Is your orange juice threatening your manhood?January 14th, 2012 • 8 Comments
It seems that we need to face up to the fact that, in 2012, our soft drinks are trying to KILL us.
We’re still reeling from the news that a can of Mountain Dew will dissolve a dead mouse and now it has emerged that certain brands of orange juice will DESTROY YOUR TESTICLES. Unless, you know, you’re a woman and that.
Here’s the sciencey bit. Coca Cola say that it has found the presence of illegal fungicide in orange juice made by itself and its competitors. The dirty poison was used on Brazilian oranges but has made its way into US-based drinks.
They haven’t identified which drinks they believe the fungicide is on but say it is contained in “its and competitors’ currently marketed finished products”. These include Simply Orange and Minute Maid (made by Coca Cola), and Tropicana and Dole (made by Pepsi)
The fungicide in question is carbendazim, which can cause infertility and destroy testicles in high doses. We don’t know if the dodgy juice has made it to the UK or how much you’d need to sup before your balls fell off – that’s because it’s Saturday and there’s no one around to ring up and ask.
Be careful out there readers…
Can anyone confirm how many bottles you need to drink to be infertile? This sounds like an ideal way to avoid the pain of a vasectomy.
In answer to your question, you just need 2 bottles. Let testicles hang free, and smash the 2 bottles together with testicles in between. Bingo – mission accomplished.
quick! Let’s all panic!
Carbendazim pah! My knackers are all crusty and destroyed after a nuit de passione with Jenny Smith, the local village bike.
This article is bollocks!
They drink an awful lot of Minute Maid orange juice in China, you dont think…………….
… they will be minute men?