Over the years, he’s learned that some tricks and tools of the trade from the world’s finest, including how to avoid the unfortunately more than common scenario of spending a 15 hour flight jammed in between two burly men, rather than two gorgeous females.

Here’s a few things Vincent does during his flights right now; he’d love to know of any other tips you have to make the flight more comfortable:

1. Carry a noise canceling headset, like the Bose Quiet Comfort 3s (or these alternative cheaper noise cancelling ones for £4.99 from HUKD).  Remember to charge up the battery ahead of time.  And bring an airplane audio converter, like this one from memorybits for £2.65.  Much better than the plastic earpieces in case something good pops up on the in-flight entertainment.

2. Load a laptop up with some tasks to do. Obviously this needs to be a long life battery like the Samsung NC10 with it 7 hour battery life.  The 10″ screen means when the passenger in front reclines, his laptop won’t die in his arms.  A USB powered external HDD is also a good idea, especially in economy, with the seat in front of you reclined. So get some work done. Save the movies and porno for landing.

3. Buy the laptop at the airport. In fact, Vincent picked up his NC10 this morning from the airport directly, after putting in a special request for them to charge it overnight. While he does have to pay a slight premium of £25 over the Dixons website, he gets a 90 day BAA refund/exchange policy coverage versus the standard 14 days just in case for any reason he finds he hates it with a passion.

3. Put everything in the overhead lockers. Vincent has a tendency to shove everything in the space below the seat for the sake of convenience, but has discovered that this not only limits his space on a long haul flight to stretch, but most of the items never get used. He now finds it more convenient to put it in the overhead locker, except for a book and laptop.

4. Take off your shoes. Just make sure NEVER to stick it out in the aisle. The flight attendants don’t really care if the trolley hits your foot.  And should that happen, of course it’s your fault.

5. Carry your own bottled water. Vincent now always gets a bottle of water before boarding.  This will save a lot of time and dehydration from flight attendants that never appear with your tiny cup of plastic water.  Obviously, buy it after going through security,

6. Walk around. Most of us tend to remain crammed in the economy seat.  But in reality, the flight actually is so much more comfortable if you don’t mind getting out and walking around.  There’s a reason why there’s a mini bar in upper class.  Move your legs to avoid deep vein thrombosis, and kick the toilet walls in to vent out before returning to your tiny economy hole.  You’ll be glad you did.

7. Pull a Heath Ledger. That is to say, consider taking sleeping tablets. Don’t kill yourself though. Too soon? Vincent’s GP nicely gave him an adequate supply of everything under the sun required to make a pleasant journey. So remember that as a last resort, you can always just knock yourself out.

If you have tips/tricks/suggestions for long haul flights, share in the comments below, and Vince will stop talking annoyingly about himself in the third person. We’ll also feature some of your best tips in an upcoming post in our travel series.

So with that in mind, it looks as though this year’s Bitterwallet Summer Expedition (like its Blue Peter namesake only with more farting) will be taking us to Nanjing in China, home of the counterfeit shopping mall.

Our jaws will be scraping along the floor as we visit such nearly-legendary names as McDnoald’s, Bucksstar Coffee, and Pizza Huh. Naik, Farrari, Nokla, Adidos and A&G will be some of the almost-famous brand names on our shopping list. Want a Polystation console? No problem – drop us a line along with a blank cheque and we’ll bring you one back.

Hopefully the trend will spread the world and we’ll be flying back into Hedgerow Airport before getting a Natural Excess train back to BWHQ. Fingers crossed!

European Union’s council of ministers in Brussels has given the thumbs up to the warrantless intrusive surveillance of private property, allowing foreign police forces to ask British bobbies to hack into someone’s UK computer on their behalf.

Rather understandably, plenty of folk including opposition MPs and civil liberties groups are upset about the decision, because in contrast to the legal safeguards for searching a suspect’s home, police undertaking a remote search don’t need to apply to a magistrates’ court for a warrant.

The plans are still under development, and they’re only likely to snoop if you’re being very, very naughty. That’s not the point though, is it?

* PCs as in personal computers; Police Constables are free to poke around one another - they’re consenting adults, after all

[The Times]

Together with the bargain junkies at HotUKDeals, here’s a few tips that will help you leave behind your day-to-day drudgery and take a well-earned break – while keeping back enough dosh to use as spending money.

How do you feel about a holiday costing from as little as £9.50? You’d probably imagine that it involves sleeping in a ditch in the Shetland Islands and surviving on potato peelings that have been dumped round the back of a nearby chippy.

You’d be bloody wrong. In fact it involves cutting out tokens from a national newspaper and taking your pick from a wide and wonderful range of destinations. If you want to survive on potato peelings that have been dumped round the back of a nearby chippy, that’s entirely your choice.
(deal found by weesiecodal)

If you’re looking to spend a little bit more than the basic £9.50, we can help you there as well. Click here to find out more about one-way flights from a fiver. Emigrate for a bluey, or come back for a tenner.

You’ve got various charges and taxes to add on as well as accommodation costs but what the hell do you want? Us to come round your house and carry you on our shoulders to the airport? Oh, alright then.
(deal found by kashyap421)

If we could choose our dream getaway destination, it would be Iceland. Strange, mysterious, otherworldy, yet uniquely beautiful. There really is nowhere else like it on the… high street??

Oh, right, it’s the food shop. Katona’s Lair. Anyway, they’ve got a 75p Pricebuster deal that includes Cod Cakes, Turkey Burgers, Mr Brain’s Pork Faggots, Young’s Admiral’s Pie and Indiana Jones Lollies. Something for everyone then. Yum.
(deal found by bookdiver)

Not all sales are born equal, however, and not all sales are as breathtaking as they may first appear. Bitterwallet reader Ducky contacted us to enquire about the Halfords sale, with particular regards to two products on offer in “the “better than half price sale”, or the “sale with better than half price deals”, depending how you read their rather confusing graphics.

The two items in question are the Navigon 1200 and Navigon 2200 sat nav units:

Quite a deal, you’ll agree; those prices would mean savings of £80 and £110 respectively. Except both units were on sale in Halfords during December for just £10 more than their current sale price; the Navigon 1200 cost just £69.99 and the Navigon 2200 was £99.99 immediately before the sale began, as stated in reviews by PC Advisor and Pocket Lint and subsequently confirmed to us by Halfords themselves.

So what’s going on? Halford’s are comparing the current sale prices to the product prices in October and November. Since both products were sold at the higher prices for 28 consecutive days within the last six months, there’s no breaking of consumer law according to Consumer Direct. That doesn’t stop the price comparison being unclear to customers - you might be led to think the substantial savings are a direct result of the sale, which is untrue since the sale reduced the immediate price of each product by just £10, not £80 or £110.

So it looks like a massive saving, so long as you don’t take into account the prices immediately before the sale began. Oh, and you if don’t know about the manufacturer’s RRP for the products when launched in August:

To summarise, then; Halfords charged up to a third more than the manufacturer’s RRP on these two items, then reduced them significantly to cash in on the pre-Christmas market, and have now reduced both items by just £10 in the sale. Despite this minimal reduction the items are being advertised as “better than half price” deals by comparing them to the original prices that were up to a third higher than the manufacturer’s RRP. Phew.

Consumer Direct advised us this was within their guidelines and when we contacted Halfords they stated that the small print of insert ads notes this is compared to the “was price”.

Them’s the facts, kids. What say you?

ROTTEN PICTURE QUALITY – Sky satellite viewers are used to the occasional loss of reception. But it doesn’t happen too often and it’s usually only when there’s enough rain coming down to flood the Netherlands. With Setanta, there can be a smattering of downy snow in Luxembourg and your viewing enjoyment is instantly curtailed.

CRAPPY CUSTOMER SERVICE – If you’ve got a problem with any aspect of the Setanta service, try ringing them up. Go on, try it – hope you’ve got nothing planned for the immediate future though.

WRONG-HEADED CANCELLATION PERIODS – Until pretty recently, if you were sick of the unique Setanta experience and fancied packing it all in, you’d need to give them 60 days notice. Yep, 60; and in writing.

You’d also need to complete a near-impossible 81-squared Sudoku and submit three blood samples at 20-day intervals during the cancellation period. Okay, so we made up the stuff about the blood and the Sudoku, but the equally-ludicrous 60-day stuff was true.

Helpfully, Setanta have recently chopped it to 30 days (minimum) and made email an acceptable form of cancellation communication. But guess what – loads of punters are complaining that their emails have been bounced back to them or that letters sent by recorded delivery have been ignored or Setanta claim to have never received them.

HEAVY-HANDED PAYMENT RECOVERY – If you’ve tried cancelling Setanta through one of their accepted methods but are still sporadically getting unwanted SPL footy pumped into your house, you might think that cancelling the direct debit to them would bring things to a satisfactory conclusion.
Wrong. Scores of customers claim that this miraculously wakes Setanta up and they quickly get in touch demanding the outstanding payment or else they’ll put the debt in the hands of their recovery agents.

TIM SHERWOOD – All that money they’ve got and the best footy pundit they can come up with is Tim Sodding Sherwood. I’ve personally had Setanta for 18 months and I’m STILL waiting for Sherwood to come up with something even vaguely insightful during a live match. It doesn’t even need to be about football – it could be just be about a nice cloud formation he’s seen or an old song he’s heard that took him back to his childhood days. Anything. Please.

Setanta's customer complaints department?

We’ve probably missed out a stack of other recurring gripes about Setanta, but we’re sure you’ll not hang about in filling in that comment box below with some of your own.

Incidentally, if you’re a Setanta satellite subscriber with recurring picture quality issues, try this little hack…

1. Press Services
2. Select option 4 for system setup
3. Then select option 4 for add channels.
4. Now type in: 11585 for Frequency.
5. Now type in: H for the polarisation.
6. Click down to find channels and press select.
7. Move down to SETANTA SPORTS.
8. Now press the YELLOW button on your remote control and press select.
9. Now scroll back to other channels and select SETANTA SPORTS.
10. Your Setanta Sports should now be on.

The Times reports that Marks & Spencer will announce massive job losses tomorrow, with nearly a thousand posts expected to be cut in stores and several hundred more in head office and support departments. The company is already in £3billion of debt, and sales over Christmas are said to have fallen by 8.5 per cent.

Mosaic - owners of Principles, Oasis, Karen Millen and Warehouse - have had an “emergency restructuring team” sent in from Deloitte; according to the paper, 5,000 jobs are at risk unless the business can be refinanced.

Meanwhile the BBC reports that sales at Next dropped 7 per cent in the six months to Christmas Eve, while Debenhams said its sales in the past 12 weeks had fallen 3.3 per cent.

[The Onion]

But apparently most people still pay for broadband, and more than half aren’t all that pleased about it. A survey by ISPreview.co.uk found that 52 per cent of all broadband felt their ISP was too expensive, despite the UK having one of the most competitive internet access markets in Europe, with broadband often being bundled into additional services.

However just over 4 per cent of those surveyed claimed to be on a “free” broadband service, while nearly a third paid between £16 and 21 per month for their internet connection. 18 per cent paid between £11 and 16 per month, while another 18 percent paid between £21 and £26. A fifth of people with more money than God, and a stinking rich God at that paid over £26 a month for broadband. Really? Who the hell are you people? Are you eating it?

“ISPs will face many challenges over the coming year, especially those advertising unlimited use,” ISPreview.co.uk’s Mark Jackson said. “Demand upon broadband networks continues to grow and some providers may find themselves forced to either restrict their users or put prices up.”

Now, voting has been officially closed, and that leaves us with one last thing to do.

It’s time to award the Bitterwallet 2008 WCUK prize- the lovely golden poo award to adorn one special CEO’s desk at… (drumroll please).

Setanta Sports, congratulations!  While I’ve never personally had the pleasure of using your disservices, it appears that quite a few others who have had the pleasure have made sure to see you through the rounds.

Maybe you should pay attention when a tidal wave of disgruntled customers leads to a starring role on BBC Watchdog?  Maybe it’s time to fix your crappy picture quality, and start responding to cancellation requests instead of ignoring them.  What’s happened to motto of ‘the customer always comes first’?

But that’s not all.  By virtue of your unwavering complaints and their all-out display of utter customer dissatisfaction, PayPal and eBay get Bitterwallet’s 2008’s worst comments from disgruntled UK consumers award. Well, let’s see how they do this year.

Big props, and thank you for all those who participated!

Given the almost universal love that we have for them (assuming you’ve never smelt one or been bitten by one of course) it’s a wonder that the cynical, lead-hearted gonks responsible for most of advertising haven’t used the furry little buggers to pedal more products to us in the past.

They’ve got it bang on with this one – Aleksander, the founder of comparethemeerkat.com urges insurance bargain hunters that they’re mistakenly looking at his site and should really be pointing and clicking at comparethemarket.com.

Beautifully, comparethemeerkat.com does exist – and it’s much more fun to peruse than a load of old bollocks about excess amounts and how many crashes you’ve had in the last five years.

We’re not announcing the death of Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren or either Marks and/or Spencer – for a start, we don’t even know if they’re dead, alive or even real.

No, we’re flying everything flyable at half-mast today to say RIP to Alfred Shaheen (above left), the main player behind the Hawaiian Shirt boom of the late 1940s and beyond.

Elvis, sporting a Shaheen design

Fittingly, we’re all sporting garish shirts adorned with flowers, palm trees and god knows what else, although to be fair, it’s pretty much a standard uniform around here. Just don’t call us dicks okay? Not today.

Anyway, who says they’re not cool? Hawkeye wore ‘em in M*A*S*H, Kramer wore ‘em in Seinfeld and Elvis wore ‘em for bed every night. So as fly-by-nights like USC and the Officers Club go to the wall, raise a smile and give thanks to Alfred Shaheen and his unbreakable business model.

Aloha Alfred!

We’re going to let Vince enjoy his little trip, then introduce Andy’s size 8 hobnails to his face upon his return. To ensure Vince is at his most vulnerable, we’ve introduced him to Myopenbar.com, a website that lists bars carrying drinks promotions.

If you’re heading to the US anytime soon, use it to ensure those dollars stretch a little further. Fancy getting drunk in NYC for free? Endless sangria for $10 in LA? More mojitos that you can chug down in Miami? They’re all here. Currently the site only lists venues in New York, LA, San Francisco, Chicago, Honolulu and Miami, but is promising to add more cities soon.

With any luck Vince will return three stone heavier and permanently drunk, at which point we’ll kick his face clean off his head. But don’t tell him. It’s a surprise.

[lifehacker]

We’re reaching for the brandy just thinking about it. But fear not – thanks to these tips, in conjunction with HotUKDeals, should help to ease the pain and thaw the freeze.

Kicking off, here’s a Brother DCP-135C All-In-One printer, yours for just £34.49 delivered and in your home. Replacement ink cartridges are reassuringly affordable if you shop around too.

We recommend that you get along to www.realflamepictures.com and download a bunch of snaps of roaring fires then print the out and huddle around them for warmth. If that doesn’t work, burn them inside a big metal bin.
(deal found by Predikuesi)

Next, how could you keep warm with a kilo of carrots? We’re not sure, but if you had 20 kilos, we’re pretty sure you could use them to make a nice cosy fort in the middle of the living room. Like fire, they’re orange, so they must emit heat – it’s basic physics innit?

Click here to find out which supermarket chain are flogging a kilo of carrots for just a pound, and self-assembly carrot forts for just £20.
(deal found by freddykrueger)
Finally, you can forget about the fact that it’s so cold that you can’t go for a wee without snapping it off by indulging in a hefty dose of the best medicine – heroin. Sorry, that should be laughter.

Harry Hill’s hill-arious live Hooves DVD can be had for just £2.99 at HMV, although it was out of stock when we checked. Worry not you shivering fools, Amazon are doing it for a penny less – chuck in Harry’s new joke book for an additional £2.99 and you’ll get free delivery. Chill out crimefighters, and we’ll see you when the floods come.
(deal found by andywedge)