Government wants to protect the middle classes from wine

August 15th, 2013 7 Comments By Lucy Sweet

If you’re middle class, chances are you’re constantly swilling Voigner from a glass as big as your head, and murmuring something about fruity top notes while stirring the cous cous. Unfortunately, wine is bad for you. So the government, (because they drink like fishes as well) want to do something about it.

FineWineCellar 300x300 Government wants to protect the middle classes from wine

But instead of telling them to stop boozing, ministers are suggesting that wine should be watered down. Lord Howe, the health minister, is arguing that the minimum strength of wine should be reduced from 8.5% to 4.5%, to protect middle class livers.

According to the NHS, professionals are twice as likely to drink more than poorer people, who are too busy queuing at the food bank to get their drink on at All Bar One.

Lord Howe argues that the market for reduced and low alcohol wines has been increasing in recent years. He said: ‘The Government has consistently made the case for a change to the EU wine rules to permit reduced and de-alcoholised products to be called wines.’

A government spokesman added: ‘We will continue our efforts to change EU wine rules, to allow all wine producers to make and market lower-alcohol products. This will help to help promote healthier choices and tackle the serious harm alcohol causes’.

But surely that’s not the point. Wine buffs don’t want to quietly sip watered down rubbish while they watch the telly. They want robust reds and cheeky whites. They want to gurgle and sniff and spit and drink so much they can’t SEE. That’s the POINT OF WINE.

Maybe they could just encourage the middle classes to drink one bottle less a week and give their wine money to the poor?

Comments (7) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by jt August 15, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    Dear Lord Howe,
    Fuck off.
    Yours,
    Everyone.

  2. Posted by klingelton August 15, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    WTF! as if i can’t decide if i’m drinking too much wine.

  3. Posted by ipeters4254 August 15, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Much more intersted against being protected against the Lib Dems; they along with the d**head Osbourne are why most of the middle class need to drink in the first place…

  4. Posted by Chewbie August 15, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    Be bannin da erb next

  5. Posted by JonB August 15, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    “Maybe they could just encourage the middle classes to drink one bottle less a week and give their wine money to the poor?”

    So that the poor can go out and buy cheap 40% vodka?

  6. Posted by So retarded I can't spell Tennant's August 15, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    What’s the point in this exactly? I presume that currently, wine below 8.5% is called “spritz” or some other such crap?

    Look, it’s already pretty obvious which wines are “lighter” – they tend to be substantially cheaper than the full strength stuff. Not exactly difficult, is it?

    Fucking Tennant’s drinkers.

  7. Posted by shakesheadsadly August 16, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    “I’ve started drinking during the day. And to make it socially acceptable, I’m drinking WINE!”

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