Ikea announces new chain of brown hotels

March 6th, 2013 5 Comments By Lucy Sweet

Ikea, famous purveyors of almond faeces cakes, are now teaming up with the Marriott to offer a new chain of budget hotels.
ikea Ikea announces new chain of brown hotels

Called ‘Moxy’, they will offer the contemporary design Ikea fans know and love, but there will be no Slagbo beds or rickety Gobslob chests of drawers. Possibly because there’s no way Ikea furniture could withstand the kind of bouncing, lovemaking and dog’s abuse they will receive from the drunken budget traveller.

Instead, the official line from Marriott’s Arne Sorenson is that ‘Guest rooms will be functional and well-designed, with upscale bath amenities. The colour palette features calming neutral tones reminiscent of rich brown leather, combined with natural materials to evoke an organic, comfortable and restorative feel.’

Which is another way of saying: ‘We’re painting it brown so it doesn’t show up the vomit.’

Rooms are priced between €60 to €80 a night, and the first Moxy will open near Malpensa airport in Milan next year.

If all goes well, and nobody craps in the breakfast buffet, the Marriott hopes to increase the Moxy chain to 150 hotels with between 25,000 and 30,000 rooms.

But there are still many unanswered questions. Will you have to put the bed together yourself? Where’s the ball pool? Why does this rich brown leather smell funny?

Comments (5) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by JBC March 6, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    They’ll never fill hotels with between 25,000 and 30,000 rooms.

  2. Posted by Kevin March 6, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    I doubt we’ll see many in the UK if they are starting in Milan. And we need them in different places, not just airports!

  3. Posted by ooooer March 6, 2013 at 6:55 pm

    I stayed at a hotel in Rotterdam where the single rooms were kitted out entirely by IKEA right down to the soap dishes. The rooms stank of wood shavings and glue. I do not recommend it except for glue sniffers.

    €60 to €80 isn’t all that budget, either. I stayed at Marriott plenty of times throughout Europe and often got a room rate not much above that.

  4. Posted by Ric B March 6, 2013 at 7:51 pm

    Will you have to walk through corridor’s n Corridor’s just to get to your room?

  5. Posted by Zeddy March 6, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    Aww for fuck’s sake! It’s meatballs for breakfast AGAIN!

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