Is your orange juice threatening your manhood?

January 14th, 2012 8 Comments By Andy Dawson
DSCF0584 293x300 Is your orange juice threatening your manhood?

This could be your testicle tomorrow.

It seems that we need to face up to the fact that, in 2012, our soft drinks are trying to KILL us.

We’re still reeling from the news that a can of Mountain Dew will dissolve a dead mouse and now it has emerged that certain brands of orange juice will DESTROY YOUR TESTICLES. Unless, you know, you’re a woman and that.

Here’s the sciencey bit. Coca Cola say that it has found the presence of illegal fungicide in orange juice made by itself and its competitors. The dirty poison was used on Brazilian oranges but has made its way into US-based drinks.

They haven’t identified which drinks they believe the fungicide is on but say it is contained in “its and competitors’ currently marketed finished products”. These include Simply Orange and Minute Maid (made by Coca Cola), and Tropicana and Dole (made by Pepsi)

The fungicide in question is carbendazim, which can cause infertility and destroy testicles in high doses. We don’t know if the dodgy juice has made it to the UK or how much you’d need to sup before your balls fell off – that’s because it’s Saturday and there’s no one around to ring up and ask.

Be careful out there readers…


Comments (8) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by seedless please January 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Can anyone confirm how many bottles you need to drink to be infertile? This sounds like an ideal way to avoid the pain of a vasectomy.

  2. Posted by BigBricks January 14, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    In answer to your question, you just need 2 bottles. Let testicles hang free, and smash the 2 bottles together with testicles in between. Bingo – mission accomplished.

  3. Posted by james Dewitt January 14, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    quick! Let’s all panic!

  4. Posted by Cheesey January 14, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Carbendazim pah! My knackers are all crusty and destroyed after a nuit de passione with Jenny Smith, the local village bike.

  5. Posted by The real me January 14, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    This article is bollocks!

  6. Posted by captain cretin January 14, 2012 at 11:50 pm

    They drink an awful lot of Minute Maid orange juice in China, you dont think…………….

  7. Posted by Dick January 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

    … they will be minute men?

  8. Bullshit.

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