Doctor suggests ‘pay as you weigh’ airline fees for lardy passengers

March 25th, 2013 17 Comments By Lucy Sweet

fat man on airplane 300x255 Doctor suggests ‘pay as you weigh’ airline fees for lardy passengers

Doctors, well known for their kind and considerate attitude towards fatties, are now WEIGHING in on airline ticketing, saying that big people should pay more for airline seats because they require more fuel to transport them.

Dr Bharat P Bhatta, from an unpronounceable college in Norway, reckons that it’s a simple matter of physics. He says: ‘Charging according to weight and space is a universally accepted principle, not only in transportation, but also in other services. As weight and space are far more important in aviation than other modes of transport, airlines should take this into account when pricing their tickets.’

He then goes on to helpfully suggest that a person weighing 60kg should pay half the fare of a passenger weighing 120kg. So basically, if you’re a big chuffer, make sure you’ve got a big wallet, too.

Dr Ian Yeoman, from the exciting sounding Journal of Revenue and Pricing Management adds: ‘Maybe airlines should be looking into introducing scales at check in.’

Thanks, heartless doctors, for your input! We can’t wait to see all those suicidal, depressed obese people getting humiliated in the Ryanair fatty scales when we go on holiday!

So is this a matter of principle? Should heavy people should pay more on planes, while folks with featherlight arses jet around the world for song? Or should we show some humanity and pay up for everyone?

Comments (17) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Grammar Nazi March 25, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Looking at it from a physics/economics perspective it shouldn’t a case of “if you weigh half as much you pay half as much”, there will be certain amounts of fixed weight on each aircraft that will take use up fuel regardless of how many/heavy passenger are and that you would expect everyone to contibute an equal amount to

    You would also need to offset against each inidividuals baggage weight. It could turn into quite a complicated calculation to work it out.

  2. Posted by Tim B March 25, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    I wouldn’t see any problem with the existing scales for luggage being modified, to weigh the combination of passenger and luggage. It would require a change in tariffs, so for example instead of a 20KG baggage allowance you’d need a 100KG Passenger+Baggage allowance, but I don’t see any real problem with that.

  3. Posted by Mustapha Shit March 25, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Cracking Idea, Tim B suggested what I was thinking.

    Not sure why Lucy appears so against it. Maybe she’s a fat fuck?

  4. Posted by Kevin March 25, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Have a standard sensible weight and if you are over it you pay more.
    Personally I’d say if you are squeezing into the seat you are too big, a bit extra weight is fine but if you are the size of the person above then yes it should be taken into consideration.

    Unlike ambulances, operating theatre tables and coffins planes can’t change the size of their product with additional cost.

  5. Posted by Phuck Yu March 25, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    What if I’m not one of those skinny, tight ‘nappy+turn-up’ jean wearing, trilby donning, plimsole toting, tight ‘buttoned-up’ polo shirt presenting, twats? I’m not, by the way.

  6. Posted by Stan Laurel March 25, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    My doctor is a skinny cunt.

  7. Posted by Captain Wank March 25, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    What if your extra weight is due to a large pair of knockers?

    Nobody, but nobody, should be discouraged from growing a smashing pair of tits.

  8. Posted by Captain Wank March 25, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    ^ except men.

  9. Posted by non frequent flyer March 25, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    I doubt fares would go down for thin passengers, only up for larger, but I do like the combined weight and luggage idea, easy enough to implement and fair

  10. Posted by Chewbacca March 25, 2013 at 9:14 pm

    Something else you’re all missing: tall people with a lot of muscle will take up less space than a fat shortarse bastard weighing the same.

    So, you’d be discriminating against the fit person.

  11. Posted by Stacey March 25, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    Not being funny here, i am a bit overweight, but i don’t really go on holiday abroad so this doesn’t majorly affect me.

    However, exactly how much do they think planes weigh?

    Pretty sure a few extra stone on a plane isn’t going to make a huge difference to the fuel consumed.

  12. Posted by thatguy March 25, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    Holidays are expensive enough as it is, I don’t want to have to pay more just because I’m a little over weight, Its like asking some-one to sit at the back of a cinema because hes tall.

  13. Posted by Dick March 26, 2013 at 11:01 am

    ^ It won’t make any real difference to the amount of fuel consumed. What it will make a difference to is the comfort of other passengers.

    They could have girth boxes – just like your hand luggage has to fit in the basket to check it will fit into the overhead locker, they could have narrow gauges that you have to fit through. If you are too fat, you pay extra for an extra seat. No-one likes sitting next to a fatty who spills over the edge of their seat.

    They could take it further and have scent detectors too. Some people stink and it is awful to have to sit next to them for a long haul flight. If you fail the stink test, then you get jetwashed at your expense.

  14. Posted by Dale Winton March 26, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Bring on the wall!

  15. Posted by JP March 27, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    ^ ^ It does affect the fuel costs… As far as I understand it, every extra stone in passengers leads to an exponential increase in fuel costs. This is because say for an extra stone, an extra amount of fuel is required to transport that stone a thousand miles – but then that extra X amount of fuel also weighs something. So another amount of fuel is needed to transport it. And then another amount of fuel used to transport that. And so on. This type of effect is what makes fuel costs so overwhelming and important on flights (and I suspect the weight of the plane itself is mostly fuel already).

  16. Posted by Kev March 28, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Tax the fatties!

  17. Posted by Spencer April 1, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    I’m all but certain this absolutely will not be implemented. (with the exception of Ryanair) for the very simple reason: Weight is not indicative of being fat. The policy would be completely descriminatory to tall or broad people who are, by genetics, going to weigh more. And of course, this also descriminates against folks who work out and carry a few stone of lean muscle. To prove my point: check out the england rugby team profiles: I dont think anyone would describe them as being ‘fatties’… and yet 98% are ‘overweight’ by medical standards (working on the 6ft = 12 stone criteria)

    You can be very fit, healthy, active, eat healthy, work out – and be an international professional sportperson… and yet still be ‘overweight’. Again, look at the current England rugby squad and see how many are stocky/broad/tall…

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