Now you can attract cats without smearing yourself in tins of Whiskas…
By Andy Dawson
Are you trying to become one of those weird lonely people who live with a menagerie of cats but can’t get the cats to like you? Maybe you used to have cats but they all ran away or died. Can life get any worse?
Don’t panic – you’ll soon be looking like the cat that got the cream once you invest in a bar of this – Cat Food Scented Soap. Just wash yourself from head to toe every day using this stuff and the felines will some come flocking from far around.
Then you can lock the door, dress them up in little cat costumes you’ve made and, erm… get them to perform various theatrical versions of Charles Dickens’ works for your own sick amusement. Such as The Life And Times Of Martin Chuzzlewhiskers or Mee-our Mutual Friend.
Thangyouverymuch.
feral trolley of the week
don’t soap your chuzzlewhiskers….unless
Redefines the phrase ‘Pussy Magnet’
Ha Ha !!!
Isn’t this likely to attract cats to you… and then make them want to eat you?
On the same website they are selling the Oscar Wilde Action Figure. It is a handy 5-1/4” long and described as suitable for “hard vinyl action”. It comes with a warning that it is a choking hazard and, naturally, that it is not suitable for children (under 3). It fails to mention which lubricants are most suitable and whether batteries are included or not.
They also have for sale a “Two Grooms Cake Topper”. But don’t check out the picture that comes with it because it is really disgusting. One of the grooms is GINGER. Same sex marriage is fine, but allowing gingers to marry? Yuk! That is sooooo tasteless!