It seemed that Frank Lampard had it all – if you count ‘it all’ as a handul of Premier League winner’s medals, shit-loads of money and Christine Bleakley hanging off him. The man just oozed success. But now it’s all starting to go a bit pear-shaped.

Firstly, there was his role in THAT footballing catastrophe in South America Southampton South Pacific South Africa this summer. Now comes the news that his exclusive range of 5,000 gold-plated iPods have flopped massively – they’re going to be stripped of their lovely gold and turned into Hello Kitty iPods instead.

The 24-carat iPod Touch with Lampard’s signature etched into the back was launched by Goldgenie (from off of Dragons’ Den once) and retailed for up to £599. But, either because times are hard or because no one in their right mind would want one, they have been a dismal flop.

The Sun tells of how the iPods will be “melted down”, but later in the story, a ‘source’ ‘says’: “It’s not exactly melting down – it’s a chemical process. But basically Goldgenie are recovering all the gold so they can use it again. They thought loads of people would want them during the World Cup but the backlash against England was so bad that they’ve had to scrap the whole thing.”

The only losers here are poorly children, as the iPods were on sale to raise funds for the Teenage Cancer Trust. No doubt Frank Lampard will dust himself down, pick himself back up and continue to baffle and delight football fans everywhere in equal measures for a few more years.

Hello Kitty was not available for comment.