Companies should hire prisoners says Ken Clarke

May 4th, 2012 24 Comments By Mof Gimmers

burglar Companies should hire prisoners says Ken ClarkeYou know how there’s no jobs and loads of people are signing-on because they’ve no other option? Well, Justice Secretary Ken Clarke has had a brilliant idea! Why don’t we give jobs to people in prison?

Kenneth Clarke said businesses such as Virgin and Marks & Spencer can hire crims without damaging their reputation or values. And so, 40-or-so companies will attend a Downing Street reception later this month to snaffle free food and drink and not really listen to the man with the pink face telling them about how prisoners can make loyal and committed employees.

“Introducing work experience and training to people who are serving their time and being punished in prison is altogether a more intelligent way of running the prison service,” Mr Clarke told the Press Association. ”There is no doubt that people who get sent to prison have made a mistake, society is entitled to look for them to be punished, but also society should be trying to do something to help those who have the gumption to sort themselves out, to resume an ordinary honest life as decent citizens when they leave.”

“If you just incarcerate people, if prison is just a warehouse in which you keep people and then release them without guidance into the world, it’s hardly surprising that half of them will be back within 12 months, having committed more crime. Many prisoners do not want to be part of that cycle. We need to facilitate the way in which people get back into a normal life and do not commit further crimes again.”

A Virgin Group spokesman said: “We believe the more productive people can be while they are in prison, the more they can develop their skills and the better their chances of rehabilitation and of succeeding and not reoffending on release. Everyone deserves a second chance and research shows that many ex-offenders are more committed and willing to do more than ‘just the job’ and are grateful for the opportunity to do something worthwhile.”

Meanwhile, on the outside…

Comments (24) Jump to most recent comment
  1. Posted by Martin May 4, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    They already do this in the US, unsurprisingly. Just another way of driving down wages. Cunts.

  2. Posted by Marky Mark May 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Quite right too. Once they’ve paid their debt to society, former criminals are entirely trustworthy and honourable. Just look at Jeffrey Archer and Michael Portillo.

  3. Posted by duck May 4, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I thought we had this arrangement already? You know, its called Parliament?

  4. Posted by Marky Mark May 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    And Gary Glitter. And Jonathan King. And any number of Maxwells, John Stonehouse, Michael Barrymore (yes I know he hasn’t been in prison – yet) and Martin McGuinness.

  5. Posted by Matt Nation May 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    It can be a good idea. All depends on what work you get them to do – obviously if its work that completes with paid jobs that’s no good – but what about work that competes with jobs that the UK is not competitive in? No one loses a job then and the prisoners still get the work experience. Manufacturing would be a good option – loads of things that are made in china because wages are low that are never going to be made here – you can’t argue then that people would lose their jobs!

  6. Posted by Boris May 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I actually have a few ex-offenders working for me. Very handy they are too when the need arises.

    How’s my victory speach coming along Mof? I want plenty of laughing at they Red Ken tax-dodging wanker but don’t forget the humility.

  7. Posted by Muff Rimmers May 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    This a great idea. I’ve been looking to embezzle my company for years. Now I’ll have a scapegoat to blame it on.

  8. Posted by Cof Glimmers May 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    This a great idea. I’ve been looking to murder my boss with an axe for years. Now I’ll have a scapegoat to blame it on.

  9. Posted by Hof Bummers May 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    This a great idea. I’ve been looking to kidnap, rape and bury alive the secretary in HR for years. Now I’ll have a scapegoat to blame it on.

  10. Posted by shoplifter May 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Great idea with my shoplifting -Now I’ll have a scapegoat to blame it on.

  11. Posted by shoplifter May 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Hof Bummers….your fucking creepy

  12. Posted by shoplifter May 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Boris…how`s the victory parade/speech/shag/swearing coming along…?

  13. Posted by Virgin Stewardess May 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Even better idea, why don’t we make them work in prison to pay for their own upkeep and learn a trade at the same time, then taxes will go down (okay, that’s a bit far fetched).

  14. Posted by Boris May 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    I would not want to be premature shoplifter.

  15. Posted by james dewitt May 4, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    I’ve always thought prison based call centres could be a good idea

  16. Posted by The Real Bob May 4, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    It must be that time of year when BW will only publish my comments if they’re offensive or controversial, 2 of the 3 innocuous ones today have disappeared. Fuck that say I, bunch of cunting, fuckarsed, donkey fiddlers.

  17. Posted by The Real Bob May 4, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Bang, and we’re in, fucking pricks.

  18. Posted by The Real Bob May 4, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Donkey raping shiteaters.

  19. Posted by Boris May 5, 2012 at 9:25 am

    And now for my victory speach:

    Fuck yes!

  20. Posted by Boris May 5, 2012 at 9:30 am


    Did I really pay you £10 for that Mof? Seriously; I would expect you to make no errors for that kind of money. A speech writer should at least be able to spell “speech”.

    As my very good friend Lord Sugar says: “Mof: I gave you a simple fucking task and you turned it into an utter fucking shambles. You’re fired”

  21. Posted by catweazle May 5, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    No skills, self serving and dishonest, become an MP.
    They can’t find fucking jobs for 3 million law abiding people, Clarke, you fat useless twat.

  22. Posted by spencer May 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    I think virgin stewardess is onto it.

    Nowhere in this story can I see the word ‘paid’ employment. So yeah… give em non british based jobs such as call centres or manufacturing… and use the proceeds to pay for the prison service. That way we can save some of the Justice Dept £10billion a year budget.

  23. Posted by Wee Jimmy Krankie May 6, 2012 at 1:39 am

    They cod all be trained up as wee top entertainers just like maseelf and cod wok at that Pontins place which to be fair is like a fucking preeson.

  24. Posted by Ken Clarke May 6, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I like the unpaid call centers idea:

    - I’m phoning about my broadband, it keeps cutting out on me.

    - Yes madam. It that making it inconvenient for your porn?

    - I’m sorry, what did you say?

    - I can smell your cunt.

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