Scottish? Doomed to suffer slow broadband? “Cheer up,” says Government!

August 23rd, 2011 20 Comments By Paul Smith
Bitterwallet the internet 205x300 Scottish? Doomed to suffer slow broadband? Cheer up, says Government!

The Minister for Internet, yesterday

Not so long ago, the Government announced it would free up a bundle of cash to get the UK up to speed on broadband speeds. Everyone is expected to have access to a 2Mbps service at least by 2015, but reaching rural areas to deliver that service will require money – hence £530 million was earmarked for investment.

Now the Scots have just learnt how much they’ll be receiving to achieve the Government’s self-imposed targets, and they’re not happy. The Scottish Government will receive just £68.8 million to roll out broadband in rural Scotland – or just 13% of the available funds for a country that accounts for a third of the UK’s land and some of the most remote communities.

“This announcement from the UK Government has fallen short of the expectations of the Scottish economy to the overall costs of broadband roll-out in the remote and rural parts of Scotland,” said Scottish Infrastructure Secretary Alex Neil, adding that he was “disappointed with the allocation”.

The Government’s response? “Cheer up for goodness’ sake and get on with delivering the improvements to our rural communities,” said Scottish Secretary Michael Moore. “Instead of looking for the negative, they should step up and meet the challenge of matching UK Government investment in broadband for our rural communities.”

So there you have it, Scots. Stop being miserable and cheer up, like the English who have all the money. Fanks!


Comments (20) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Gunn August 23, 2011 at 10:49 am

    No surprise really, and the Government is well aware that its the rural communities that need it the most but will cost the most, so who do you target, yup the big voter filled cities.

  2. Posted by Michael O'Leary August 23, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Why can’t these fucking freeloaders pay for it themselves? That’d make a nice change instead of screwing England for more and more then gobbing in our faces. Scottish cunts.

  3. Posted by Jolyon Blast August 23, 2011 at 11:32 am

    The tight Jock bastards expect the hard pressed englishman to pay for everything they fucking want, prescriptions , education etc etc why don’t they lay off the tennants super and bells and pay for it themselves. They’ll only download animal porn anyway!

  4. Posted by Hamish McTavish August 23, 2011 at 11:33 am

    @ Michael O’Leary

    Listen cunt , if the Scottish didn’t smoke and drink as much the exchequer would have fuck all money so stop whining,freeloading cunt

  5. Posted by Suck MaCock August 23, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    We will turn off the oil Pipeline :-)

    Go find your own fucking oil in Engurlund :P

  6. Posted by a welsh bloke August 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm


  7. Posted by Mr. Patel August 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    @ Suck MaCock

    Oh, you mean the oil pipeline paid for by English and American companies? If was down to you useless twats the oil would still be in the ground — you’d be too worried that being caught doing some work for a change would affect your dole.

  8. Posted by The Real Bob August 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    The conversation about rural broadband should have gone as follows:
    “Boohooo, I live in the country, oh woe is me I can’t get decent broadband.”
    “Move into a suburban are then”
    “Pay BT to upgrade your exchange so that it’s profitable over the next 10 years then”
    “Fuck off then”

  9. Posted by kingkio August 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm


    England isnt paying for any of Scotlands “benefits”, each country in the united kingdom pays taxes which are then divided into budgets which each country gets allocated to spend on what they want, just because England spends it on importing polish workers instead of your education doesnt mean you can run around thinking your paying for our dole.

  10. Posted by Hamish McTavish August 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    Thatcher used the oil billions so she could afford to put millions on the dole by laying waste to industry so we could have a service economy, or something like that.This in turn lead to generations of unemployed and unemployable and drink and drug addled estates, leading eventually to this years riots.

    So there you have it Scotland’s oil financed your riots, simple.

  11. Posted by Steve August 23, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    I think it’s a good idea to keep the broadband speed for the Scottish quite low – it’ll limit the amount of kiddie porn they can download…

  12. Posted by zeddy August 23, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    Steve & Jolyon Blast seem to know a lot about what Scots like looking at on the intermaweb.

  13. Posted by andy of yarm August 23, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Get a room boys

  14. Posted by Nick T August 23, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Why can’t we all just be friends?

  15. Posted by Glasnost Gary August 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Can we start referring to the Government (the one in Westminster) as the “UK Government” please? Gets bloody confusing when you start talking about “The Scottish Government”, “the Government” and/or “The Welsh Government”.
    Devolved nations deserve a bit of respect, after all, they’re a little more grown-up when it comes to managing their own affairs than us English.

  16. Posted by Wookie August 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Listen here boyo!

    Scotland=Win, England=fail

  17. Posted by The Real Wookie August 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Oi! Listen here you cheap imitiation of a wookie.

    England = Fail, Scotland = Slightly less fail, Wales = Win.

    Sure we’re a nation of sheep shagging c***s, but at least our sheep are worth it.

  18. Posted by Devils Advocate August 25, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Listen you muppets…….the Scots will be paying for repairs to shops all over the place in London due to the insurance payouts as you cannot control the venimous element ofyour society . The least you clowns can do is pay for a bit of broadband for rural coummunities in Scotland.

  19. Posted by Kevin August 25, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    There are more people in London than there are in the whole of Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. They get less money as there are less people!

  20. Posted by Conner October 27, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Shut up cunts this is the uk not fucking Germany act like fucking adults and fix the fucking Internet problem all over the fucking uk you useless cunts and fix ever other fucking thing the brass fucking fixed Jesus fucking christ

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