Right then you ‘orrible lot. Get down on your knees and beg for some of the best bargains of the past 24 hours. Are you doing it? We’ll assume that you are. Mmmm….

As ever, these morselly treats come straight from the leafy pages of the HotUKDeals website. We’re too lazy to find them ourselves.

That Bruno film – what a load of old tramp’s cock that is. 90 minutes of trying to bum unwilling, ageing heterosexuals does not a great movie make. Sacha Baron Cohen hasn’t come up with a new character since about 2001. He needs to start seriously thinking about sorting that out really.

Thankfully, while Bruno is crap, Borat is still great and stands up to repeated viewings. With that in mind, you can grab the DVD of the Borat movie for just £2 at the moment. Use it to help you if you go to see Bruno and leave feeling decidedly underwhelmed.

While we’re on the subject of puerile, low-rent humour, we should reiterate that here at Bitterwallet, we’re always fighting on behalf of the average consumer as he (or she) strives to get their hands on some enormous melons.

If that’s you we’re talking about, today could be your lucky day, punk. One of the HUKD melon-hunters has tracked down a stash of reet big huge ones – and they’re only 99p each, down from £2.49. A pendulous bargains, yes.

Finally, one area where you can save hundred££££££ of pounds during this bastard of a recession is in the world of haircuts. You’ve got two choices – grow it (but tending and maintaining it costs big) or hack it all off.

Go for the second option cheaply with this Wahl Chrome Pro Hair Clipper Set for just £18.95 delivered. It comes with an instruction DVD which we can exclusively preview below.

(deals found by HotUKDeals members JasonMason, kirstiejayne and millarcat)