Mobile phones: Are they cancering one off all over you?

April 26th, 2012 14 Comments By Mof Gimmers
really nice mobile phone action 300x231 Mobile phones: Are they cancering one off all over you?

Really nice mobile phone action

The Health Protection Agency today publishes a review of the evidence they’ve got concerning mobile phones and whether or not they give you brain cancer. If you can’t be bothered with our tawdry round-up, then the full report can be found if you click these differently coloured words.

Of course, this has been reported elsewhere with varying angles, with the Independent and Guardian saying that there’s no clear evidence that mobiles will make your brain melt. However, our chums at the Times and Telegraph are more jumpy, saying that mobiles might cause cancer. Even the Daily Mail were more laissez faire about it all.

Basically, this is the low-down: Evidence suggests that that RF [radiofrequency] field exposure won’t give you cancer and can’t even be detected by people. However, as mobile phone technology is still new, there is little information on the risks beyond 15 years from first exposure. Thus far though, there is no indication of any risk. Concerning RF field exposure, there’s no substantial evidence of adverse health effects regarding cardiovascular morbidity and reproductive function.

So basically, where we stand right now, is that your brain is fine and you’ll still be able to maintain an erection. If you can’t, it certainly isn’t the fault of your phone.

The conclusion in the actual report states: “The overall results of epidemiological studies to date do not demonstrate that the use of mobile phones causes brain tumours or any other type of malignancy, nor do they suggest that causation is likely. They give considerable evidence against a material causal effect on brain tumour risk within 10 years since first use, and to a lesser extent within 15 years, but give far less information about longer periods. There is very limited information on risks of childhood tumours.”

“As mobile phone use has proved very difficult to measure retrospectively in recall-based studies, and has become ubiquitous over a relatively short period of time, considerable weight needs to be given to evidence from national brain tumour incidence trends. So far, these give no indication of any risk, but continued surveillance of them is not difficult and would be valuable.”

HPA will continue to keep an eye on mobiles and the effects they may have on us and, at worst, they advise that excessive use of mobile phones by children should be discouraged. For now.

Comments (14) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Dick April 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    iphones turn you into a twat. Or is it just that twats buy iphones?

  2. Posted by Mike Hock April 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Both, Dick. Both.

  3. Posted by Nil April 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    so if a woman cant maintain an erection, it’s not the fault of her phone?

  4. Posted by Homeless Joe April 26, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Jesus Christ, Bitter Wallet are a bit late to the party here

  5. Posted by Dogturd fucking Abi April 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    The best thing to maintain an erection is a frisky session with a fox. Or fox porn.

  6. Posted by Megan Fox April 26, 2012 at 6:09 pm


  7. Posted by whatsit tooya April 26, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    ^It’s actually ‘?!’

  8. Posted by Phuck Yu April 27, 2012 at 8:41 am

    I know Homeless Joe. The dickheads still haven’t copied and pasted the story about apple being sued by the USS for price fixing eBooks yet! They really are cretins.

  9. Posted by Phuck Yu April 27, 2012 at 8:41 am

    The USS?

  10. Posted by Phuck Yu April 27, 2012 at 9:01 am

    To be fair though, I really do hope that the iPhone is cancer inducing. A bit of cleansing is what the country needs. And less cunts, the better.

  11. Posted by The Place April 27, 2012 at 9:11 am

    How uncool, our clients are all using the iPhone 7 which not only doesn’t cause cancer, it actively cures it, you Brits are so behind in the technology stakes, no wonder you’re all so bitter.

  12. Posted by Shanniaa April 27, 2012 at 9:34 am

    @Mike Hock

    Well! I never thought I’d hear a guy utter those words “Both, Dick, both.” The last time I said that I was with two guys and they wanted to know who would go first…

  13. Posted by Dogturd fucking Abi April 27, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    @ Shanniaa

    Was there also any fox action?

  14. Posted by Mike Hock April 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    I know Shanniaa, I was one of those guys. We spit roasted you good and proper.

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