Cheap crap reigns supreme

25 February 2013

Oppressed garment makers of Malaysia rejoice! Primark have announced a massive demand for neon studded leggings and crap tracky bottoms, with sales expected to be up 23% and half-year results way ahead of expectations.

Owners Associated British Foods say that Primark has enjoyed an ‘outstanding performance’ during the past few months, as depressed, recession hit Britain wraps its fat arses in wrap around cardigans and baggy t-shirts that say: ‘WOT R U LOOKIN’ AT?’

As well as the British public’s ravenous need for badly made clothing that absolutely ISN'T made by tearful children, profit margins were apparently also higher thanks to lower cotton prices and better trading.

With 257 stores and 15 new stores opening in the last six months, Primark is definitely on the up. The chain also plans to spread itself all over Europe, a bit like the plague.

So what are you waiting for, peasants? Get yourself down to Primark, grab a bucket and fill it with the high street’s crappiest crap! Apparently, it’s all you deserve.

TOPICS:   High Street News   Supermarket

6 comments

  • chewbacca
    Looking at the headline alone, I assumed this was an Adele Oscar award article.
  • Meek
    I THOUGHT IT WAS YO MOMMA
  • chewbacca
    @Weakling Typing in all caps makes people assume that you're a moron. Reading what you said confirms it. Moron.
  • Darren
    I thought it was about the non Lucy Editors on this site.
  • Captain C.
    I cant afford Primark prices, so I go to Matalan, even the charity shops are more expensive.
  • AntimUslim

    "Grab a bucket" hahahahahaha that is exactly what you have to do in that store, no? Or was it a huge bag, like a trash bag? Ugh once a girl dragged me in there and I was embarassed! Women left their strollers alone for hours while looking for 1 dollar t-shirts! My friend was obsessed with like 3 dollar t-shirts and these big ass t-shirts that were full of cartoons, while she was 23 or something. I was mortified.

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