitz, which features a pissing Santa. Mmm… what a delightful festive scene.

So, you’ve got until midnight to cast your votes to decide who goes through to the second round. Why not entertain us with your tales of woe involving either or both companies. GO!

On a day that the Inland Revenue wins an award for business innovation, you know the planet has been knocked off its moral axis and sent spinning into some special sort of Hell. In fact it’s the perfect opportunity for mobile service provider 3 to whine they’re been badly done to and nothing’s right or fair. Why? 3 is marching Orange to the Advertising Standards Authority for claiming that it has the biggest 3G network in the country.

Orange has spent over £4 million in advertising and marketing recently, to tell consumers its 3G network covers 93 per cent of the population. 3 obviously disagree, claiming it has the largest 3G network. A spokesman for 3 said:

“We’re confident that we have the biggest 3G network in the UK — both in terms of geographic and population coverage — built on a 9,192-site network that grows by about 150 sites each week. It’s no surprise consumers are being confused about coverage.”

We haven’t heard any customers expressing confusion but let’s put that aside for now. Orange, how do you plead?

“The figure that 3 has published shows that we have a greater 3G population coverage than they do. We think that’s something to shout about and that’s why we’re telling our customers — and theirs — about it. It’s not how many masts you have; it’s where you stick them.”

3 is arguing that there are different types of measurement for this sort of thing, each providing a slightly different set of results, and that an independent third party is required to measure coverage. Obviously Ofcom aren’t up to the job, then? In the meantime, consumers will just have to make their purchasing decisions based on other preferences, like customer service for example. On second thoughts, it’s 3 and Orange we’re talking about – that won’t work either.

[The Times]

The crowd-pleasing Spotify Mobile service is already a massive hit on the iPhone and it looks as though the music-pumping Swedes have got plans for global mobular phonical domination.

They’ve announced that Spotify will be coming to the HTC Hero smartphone via 3 Mobile as of 3^rd November. Better still, Spotify’s presence will be featured as a marketing tool for the phone – in addition to £99 for the Hero handset, a 24-month contract will cost £35 a month, with Spotify included in the tariff for the two-year period.

iPhone users of Spotify currently have to sign up and pay for the Premium service, which costs £10 per month.

Other features of the Hero’s impressive tariff include 750 minutes to other mobiles, unlimited texts, unlimited data, as well as other established 3 tariff features such as free calls via Skype.

If you can put up with being on the 3 network and their legendarily shitty customer service, it seems like a hell of a deal. Truly, the era of the Smartphone Wars is upon us. Oh, the stories we’ll be able to tell to our children, our children’s children, our children’s children’s children and all their daft little mates…

There’s clearly a different dictionary used by the telecoms industry to the rest of the population when it comes to how their services are marketed. Headlines with asterisks, bold claims with shy caveats – nothing is seemingly ever what it appears to be. And now a new and reasonably robust survey has found that mobile broadband is a bit of a sham, too.

According to www.broadband-expert.co.uk, UK mobile broadband providers are delivering average download speeds that are just 24 per cent of those advertised. The site tested over 3,300 mobile broadband connections during the six months to the end of August, and found that the average download speed was 1.1Mbps – that’s compared to the average advertised maximum speed of 4.5Mbps.

Whilst Vodafone recorded the fastest actual speed with an average of 1.3Mbps, it also delivered the lowest percentage of its advertised speeds at just 18 per cent of the stated 7.2Mbps. T-Mobile was the slowest at 0.9Mbps or 20 per cent of the advertised speed. 3 achieved the highest percentage of advertised speeds at 1.2Mbps – a third of the advertised 3.6Mbps maximum speed.

Nobody will be surprised, apologists will stand up for this nonsense, mobile providers will claim the survey is deeply flawed in some way that just so happens to exonerate them, nothing whatsoever will change for the consumer. Move along folks, nothing to see here.

[Broadband Expert] thanks to HUKD member Birdyboyuk

A £0 a month contract may seem like an oxymoron, but that’s not stopping our favourite mobile service provider 3 giving it a go. 3 SIM Zero will be the UK’s first £0 a month contract, with a minimum contract of just one month.

So what do you get for this headline-busting deal? Nothing, in a word. There’s no free handset to choose from, no inclusive minutes, no free texts and no data bolted on the side. Instead what you get is unlimited Skype-to-Skype calls, free instant messaging and free voicemail. The deal is available from 3 on Wednesday.

Of course, the cynic in us would suggest that 3 are being far from altruistic with their offer. While it might be worth the hassle of taking this deal for a second phone – assuming you’ve both a spare handset and the majority of your contacts available on Skype – it’s clearly not a deal for every day use. That’s where 3 will rake in the money – normal mobile calls cost 20p a minute and texts cost 10p each. And because you’ll need a 3G handset, you’re going to be more than tempted to use data services, which will cost 30 pence per MB.

Plenty of people will be lured in by the zero monthly fee, but it’s in no way a replacement for a standard contract with inclusive minutes, texts and data. This is a deal that’ll only be useful to a tiny minority of customers, but you can bet it won’t be marketed in that way.

For the past fortnight we’ve been updating you with the latest concerning 3’s efforts to cancel their 3 Like Home service without too many customers noticing. 3 Like Home has been part and parcel of 3’s offering since January 2007 – it’s a service which allows you to make calls and use data in several foreign countries without additional roaming fees.

So far 3 have sent texts to some customers and letters to others, to notify them of the changes, all the while contradicting themselves as to why they’re scrapping 3 Like Home. Official excuses given so far include:

• an artificial increase in the strength of the Euro

• the charge levied by foreign networks, which is actually 3’s own foreign network

• it’s a helping hand to stop you accidentally using other foreign networks

• an inability to block your phone joining foreign networks, even though 3 handsets can be blocked from using other networks in the UK

• a favour to help you pay less, despite the fact that if you used 3 Like Home on a regular basis, you’ll pay far more

And so on. Another quirk discovered by Bitterwallet reader Paul, is that 3 in Ireland and Australia also offer 3 Like Home, except these services are not set to be cancelled.

Bitterwallet has also covered off some of the reasons as to why this can be considered a detrimental change to the terms of your 3 contract, and you’ve been letting us know how you’ve fared. The general consensus seems to be that as long as you stand your ground, you can get your 3 contract cancelled; in some cases, previous use of the 3 Like Home service isn’t required. So here is a selection of comments and advice from Bitterwallet readers; if you’re considering cancelling your 3 contract, have a read through before you dial:

I managed to cancel both my mobile phone contract which had 12 months left and my Mobile broadband contract that had 6 months left today by using this as an excuse. Took nearly an hour in total but was pretty straight forward.

I stated I had a holiday booked in July in Australia, and that this 3 Like Home was why I took both my phone and mobile internet contract out. They tried to fob me off with the usual; £10 gift, £20 gift, “you have to pay remaining to cancel”, “it was only a temporary offer” etc.

Remain strong and insist on canceling – I had never used either abroad and this did not matter. State the actual quote regarding detrimental changes in the terms and conditions which can be found above.

Also they will then put you through to cancellations, they will ask for your phone back, tell them you lost it ages ago without insurance so use an old phone. Then say you want your sim to change to PAYG, and as a result in a month you will be out of contract and keep your number. Simple. Try it. bmouthboyo (more…)

Barely a week ago, we reported that 3 are going to cancel 3 Like Home, a service which allows you to make calls and use data in several foreign countries without additional roaming fees. The reason given by 3 was it was due to the weak pound, which inflated 3’s costs from using foreign service providers. As we pointed out last week, their explanation made as much sense as a bearded horse – not only because 3’s maths didn’t add up, but as readers pointed out, the foreign service providers are actually part of 3’s sister network – a fact they failed to mention.

3 now are texting customers with a different explanation as to why the service is ending; included in the text is a web link. Here’s what my link said:

Firstly, we’re reviewing all our EU roaming rates. And by removing 3 Like Home, we’ll be able to offer more competitive prices in non-3 sister network countries.

Secondly, we know that many of our other customers roamed onto another network by mistake while in a 3 Like Home Country and built up a bigger bill then expected. Unfortunately, we’re unable to stop accidental roaming onto a non-3 sister network. But by making these changes, our prices will be more straight forward and even clearer. So you’ll always know what you’re paying for. Wherever you are.

I’ve just attempted to locate other networks manually on my phone, and as well as 3 I’ve found both Vodafone and T-Mobile. Unsurprisingly, I can access neither. So 3 can stop accidental use of a non-3 network in this country on a 3 handset, but not abroad. Worse than that, they’re trying to justify to customers who use 3 Like Home, that they’ll be better off by not having the service at all. Really?

So. Does this week’s explanation sound anything like last week’s?

3 are squirming, because for customers who joined 3 after January 2007, 3 Like Home has been an integral service, offered at no extra charge to the customer. It has never been considered or referred to as an additional service – this is important, because if 3 make changes that can be considered detrimental, customers can end their contract without paying a fee; the only exceptions to this are additional services. We discussed the reasons why 3 Like Home isn’t an additional service last week.

Reading through recent customers experiences on the HUKD forums, it seems 3 have sent two versions of the text out, depending on whether you have used the 3 Like Home service recently. If you have, there’s a note within the text saying you have a right to cancel. And it is possible; HUKD member helsbels cancelled their 3 contract this morning, as did Bitterwallet reader David Zdanowicz, who also offers some useful advice for those wanting to cancel a contract because of 3 Like Home.

One commonality amognst all those who have managed to cancel so far – it appears to be taking in excess of an hour for customer services to agree. Perhaps 3 are hoping that customers will become so frustrated by the experience that they give up trying. If you use 3 Like Home and are going to lose out, clear your diary and get stuck in.

We told you yesterday about 3 scrapping its 3 Like Home service, which allows you to use your 3 mobile or broadband in several countries abroad without additional roaming charges. As was pointed out by ourselves and other readers, 3’s justification had more than a whiff of horse manure about it.

However, one reader asked if the change would be enough to force 3 into allowing customers to cancel their contracts early, because of “detrimental changes” to the terms and conditions. All mobile phone contracts have similar wording in them, to the effect that if they want to raise prices or make changes that will have a “detrimental” affect your contract, they a) have to tell you in advance, and b) give you the option to cancel without penalty.

Here’s what your 3 contract has to say about detrimental changes:

4.1 If you are a Pay Monthly Customer, we will let you know at least one month in advance if we decide to… make any variations to your agreement which are likely to be of detriment to you

10.1(d) You can end the agreement within one month of us telling you about a variation to your agreement (which includes your Price Plan) which is likely to be of detriment to you. You must give written notice to 3 Customer Services within that month and your agreement will finish at the end of that month once we receive your notice. (A Cancellation Fee will not be charged.)

However, 4.1 also says:

Subject to the above, you will not be able to end the agreement if such variation or increase… relates solely to Additional Services

So the question is, is 3 Like Home an “additional service”? 3 will no doubt argue it is, because they don’t want you going anywhere. We’d disagree, for three reasons:

• if you make regular use of 3 Like Home, there will be no way to receive the same service without your bill increasingly significantly

• like other aspects of your contract, you don’t pay extra for 3 Like Home (on top of your monthly contracted rate) yet it can have a dramatic effect on your billing – it’s an inclusive service rather than an additional one

• if you read through the terms and conditions for 3 Like Home, there’s no mention of it being a service in addition to your contract; indeed, the text states that this service is entirely dependent on your minutes and SMS allowance – again, it’s inclusive rather than additional

In other words 3 Like Home isn’t an add-on, because if the terms of those additional services are changed, you can choose not to receive their service and simply stop paying for them. Additional services are those you opt-in to, whereas 3 Like Home is already part of the service to begin with.

If you travel abroad to any of the countries covered by 3 Like Home, and you use the service on a regular basis (several times a year, perhaps once a quarter) then we think you have a case for cancelling your contract, because the change can be proved to be detrimental to you, and one that will cost you.

If you do square up to 3’s notrious customer services, remember to tell us how it goes.

3’s new all-singing, all-dancing, all-social-meeja-networking, all cancer-curing mobile saviour of humanity was launched yesterday. Except it wasn’t. Because anybody visiting the 3 website which had previously promised a launch date of yesterday, will instead see this:

So it launched yesterday, but it’s coming soon. Either it’s an ingenious marketing campaign involving time travel, or something has gone a little kaka (bonus BW points for anybody spotting the contextual reference there).

What you will find is some of the spec on the new iNQ1 (‘those in the know know it’s pronounced “ink one”‘ – no, we weren’t either) which we heard about for the first time last week, and actually some of the more exciting features are nothing to do with Facebook.

The handset lets you receive Facebook alerts direct to your mobile and send status updates to your contacts; this is a genuine integration of the Facebook application, then – contacts will appear in the directory along with their status updates.

What’s more exciting is the promise of a contacts list constantly updated with which platforms each of your contacts is available on – Skype, Facebook or Windows Messenger. Plus the handset can be used as a ‘plug & play’ modem with your laptop; we’re presuming the bandwidth charges will be included in any pre-paid bundles, otherwise they wouldn’t be shouting about the fact.

The INQ1 also has a iTunes/iPhone carousel to flick through websites and apps, plus the now-familiar auto-landscape feature which flips the view depending on the handset’s orientation.

All in all, a reasonably fun proposition, a little late for the party, whenever it’s actually available to buy. Let’s hope that the handsets don’t over-promise but under-deliver because of buggy hardware. Nokia N Series, anyone?